Five Solutions for Surviving the Empty Nest Syndrome

Guest blog by  Dr. Kathleen Hall
Author of Alter Your Life: Overbooked? Overworked? Overwhelmed? 

Did you know that empty nest syndrome occurs most often in October, well after children have left for college? When the children leave home, parents may feel sadness, loneliness, emptiness, guilt, and uselessness. 

Does this situation sound familiar? Waving goodbye to your last child, you begin the long drive home. The reality of your empty nest sets in during the next few weeks. Your decades-old primary role of "mom" or "dad" has been instantly eliminated, creating the most disturbing identity theft of your life. Your life has essentially revolved around your children's busy lives. Now the busy years are over. You have invested so much time with your children that when your last child leaves the nest, you don't know how to deal with a household of two. You look at your partner and wonder who he or she is. At home you mechanically open the refrigerator to prepare dinner and find that it's nearly empty. The years of shopping for the special treats each child enjoyed are over. Now the refrigerator is bare and in your confusion, you don't know what to buy at the grocery store either.

How can you put your life back together and learn to cope with the stress of empty nest syndrome? Ignoring the problem is not the answer. Check out these solutions designed to get you back on track toward the next chapter of your life.

Solution #1 Be proactive not reactive. 
Prepare for the feelings before they come. Learn to experience a sense of power and control in your own life. By facing the situation straight on without compromising your feelings, you choose not to avoid the pain, the confusion, and change, but to deal with it in a healthy way. This is a time of adventure, discovery and creativity.

Solution #2 Use loneliness as an opportunity to develop your Self. 
Now that the children are gone, there are only two of you in the house. But don't be alarmed! This is how you began this family all those years ago. Make a date with your husband once a week that takes place outside of the house. Play music in the background each day, be creative with your talents and abilities, and find a reason to laugh each day. It only takes five minutes of laughter to improve blood-vessel function! 

Studies also show that pet ownership lowers blood pressure and cholesterol, not to mention your health insurance rates! Sharing your new empty nest with a four-footed friend can also ward off depression. Enroll in that cooking class or pottery seminar you always wanted to take. Read the books you have been putting off for years. Enrich your mind by attending a classical music concert or a lecture. What about a career change or volunteer work? You will meet new people that will change your life. 

There are countless ways you can develop your Self when your kids leave the nest. Make sure you have a group of friends to support you in this transformation of your life. 

Solution #3 Choose crisis or rebirth. 
The empty nest period can become a crisis or a glorious time of rebirth. Honest self-evaluation and assessment is the first step on that path toward rebirth. Conduct a simple inventory of your life: mental, physical and spiritual.
· Get a journal and start writing. Answer these questions: What is the state of my mental health? Do I live with anxiety, depression, anger, fear, or shame? Can I improve my mental health by reading, joining a group or seeing a counselor? Get a therapist and enjoy the personal growth. 
· Take off your clothes and stand naked before the mirror. What do you see? How do you feel? Do you need to begin a different exercise program or learn more about nutrition? Try something new like Pilates, Tai Chi, or Yoga. Are there medical tests you have been putting off? Are you taking a multi-vitamin, drinking green tea and avoiding unhealthy foods? 
· Ask yourself about your spiritual life. Are you regularly experiencing a deep connection with your Source? If not, why not? Have you outgrown your religion or church? Should you learn about other theologies? Are there spiritual practices that you do each day to stay connected?

Solution #4 Create a new marriage for your new life. 
Many marriages are frail or fractured at empty nest. During the empty nest phase, the divorce rate rises 16 percent for married parents. The empty nest, however, can be an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to create a true "love nest." 

Plan a vacation to someplace you have always wanted to go together. Learn what each of you like and dislike-movies, food, programs, vacation spots, sports, spirituality and religion. Review the home chores, list them all, and make a fresh decision about who will do what in this new marriage. My husband now does the laundry, vacuuming, dishes and has begun cooking! Get to know each other all over again.

With no children in the house, you can play again. Shower together, watch movies on the couch in sexy clothes, wear even less around the house and see what happens. Sex can become the best ever during the empty nest. Have sex in more than just the bedroom! 

Solution #5 Live Your Intentional Authentic Life.
The empty nest is an opportunity for you to spend the rest of your days living your intentional authentic life. Your other roles in life have taken a back seat to "your life." Begin an exciting plan for the rest of your life. How long do you both want to work? Where do you want to reside in retirement? Where do you want to travel? What will your financial needs be for both of you? Discover how you can create the rest of your life organized around the purpose you were born-"your authentic life."

Our family of origin is an incredible gift. Families can be the most fertile place for spiritual development, the catalyst for our growth potential. When your children leave the nest, this spiritual process does not have to end. Rather it can serve to create the happiest and richest time of your life. This is your life, and you can choose to plan a new life beyond your wildest dreams. Live intentionally.

Top 10 Reasons to Kick-off a Walking Routine with a Friend

Guest blog by Kim Murphy and Kris Carpenter
Author of The Best Friends' Guide to Getting Fit (Capital Ideas) 

After being casual friends for ten years we decided (somewhat on a whim) to start walking together five mornings a week. We knew that we probably should be exercising, but we were too busy being wives, mothers, and career women. Exercise was not a priority. In fact, it's rather amazing to us even today that we took those first steps out the door to meet each other.

But we did. And that first morning, as we hit a gradual hill in our neighborhood, we became winded. It made us laugh to think of how out of shape we were. Had we been alone, it might have made us cry and it's likely neither one of us would have continued on to walk another day. Something would have gotten in the way of being consistent-be it our personal schedules, our self esteem, or our lack of motivation. Yet, because we had each other to laugh with and we looked forward to our time together, we did continue. 

Now, all these years later, we can actually say that we have met consistently 5 days a week, for more 7 years, for some type of exercise-from walking, to running, to biking, to yoga, to strength training, and more. What has unfolded is a journey we never could have predicted, with destinations unimagined. We've landed at such amazing sites as the finish line of the Marine Corps Marathon; and have experienced adventures like opening up a business, publishing a book, and launching a website together.

We firmly believe that each and every milestone we have reached was possible because:
· We had each other to lean on, to bolster, and to cheer;
· We had a consistent friendship-based exercise routine that fostered in us an incredible sense of confidence, clarity, purpose, and discipline;
· We learned how to transfer those skills-which were first developed during our walking routine-and apply them to other parts of our days in order to make major life changes.

We've spent countless hours analyzing what worked for us and creating a philosophy to share with others. Why? Because if it can work for us, it can work for you. 

Our philosophy is simple: If you connect with a friend, while you move your body, you can transform your life. 

The first step to experiencing success in your own life, utilizing our philosophy, is to understand why it works. Here, we present our Top 10 Reasons to Kick-off a Walking Routine with a Friend.

1. You know you should be exercising. 
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," we hear you saying. We all know exercise is good for us… and so, our point is? Our point is that we understand the disconnect between knowing what to do, versus, actually doing it.

When the list of commitments, priorities, and chores is long, taking time to exercise seems like one more job to add to the list. Maybe you find yourself saying, "Who has an hour to give to exercise, when what I really want is a shower?"

On the other hand, it's hard to deny that nagging guilt over what you know you should be doing for yourself. Why? Because, you're a smart girl. Ignoring the statistics regarding the benefits of exercise takes work. That, plus the fact that you may notice the longer you've gone without exercise, the more it shows. Maybe your aging body is sagging in ways that clothes no longer seem to cover. Or, you're facing health issues that exercise can combat. Or, deep down inside you wish you could be a better role model for your family or at least be in better shape to keep up with them. 

Partnering with a friend can be the key to closing the gap between what you know is good for you and what you do about it.

2. The friendship will seduce you into being consistent-even if you've never consistently exercised before in your life! 
When it comes to exercise, most people struggle to be consistent. Knowing you should "just do it" is not usually enough incentive (day after day) to head out the door for a workout. But with a friend at your side, you'll have someone to hold you accountable, who is expecting you. Then each day, you'll able to talk without interruption to someone who genuinely cares about you. You'll quickly get addicted to your time together, long before you begin to crave the exercise. One day will turn into 5, and then without realizing it, you'll look back in amazement and say, "Wow, I can't believe we've been in our routine for six whole months!". . . Six months will turn into a full year and then you'll be well on your way to a lifetime of fitness.

3. It's good for mind, body, and soul. 
Kicking off a walking program will allow you and your friend to chat and to connect on a regular basis. Women need to nurture and connect, "to tend and befriend", explains Shelley Taylor Ph.D., professor of psychology at UCLA, in her book The Tending Instinct. According to Taylor, having an opportunity to seek out social connection and support can lower blood pressure and tell our adrenal glands to stop producing corticosteroids. Fewer corticosteroids can reduce anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed and overwrought. 

Combine this "tend and befriend" approach with a routine that lets you move your body on a regular basis and you'll benefit mind, body, and soul-which can prompt life changing experiences for both of you.

4. It's the guilt-free approach to spending time with a friend.
Now that you know that even the experts say friendship is good for you, think back to how as you've gotten older, you may have placed friendships on the back burner. Where once we spent all our time with girlfriends, roommates, or sorority sisters hanging out and having fun, now we spend time tending to family commitments, work responsibilities, aging parents, volunteer duties, dirty clothes, dishes, and more. 

Like exercise, spending time with a girlfriend is easy to put off for another day. You'd never allow yourself the luxury to meet daily for coffee-it would seem too extravagant. And who has time to spend an hour on the phone chatting with a girlfriend? If you do manage to grab some uninterrupted time with a friend, it's probably only once a month (or less).

Yet, kicking off a friendship-based exercise routine gives you a guilt-free way of spending time together, while you both do something positive and healthy for yourselves.

5. You deserve to reclaim an hour a day for yourself. 
Getting lost in the details of the day is a common mistake women make. We remember how proud we were of ourselves for keeping everything going. We'd love to say, "We have all our balls in the air and none are dropping!" Little did we realize that each ball represented something or someone other than ourselves. As the years passed, we lost sight of our own personal vision and sense of who we were.

Today, you may no longer even know what your dreams for tomorrow are.

Having an hour a day to reflect, talk, and explore your thoughts with a friend may help you rediscover yourself. There are 24 hours in each day. You deserve at least one of them to meditate, center, prepare for the day, and explore your dreams and wishes. Your soul will feel nourished when you give it that time. At a bare minimum, you will set yourself on solid ground for the rest of day and all the hours you will spend juggling.

6. You'll have a built-in support system, someone to share the struggles, the laughs, and the triumphs with. 
Even though you may have a mom, husband, dad, children, boss, or work peers to provide you with support, a close girlfriend can support you in ways that few other people can. A girlfriend can know about and understand all aspects of your life, and yet, not be heavily invested in them. 

As you spend more together on your walks, you'll share good times and laughter; but also help each other through rough times. Your friend can be your true advocate, and you can be hers. You'll inspire confidence in each other, so that each of you helps the other to become the best that she can be. 

7. Your body will benefit. 
When you're in a friendship-based fitness routine, something funny happens slowly over time: your body starts to benefit. Perhaps you and your partner begin to walk a bit faster. Or, you try to jog a little bit in addition to your walks. Soon, one of you will mention that you are sleeping better at night, or that you're not suffering from as many headaches. Reflecting back, you'll realize that your bodies are changing. You're getting stronger, healthier, and more capable as a result of your routine. You will finally start to see the positive, wide-ranging effects of exercise. You'll be pleasantly surprised and proud of what you have accomplished. Most of all, you'll want to continue to build upon what you've started. 

8. You will develop greater confidence and discipline, which you can then apply to other areas of your life. 
As you gain a better sense of yourself and you become physically stronger and healthier, you'll become increasingly confident. This confidence has a way of spilling out into other areas of your life. You may no longer fear asking your boss for an alternative work schedule to better meet your needs. You may revamp and take control of your eating. You may start to say "No" to people who you've always, reluctantly, said "Yes" to. By feeding your body, mind, and soul, through daily connection and movement, you are being transformed!

9. You'll have more fun doing it together, than you'll ever have doing it alone. 
Just as we explained in the beginning of this article, even the miserable moments that can occur when starting an exercise routine-like the feeling of being winded-can be made more enjoyable when you have a friend to laugh with about it. And all of those initial awkward steps-be it joining a gym or trying a new class for the first time-are made more comfortable when you have a friend beside you along the way. Best of all, the achievements you experience are that much sweeter when you are able to share and rejoice together. 

10. Partnering with a friend may be the very formula you need to finally succeed at being consistent. 
If you've struggled to find a way to exercise consistently, this approach may be just what you need to break that cycle. It's what we needed. Before we decided to join forces, neither one of us had ever succeeded at establishing and maintaining any type of exercise routine. But once we made a commitment to each other-even though it seemed a small promise at the time-we discovered a formula for success. 

If you're ready to make it work for you, then grab a pencil and make a list of friends nearby. List neighbors, co-workers, other moms (any woman you feel a natural connection with.) You don't have to start out being "best friends". Review your list, then pick up the phone and call one of them. Ask her if she's interested in walking on a regular basis with you. Explain the concepts behind a friendship-based fitness routine. If she's not interested, review your list and pick another friend. There are women all around yearning to connect with others and to find the key to getting fit and living well. If you're persistent, you will find the right partner.

Once you do, determine the time and location each day that you will meet. Begin with a single goal: to meet each day (or at least 5 days a week) for a walk. Make the small promise to each other to show up every day. Then enjoy, as your own friendship-based fitness journey unfolds.

©2005, ConnectMoveTransform.com/Kim Murphy and Kris Carpenter

White Chocolate Raspberry Swirl Ice Cream

Guest recipe by Anne Walker, Dabney Gough and Kris Hoogerhyde
Authors of Sweet Cream and Sugar Cones: 90 Recipes for Making Your Own Ice Cream and Frozen Treats from Bi-Rite Creamery

Makes about 1 quart

5 large egg yolks
1/4 cup sugar
5 ounces white chocolate, finely chopped (11/4 cups)
2 cups heavy cream
3/4 cup whole milk
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup Raspberry Swirl Sauce (page 142)
Make the base
1. In a medium heatproof bowl, whisk the yolks just to break them up, then whisk in half of the sugar (2 tablespoons). Set aside. Put the chopped chocolate in another medium heatproof bowl and set that aside as well.
2. In a heavy nonreactive saucepan, stir together the cream, milk, salt, and the remaining sugar (2 tablespoons) and put the pan over medium-high heat. When the mixture approaches a bare simmer, reduce the heat to medium.
3. Carefully scoop out about 1⁄2 cup of the hot cream mixture and, whisking the eggs constantly, add the cream to the bowl with the egg yolks. Repeat, adding another 1⁄2 cup of the hot cream to the bowl with the yolks. Using a heatproof rubber spatula, stir the cream in the saucepan as you slowly pour the egg-and-cream mixture from the bowl into the pan.
4. Cook the mixture carefully over medium heat, stirring constantly, until it is thickened, coats the back of a spatula, and holds a clear path when you run your finger across the spatula, 1 to 2 minutes longer. 
5. Strain the base through a fine-mesh strainer into the bowl with the white chocolate and whisk to combine. Set the container into an ice-water bath, wash your spatula, and use it to stir the base occasionally until it is cool. Remove the container from the ice-water bath, cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate the base for at least 2 hours or overnight.
Freeze the ice cream
6. Whisk the vanilla into the chilled base.
7. Freeze in your ice cream machine according to the manufacturer’s instructions. While the ice cream is churning, put the container you’ll use to store the ice cream into the freezer. 
8. As you transfer the ice cream to the storage container, drizzle in some raspberry purée after every few spoonfuls. When all the ice cream is in the container, use a chopstick or butter knife to gently swirl the mixture. Enjoy right away or, for a firmer ice cream, freeze for at least 4 hours.


Raspberry Swirl Sauce
Makes about 1/2 cup | Pictured on page 140

2 half-pint baskets raspberries (2 cups), preferably organic
1/3 cup sugar
1. Combine the raspberries and sugar in a small nonreactive saucepan and put the pan over medium-high heat. Cook, stirring frequently, until most of the liquid has evaporated and the mixture has a jammy consistency, about 20 minutes. Reduce the heat to medium as the mixture thickens to prevent scorching.
2. Remove from the heat and let cool for a minute. Transfer to a blender and purée until smooth, being careful to avoid hot splatters. Strain through a fine-mesh strainer into a bowl, pressing on the solids to extract as much purée as possible. 
If using as a topping, serve warm or at room temperature; chill well before swirling into ice cream. 
“Reprinted with permission from Sweet Cream & Sugar Cones by Kris Hoogerhyde, Anne Walker, and Dabney Gough, copyright © 2012.  

THAI-STYLE STIR-GRILLED CATFISH IN LEMONGRASS MARINADE

Guest recipe by Judith Fertig and Karen Adler
Authors of Fish & Shellfish, Grilled & Smoked: 300 Foolproof Recipes for Everything from Amberjack to Whitefish, Plus Really Good Rubs, Marvelous Marinades, Sassy Sauces, and Sumptuous Sides
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

For this recipe, choose a firm-fleshed fish such as U.S. farm-raised catfish. 
Serve this with Texas pecan or the more fragrant jasmine rice.

Serves 4
1 pound U.S. farm-raised catfish fillets, cut into 1-inch pieces
1/2 cup green onions, trimmed and cut into 1-inch lengths on the bias
1 cup chopped Napa cabbage
Toasted sesame seeds to garnish
For the Lemongrass Marinade:
1 tablespoon thinly sliced fresh lemongrass (available at Asian markets)
1 garlic clove, minced
1 tablespoon freshly grated ginger
1 teaspoon nam pla or bottled fish sauce, (available in the Asian section of grocery stores)
1 teaspoon rice wine vinegar
2 teaspoons cornstarch
1 tablespoon peanut or other vegetable oil
1/2 cup chicken or vegetable broth
1 teaspoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon toasted sesame oil
Salt and freshly ground white pepper

1. Place the fish, onions, and cabbage in a large seal able plastic bag. In a medium bowl, mix the Lemongrass Marinade ingredients together and pour over the fish mixture in the plastic bag. Seal, then toss to coat the fish and vegetables with the marinade. Let marinate in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.
2. Prepare a medium-hot fire in a charcoal, gas, or wood pellet grill. Spray a grill wok with cooking spray and place over the sink or outside on the grass. Pour the marinated fish and vegetables into the wok, allowing the excess marinade to drain away. Place the wok on the grill. Using wooden paddles or grill spatulas, turn and toss the fish and vegetables until the
fish is opaque and the vegetables have lightly browned, about 15 minutes. Serve over rice, garnished with toasted sesame seeds.

10 TIPS AND TECHNIQUES FOR GREAT GRILLED FISH AND SHELLFISH, EVERY TIME

Guest recipe by Judith Fertig an Karen Adler
Authors of Fish & Shellfish, Grilled & Smoked: 300 Foolproof Recipes for Everything from Amberjack to Whitefish, Plus Really Good Rubs, Marvelous Marinades, Sassy Sauces, and Sumptuous Sides
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

1. Select only the freshest fish and shellfish. Fresh fish has a glistening, dewy look, a sweet or briny smell of the sea, and a somewhat firm texture. Shellfish has a sweet or briny smell of the sea, too. Ask to smell the fish or shellfish before you buy. Even the slightest odor of ammonia means the fish is not the freshest. You can also judge freshness by texture-if you
press the center part of a fillet or steak with your finger and the impression stays, the fish is not fresh. If you're buying a whole fish, look at the eyes-if clear and bright, the fish is fresh; if opaque or cloudy, the fish is not fresh. If you buy flash-frozen fish or shellfish, make sure it
still frozen when you buy it. You'll have the best luck if you buy your fish from a reputable and knowledgeable fishmonger-he or she can help you select the best options.

2. Handle fish and shellfish carefully. Always keep fish and shellfish chilled before grilling. Rinse thoroughly under cold running water, then pat dry. Discard any oysters, clams, or mussels with cracked or open shells.

3. Marinate fish and shellfish for only 30 to 60 minutes in the refrigerator before grilling. Marinating longer could mean an overpowering flavor of the marinade instead of the delicate flavor of fish. The vinegar or citrus juice in the marinade could also "cook" the fish and you'll end up with ceviche. However, there are some types of firmer-textured or oily, full-flavored fish
and shellfish-such as bluefish, mackerel, marlin, monkfish, octopus, shark, tuna, or squid-that can take a longer marinade.

4. For grilling, it is preferable to leave the fish skin on. Always place a fillet flesh side down first, then turn halfway through grilling onto the skin side. This technique helps the fish fillet hold together better during grilling.

5. Grill just about any fish or shellfish you like. Very thin and delicate fish such as Dover sole or lake perch are better sauteed or broiled. Catfish fillets are great on the grill because they hold together well and taste great.

6. Grill over a hot fire. Hold your hand 5 inches above the heat source. If you can only leave your hand there for 2 seconds, your fire is hot.

7. The general rule for grilling fish is 10 minutes per inch of thickness. For a fillet or steak that is 1 inch in the thickest part, you grill flesh side down for 5 minutes, then turn and finish grilling for 5 minutes on the skin side. For shellfish, grill for about 2 to 3 minutes on each side or until the shellfish becomes more opaque and firm in texture.

8. Test for doneness by making sure the fish and shellfish are opaque and somewhat firm. Most fish are done when steaks or fillets begin to flake-not a dry flake, but more a moist separation and you see a clear liquid-when tested with a fork in the thickest part. For firmer-fleshed varieties such as farm-raised catfish, monkfish, sturgeon, walleye pike, or eel, the fish flesh should be all one color, when tested in the thickest part, and the texture
firm. If you prefer your salmon or tuna on the medium-rare side, look for opaque pink or grayish brown on the outside, glistening reddish pink or dark purple-red on the inside, just as you would judge the doneness a beef steak. Shellfish are done when they turn more opaque and firm up in texture. Underdone fish or shellfish can always be put back on the grill or zapped in the microwave for a few seconds. Overcooked fish or shellfish can't be rescued.

9. Grill gadgets that rule: two long-handled wide metal spatulas for fish steaks or fillets and long-handled tongs for shellfish. For delicate fish like flounder or skate wings and very small shellfish like clams or baby squid, use a perforated grill rack, disposable aluminum pans, Nordic ware fish boat, or aluminum foil as a base so that the fish won't fall through the
grill grates. Although your fish or shellfish won't have grill marks, it will still have the flavor of the grill-and be a lot easier to remove. Perforated grill woks allow you to stir-grill marinated fish and vegetables together. 

10. Because you never know what fish or shellfish will be the freshest when you shop, be ready to substitute. You'll want to match the same firm, moderate, or delicate texture and mild, moderate, or full flavor of the fish or shellfish you originally planned on. For example, if cod is unavailable or not very fresh, substitute U.S. farm-raised hake, hoki, whiting, or
turbot-similar matches in delicate texture and mild flavor. In place of moderate-textured and mild-flavored red snapper, try catfish, grouper, haddock, orange roughy, walleye, or whitefish. In place of firm-textured, mild-flavored shrimp, substitute lobster, prawns, soft shell crab, or even halibut or monk fish.

Tamarind-Glaze Flank Steak with Mango-jicama Salsa

Guest recipe by Hope Fox & Chef Kunz
Author of Impress for Less! (finally...terrific recipes from the finest restaurants that you can really make at home) 

Legendary chef Gray Kunz took New York by storm when he opened Café Gray in 2004, a 200-seat brasserie designed by David Rockwell in the Time Warner Center. With its leafy Central Park views and high-profile address, Café Gray is the perfect showcase for Kunz’s synthesized cuisine, a product of his international upbringing and stints in the illustrious kitchen of Fredy Girardet in Lausanne, Switzerland, and the Regent Hotel in Hong Kong. New York magazine described Kunz’s cuisine as “not so much fusion as the product of a man fluent in the food languages of Europe, India, China, and Southeast Asia.” After all, this is the same chef who earned a four-star rating from the New York Times while at Lespinasse, which Zagat rated as New York’s Best Overall Restaurant for three years in a row. In 2003 the Culinary Institute of America heralded him as a Master of Aesthetics, an award given to only a handful of culinary professionals.

Chef Kunz creates layered dishes composed of intriguing ingredients that add up to a single, bold statement. A few cases in point are his bouquet of pencil asparagus with fresh peas, mint, and yogurt; black bass with ancho chiles, coriander, and mussel-clam broth; or coconut-coated red snapper with crabmeat and green papaya. Ask for a seat in the showcase kitchen, where the chefs dance the well-choreographed waltz of impeccable gastronomy.
Chef Kunz uses concentrated tamarind paste to give an exotic jolt to the barbecue glaze for this steak.

Tamarind Glaze

1 cup tamarind paste (or 1 cup pureed mango)
2 plum tomatoes, roughly chopped (or 1 cup canned diced tomatoes)
1/2 cup coarsely chopped fresh ginger
1/2 cup honey
1 tablespoon ground cumin
1 tablespoon ground coriander
1 cup water
Coarse salt
Salsa
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1/2 red bell pepper, seeded and cut into 1/2-inch dice
1/2 cup peeled jícama, cut into 1/2-inch dice
1 mango, peeled, pitted, and cut into 1/2-inch dice
1 tablespoon white vinegar
1 tablespoon sugar
Cayenne, to taste
Coarse salt, to taste
Freshly ground white pepper, to taste

Flank Steak
11/2 pounds flank steak
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
Cayenne, to taste
Coarse salt, to taste
Freshly ground black pepper, to taste
1/2 cup roughly chopped fresh cilantro leaves

Serves 6

1. To make the tamarind glaze, in a medium saucepan, combine the tamarind paste, tomatoes, ginger, honey, cumin, coriander, and water. Place over low heat and simmer, stirring frequently, for 10 minutes.
2. Strain the mixture through a fine-mesh sieve, discard the solids, and return the sauce to the pan. Simmer again, stirring occasionally, until the mixture is syrupy, 5 to 7 minutes. Season with salt and set aside.
3. To make the salsa, in a large sauté pan over high heat, heat the oil. Add the bell pepper and jícama and cook, stirring occasionally, until warmed but still crisp, about 2 minutes. Add the mango and remove from the heat. Stir in the vinegar and sugar. Season to taste with cayenne, salt, and white pepper. Set aside.
4. To make the flank steak, brush the steak with the oil and season with cayenne, salt, and black pepper. Preheat an outdoor grill or heat a grill pan over high heat. Grill the steak, turning once, until it reaches the desired doneness, 6 to 8 minutes for medium rare.
5. Let the steak rest 5 minutes, then slice into thin slices on the bias. Coat the steak with the tamarind glaze, garnish with the salsa and chopped cilantro, and serve.

chef’s notes:
Tamarind paste is made from the pods of the feathery tamarind tree native to Latin America and the Caribbean. The pulp of these pods is mixed with water, and the resulting liquid is used as a souring agent in beverages, curries, soups, and other dishes. Tamarind is a very common ingredient in Thai and Indian cuisines. It is available in Asian markets and in some large supermarkets.
Jícama is a large, bulbous root vegetable that is popular in Mexican and other Latino cuisines.

Sangria Scorcher

Guest recipe by Kara Newman
Author of Spice & Ice 

This sangria may look delicate, but don’t be fooled by its appearance: it packs a good dose of heat. One of our drink testers referred to it as “a pink pit bull.” 
Recipe makes two (2) cocktails:
1 Red chili pepper, sliced
2 ½ oz White wine
1 oz Vodka (infused with hot peppers, if desired)
1 oz Triple Sec
½ oz Fresh lime juice
1/3 oz Elderflower liqueur
½ oz Cranberry juice
1 Tbl Cucumber, diced
Lemon-lime soda
In a tall glass, muddle the chili pepper. Add a scoop of ice, and stir in the remaining ingredients. Top up the glass with lemon-lime soda. 

Refreshing Your Search for Work- The Five Key Questions

Guest post by Karen Okulicz
Author of Decide! How to Make Any Decision

Labor Day is a special time that often times triggers a desire to put away the old and begin anew. Many people look to make changes in their career the same way they pick up the beach chairs and towels and get ready for the fall. They begin to start anew with a fresh attitude towards their job search whether it is for a change of work or to ramp up a current, stagnant search from unemployed to employed.

The Five W’s are:

“WHERE” do you want to work?

Easy question. Answer YES and NO. Why are you reaching out to companies with long commutes into the city, if you don’t want to work in the city” Why are you sending resumes to locations and companies that don’t interest you, are too far away, or meet your personal needs. Why are you spending time this way at all? Answer the question and stick to your guns. 

Every age in life has different responsibilities. If you are single and have no kids, then maybe the job on the road would be great for a year or so. But if you are married with kids and want to see them and your spouse every day, then you need to adjust your “Where” to fit. Right now offers the greatest job market for employment flexibility. You just have to decide to make it work for you. Answer the question “Where” so that you identify what is best for your personal needs.

Then ask yourself some more questions to get a closer fit. How will you get to this place, (e.g., by car, bus, train, walk, bike)? What will be wearing when you get there? What time will your get there? Do you want to work days, nights, or swing? These are the details you need to really know for each Where you consider. So, when at an interview and you are told you have to work late or weekends and this doesn’t fit for you. You might want to think about the work offered. 

“WHO” do you want to work with? No kidding, but you really do have a choice. Who will you be working with at every new place of work you consider? Maybe you would like be on a team or will enjoy liked minded people. Maybe you prefer large organizational structure? On the other hand, maybe you work best alone, out in the field with very little interaction or minute-by-minute supervision? Do you work with the same people every day or will you have mix of contacts?

You know what you like. You have to ASK these detail questions and get the answers so that you can make a good decision, know exactly what you are getting yourself in to, and are not surprised and chagrined by who you end up spending most of your time with each day. Got it?

“WHEN” do you want to be WHERE and with WHO? The answer is NOW. Get up. Get Moving. Make the call. Go visit. Go to where you want to be. See for yourself. Volunteer for a day and see if that “dream work” will suit you. Spend some real time observing and studying what the new workplace actually looks like, what you will be wearing and who you will be working for and who you get to work with. You must acquire real knowledge and data so you can visualize and create a complete picture which enables you to make a good decision that it really does fit your needs. 

Whatever you are doing right now, at this very moment will determine and create the future success. Every moment is a crucial step in the process of getting from where you are, dead-stop unemployed or out of a dull job, to something better, more fulfilling, more flexible and more rewarding. 

Do something NOW. Get the Answers NOW.

“WHY” do you want to work? The answer to this question determines the outcome of your search. Is it for the fame and glory? Do you need to get something part time until your “Great American Novel” is picked up by a mainstream publisher? Do you need to work full time until the kids graduate from college? Do you need to work for the money and health benefits only? Are you just trying to get out of the house and be a part of the world? Are you looking to save the world? What’s in it for you?

“WHAT” do you want to be? There are basically three different work choices that can lead you choose to the perfect WHAT. 

a. A Job: Give time, energy and muscle for money. It is something that you get to pay the bills. A job you take until you finish, school, apprenticeship or whatever. It helps you cover expenses. It may be mentally or physically demanding, but its rewards are financial only. It is ‘doin’ what you gotta do’ to just get through.

b. A Career: You go to school for training and acquire skills, knowledge, expertise, perhaps a specialty or a trade. You may find yourself in a career because you felt you may like it or it was suggested to you. It may be challenging for you, but you think there could always be a better way to go. You may like your career and are comfortable with the choice, but then be glad to retire someday.

c. A Life’s Work: Ah! The pinnacle of all employment! You get to do something you love. You get to choose where, what and with who. You get to have passion for the things you do. You get to love what you do and lose yourself in this work totally. A career maybe a life’s work but, a job will never become one.

Remember working is NOT a life sentence. It is a choice.

All of us want to work in something that fits us and fulfills us.

If you are stuck, not sure what to do or what you want to be, ask yourself, “On your worst day of your work, what did you say to yourself on the way home?” 

The answer to this question gives you the primary clues to what you should be looking to adjust for the better.

Did you say:

“I have to get out of here. I can’t take this place any more. 

“I can’t work with these people any longer?” 

“I want a break from this schedule, this commute, this routine?”

“I want a break from these commitments.”

“I want to make my kids’ baseball games, soccer practice, ballet class.” 

“I want to make my favorite yoga class, knitting circle, take a walk?”

“I want time for ……..

“I want to delete…..

“I need a break from…..

Now fill in the blank!

“I would love to find……

…. a closer commute

……better hours

……more interesting projects

….. better salary

“I need to learn….. 

“I should look into……

Pay attention. It is always on our worst days that we get the best clarity out of what bothers us. Issues can be dormant and hidden for long periods of time. On the worst day, what needs to change comes right to the surface. So pay attention. 

Now you begin to realize what is really not right for you. Now you get to focus on where you are right now and what needs to be adjusted.

This doesn’t mean you go into work the next day and quit. That only happens in the movies or with big time lottery winners.

This knowledge must give you is a new direction. This is the start of the new path to build something better. What do you do?

Answer the five questions. Write the answers down. The act of doing so will create physical movement that helps you move forward. You want to use the new feelings and discoveries help you change the current situation. Write it down.

You are gathering clues to what is next. What direction are you to take?

Probing for the answers is next. Whether you are unhappily employed, or under-employed, or unemployed, you must focus on the answers. Take pause. Let the questions rest. Take care of yourself. Spend some time on your favorite hobby. Don’t use food, or alcohol to cloud over your thoughts. Think clearly and focus.

The answers to some of these questions may lead you to feeling uncomfortable. You may realize that you will have to leave your comfort zone or leave people you carte about. You might not be able to go back to something you once loved doing. It may also be true that times have changed and the industry you knew and loved is gone.

Change is a challenge. But sometimes, it’s just time to go.

The Five W’s give you the best clues to the best approach for you.

This will save you time and unnecessary spent funds spinning your wheels in the wrong directions.

Get the answers, make the adjustments. It is simple and simplicity breeds success.

Overkill at Work

Guest post by Karlin Sloan
Author of Smarter, Faster, Better: Strategies for Effective, Enduring, and Fulfilled Leadership

Mitchell thinks he's impressing his boss by e-mailing her on weekends.

Eileen believes she's protecting her job by being the last one to leave at night.

Najit feels she's nurturing her client relationships because she never says "no" to a request.

What's wrong with this picture? Why are we killing ourselves? And how do these things really make us look? I'm all for hard work and dedication, but the last thing I want to see from my team is people burning themselves out-or putting on a performance for my benefit. 

Today I hear more and more "overkill" stories. The good news? They beg a conversation about energy management-versus time management-and why it's an increasingly relevant concept in a global, technology-fueled work environment.

By all accounts, "energy management" is a term coined by Nina Merer, a corporate trainer and coach practicing in the late 1980s and early 1990s. Merer's energy management programs took traditional time management concepts and turned them on their head-reframing them for prioritizing people's energy resources.

Energy management is both art and science. To better manage your energy, you need an equal amount of input to output. Deplete your energy stores without "recharging" them, and you sabotage your ability to work efficiently and effectively. 

It's great to demonstrate commitment and competence to your company, but how do you know when "above and beyond" becomes overkill and puts your energy at risk? The answer lies in three questions:

1. Is what I'm doing sustainable over time? 

2. Is what I'm doing something that really adds value?

3. If what I'm doing isn't sustainable and doesn't add value, 
am I gaining something important from it?

If you can't answer "yes" to any of these questions, you've got something to think about-and that's boundary setting.

Setting Boundaries: Rules of the Road

Follow these three simple yet powerful rules, and you can avoid sacrificing your "ROEI"-return on energy investment.

1. Your time and energy are valuable.

If you don't protect your energy, who will? Unless you are superhuman, you need to set up some parameters about when you will-and won't-jump to the rescue or go beyond the call of duty. Everything feels important-your boss, your customers, and your short- and long-term deliverables-so how do you balance it all? Prioritize the time that most feeds your energy-versus simply doing or reacting-and set clear expectations of what you can and cannot do. 

A coach on my team recently told this story: Two principals in a mid-sized organization hired Ken, an outside consultant, to facilitate an upcoming team meeting. When the principals expressed concern about holding the meeting in the company conference room-a space they had custom designed and built for their new offices-Ken asked them why. "Because we always get interrupted when we're there versus offsite, and it makes it impossible to get anything done." The interesting assumption here is that they can't set boundaries when they're in the office, but they can when they're at a remote location. It's not that other things don't crop up when they're offsite, it's that they just don't know about them. Their challenge was to set clear boundaries at the office-absolutely no interruptions-and, to be able to use their new conference room to do productive work. 

2. You don't have to kiss up to look good.

I agree with Dr. Wayne Dyer, well-known author and speaker in the field of self-development, who says, "We teach others how to treat us." At work, you teach others to respect you by respecting your own time and energy-and refusing to be at others' beckon call.

Stan, one of my executive coaching clients, is a key account director for a big-name global consulting firm. One of his clients is very demanding and frequently calls Stan at night and on weekends. Instead of "redirecting" his client to reserve these calls for business hours, Stan makes himself available 24/7 and works hard to meet every request. Unfortunately, this behavior is not sustainable nor is it adding any value. Stan's core belief-the client always comes first-is admirable, but what happens when that belief actually ceases to serve the client? Stan is often so physically and mentally exhausted that he doesn't do his best work. With good intentions, he has created a dynamic in which his client expects him to go above and beyond at all times-at all costs. Stan's challenge is to create a new dynamic, set limits, and show his client that he delivers his best work when he preserves his time and energy. 

3. You have a choice-sustainability or burnout.

To perform at the top of your game, it's critical to work in ways that stave off fatigue and burnout. Sustainable work practices support your ongoing role and responsibilities over time-not just in the heat of the moment.

One key is to stop blaming others for your overwork, and start taking responsibility for setting your own boundaries. Doc Childre, an expert on optimizing human performance and personal effectiveness, teaches that blame is one of the biggest contributors to low or lost energy. Sure, there are those "human" moments when you point a finger or complain about something or someone. In the end, however, you do have a choice. You can choose when to go above and beyond, when to set and stick to your boundaries, and when to adapt to a certain work environment-or to leave that environment if what you're doing isn't sustainable or adding value, or you're not gaining something important from it.

THE POWER OF GOLF IN BUSINESS

Guest post by Kalliope Barlis
Author of Play Golf Better Faster: The Classic Guide to Optimizing Your Performance and Building Your Best Fast

There are several reasons golf is the most often played sport by 90 percent of Fortune 500 CEOs. The following benefits associated with the game are the most valuable to people in busi-ness: 

The Golf Course as a Meeting Room
Many executives wisely leave the office to discuss important business deals and choose the golf course as their meeting ground. During a round of golf, all players are enjoying themselves. When someone is looking to buy a product, he or she has plenty of places and people to buy it from. So who will make the sale? The underlying truth behind all sales is feelings—specifically, good feelings. When someone feels good around you, that person is more likely to buy what you are offering. During a round of golf, you have plenty of time between shots to build rapport and create a lasting connection for future business deals while you close the deal on the course. 

Golf Reveals the Content of a Person’s Character
A golf player reveals much about his or her character while playing the game. Golf is the most challenging game because it starts from a moment of stillness that triggers into a sophisticated movement. It causes people to behave in ways that tells us much about how they respond to the world around them. A golfer who remains steady through good shots and bad shots often indicates how he or she behaves in business. Successful golfers play methodically and with precision, showing that they are able to deal with anything that comes their way. 

Utilize Strategy and Plan for the Future
Golf requires strategy. When a golfer views an aerial perspective of a hole—from tee to green (on the GPS system or yardage book)—it is easier to plan a strategy for where to land the ball to have an easier shot to the hole. Although this does necessitate motor skills, it is the creativity of someone’s mind that enables them to avoid hazards and land the ball in the target. This requires future planning, which when applied to business, illustrates the ability to avoid hazards and do what’s best for a business to achieve their target goals.

Golfers Reveal Their Honesty
Greg Norman removed himself from a tournament because he had two different brands of golf balls in his bag. No one may have ever noticed. But he did. Subsequently, he self-imposed his own disqualification. He played by the rules when no one was looking. A golfer reveals much about his honesty while scoring and playing, which mirrors his or her honesty in a work envi-ronment. Often, golfers are more trusted in business because the game requires honesty. 

Golfers Are Equal to Each Other
Golf allows people with different skill levels to play together on an equitable level as a result of the USGA handicapping system. This means that a CEO with a high handicap can play with a business affiliate with a low handicap. Some players with a low handicap may throw off their game and allow a person they are playing with to win just to seal a deal. This will likely backfire, as their dishonesty (see above) will surely be obvious. The handicapping systems was created so that all levels of golfers may enjoy fair competition and win fairly. Fair competition regardless of who wins the game is paramount in business.

Golf Is Happiness
Moe Norman—the most consistent ball striker of all time—said, “Golf is happiness.” And indeed it is! When you play golf with ease and with the goal of playing your best game, the level of en-joyment is increased for all the players. When people are happy, they make good business de-cisions. Play your best and become a catalyst for those decisions. 


You have the opportunity to reveal who you are in business while playing golf by: 1) Treating your client as your equal, 2) Approaching life with integrity and honesty, 3) Having a strategy that makes the most of your present moments to optimize your future, 4) Dealing with challeng-es, strategically and avoiding hazards to progress and achieve your goals. In this way, you cre-ate a foundation for long-lasting business alliances with golf as the link that connects you to your next finished deal. 
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