"10 Easy Things You Can Do To Make Your Life a Gazillion Times Better" by Judymay Murphy

1. Notice how what you put in and what you get out are always linked. If you want to make a fish pie, you put in fish. If you want to make a cherry pie, you put in cherries. Take note of what you have been putting into your life and what kind of pie you've been getting as a result. What steps have you been taking toward having your ideal career, what have you been eating, how much exercise have you been taking, how much time have you been spending with those you love, how many meetings have you been having about new ways to make and invest money? Write up how you have been apportioning your time every day. Remember, excuses do not give you the life of your dreams, inspired, consistent action is what's required. So choose some better pie-fillings than TV shows, burgers and moan-y conversations, choose positive talk, walks and fresh fruits and veggies.

2. Go to the place you spend most of your time, (your office, garden, living room, car...) and notice what is best about that place. Find one way to enhance that aspect, creating even more light, fixing up the view, making it even more comfortable. Now notice what is not working or not feeling good about the space and decide what needs to been slightly changed or radically transformed, perhaps it needs to be re-organized, cleaned, de-cluttered, revamped, to have nature or technology brought in? How will your life be a Gazillion times better through your space being more beautiful, more efficient or more inspiring?

3. Take a minute to work out where your trigger areas are when it comes to slipping back on achieving your goals. Perhaps you are doing great with healthy eating until you pass the pizza restaurant on the way home from the movies, or you are taking action on setting up your company until things get busy in your current workplace, or doing great with saving money until you go into a clothing store, . Once you have identified these danger areas write up alternatives so that you can avoid them; driving home a different route from the cinema, dedicating three nights a week to your new business no matter what is going on at work, leaving cash and credit cards at home when you go to a mall.

4. What needs to be said that you have not yet communicated to someone? Is it telling a parent or sibling that you love them? Is it telling a co-worker that you are no longer willing to shoulder their workload for them? Is it telling yourself that you forgive yourself for something? Is it telling your boss that you are leaving to start your own company? Role-play it with someone and have them act out every possible reaction and notice how you cope with every response. Now say what you need to say in a way that supports everyone, most of all you.

5. Pay attention to how you appear to others as you move through the world. This is not about becoming focused on what others think about you, it is about being aware of the effect you have on people. Is your expression usually blank, hostile, giddy, depressed, edgy? What about your tone of voice? Is it timid, monotone, sarcastic? We are so used to ourselves that we can easily believe we are just neutral and this is never the case. How would you prefer to come across- light, dependable, humorous, responsible, playful, powerful, active?

6. Sit down and name the area of your life that isn't working as well as the others. For some this is relationships, for others it may be career, money, health, creativity, emotions, - you know what it is for you. Take a piece of paper and write an honest account of where you are in that area, taking care not to exaggerate or minimize. Now write up what you are prepared to do to make it an area of strength. Decide on one action you will take very day for one month to turn things around. This could be swimming for 20 minutes a day, saving five dollars a day by bringing lunch to work and putting it in a trading account at the end of each week, reading 4 pages a day of a helpful book, spending 30 minutes a day talking with one of your kids really getting to know them. You will be amazed at how you quickly start to love that area of your life, especially when you start to get great results way before the month is up.

7. Keep going when things seem to be going wrong. Many people stop taking action when they meet with resistance or disapproval from others, or when things don't go exactly to plan. If something doesn't work out the way you had hoped, assess what happened and what you have learned. Immediately take a new and different action to get you to your desired result. It's not a refusal just a delay, and it's the delays and the learning's that strengthen us for making the rest of the dream come true.

8. Keep going when things seem to be going right. The flip side to point 7 is that people will often slow down and stop following a triumph. When you achieve a goal it is important to take time to rest and celebrate and then its time to use the momentum and confidence gained with the last achievement and use it to get to the next level. If you get a promotion, great! Now start to focus on how you can feel even better by giving even more value to the company, how you can start your own investment project for the extra money you will be making, how you can help those around you to adjust to the new circumstances. If you loose weight, how can you ensure it stays off and that you get even more fit and healthy and help others to do so also?

9. Ask yourself every morning, what are five things I can do today, five small steps I can take to make my dreams come true? Have the questions posted up on the bathroom mirror, on your bedroom door, on the computer screen, wherever they will catch your eye. You can take note of the answers you come up with and tick them off the list as you achieve them throughout the day. That night, over dinner, you and your family can share your dream-maker triumphs.

10. Tap back into your real dream, that thing that you promised yourself as a child that you would do. Did you always want travel, adventure, to make a beautiful home, a certain kind of toy, a certain type of friend, a dog, a pony, peace and quiet, to learn more, to invent something, to perform? Youknow what it is. Take one action right now to launch it into being. Enjoy making your life a Gazillion Times Better.

BUY NOW!!! Your Life Only a Gazillion Times Better: A Practical Guide to Creating the Life of Your Dreams

"HSAs Make $ense" by JoAnn M. Laing

Many Personal, Professional Reasons Health Savings Accounts Are For Women (and Men too)

Besides being good for their companies, Health Savings Accounts (HSAs) address several needs simultaneously for many women and their families.

Besides offering an extremely flexible approach to tax and retirement planning, it also provides economical healthcare coverage particularly in two-career marriages and can ease the burden of single-parent households as well. 

The HSA program has two parts: a high-deductible health plan (which usually costs less than other health plans) and a tax-advantaged, portable savings account for payment of current medical expenses which builds like a Medical IRA.

One important feature is that a spouse or dependents covered by other insurance may not be able to participate. However, an individual may still be able to use another family member's HSA funds to pay for their qualifying medical expenses tax-free.

Other Advantages 

The added bonus is that monies paid by companies to fund HSAs for employees are pre-tax dollars and do not get reported as income for employees. At the same time, HSA monies can pickup copays not picked up by spousal healthcare plans.

For company owners, this means a double savings --- they can deduct the amount paid for their own qualifying high deductible healthcare plan and they have no personal income tax liabilities for the monies paid into their account. They also do not pay FICA and FUDA on any of payments made for themselves or other employees. For the self-employed, they can deduct the cost of the insurance premium and amount contributed to the HSA.

A major impetus for HSAs was to reduce the soaring rate of healthcare. By making the individual a part of the medical services decision process, HSAs are designed to help manage medical expenses and reduce the yearly rate rise of health care expenses. On average, an HSA insurance policy (called an HDHC plan) will save between 20-30% in premiums.

Retirement Programs Encouraged

Another aim was adding a self-directed retirement offering to the retirement planning agenda. HSAs have the effect of adding another retirement option because the money not spent in any year remains part of the individual's retirement account. 

To encourage companies to teach retirement planning, HSAs are portable. HSA monies remain in the account even if the employee leaves their present employer thereby building up a nest egg. Like 401Ks and IRAs, building a nest egg requires someone to start. Once started, they usually become a permanent part of the individual's savings program.
Another reason HSAs can be helpful to executive women and others, the procedures covered by HSAs monies have been broadened. HSAs can pay for many more procedures than were ever allowed before by government-sponsored programs, for instance, laser eye surgery. (A complete list can be found on www.HSAfinder.com or www.irs.gov websites.)

Some HSA Advantages 

To briefly summarize HSAs and their advantages:
§ A way to save money on health care. Sooner or later everyone will have to spend money on health care. But an HSA might help them spend less.
§ A tax saver. Not only does an HSA cover medical costs tax-free, but contributions to the account may nudge an individual into a lower tax bracket. This is particularly true with dual-worker families.
§ A way to pay for health care traditional insurance might not cover. An HSA can be used to pay tax-free for acupuncture, visits to the chiropractor, fertility treatments, therapy, smoking cessation, and weight loss programs - just to name a few.
§ Portable. HSAs can travel with the individual from job to job. He or she always have a right to 100% of the money in the account. 
§ A source of investment income. HSAs are designed so that the individual can always withdraw money when needed. But the money not withdrawn has the potential to grow and accumulate interest tax-free. Many higher income families will pay for medical services with post-tax dollars and leave funds in the HSA to grow without tax on the interest or investment income.
§ An improved retirement account. HSAs function much like 401(k)s or IRAs, but with an important difference. When money is put in a typical retirement account, it's there to stay - an individual could forfeit as much as a third of it in tax penalties if withdrawn it before reaching retirement age. With an HSA, money used for medical expenses, can be withdrawn tax-free. HSAs don't replace current retirement accounts, but they can be a major supplement to retirement savings.
§ Money in your pocket. To participate in an HSA, an individual must be enrolled in a high-deductible health plan (HDHP). What is different is that payment programs are more liberal. You need to talk to your insurance agent and study the various plan options closely. 

Who Qualifies

Broadly speaking, an individual or family qualifies for an HSA if they are:
§ under the age of 65,
§ not listed as someone else's dependent for income tax purposes,
§ not receiving Medicare or Social Security benefits, 
§ covered by a high-deductible health plan, and
§ not covered by any other type of health insurance plan, except for some significant differences which are listed elsewhere in this article.

For executive women in particular, HSAs offer an excellent approach to reducing costs and improving retirement options for themselves and their employees.

Some of the supplemental policies that are permitted with HSAs include:
- Separate dental and/or vision care insurance, or flexible spending accounts (FSAs) covering only dental and/or vision care
- Discount cards for health care services or products (for example, prescription drugs)
- Disease management and wellness programs, as long as they do not "provide significant benefits in the nature of medical care"
- Employee assistance plans, again if they do not "provide significant benefits" (short-term counseling is okay)
- FSAs or HRAs that pay or reimburse for medical expenses after a high deductible has been met*
- Separate long-term care insurance
- Worker's compensation insurance (through employers) 
- Disability insurance (individual or through unions or employment)
- Automobile insurance (including coverage for medical care in accidents and emergencies)
- Business liability insurance 
- Insurance that pays for fixed amount of hospitalization 
- Freestanding health insurance for travel (such as flight insurance or automatic travel coverage when transport is booked on a credit card).

BUY The Book: Consumer's Guide to HSAs: Health Savings Accounts (Brick Tower Press Financial Guide) NOW!

Have Some, M'Dear byline: Jennifer Rosen

You can leave a bottle of Madeira on a hot car seat for weeks without ruining it, and for that you can thank King George the Third, the German navy, and Zarco the One-Eyed.

1419: the dawn of the Age of Exploration. Portuguese sea captain João Gonçalves Zarco, sailing around the north coast of Africa, spots what he describes as "vapors rising from the mouth of hell." Screwing up all his courage, he penetrates hell to discover a small, fog-bound island, part of an archipelago lying 475 miles offshore of Casablanca. The fog is important, not only because it will later feature in the opening shot of the remake of King Kong, but also because it makes the island invisible. That, plus the fact that it's the largest deep-water harbor in the world, and sits squarely in the path of anyone sailing from Europe to the West Indies, makes it a valuable gateway for Portugal. 

Zarco names the island "Madeira," which means wood. Next, he wipes out every last tree by starting a fire that will burn for seven years. 

He has inadvertently provided a great service to the wine industry. The volcanic soil, once too acidic for grape growing, is made alkaline by the ashes of burnt forests. Grapes are planted.

Cut to Boston, 1650: Colonists are protesting the Navigation Acts, which decree that nothing enters or leaves the Colonies without passing through, and paying taxes to, England. 

Just then, Charles II of England makes one of the great political marriages of all time, when his Portuguese fiancée arrives with a dowry consisting of Bombay, Tangier, Morocco, the use of ports in Africa, Asia and America, and lots of money. She also introduces twin civilizing influences: tea and the fork. In return, Charles exempts Madeira from his protectionist policy.

Madeira, therefore, is the only wine shipped directly to America, and so acquires totemic status: a swig of Madeira becomes the American patriot's way of spitting in the British eye. Both the signing of the Declaration of Independence and George Washington's inauguration are toasted in Madeira wine. 

However, despite the fact that in 1478, the Duke of Clarence, condemned to death in the Tower of London, chooses to accomplish this by drowning in a vat of Madeira, an anecdote that I have been trying to stuff into this story for hours, the fact of the matter is that the wine is thin, acidic, and basically tastes terrible. 

This changes in 1600, when a cargo ship goes off course and wanders around the tropics for a year because none of the crew can bring himself to ask for directions. To everyone's surprise, this vacation in the sun vastly improves the wine on board. 

For the next 300 years, Madeira is routinely sailed around the world to mellow, sometimes for 5 years or more. The inconvenience of this approach is brought home during World War I, when German U-boats find these slow wine tankers gratifying target practice. Especially when they manage to salvage the cargo before it sinks. In a quantum leap of technology - no doubt strongly resisted by Portuguese dockworkers unions - the wine industry trades baking aboard for baking ashore.

Today, the wine cooks for three to six months in giant tanks with heat-sensitive locks that alert the government if the temperature gets too high, and then the government comes and confiscates the wine. If that doesn't happen, the wine next ages in barrels for anywhere from three to hundreds of years before bottling. It's so indestructible that someone who just tasted the 1795 vintage reports that it "easily has 50 years of life ahead of it." Which is a lot more than the Duke of Clarence had, but when it comes to that, personally, I think I'd rather jump into a vat of Lubriderm and soften to death.

A Bargain, Really! 

"Green Fruits in Jasmine Tea Syrup" by: Joanna Pruess

Serves 6

Jasmine tea and sweetened lime juice transform a simple trio of green fruits into an ambrosial offering. Its memory will linger on your taste buds. Savor the fruit alone or with a scoop of green tea ice cream.

2 tsp jasmine tea leaves
1⁄2 c sugar
Grated zest of 1 lime
Juice of 1 lime
3 kiwi, peeled and sliced
1 ripe honeydew melon, about 5 lbs, flesh scooped into little balls or diced
8 oz seedless green grapes, stemmed, washed, and cut in half
Sprigs of fresh mint, for garnish

1. Bring 1/3 cup water just to a boil in a small saucepan. Add the jasmine tea, remove the pan from the heat, and steep for 4 to 5 minutes. Strain into a clean pan, pressing to extract as much liquid as possible, and discard the tea leaves.
2. Add the sugar and lime zest to the pan. Over medium heat, stir until the sugar dissolves, then bring the liquid to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer the syrup for 1 to 2 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the lime juice.
3. Place the kiwi, melon, and grapes in a serving bowl and pour on the syrup. Cover and marinate in the refrigerator for 4 to 6 hours. Remove from the refrigerator at least 20 minutes before serving, toss gently, and garnish with mint.

Variations
Yellow Fruit Salad: Combine 4 apricots, 4 nectarines, 1 mango, 1 papaya, and 1 small pineapple all cut into cubes. Prepare a syrup flavored with Earl Grey tea and lemon juice instead of jasmine tea and lime. Proceed as for a green fruit salad.

Watch our interview here: http://youtu.be/OuzGyD30ZFE

Conversations @ Work 10 Way to Revolutionize Your Workplace-one Conversation at a Time by Jamie Showkeir and Maren Showkeir

Seven out of ten people say that conversation is essential to getting things done at work. Yet, roughly half of today's careerists-regardless of level or position- admit to finding it difficult to have open, honest conversations at their company. The result? Everyday conversations-the "invisible" driver of workplace culture and business success-are frequently manipulative and counterproductive. Ten ways to take the lead and create change-one authentic conversation at a time:

Have a point of view.  Develop an informed, independent viewpoint about the topic at hand. Have a strong voice, but be open to others' perspectives, too. 

Focus on choice.  Need to be right or do everything your way? Get over it. Leadership-formal or informal-is no longer defined as "having the right answers," but as an ability to engage others in considering all the choices and finding the best solution. 

Raise difficult issues.  It's not easy to bring up a hard subject. Still, be the one who acknowledges the "elephant in the room" and concentrates on resolution. 

Extend goodwill.  Approach others as allies-not adversaries. Choose to convey goodwill-despite any existing stress or strain-and manage your emotions. 

Take the other side. Go ahead-argue the other person's point of view. You'll help people feel heard and understood, and get to the heart of collaboration. 

Own it. 
Resist the urge to point the finger when things go wrong. Identify your own contribution to the problem and make it public. 

Deny denial.  Denying or downplaying difficulties is dishonest and demeaning. Address the truth of a situation-the cold, hard facts-and invite others to join you in moving forward. 

Confront cynicism. Beware the cynics, victims, and bystanders. Sure, they're everywhere in the workplace, but if you're clear on where you stand, you needn't pour your energies into winning them over-just invite them to make their own choices instead.

Deal with resistance. Turning a blind eye to resistance won't make it disappear. Learn to see it, call it out, and deal with it.

Process. When a conversation takes a turn for the worse, stop and "process" what's happening. Admit you're at an impasse, make a good-faith statement, and ask for help. 

Finally, stop playing the parent and taking responsibility for others' feelings. Encourage everyone-co-workers, direct reports, and even the boss-to deal with their own emotions and let go of the childlike hope that somebody else will make it "all better."

(Sidebar)

Roughly half of today's careerists-regardless of level or position-admit to finding it difficult to have open, honest conversations at their company.  

How To Get Your Consumer Invention to Market© by Joan Lefkowitz

So you have an idea for an invention? What do you do now? The most successful hair accessory in history, the TopsyTail, made 100 million dollars. This did not happen by miracle or chance. The key was a well-conceived and executed plan. Following an informed approach will help you turn your invention into a bonanza of extra income.

Getting Started: 

The Ideabook
Keep a bound ideabook of your invention idea. Date your entries. Draw it. State what it is, how it’s done and for whose use? Examine possible variations. Add and define over time.

Get it Notarized
If your idea still seems brilliant after a month or two, get it officially confirmed that you conceived your invention idea on a particular date, and have your notes notarized. This may help if you, at some point, need to prove that you were ‘first to invent’ that idea.

Seek and Search 
Do your own patent search to ascertain if your invention is original and prospectively patentable. Go on the internet to uspto.gov and study all patents in the product category of your invention to see if something like yours already exists. Better yet, use a professional patent searcher who will do a thorough search and may advise the patentability of your invention. Go to an inventor’s association, books on inventing, or websites such as patentsearchinternational.com, to find resources.

Create the Initial Prototype
Use simple materials to rig it up, to see if it works. Some of the most successful consumer inventions today started as pipe cleaner, coat hanger wire or foam rubber embryos.

Get Educated
Educate yourself on the inventing process. Go to a bookstore or inventorhelp.com and review the plethora of books written on the subject. From Patent to Profit by Bob De Matteis is particularly informative.

The Non-Disclosure Form
This is an Agreement signed between you and anyone you reveal your invention to. It states that the information and materials belong to you and cannot be used without your written permission. It allows you to show your invention to parties who might be helpful in bringing your product to market such as prototypers, product evaluation services, manufacturers, packaging designers, licensing agents and marketers. Variations of the Non-Disclosure form are easily accessible in invention books and on the web.

Moving Ahead

Analyze Costs to Produce
Ascertain what the costs will be. Research domestic and foreign resources. Add up all costs to manufacture a unit of your product. Include molds, packaging, naming and trademarking, promotion, marketing, distribution and mark-up. Seek sources through the Thomas Register, libraries, the yellow pages, the web, Chambers of Commerce, foreign trade bureaus and referrals.

The Evaluation Process
Analyze the benefits and features, strengths and weaknesses of your invention.
Can it have longevity in the marketplace?
Is its timing aligned with market trends? 
Research the size of the potential market. 

Identify your competition. Question why a retailer would buy your product if they can do business with experienced, multi-product, well financed suppliers, who may take back unsold products and replace them with ongoing new items? Visit the marketplace and talk with managers and consumers. If your product represents a significant improvement or simplification in the way that something is currently done, you have a better chance of breaking through to success.

Get a Professional Prototype
Have professional prototypes made, the quality of which can be shown to potential retail buyers. For sourcing suggestions, see ‘Analyze Costs to Produce’.

Protect Your Idea
Apply for a provisional patent yourself. This can be done by downloading the application from the patent office website: uspto.gov. The provisional patent will secure patent pending status for the invention for one year during which time you must apply for a non-provisional patent, if desired, or lose the option to get the invention patented. Using a patent attorney to make the application for the provisional patent secures more complete specifications of the invention and lays the groundwork for an effective non-provisional patent application.

The Non-Provisional Patent
Your patent attorney files your non-provisional patent application. If the patent is rejected on examination by the patent office, as most are, the attorney will respond with revisions. This may reoccur several times before your patent is finally granted or rejected. This process can take up to two years. If a patent is issued it becomes your personal asset for twenty years. Like other assets, you can lease or sell it to earn income.

To Market, But How? 

Licensing 
The inventor has the choice to license the invention to a manufacturer in exchange for a royalty percentage in sales. Typically, an inventor can expect to receive royalties of between 3 to 7 percent of net sales. The most efficient way to secure a licensing agreement is to hire a licensing agent with expertise in the field of your invention. The licensing agent is conversant in the language and varieties of licensing agreements, can advise you on options and help negotiate the agreement. Licensing agents ordinarily charge between one-third and one-half of your royalty fees. Royalties are an excellent way to create supplementary income.

Manufacturing
Manufacturing and distributing your invention entails higher financial risk but can reap greater profits. If you have the time, financing, manufacturing connections, a storage and distribution point, bookkeeping and legal skills or assistance, sales and marketing channels and mainly the desire to be your own boss; this may be the route for you. 

Teaming with specialists and hiring outside sales representatives to grow your business can create economies of scale. Successful manufacturing and distribution of a protected product can provide you with active income. 

Ice, Ice Baby byline: Jennifer Rosen

To Americans, Canada is a parallel, frozen universe peopled with hockey players, polar bears and cheap prescription drugs. Wine-wise, it's not on the radar. Well, roll over Mondavi, and give Nanook a chance. Canada happens to be the Mecca for icewine.

Icewine, in case you haven't met it, ranks among the world's classiest dessert wines, more Chateauneuf de Popsicle than EskiMerlot pie. To learn what sets this sticky apart, let's pay a visit during harvest. Ah, harvest time! Indian summer! Sweat on the brow and dirt between the toes! Singing workers, laden with bushel baskets of bursting berries…oops, wrong harvest.

It's February on the Niagara peninsula; the thermometer's barely cresting zero. In the proto-dawn of 4:00am, shivering figures in fleece and down maneuver mittened fingers through rattling, lifeless vines. Frozen berries are whisked off as fast as they're picked, to be pressed before the sun comes up. 

Look closely: these are not your normal migrant workers. I see doctors, lawyers…media types! Someone with a degree from the Tom Sawyer School of Economics has people paying to come up here and freeze their assets off. Such is the prestige of this rare and expensive wine. What's going on?

There are several ways to turbo-charge a dessert wine. All involve dehydrating the grapes. You can dry them on mats in the sun, or let them shrivel on the vine. Very good little winemakers may get a visit from Botrytis Cinerea, the "noble rot" that turns healthy grapes into hairy, scary, little sugar bombs. Then there's icewine.

Repeated freezing and thawing changes the chemical composition of grapes. It concentrates sugars, acids and extracts and separates them from water, which freezes at a higher temperature. If the grapes are frozen solid enough, pressing will eject the water in crystalized shards, leaving behind the intense, aromatic goo from which ethereal wines are made. 

This fortuitous discovery was made in Germany, in 1794, when Hans Schnockleputter went on a Schnapps bender and forgot to harvest his grapes until January, by which time they had frozen solid. When worse comes to Gewurtz, bad wine is better than no wine, so he went ahead and vinified, stumbling, thus, upon the magic of eiswein.

The capricious German weather permits eiswein only a few times a decade. But in the shadow of the Niagara Escarpment (a mystifying geologic word that sounds like it pushed back its chair in a hurry and left), the harmonic convergence of long, temperate growing season, followed by a predictable deep-freeze, makes icewine a reliable crop.

Which is not to say it's easy. Leaving grapes on the vine long into January is a risky and labor-intensive business. Rain and wind storms, bad mold and birds all vie to make off with the goods. Yields are extremely low; only 5% to 10% of a normal harvest. 

Hence, the price. But at least you know what you're getting. To distinguish themselves from unscrupulous Yankees who put grapes in the freezer and pass the results off as icewine, Canada formed the Vintners Quality Association (VQA), which tightly controls how, when, and at what temperature you can harvest. Scofflaws can't use the VQA appellation and will be put in the penalty box for icing. Right now you're probably thinking, "Hello! Icing results in a stoppage of play with the puck being dropped in the face-off circle near the goalie in the offending team's zone!" But that would be hockey and this is wine.

And extraordinary wine, indeed. What sets it apart from the cloying mass of syrup that defines some belly-button wines is its zingingly high, refreshing acidity. Along with exotic perfumes like papaya, passion fruit and ginger, you get this sweet-tart wake-up-call of fresh lemon and lime. And a texture like the heavy, hypnotic, flow inside a lava lamp.

Which just goes to show that where there's a will there's a wine, and we ought to look at a map more often.

Warning Signs: Passing the turkey and the torch. What to look for when you go home for the Holidays. by Jody Gasfriends VP Senior Care Care.com

As the holidays approach, I want to share a story with you. It’s the story of a friend of mine, Noreen*-a typical sandwich-generation mom and daughter who had many people and priorities to juggle. But it was at Thanksgiving last year when she realized something needed to change. 

Noreen left home for college 30 years ago. After graduation, she got married, had two sons, and settled into a life in a small town north of Boston. But her roots, along with her aging parents, were still in Western Massachusetts. Among her three siblings, Noreen lived the closest to her folks and was the most worried. Her brother, Tom lived on the west coast and typically chalked up Mom’s forgetfulness and Dad’s driving mishaps as part of getting older. Pam, the youngest, had her hands full with a rebellious teenager and a recent divorce. She had no room on her plate to worry about Mom and Dad.

So, as Noreen drove – or crawled -- along the highway last Thanksgiving, she wistfully remembered Thanksgivings past. Mom’s famous pecan chocolate chip pie, Dad’s careful carving of the turkey and the children’s delight at watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade in their pajamas seemed like scenes out of a Norman Rockwell painting. Noreen also recalled the fractious squabbles that sometimes erupted amidst the merriment. Those tensions seemed far less weighty than the anxiety she now felt about her parent’s safety and welfare, and her siblings’ apparent dismissal of her fears.

Arriving at her parents’ home, Noreen couldn’t help but stare at the peeling paint and the unkempt lawn. Years ago, she suggested her folks sell the house and find a place to live that was more senior-friendly. Dispelling her concerns, Noreen’s parents quickly dismissed the idea.Noreen, unsupported by her siblings, let the issue drop. Now, she regretted that decision. She opened the front door and got a whiff of something burnt. Turns out it was the turkey. Noreen’s mother was apologetic. She had gotten distracted by the excitement of the holiday. Tom and Pam were busy ordering take out Chinese food and seemed un-phased by the Thanksgiving turkey that had already been tossed. Mom had always been a consummate cook. Now, no one seemed to care that she ruined the holiday meal centerpiece. Noreen also worried about her Dad who seemed unsteady and frail. She asked how he was feeling and he replied “under the weather” but hadn’t seen the doctor in months. As the day progressed, Noreen grew increasingly more concerned. She saw a stack of bills on the kitchen counter, some of them dating back months. She observed Mom forgetting simple things and got frazzled easily. While Noreen did not want to worry excessively or make a scene, things seemed out of sorts and she could no longer pretend otherwise.

Holidays are a time when emotions get stirred up. Like Thanksgiving cranberry sauce and stuffing, our emotions are a mixture of ingredients: Excitement, joy, sadness and stress can all be part of the family recipe. Many adult children, like Noreen, must face a changing reality and confront their own anxiety and grief as their parents lose their strength and independence. These changes are often more prominent around holiday time, particularly for adult children who live at a distance. It is easy to overreact when we see, as Noreen did, bills piling up or a home not properly cared for. At the same time, it is important to differentiate changes in behavior. A newfound tendency to let the house go a bit can be part of normal aging, or it can represent illness and decline. When I later met Noreen for coffee, she told me she worried that the burnt turkey was an ominous sign. I assured her that one burnt turkey does not foreshadow disaster, but a pattern of uncharacteristic behaviors, is more of a concern.

Holidays can be incredibly stressful. In the midst of all the activity and eating, they can also provide an opportunity to observe our parents as they age. So this season, here is what to look for to determine if your worries are justified and whether there are real concerns about your parent’s wellbeing and safety that need to be addressed.

• Change in eating habits/weight loss
• Forgetfulness-out of the ordinary
• Neglected personal hygiene and cleanliness
• Decrease in socialization and activity level
• Significant mood changes
• Unexplained dents in the car
• Misuse of prescribed medications
• Mishandling finances

Like Noreen, so many adult children feel they shoulder the burden of worry on their own. Getting siblings on the same page, whenever possible is a good place to start. Sharing perspectives on Mom’s increasing forgetfulness or Dad’s unsteady gait can shed new light on your understanding of the problem. Has it been an ongoing progressive decline or an intermittent reaction to stress or illness? Gathering information, as objectively as possible is the first step toward being an effective caregiver. Unlike Noreen, you don’t have to go it alone. Getting the support and information you need early on can help you navigate the unexpected twists and turns along the caregiving journey.

Elder-Proof the House to Reduce Frustrations… Elder Care & Elder Rage: Know the Warning Signs of Alzheimer's by Jacqueline Marcell

For eleven years I pleaded with my obstinate elderly father to allow a caregiver to help him with my ailing mother, but after 55 years of loving each other he adamantly insisted on taking care of her himself. Every caregiver I hired to help him called in exasperation, "Jacqueline, I just can't work with your father–his temper is impossible to handle. I don't think he’ll accept help until he's on his knees himself."

My father had always been 90% great, but boy-oh-boy that temper was a doozy. He’d never turned on me before, but I'd never gone against his wishes either. When my mother nearly died from his inability to continue to care for her, I flew from southern California to San Francisco determined to save her life–having no idea that it would nearly cost me my own.

EARLY SIGNS OF DEMENTIA?
I spent three months in the hospital nursing my 82-pound mother back to relative health, while my father went from normal one minute to calling me nasty names and throwing me out of the house the next. I walked on egg shells trying not to upset him, even running the washing machine could cause a tizzy, and there was no way to reason with him. It was heart wrenching to have my once-adoring father turn against me.

I immediately took my father to his doctor, only to be flabbergasted that he could act normal when he needed to. I could not believe it when the doctor looked at me as if I was lying. She didn’t even take me seriously when I reported my father had nearly electrocuted my mother, but fortunately I walked into the bathroom three seconds before he plugged in a huge power strip that was soaking in a tub of water–along with my mother’s feet! Much later, I was furious to find out my father had instructed his doctor (and everyone) not to listen to anything I said because I was just a (bleep) liar—and all I wanted was his money! (I wish he had some.)

Then things got serious. My father had never laid a hand on me my whole life, but one day nearly choked me to death for adding HBO to his television, even though he had eagerly consented to it a few days before. Terrified, I call the police for the first time in my life who took him to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation. I could not believe it when they released him right away, saying they couldn't find anything wrong with him. What is even more astonishing is that similar horrifying incidents occurred three more times.

CAREGIVER CATCH 22
After three months, I was finally able to bring my frail mother home from the hospital, but furious to find myself trapped. I couldn't fly home and leave her alone with my father–she'd surely die from his inability to care for her. I couldn't get my father to accept a caregiver, and even when I did—no one would put up with his temper very long. I couldn't get healthcare professionals to help–my father was always so darling in front of them. I couldn't get medication to calm him, and even when I finally did—he refused to take it and flushed it down the toilet. I couldn't place my mother in a nursing home—he'd take her out. I couldn't put him in a home—he didn't qualify. They both refused Assisted Living—legally I couldn't force them. I became a prisoner in my parents' home for nearly a year trying to solve crisis after crisis, begging for professional help—and infuriated with a medical system that wasn't helping me appropriately.

GERIATRIC DEMENTIA SPECIALIST MAKES DIAGNOSIS
You don't need a doctorate degree to know something is wrong, but you do need the right doctor who can diagnose and treat dementia properly. Finally, a friend suggested I call the Alzheimer’s Association who directed me to the best neurologist in the area who specialized in dementia. He performed a battery of blood, neurological, memory tests, CT and P.E.T. scans. After reviewing my parents’ many medications and ruling out numerous reversible dementia’s such as a B-12 and thyroid deficiency, you should have seen my face drop when he diagnosed Stage One Alzheimer's in both parents—something all their other healthcare professionals missed entirely.

TRAPPED IN OLD HABITS
What I'd been coping with was the beginning of Alzheimer’s (just one type of dementia), which begins very intermittently and comes and goes. I didn't understand that my father was addicted and trapped in his own bad behavior of a lifetime and his habit of yelling to get his way was coming out over things that were irrational... at times. I also didn't understand that demented does not mean dumb (a concept not widely appreciated) and that he was still socially adjusted never to show his ‘Hyde’ side to anyone outside the family. Even with the onset of dementia, it was astonishing he could be so manipulative. On the other hand, my mother was as sweet and lovely as she’d always been.

KEY: BALANCE BRAIN CHEMISTRY!
Alzheimer's makes up 60-80% of all dementia’s and there's no stopping the progression nor is there yet a cure. However, if identified early there are four FDA approved medications (Aricept, Exelon, Razadyne and Namenda) that mask symptoms, keeping the patient in the early independent stage longer, delaying the need for part to full-time care. The Alzheimer’s Association reports that with optimal lifestyle changes (proper nutrition, weight, exercise, socialization), a five year delay in the onset could save $50 BILLION in annual healthcare costs. Even a one month delay in nursing home placement of Alzheimer’s patients could save the U.S. $1 BILLION annually.

After the neurologist masked the symptoms of Alzheimer’s Disease in my parents, he treated their depression which is often present in AD patients. It wasn’t easy to get the dosages right and it took time and patience -- and no, my father wasn’t suddenly turned into an angel, but at least we didn’t need police intervention any longer!

CREATIVE BEHAVIORAL TECHNIQUES
Once my parents’ brain chemistries were better balanced, I was able to optimize nutrition, fluids, medication, treatments, exercise and socialization with much less resistance. I was also able to implement creative techniques to cope with the intermittent bizarre behaviors. Instead of logic and reason—I used distraction and redirection to things they were interested in. I learned to use reminiscence and talk about the old days, capitalizing on their long-term memories which were still quite good. Instead of arguing the facts—I agreed, validated frustrated feelings, and lived in their realities of the moment. I finally learned to just ‘go with the flow’ and let hurtful comments roll off.

And if none of that worked, a bribe of ice cream worked the best to cajole my father into the shower, even as he swore a blue streak at me that he’d just taken one yesterday (over a week ago). I was also finally able to get my father to accept a live-in caregiver (he’d only alienated 40 that year—most only there for about ten minutes), and then with the benefit of Adult Day Care five days a week for my parents and a support group for me, everything finally started to fall into place.

IF ONLY WE HAD LONG TERM CARE INSURANCE!
Before long my parents’ life savings was gone and we were well into mine. I was advised to apply for Medicaid and after months of evaluation they were approved for financial help from the government. I was so relieved, until I learned it would only pay to put my parents in a nursing home, not keep them at home with 24/7 care. And, since my mother needed more skilled care than my father, they’d be separated, something they would never consent to—nor did I want after all this work to keep them together.

I could not believe it—I finally had everything figured out medically, behaviorally, socially, legally, emotionally, caregivers in place, the house elder-proofed, and all I needed was financial help to keep them at home. If I’d only made sure my parents bought Long Term Care Insurance (or bought it for them) years ago while they were healthy before diagnosis of dementia, it would have covered the cost of their care at home. Instead, I paid for their care, which nearly wiped me out in every way. After five years of managing 24/7 care for my parents, I survived invasive Breast Cancer.

DEMENTIA OFTEN OVERLOOKED
What is so unsettling is that not one healthcare professional discussed the possibility of the beginning of Alzheimer’s (or any type of dementia) in my parents with me that first year, which happens far too often. Alzheimer's afflicts 5.4 million Americans, but millions go undiagnosed for years because intermittent subtle warning signs are chalked up to stress and a ‘normal’ part of aging. Since one out of eight by age 65, and nearly half by age 85 get AD, healthcare professionals of every specialty should know the ‘Ten Warning Signs of Alzheimer's’ and educate their patients early so everyone can save time, money—and a fortune in Kleenex!

TEN WARNING SIGNS OF ALZHEIMER'S
(Reprinted with permission of the Alzheimer’s Association)
1. Memory loss
2. Difficulty performing familiar tasks
3. Problems with language
4. Disorientation of time and place
5. Poor or decreased judgment
6. Problems with abstract thinking
7. Misplacing things
8. Changes in mood or behavior
9. Changes in personality
10. Loss of initiative
www.ElderRage.com/Alzheimers.asp

Watch our interview:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCY9ZsF743Y

A Journey That Changed My Life

Guest blog by Janet Stevens

In the middle of the night on December 11, 2001, I began a journey that would change my life. At that time of night, it took only an hour and ten minutes to get from Danbury, CT, to St. Paul's Chapel in NYC, where I began volunteering one night a week as a massage therapist for the World Trace Center workers, taking care of my private practice during the balance of the week. 

Immediately, a few misperceptions were cleared up - there was a more diverse population at the site than the media had described. There were men and women, young and not so young, from every conceivable background and culture. They were plumbers, electricians, carpenters, teamsters (truck drivers), construction workers, operating engineers, iron workers, National Guards, Coast Guards, construction subway operators (didn't know there was such a thing), sanitation workers, transportation workers, Red Cross volunteers, EMT's and paramedics. And then there were the people that we heard about in the media - the NYPD, PAPD and FDNY. And, yes, sometimes they bickered and fought - brothers and sisters do that, especially when there is the amount of stress that they encountered. These people weren't perfect…however, for the most part, they were good, hard working individuals who had been thrown together for one incredible purpose. And, as best they could, they worked together toward that purpose - to bring closure to those who survived the disaster.

We would feed them and patch them up physically and emotionally as best we could, and they would turn around and go back, sometimes quietly asking a chaplain to walk down with them. We were serving food to about 1,500-3,000 workers every 24 hours, several sleeping in the pews, on cots and mattresses on the floor in the sanctuary and in the balcony. One meal wound into another meal which wound into the next and the next (oh, bacon - it must be morning)…cleaning going on around the exhausted bodies. One would get up and another would slump into the warm bed. One January morning I saw two female construction workers take the only vacant cot in the sanctuary, one sleeping at each end, looking like what I imagine twins would look like in the womb. This little Episcopal chapel held services to honor the many cultures that were represented - Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Native American, Buddhist. For nine months, it was one long day in the chapel. 

One of the O.S.H.A. representatives came in daily on his 15-minutes breaks and would play the piano for his own relief and for the enjoyment of anyone who happened to be there at the time. I sometimes napped for a couple of hours in the balcony after my shift ended at 8 a.m. so that I wouldn't fall asleep at the wheel driving back up to CT. I woke up one morning to hear a police officer who stopped for a couple of minutes and accompanied the piano to "Amazing Grace" - she had a beautiful, gospel voice. One night a musician strolled in at 2:30 a.m., quietly took out his guitar, sat in front of the altar and played for over an hour, packed up and just as quietly strolled out.

The lesson? Just a few feet from where the most evil of what mankind could do burned and groaned were the quiet ministrations of what the most loving of mankind could provide…not perfect, but the best that was inside each of us. We all went into the reservoir deeply and went outside of and past ourselves. It was not for everyone, and no one who went there was left unaffected. And we became an extremely close-knit family. This was appropriately called "radical hospitality".

I didn't dream that I would suffer from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) because I wasn't in the city on 9/11th. However, as we came closer to ending the relief effort, I found myself crying often, sometimes prompted by a construction site in the CT area and sometimes prompted by nothing. As much as I grieved for those who lost their lives that day, my grief was for the workers. I knew what they had seen, the smell that would never be erased, the pain that they were having trouble relieving. Fortunately, I recognized what was happening. I had done simple things to care for myself from the beginning, pampering myself when I would get home from the city on Thursday mornings, talking to a friend who knew just to listen and not to question, getting massage on a regular basis. At times, I felt guilty doing these things for myself when "my guys" were down at the site 12-14 hrs. a day, 7 days a week. But I knew that I couldn't help them best if I wasn't helping myself. 

When the official work ended, I took a couple of months off to rest and get myself together emotionally and physically - and then I began to continue with volunteer relief work on my own. I go in to some of the firehouses once in a while to provide relief for the men there and for some of the workers, police and fire fighters in my own practice in Ridgefield, CT. I am not trying to save the world…I am taking care of myself and treating a number of people who want to be well. I am seeing to my own recovery by now drawing some of the scenes that I saw while I worked in the chapel and writing a book of the stories of what took place there. 

Once in a while, when I host the relief exhibit now taking place at St. Paul's Chapel, a massage therapist I have never met, who also volunteered there, will come in to revisit, and we'll meet for the first time. We'll embrace and weep, smile and talk about what a privilege, an honor, it was to come past the security at the front gate, walk up those front steps and hear someone say, "I knew you'd be here…thanks."

The Power of Intuition

Guest blog by Judith Orloff, M.D.

I'm a psychiatrist and intuitive in Los Angeles. What I do isn't my job. It's my life's passion. With patients and in workshops, I listen with my intellect and my intuition, a potent inner wisdom that goes beyond the literal. I experience it as a flash of insight, a gut feeling, a hunch, a dream. By blending intuition with orthodox medical knowledge I can offer my patients and workshop participants the best of both worlds. 

Now, listening to intuition is sacred to me, but learning to trust it has taken years. I've described the details in my memoir Second Sight which is meant to assure anyone whoever thought they were weird or crazy for having intuitive experiences, that they are not! This brief synopsis gives you a taste of the book. 

I grew up in Beverly Hills the only daughter of two-physician parents with twenty-five physicians in my family. From age nine, I had dreams and intuitions that would come true. I could predicts illness, earthquakes, even the suicide of one of my parent's friends. This confused and alarmed me, as it did my parents who were entrenched in the hard-core rational world of science. At first they tried to write my intuitions off as coincidence. Finally, though, after I dreamed my mother's mentor would loose a political election--which to my horror, came true--she took me aside and told me, "Never mention another dream or intuition in our house again!" I'll never forget the look in my dear mother's exasperated, frightened eyes, nothing I ever wanted to see again. So from that day on, I kept my intuitions to myself. I grew up ashamed of my abilities, sure there was something wrong with me. 

Luckily, I've had many angels in human form who've pointed me to my true calling as physician. In the sixties I got heavily involved with drugs in an attempt to block my intuitions out- obviously not something I'm recommending to you! Following a nearly fatal car accident at age sixteen when I tumbled over a treacherous 1500 foot cliff in Malibu Canyon, my parents forced me to see a psychiatrist. This man was the first person who ever "saw" me--not who he wanted me to be, but who I was. He taught me to begin to value the gift of intuition, and referred me to Dr. Thelma Moss, a intuition researcher at the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute. She was to become my mentor and guide to developing my intuitive side. 

While working in Thelma's lab I had an amazingly specific dream which announced, "You're going to become an MD, a psychiatrist, to help legitimize intuition in medicine." When I awoke, I felt like someone was playing a practical joke on me. I'd never liked science, and I was bored around all my parent's doctor-friends. I was a hippie living in an old converted brick Laundromat with my artist-boyfriend in Venice Beach, working in the May Company's towel department. (I've had a great love of towels and sheets since!) The last thing I envisioned doing was medicine. But because I was beginning to trust my intuition, I enrolled in a junior college just to see how it would go. So one course became two, became fourteen years of medical training--USC medical school and a UCLA psychiatric internship and residency. 

The irony was, that during my medical training I strayed far from the intuitive world again. Traditional psychiatry equates visions with psychosis. Working in the UCLA emergency room, I'd keep seeing psychotics who were wheeled in screaming, strapped to gurneys, accompanied by cops with billy clubs. These patients professed to hear God and to be able predict things. They also felt their food was poisoned, and that the FBI was on their tail. No one tried to sort through this mishmash of claims. Typically, patients would shot up with with Thorazine, hospitalized on lock-down inpatient units until their "symptoms" subsided. Seeing this so many times I doubted whether it was safe or appropriate to integrate my intuitions in medicine. 

When I opened my Los Angeles psychiatric practice in 1983, I had every intention of it being traditional; I'd use medications, psychotherapy, but I didn't intend for intuition to play a role. My practice was extremely successful. Since I was a workaholic and also loved helping people, I had twelve hour days, though very little personal life. But then I had a heart-wrenching wake-up call that changed everything. It was an intuition that a patient, on antidepressants, was going to make a suicide attempt. Because she was doing so well--nothing supported my hunch--I dismissed it. Within a week she overdosed on the antidepressants I'd prescribed and ended up in a coma for nearly a month. (Had she not survived I would've been devastated.) The hardest part, though, was that I thought I'd harmed her by not utilizing a vital piece of intuitive information. This was intolerable for me. From then on, I knew, as a responsible physician, I had to integrate my intuitions into my work.

After this episode, my journey to bring intuition into my medical practice began. I didn't know how I'd do it, but I put out a silent prayer to the universe to help me. Soon, I began meeting people, more angels, who showed me the way. Gradually I grew comfortable with my intuition, set out to write "Second Sight." This took me seven years to complete because I had so much fear about coming out of the closet as an intuitive. I was afraid of what my physician-peers would think, that they'd mock me or blackball me from the profession. My mother warned, "They'll think you're weird. It'll jeopardize your medical career." Ah Mother: I loved her, but thank god I didn't listen. Finding my voice as a psychiatrist and intuitive has been my path to freedom. 

Sure, there's a risk when you stretch yourself, but the rewards are enormous. Now, I'm blessed to travel around the country giving workshops on intuition to auditoriums full of extraordinary people--health care professionals and general audiences alike--who long to embrace their inner voice. I'm heartened to see that many physicians are eager to deal with patients in the new way I offer. Recently I gave an intuitive healing workshop at the American Psychiatric Association convention, a annual gathering of the most conservative psychiatrists in the world. I'm pleased to report the response was wonderful. 

I'm sad to report that my mother didn't live long enough to see this. In 1993 she died of a lymphoma. But, on her deathbed, she decided to tell me our "family secrets." She told me, "I want to pass the power onto you." I was astounded to learn that I came from a lineage of intuitive healers on her side of the family--my Jewish grandmother who did laying on of hands in a shed behind the pharmacy she and Grandpop ran in Philadelphia. East coast aunts and cousins I'd never met since I grew up in California. Also, my mother, herself, had a strong inner voice which told her how to treat patients for over forty years. She'd listened to this voice and secretly used her innate healing powers to keep her lymphoma in remission for many years. "Why didn't you tell me?" I asked her. She said simply, "I wanted you to lead a normal, happy life, not to be thought of as weird like your grandmother was." Oh Mother... I'll always be grateful for what she shared, but, still... she'd waited so long. Even so, I believe in the wisdom of the paths we've been given. Mine has been to fight for what I believed in despite what my parents or anyone said. An invaluable but rugged lesson in empowerment. 

These days, no matter what I'm going through, especially when my heart is torn in a million pieces my intuition has sustained me. I hope that my journey in "Second Sight" can help you. One thing I'm certain of: if you follow your intuitive voice, you can't go wrong. Stay true to it. Intuition is about empowerment, not having to conform to someone else's notion of who you should be. It's about being true to yourself, and all the goodness that comes from that. 

How to Survive Caring for a "Challenging" Elder and Recognize the Early Signs of Dementia! Part III

Guest blog by Jacqueline Marcell
Author of Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please! How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

Elder-Proof the House to Reduce Frustrations

There are things you can do to make navigation in the home easier for elders.

1. Even out the ridge on the floor in front of a doorway to make it easier for a wheelchair to get over.
2.Strategically placed grab-bars (even in the shower) will help to reduce falls.
3. Remove throw rugs as they are a hazard and easily tripped on.
4. Put glow tape around the perimeter of doorways so they are visible at night.
5. Place motion-sensing night-lights on the floor of their bedroom.
6. Put colored tape on the edges of stairs so they can be clearly seen. Adult Day Care is the Answer

Relying on the professionals at an Adult Day Care turned out to be the answer to getting my parents out of bed 23 hours a day "waiting to die," and giving them social, physical and intellectual stimulation during the day, so they'd sleep through the night. Yes, it was no small feat to get my father to go, but gradually, once he got into the swing of it, he really enjoyed it. Then, you can spend quality time with them in the evenings and on weekends and you will not be so burdened with their care 24 hrs a day.

Hiring Caregivers

When your loved one needs more care than you can provide, it is time to hire a caregiver.

Questions to ask when hiring a caregiver:

1. Does the person live close by; have a car, a valid driver's license, and current insurance?
2. Has he or she had elder care experience and can you call several references?
3. Is the person willing to be photographed and fingerprinted so you can do a search on his or her background?
4. If you're hiring through an agency, is that agency a member of state and national organizations that you can call to check on them?
5.What kind of background checks does the agency do? (If they refuse to give this information to you in writing, they probably have not done any background checks.)

A Success Story

A year later, after turning around a seemingly impossible situation, I knew it was all worth the horror and heartache to hear my father say he loved me again.

I felt so compelled by what I had lived through, I wrote a book so that others won't have to struggle as I did to figure out how to manage their elderly loved ones. The result: Elder Rage, or Take My Father… Please! How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents.

It's written with humor and I guarantee laughter out loud, as you learn everything you never wanted to know about eldercare but were afraid to ask. After the success story I include 70 pages of self-help, answers to the toughest questions, valuable resources and a renowned dementia specialist's chapter on medications. I'm honored to have 40+ prestigious endorsements including: Hugh Downs, Regis Philbin, the late Steve Allen, Dr. Dean Edell, Robert Stack, Dr. Bernie Siegel, Dr. Nancy Snyderman/ABC News, Duke University Center for Aging, Johns Hopkins Memory Clinic, Dr. Eric Tangalos/Mayo Clinic, Dr. Rudy Tanzi/Harvard Medical School .

How to Survive Caring for a "Challenging" Elder and Recognize the Early Signs of Dementia! Part II

Guest blog by Jacqueline Marcell
Author of Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please! How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

The 10 Warning Signs of Dementia

1. Recent memory loss -- your loved one may ask you the same question over and over, look at a beloved granddaughter and ask her name, or forget that they just told you that story and tell you again.
2. Difficulty performing familiar tasks -- such as tying a necktie or shoelaces, or being unable to do the knitting they have enjoyed for many years.
3. Problems with language - using the wrong word or unable to remember the right word to use.
4. Disorientation of time and place -- mistaking a time period of hours for days, or giving incorrect directions in the town they have lived in for many years.
5. Poor or decreased judgment - for example, while babysitting they may completely forget about the child they are supposed to be watching.

6. Problems with abstract thinking -- inability to balance a checkbook, adding becomes difficult or they may insist that a one-dollar bill is a 20-dollar bill.
7. Inappropriate misplacing of things -- you might find the wristwatch in the sugar bowl, the iron in the microwave, or a hat in the freezer.
8. Rapid mood swings -- switching from tears to anger for no apparent reason.
9 Changes in personality -- you may notice a tendency toward fear and paranoia.
10. Loss of initiative -- your loved one may not want to get out of bed, withdraws socially or says they don't want to live anymore. Behavior Modification Techniques
Once the brain chemistry is properly balanced for the dementia, often-present depression and possible aggression, you will be able to start behavior modification techniques on a challenging elder if they are still in the very earliest stage of dementia.

As amazing as it sounds, the use of tough love coupled with rewards and consequences worked to turn around the most obstinate man on the planet: my father, even with the onset of dementia. By being 100% consistent, never rewarding his bad behavior and using lots of praise to encourage good behavior, he finally changed his negative life-long behavior pattern of screaming and yelling to get his way. He learned that he could (as Mom would say), "catch more flies with honey than vinegar."

How to Survive Caring for a "Challenging" Elder and Recognize the Early Signs of Dementia!

Guest blog by Jacquelie Marcell
Author of Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please! How To Survive Caring For Aging Parents
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

Caring for a "challenging" elder can be one of the hardest things you'll ever do. I know -- I went through a year of hell before I figured it out.

I had been the light of my father's life -- but with the onset of dementia he turned on me, doing and saying things that I would have never believed he could do. Having no experience with elder care, I just didn't get it. I thought it was just due to his bad temper of a lifetime and his need to control, which it was, but it was also the very beginning of dementia that intermittently made his actions even more illogical and irrational than ever before.

When he threw two little dilapidated hand towels at me, screaming and swearing at me for throwing them out, I was stunned and sobbed my heart out. With the knowledge I have now I'd say, "This seems illogical, this seems irrational. Red flag -- it is!" And I'd haul him off kicking and screaming to the Alzheimer's Association's best recommendation for a geriatric dementia specialist to be evaluated right away. I'd know not to waste time with his regular doctor who didn't specialize in dementia.

Recognizing Dementia Symptoms Before It's Too Late
The stereotype of a person with dementia (Alzheimer's is just one of many types) is that of someone who doesn't know what they are doing. That's Stage Three, but there is a long road before one gets there.

Dementia starts very intermittently and is generally ignored by families who think that these strange behaviors are just a normal part of aging: Stage One lasts two to four years; Stage Two lasts two to ten years; and Stage Three lasts one to three years. In the beginning, your loved one may have a raging temper tantrum and then suddenly be as sweet as pie. Because there are usually long periods of normalcy in-between, the tendency is to want to forget about the irrational incident instead of seeking treatment immediately.

Statistically families wait four years before they reach out for help -- usually after a crisis. By that time, however, the person has gone through Stage One and is starting into Stage Two already, which usually requires full-time care.

Getting medication for your loved one as soon as you recognize the early warning signs of dementia can slow its progress for two to four years doctors say, saving your family a lot of heartache and money. It will also save our society the burden of caring for so many elders who have progressed into Stage Two sooner than need be.

Consult a geriatric dementia specialist for the medications that may slow the progression of the dementia: Aricept, Exelon, and Reminyl.

HSAs Make $ense

Guest blog by JoAnn M. Laing
Author of CONSUMERS GUIDE TO HSAS  and SMALL BUSINESS GT HSAS 2ED  
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

Many Personal, Professional Reasons Health Savings Accounts Are For Women (and Men too)

Besides being good for their companies, Health Savings Accounts (HSAs) address several needs simultaneously for many women and their families.

Besides offering an extremely flexible approach to tax and retirement planning, it also provides economical healthcare coverage particularly in two-career marriages and can ease the burden of single-parent households as well. 

The HSA program has two parts: a high-deductible health plan (which usually costs less than other health plans) and a tax-advantaged, portable savings account for payment of current medical expenses which builds like a Medical IRA.

One important feature is that a spouse or dependents covered by other insurance may not be able to participate. However, an individual may still be able to use another family member's HSA funds to pay for their qualifying medical expenses tax-free.

Other Advantages

The added bonus is that monies paid by companies to fund HSAs for employees are pre-tax dollars and do not get reported as income for employees. At the same time, HSA monies can pickup copays not picked up by spousal healthcare plans.

For company owners, this means a double savings --- they can deduct the amount paid for their own qualifying high deductible healthcare plan and they have no personal income tax liabilities for the monies paid into their account. They also do not pay FICA and FUDA on any of payments made for themselves or other employees. For the self-employed, they can deduct the cost of the insurance premium and amount contributed to the HSA.

A major impetus for HSAs was to reduce the soaring rate of healthcare. By making the individual a part of the medical services decision process, HSAs are designed to help manage medical expenses and reduce the yearly rate rise of health care expenses. On average, an HSA insurance policy (called an HDHC plan) will save between 20-30% in premiums.

Retirement Programs Encouraged

Another aim was adding a self-directed retirement offering to the retirement planning agenda. HSAs have the effect of adding another retirement option because the money not spent in any year remains part of the individual's retirement account. 

To encourage companies to teach retirement planning, HSAs are portable. HSA monies remain in the account even if the employee leaves their present employer thereby building up a nest egg. Like 401Ks and IRAs, building a nest egg requires someone to start. Once started, they usually become a permanent part of the individual's savings program.
Another reason HSAs can be helpful to executive women and others, the procedures covered by HSAs monies have been broadened. HSAs can pay for many more procedures than were ever allowed before by government-sponsored programs, for instance, laser eye surgery. (A complete list can be found on www.HSAfinder.com or www.irs.gov websites.)

Some HSA Advantages

To briefly summarize HSAs and their advantages:
§ A way to save money on health care. Sooner or later everyone will have to spend money on health care. But an HSA might help them spend less.
§ A tax saver. Not only does an HSA cover medical costs tax-free, but contributions to the account may nudge an individual into a lower tax bracket. This is particularly true with dual-worker families.
§ A way to pay for health care traditional insurance might not cover. An HSA can be used to pay tax-free for acupuncture, visits to the chiropractor, fertility treatments, therapy, smoking cessation, and weight loss programs - just to name a few.
§ Portable. HSAs can travel with the individual from job to job. He or she always have a right to 100% of the money in the account. 
§ A source of investment income. HSAs are designed so that the individual can always withdraw money when needed. But the money not withdrawn has the potential to grow and accumulate interest tax-free. Many higher income families will pay for medical services with post-tax dollars and leave funds in the HSA to grow without tax on the interest or investment income.
§ An improved retirement account. HSAs function much like 401(k)s or IRAs, but with an important difference. When money is put in a typical retirement account, it's there to stay - an individual could forfeit as much as a third of it in tax penalties if withdrawn it before reaching retirement age. With an HSA, money used for medical expenses, can be withdrawn tax-free. HSAs don't replace current retirement accounts, but they can be a major supplement to retirement savings.
§ Money in your pocket. To participate in an HSA, an individual must be enrolled in a high-deductible health plan (HDHP). What is different is that payment programs are more liberal. You need to talk to your insurance agent and study the various plan options closely. 

Who Qualifies

Broadly speaking, an individual or family qualifies for an HSA if they are:
§ under the age of 65,
§ not listed as someone else's dependent for income tax purposes,
§ not receiving Medicare or Social Security benefits, 
§ covered by a high-deductible health plan, and
§ not covered by any other type of health insurance plan, except for some significant differences which are listed elsewhere in this article.

For executive women in particular, HSAs offer an excellent approach to reducing costs and improving retirement options for themselves and their employees.

Some of the supplemental policies that are permitted with HSAs include:
- Separate dental and/or vision care insurance, or flexible spending accounts (FSAs) covering only dental and/or vision care
- Discount cards for health care services or products (for example, prescription drugs)
- Disease management and wellness programs, as long as they do not "provide significant benefits in the nature of medical care"
- Employee assistance plans, again if they do not "provide significant benefits" (short-term counseling is okay)
- FSAs or HRAs that pay or reimburse for medical expenses after a high deductible has been met*
- Separate long-term care insurance
- Worker's compensation insurance (through employers) 
- Disability insurance (individual or through unions or employment)
- Automobile insurance (including coverage for medical care in accidents and emergencies)
- Business liability insurance
- Insurance that pays for fixed amount of hospitalization
- Freestanding health insurance for travel (such as flight insurance or automatic travel coverage when transport is booked on a credit card).

Fine Tuning the 6th Sense

Guest blog by Jane Bernard
Author of Fine Tuning: Connecting With Your Inner Power

You were born with 6 senses. Each sense gives you pleasure and protection. Your 6th sense is your intuition, or instincts. It is an inner drive that puts you on the path of possibility. It is the sum of your potential and it is always available. Tuning into your 6th sense can happen quickly but it is at first subtle. When as you trust yourself to rely on your intuition, the insights become more apparent.

Even though we are each unique, we all search for the same answers. Your inspiration, your intuition, your instincts are your birthright. Tuning into your 6th sense is the secret to overcoming loneliness, realizing dreams and finding comfort with your choices. Fine Tuning all of your instincts is the way to tune into your intuition because all of our senses work together. There are practical ways to do this. When you connect to your 6th sense, you focus on your inner strength. You empower your self and tune into your sense of purpose and joy. 

Your instinct is a guiding hand available only to you. However, life is not a cleared path. When you are conscious of your senses, focus on positive thoughts, your goals and what you are communicating to others, then your path will be broadened.

When you feel like you want to get more out of being alive, when you want to evolve, then it could be time. If you are feeling stuck, confused, as if something is not right, then it might be time to tune into your 6th sense. It will guide you to the core of your unique self. When you tune into your 6th sense you find the possibilities and clarity in your life. Tuning into your 6th sense can also give you a sense of control over your life and at the same time, a sense of freedom.

10 Easy Things You Can Do To Make Your Life a Gazillion Times Better

Guest blog by Judymay Murphy
Author of Your Life Only a Gazillion Times Better: A Practical Guide to Creating the Life of Your Dreams
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

1. Notice how what you put in and what you get out are always linked. If you want to make a fish pie, you put in fish. If you want to make a cherry pie, you put in cherries. Take note of what you have been putting into your life and what kind of pie you've been getting as a result. What steps have you been taking toward having your ideal career, what have you been eating, how much exercise have you been taking, how much time have you been spending with those you love, how many meetings have you been having about new ways to make and invest money? Write up how you have been apportioning your time every day. Remember, excuses do not give you the life of your dreams, inspired, consistent action is what's required. So choose some better pie-fillings than TV shows, burgers and moan-y conversations, choose positive talk, walks and fresh fruits and veggies.

2. Go to the place you spend most of your time, (your office, garden, living room, car...) and notice what is best about that place. Find one way to enhance that aspect, creating even more light, fixing up the view, making it even more comfortable. Now notice what is not working or not feeling good about the space and decide what needs to been slightly changed or radically transformed, perhaps it needs to be re-organized, cleaned, de-cluttered, revamped, to have nature or technology brought in? How will your life be a Gazillion times better through your space being more beautiful, more efficient or more inspiring?

3. Take a minute to work out where your trigger areas are when it comes to slipping back on achieving your goals. Perhaps you are doing great with healthy eating until you pass the pizza restaurant on the way home from the movies, or you are taking action on setting up your company until things get busy in your current workplace, or doing great with saving money until you go into a clothing store, . Once you have identified these danger areas write up alternatives so that you can avoid them; driving home a different route from the cinema, dedicating three nights a week to your new business no matter what is going on at work, leaving cash and credit cards at home when you go to a mall.

4. What needs to be said that you have not yet communicated to someone? Is it telling a parent or sibling that you love them? Is it telling a co-worker that you are no longer willing to shoulder their workload for them? Is it telling yourself that you forgive yourself for something? Is it telling your boss that you are leaving to start your own company? Role-play it with someone and have them act out every possible reaction and notice how you cope with every response. Now say what you need to say in a way that supports everyone, most of all you.

5. Pay attention to how you appear to others as you move through the world. This is not about becoming focused on what others think about you, it is about being aware of the effect you have on people. Is your expression usually blank, hostile, giddy, depressed, edgy? What about your tone of voice? Is it timid, monotone, sarcastic? We are so used to ourselves that we can easily believe we are just neutral and this is never the case. How would you prefer to come across- light, dependable, humorous, responsible, playful, powerful, active?

6. Sit down and name the area of your life that isn't working as well as the others. For some this is relationships, for others it may be career, money, health, creativity, emotions, - you know what it is for you. Take a piece of paper and write an honest account of where you are in that area, taking care not to exaggerate or minimize. Now write up what you are prepared to do to make it an area of strength. Decide on one action you will take very day for one month to turn things around. This could be swimming for 20 minutes a day, saving five dollars a day by bringing lunch to work and putting it in a trading account at the end of each week, reading 4 pages a day of a helpful book, spending 30 minutes a day talking with one of your kids really getting to know them. You will be amazed at how you quickly start to love that area of your life, especially when you start to get great results way before the month is up.

7. Keep going when things seem to be going wrong. Many people stop taking action when they meet with resistance or disapproval from others, or when things don't go exactly to plan. If something doesn't work out the way you had hoped, assess what happened and what you have learned. Immediately take a new and different action to get you to your desired result. It's not a refusal just a delay, and it's the delays and the learning's that strengthen us for making the rest of the dream come true.

8. Keep going when things seem to be going right. The flip side to point 7 is that people will often slow down and stop following a triumph. When you achieve a goal it is important to take time to rest and celebrate and then its time to use the momentum and confidence gained with the last achievement and use it to get to the next level. If you get a promotion, great! Now start to focus on how you can feel even better by giving even more value to the company, how you can start your own investment project for the extra money you will be making, how you can help those around you to adjust to the new circumstances. If you loose weight, how can you ensure it stays off and that you get even more fit and healthy and help others to do so also?

9. Ask yourself every morning, what are five things I can do today, five small steps I can take to make my dreams come true? Have the questions posted up on the bathroom mirror, on your bedroom door, on the computer screen, wherever they will catch your eye. You can take note of the answers you come up with and tick them off the list as you achieve them throughout the day. That night, over dinner, you and your family can share your dream-maker triumphs.

10. Tap back into your real dream, that thing that you promised yourself as a child that you would do. Did you always want travel, adventure, to make a beautiful home, a certain kind of toy, a certain type of friend, a dog, a pony, peace and quiet, to learn more, to invent something, to perform? You know what it is. Take one action right now to launch it into being. Enjoy making your life a Gazillion Times Better. 

Paying for Online Purchases

Guest blog by Jacquelyn Lynn
Author of Online Shopper's Survival Guide

The best way to pay for online purchases is with a credit card. Period. And it's a great idea to get a credit card that you use exclusively for online shopping so that you can quickly and easily review the charges each month and be sure they match what you actually bought.

Paying by credit card online is fast and safe. Yes, safe. Credit card companies are working hard to protect their customers from fraud. Most cardholder agreements limit your liability for fraudulent charges to $50 -- and, most credit card companies don't charge you that even though they can. Recently, I got a call from the security department at Discover questioning some online purchases on my account. The charges had been made on Sunday evening; the call came in first thing Monday morning. As it happened, I had made a couple of online catalog purchases on Sunday afternoon, but there were two charges -- one to an online auction site I never use and another to an online porn site -- that weren't mine (or my husband's, and he has been teased mercilessly by our friends about the porn site charge). Discover immediately closed the account and issued us new cards. It was mildly inconvenient, because we had to take the time to notify the companies that use that account for automatic payments, but we didn't lose any cash.

Another advantage of paying by credit card is that you have additional security because you can dispute the charge if there's a problem, such as if the merchandise doesn't arrive, doesn't work, isn't what you expected, or you returned it and didn't get your refund.

Virtually all online retailers accept credit cards, either as a direct merchant or through an online payment service such as PayPal (more about that shortly). It's a good idea to check to see what payment method the merchant accepts before you spend too much time shopping. Most accept Visa and MasterCard. American Express and Discover charge merchants higher fees than Visa and MasterCard, so some online retailers don't take those cards.

Smaller retailers may not accept credit cards directly but may accept them through online payment services. PayPal, owned by eBay, is probably the best known and most popular online payment service, but there are others, such as BidPay.

Here's how online payment services work: You set up an account with details on how you want to pay (credit card, bank transfer, whatever). When you want to make a payment to a seller that accepts that particular payment service, you just tell the service who to pay. The amount is charged to your credit card or withdrawn from your account and immediately transferred to the seller. If the payment cannot be made electronically, some services will issue a check or money order -- this is most commonly used when buying items from individuals overseas.

You could also pay by mailing a check or money order, but there are some drawbacks. First is the convenience factor, especially if you have to go somewhere to purchase the money order. Second is the time it will take to get your merchandise. Many sellers who accept checks and money orders will delay shipping your purchase until your check has cleared or they have been able to confirm the money order is legitimate. Third, and perhaps most important, is that you have no extra layer of consumer protection with checks and money orders as you do when you pay with credit cards. Banks and money order issuers can't do a charge back the way a bankcard merchant account provider can. And finally, while this is not a particularly common issue, the potential for fraud with check payments is higher than with credit cards. Check amounts can be altered, or the seller (or the seller's payment processing staffers) can use the information on your check (your name, address, phone number, and bank account number) to steal from you later.

Most online merchants do not accept cash -- and you shouldn't pay with cash anyway. Cash is easily lost or stolen, and you have no way of proving how much you sent if the total doesn't arrive. Reserve paying cash for face-to-face transactions.

Another online payment option that is more commonly used with high-dollar purchases is an escrow service. This is where you deposit the funds with an independent third party. The merchant ships when it receives confirmation that the funds have been deposited. When you receive the merchandise and advise the escrow company that you are satisfied, the funds are released to the seller. If you are not satisfied or you don't receive the goods, the funds are held while you resolve the problem with the merchant.

Don't use a debit card for online purchases. While most online payments are processed without a problem, if yours happens to be the exception, using a debit card could give a hacker or scammer access to your entire bank account. While debit cards do offer some security and fraud reimbursement programs, most debit cards do not offer the same level of protection that is available with a credit card.  

Keeping Up with the Scammers, How to avoid online FRAUD and SCAMS

Guest blog by Jacquelyn Lynn
Author of Online Shopper's Survival Guide

When I was writing my book, Online Shopper’s Survival Guide, one of the most intriguing topics to research was the chapter about staying safe and avoiding scams. The creativity and perseverance of con artists and thieves is absolutely amazing. Their efforts have evolved from simple and crude to extremely sophisticated -- and they are creating a tremendous challenge for the law enforcement agencies that do their best to keep up with this new breed of criminals.

What’s sad and frustrating is that in most cases of online theft or fraud, the victim played a role in the process, either by being careless with her own personal information or by unwittingly cooperating with the criminals. Some victims are driven by greed; they think they really can get a lot of money for very little effort. Others are driven by innocence; they really believe that e-mails from fraudsters are legitimate and they politely answer all the questions. Remember, the “con” in con artist comes from confidence -- the fraudster gains your confidence and makes you believe it’s okay to do what he’s asking.

You are your best defense against online crime. You can protect yourself by always staying in charge of your online activities.

One of the most common online crimes is known as phishing (pronounced fishing). Scammers use a variety of methods to trick you into revealing personal information that they can later use to commit identity theft or other types of fraud. Some phishing efforts are obvious, others are very clever.

Whenever anyone initiates contact with you and starts asking for information, do three things:

Stop.
Think.
Stay in charge.

First, stop. Never reveal personal details, financial data, or other private information that criminals could use to commit crimes. When someone starts asking for information, simply stop and terminate the contact. If the request is legitimate, you can always complete it later.

Of course, if you are making a purchase from an online website, it’s okay to provide your name, address, and payment information -- but that’s all. The e-tailer does not need to know how many children you have, your pets’ names, your birth date, where you were born, or your mother’s maiden name. People often use this type of information to create their passwords and scammers know it.

Second, think. Consider what you’re being asked to provide and why. Do you really think your bank and credit card companies are going to ask you to confirm your account information, including account numbers and passwords, by e-mail? They don’t do that. They already have that information. And if there is a legitimate problem with your account, they will either call you on the phone or send a notice by U.S. mail. If you’re not sure, terminate the online contact, pull out a statement, and call the toll-free number on the statement to find out if there is really a problem with your account.

The same applies to lottery and other contest winnings, and any other offer of riches that seems too good to be true. If you have won a legitimate prize, you won’t be asked to pay anything up front to claim it, nor will you be asked for your bank account number so the money can be deposited directly. Genuine prize organizations write and mail checks. If you didn’t enter the contest, it’s not likely that you won. And a total stranger from Africa, Europe, or anywhere else is not going to offer you a percentage of millions of dollars just to get that money into the U.S. If you get an e-mail like that, just delete it -- before you give out information that will allow your bank account to be depleted.

Third, stay in charge. Maintain control over your internet activities. Don’t answer questions just because someone asks. This rule applies to any situation where you did not initiate the contact. Scammers often start out by asking harmless questions and gradually move up to the requests that will gain them the information they’re really seeking. They’ll make you feel comfortable -- or, conversely, they make you believe that if you don’t provide them with the details they want, your accounts will be shut down and you’ll suffer some horrible result. Don’t let a threatening e-mail intimidate you into giving out personal information. The reality is that if you do provide them with the information they want, you’re going to end up being a victim of some sort of crime.

Scammers are smart but you can outwit them if you just stop, think, and stay in charge.

Helpful Tips for Authors

Guest blog by Janice Woods Windle

Following are some tips I feel have helped me become a best-selling author:

o Personalize the process of writing the book. Make it your own. The publishing industry is tough right now, so stick to your guns!

o The book is an art form while it's written and a product when finished--market it as a product. The marketing of books is very competitive.

o Overall, you must have a willingness to travel and spend time with readers. Keep in touch with your readers. They are your fans and advocates. You must travel for a book tour and be willing to do those 5 a.m. interviews.

o Don't hesitate to ask for help from relatives and friends. Ask them to buy books and tell everyone they know about your book. Develop a network from these friendships. This creates your team of people talk up the book. Buddy emails are always a good form of "word of mouth" promotion, too.

o Visit book clubs and other organizations to do readings.

o Tailor the readings to the audience. Junior high girls would want to hear about the stories of strong frontier women, whereas the philosophic society would want to hear about the research process.

o Ask for adequate time to be effective when you are invited to speak. Many organizations do their business up front and try to rush the speaker. Make sure there's a clear understanding of how much time you need.

o Promote each speaking event as a book/author event. 

o CRC's at bookstores should send out flyers and hang posters. You can anticipate an audience for the first 30 minutes. Make the signing no more than an hour. Try to get local media the day of the signing. And newsletter coverage, of any sort, is helpful.

o Bookstore customers have become very jaded. They are accustomed to seeing a book signing each time they walk in the door. Make yours unique in some way.

o Always inform the event coordinator that you want a microphone. Many book events attract senior citizens who need to be able to hear the author.

o Make yourself accessible to your readers and then be prepare for an onslaught of emails. If they care enough to come to an event, you owe it to them.