13 Reasons Why I Ditched My Title of DIETITIAN by Megan Pennington

Becoming a Dietitian made me fat, stressed, and miserable.

Before I explain further, let me be clear that I have NOTHING against Dietitians. What I am about to say is in no way meant as a discredit or disrespect to those Dietitians who are out in the world helping others and doing a great job.

That being said, the Dietetics profession was not for me.

As young as 13 years old I became enthralled with nutrition and health. I began doing my own research, read all the different diet theories at the time, and encountered an enormous amount of conflicting information. I decided to learn the “truth” about nutrition, and pursued it as a career.

When I started my degree in Dietetics and Human Nutrition at McGill, I was ecstatic. I wanted to help others (and myself) feel alive and well and to live a long and healthy life.

I was eager to learn and it felt pretty amazing to be studying my passion at one of the best schools in North America.

However, things didn’t quite work out the way I had planned.

I gained 30 pounds.

I became obsessed with food and eating “healthy”.

I was constantly thinking and stressing about my next meal, trying to get all the nutrients I needed without consuming too many calories.

I implemented the low fat, low calorie eating plan I learned for weight loss, which only resulted in major food cravings, mood swings, fatigue, and a very poor relationship with food. I didn’t even lose weight!

Food became my enemy – something that was causing stress in my life and making me feel awful about my body. The more control I tried to have over my food intake, the worse things got.

In a nutshell: it sucked. And worse, I felt there was nothing I could do about it. I mean, I was following the guidelines set out for me by experienced Dietitians! My teachers! If this wasn’t working, then I guessed nothing else would….

After a few years I decided to take a completely different approach. I went on a 4 month backpacking trip across Southeast Asia, Australia, and New Zealand, and came back with an interesting revelation:

When I threw everything out the window, everything I “thought” I knew about nutrition and healthy eating; when I stopped counting calories and stressing about my diet, I felt 100% better and lost all the added weight, effortlessly!

After my trip, I worked as a Clinical Dietitian in long term care for about 5 years. During this time I performed nutritional assessments, devised meal plans, provided advice in the management of various diseases, yet never felt that I was having a very big impact on my clients’ wellbeing. There was something lacking; something important.

I tend to view the Dietetics profession as I view the western medicine profession. Everything is broken down into parts, which is great for detail, but often makes it difficult to see the big picture.

For example: let’s say you have body pains. A doctor may give you painkillers, or refer you to a specialist. If the specialist can’t find anything wrong with you, then what? When you have no one looking at you as a WHOLE, things get missed. Such as the stress, sugar abuse, depression and food intolerances all contributing to that body pain!!

Sure, there are exceptions. Some doctors are amazing at taking a full assessment and considering all the potentially relevant factors. But generally, they will focus on treating your symptoms and not necessarily address the underlying cause.

Similarly, a Dietitian will often focus on managing your symptoms with a diet, because this is what they are trained to do. For example, someone with heart disease will likely be shown how to decrease their salt and cholesterol intake, and will be encouraged to lose weight and exercise. HOWEVER, it is well known in the scientific community that inflammation plays a huge role in heart disease, so what’s causing the inflammation?

Diet can only go so far when there are other underlying factors contributing significantly to your current state of health.

I have found much more success in taking a holistic approach, which does NOT focus on a single area such as food or nutrition. This approach allows for a broader view of what’s going on, and the opportunity to bring everything together to create a truly effective action plan. One that also looks at root causes and contributing factors unrelated to food.

SO HERE ARE THE 13 REASONS I CHOSE TO DITCH MY TITLE OF DIETITIAN:

(Note that these are generalizations – certainly there are exceptions, but this was my experience…)

1) A Dietitian’s main role is to create a diet for a patient. I personally found that regimented diet plans don’t usually work over the long term, and can result in eating disorders, poor body image, and control issues.

2) As I touched on before, Dietetics offers a very limited approach to health. No amount of organic broccoli is going to help someone who is depressed. We need to look beyond salt, fats, calories and portion sizes.

3) Dietitians are generally advised to follow the US and Canadian Food Guides. While these have dramatically improved in recent years, they are still influenced by lobbying food industries. These guides are still a balancing act of science and politics.

4) And yet, Dietitians are held to a standard of practice which includes best practice guidelines based solely on scientific literature. Interesting

5) A Dietitian’s recommendations are based solely on current guidelines based on the scientific literature. The problem with this is, there are limitations in terms of what HAS BEEN and what CAN BE studied and proven, thus the Dietitian is in turn limited by these same boundaries. This is to protect the public, but to think that one century of science should be the sole basis for our treatment plans, at the exclusion of thousands of years of traditional, alternative, or anecdotal evidence, seems a bit ludicrous to me.

6) Formal training in Dietetics concentrates primarily on calories, macronutrients, and micronutrient quantities in isolation. This is highly beneficial for tube feeds and IV calculations, in addition to some other clinical situations, but makes it difficult to translate into practical information for the general public.

7) Since so much emphasis is placed on nutrient quantities, there tends to be a focus on specific intake levels according to the Recommended Daily Intakes. This can be problematic because we don’t eat nutrients; we eat food. Too much of a single nutrient, for example calcium, can cause more harm than good.

8) Dietetics offers minimal training in food sensitivities, allergies, and the laundry list of symptoms that so many people are suffering from (headaches, indigestion, bloating, weight gain, body pains, autoimmune disease). If Dietitians, traditionally THE nutrition experts, aren’t trained in these food related issues, who is?

9) Dietetics offered minimal training in the psychology of eating (I remember only receiving one class in general psychology). Yet psychology is a HUGE driving factor in many dietary issues and general eating habits.

10)  Dietetics offered minimal training in counselling. For example, how to be a good listener, show compassion, build rapport and trust, provide a safe space for the client to share their struggles, and how to guide them in such a way that feels supportive and will encourage change.

11) Dietetics focuses minimally (if at all) on the mind-body connection in relation to food and overall health. Even the impact of the microbiome was not widely discussed when I was in school.

12) Dietetics trainings are infiltrated by politics. I attended several annual meetings and workshops for continuing education provided by the association, and these were often funded by the Canadian Sugar Institute and PepsiCo. As attendees we received little gifts with the logos of such companies.

13) The Dietetics profession seeks to monopolize the skillset. As a student my teachers would regularly preach “YOU are the trained professionals. YOU are the only nutrition experts. Everyone else lacks proper training”. There are laws and regulations to back this sentiment. My question is: why is a newly graduated Dietitian with NO experience automatically “better” than a nutrition coach with 30 years of independent study and practical knowledge? Were soldiers who learned surgery in the field less competent or worthy than those who studied in a lab? I believe it is extremely close-minded to teach students that they know best and are the most qualified in their field, while disregarding the competence of other modalities and practitioners.

So that has been my experience in the Dietetics world.

Again, I know MANY Dietitians who are FANTASTIC and do an amazing job. They are open-minded, compassionate, and extremely supportive. The above 13 reasons are generalizations from my own personal experience.

I feel that the Dietetics model as a whole is lacking in some very important areas, and thus I have chosen to move away from that modality and approach. Currently I am a Certified Holistic Health Coach and LEAP Therapist (Lifestyle Eating And Performance), specializing in food sensitivity reactions, inflammatory conditions, weight management, and disease prevention.

I work with the body mind connection and energetic field. I have learned that there is much to be discovered about the human body and I will never discredit any healing technique or modality that brings my clients relief or improved wellbeing.

I would like to encourage others to search out a health practitioner with whom you resonate with and feel supported by. And NEVER give up on your path to health. Don’t let anyone tell you “there is no cure for that” or “there is nothing else you can do”. There is so much waiting for you J

Megan Pennington is a Certified LEAP Therapist and Holistic Health Coach with a BSc in Dietetics and Human Nutrition.

"The Spirit of Light! The Spirit of Wisdom! " byline: Rachel Madorsky

The breath of which gives and takes the form of each and everything. You, to whom the life Of the beings is only a changing shadow or vanishing steam! You, who soar above the clouds and gallop on the wings of the wind! The infinite spaces absorb Your exhaling vapors, while inhaling, everything that originated from you returns. The unceasing motion in eternal barrenness, be You blessed for ages to come! We exalt You, we bless You in the transitional kingdom of the created light, shadows, reflections, and images, and always aspire to Your permanent and imperishable luminescence. Let the light of Your wisdom and the warmth of Your love penetrate into our essence; when all that is moving will become crystallized, the shadow will become the body, the spirit of the air will turn into land, and the dream will turn into a thought. We will not be carried away by the tempest and we will hold the winged horses of the morning and direct the currents of the evening winds, so that we can appear before You.

Oh, Spirit of the spirits! Oh, the imperishable breeze of life! Oh, the inhalation of the Creator! Oh, those who inhale and exhale all that exists in the ebb and flow of Your eternal world, which is the ocean of divine movement and truth! Amen.

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"The Rules for One Night Stands" byline: Melinda Gallagher, M.A., and Emily Scarlet Kramer

The number-one piece of advice women give to each other is to know yourself and the context, and be sure of what you want. Set boundaries on one-night stands, boundaries that are both emotional and physical. To have a good casual encounter, you have to protect and assert your own needs, along with respecting what your partner wants. 

After all, what's the point of getting down if it doesn't feel good? If we could be assured that our orgasm would be a priority, then it would seem that casual sex encounters would look a lot more attractive to a lot more of us. A sexy smile can last only so long, and once the romp begins, we are looking for the skills to match our attraction. 

During her first one-night stand, Jennifer (24) hit the jackpot. It was the holidays and most of her college friends were out of town. All alone in the big city, she decided it would be fun to hit one of her favorite wine bars for her first solo bar experience. After a few glasses of wine, she strolled over to a group of five men who had just come in after work. Feeling confident and independent, she decided she would try going home with a stranger for the first time. After about an hour of speaking to one guy whom she was particularly attracted to and felt comfortable with, she asked him if he'd like to leave with her. He responded by grabbing her arm and pulling her out the door. 

Without exchanging names or any personal information, they got in a cab and drove uptown to his apartment. Once inside, he slowly undressed her and laid her on his bed, then took his clothes off. He was a very good partner: He was verbal, which she found terribly exciting, and was careful to take his time, making sure she was sated. Jennifer swears he went down on her more than ten times. After their romp had concluded, she got dressed and slipped back into the night, feeling just a bit guilty because he kept asking her to stay. The next morning, she still couldn't believe what had happened. She never would have imagined something like that was within her command. 

Unfortunately, we may not all be lucky enough to come upon a partner with mad skills. Frankly speaking, many men do not know their way around female pleasure, and in the case of an unfamiliar body are either clueless or careless. This is when we have to take matters into our own hands. It's up to us to let the new boy on the block know exactly what we need, even if he's going to be around for just one night. Casual sex can be an opportunity to demand that male partners get with the equality program by putting our orgasm on the same level as theirs. 

Copyright © 2005 Melinda Gallagher, M.A., and Emily Scarlet Kramer

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"It's Not What We Say, But What We Do" byline: Marianne J. Legato, MD, FACP and Laura Tucker

Despite the vast numbers of sonnets and songs penned in an effort to attract the attention of a beloved, scientists believe that courtship between humans happens predominantly on a nonverbal level. 

Hey, Good-Lookin' 

Physical appearance is, of course, one of the very first things we notice about one another. A male bird's beautiful, brightly colored plumage intrigues prospective mates. The same is true of humans. I recently tried to persuade a good friend that charm and charisma were the things that men eventually and ultimately responded to in a woman. "The first thing we notice," he replied, without missing a beat, "is how she looks. If we don't think she's attractive, we never even get to the charm and charisma." 

A study done in 1990 showed that women favored men with large eyes, prominent cheekbones, a large chin, and a big smile. The researchers who did the study said that these features indicated "sexual maturity and dominance." These characteristics are indicative of high levels of testosterone, which shapes the larger size and sharper contours of the male face. (Estrogen, on the other hand, is responsible for the round softness of women's faces and the extra fat in their cheeks and lips.) On some primal level, women found these very "masculine" facial characteristics attractive. Women were most attracted to men who seemed sociable, approachable, and of high social status. They also gave high marks to expensive or elegant clothing; apparently, it's not just birds who like beautiful plumage. 

Men, on the other hand, look for features that signify good health: regular features, a good complexion, and a good body. (It will perhaps interest you to learn that -- as you dreaded in junior high school -- while large breast size does influence sexual attractiveness, it does not carry a lot of weight in mate selection.) 

Another interesting observation: People choose mates with physical characteristics similar to their own (hence couples really do took alike, as dogs resemble their owners). 

Are we all just fundamental narcissists? I think it's more likely that after a lifetime of looking at ourselves in the mirror, our features and coloring seem "right" to us somehow. Maybe we choose the genetic material closest to our own, in an "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" paradigm. 

Don't Limit Your Options! 

A few months ago, I ran into a friend of mine, out for a walk with a male companion. The first thing that struck me about my friend's date was that he wasn't very handsome or well dressed. But the next things I noticed about him were his lively and intelligent eyes and the laugh lines around them. In the brief chat the three of us had on that street corner, he impressed me with how charming he was and how attentive he was to my friend. I walked away very pleased that she had found someone so appropriate. 

My friend is not a shallow person, but she clearly felt uncomfortable with the social pressure of dating someone who didn't look the way she thought her escort should. She undoubtedly knew, without my saying a word, what I had thought when I first laid eyes on him, and I wish that we were close enough for me to tell her what I thought next. I felt very sad for her when I heard they had broken up, and even sadder when she showed up at a dinner party we were both attending with a stunningly handsome man who treated her as if she were a not-very-intelligent child of 5. 

I'm no soothsayer, but I feel sure that my friend had a much better chance of happiness and laughter with the man she was with when I ran into her that day, even if she had to stoop a little to kiss him. And yet, women like her throw away great relationships all the time (or nip them in the bud before they even begin) because the man is "inappropriate" in some way -- too short, not handsome enough, not well dressed enough, not intellectual or wealthy enough, the wrong race or religion, too young or too old. 

The social pressure isn't limited to women; in fact, it may be worse for men. (There is a play right now on Broadway by Neil LaBute, painfully titled Fat Pig, about a man who, because of social pressure, is incapable of dating an overweight woman with whom he has a terrific connection. Needless to say, it ends badly, as all the classic tragedies do.) 

If there's one thing I know as a doctor, it's that you can't control other people's behavior. But if you take one piece of advice from this book, I hope it's this: Throw away all your old preconceived notions about what Prince Charming is going to look like, how old he will be, what he will wear, or what he's going to talk about at parties; it will make you much more likely to find him.

A Token of My Affection 

Psychologist Linda Mealey, PhD, of the College of Saint Benedict in Minnesota demonstrates how many of the mating behaviors of animals echo our own behavior, particularly in the use of carefully chosen objects to entice the female. 

For example, the bowerbirds of Australia collect brightly colored objects that they display for the female's consideration in a cleared area called a court. Some select only blue decorations; others collect the plumage of a rare bird of paradise. These gifts offer a female the chance to assess how good the male is at accruing resources and how well he will provide. 

In many cases, the quality of these gifts -- which are not really so different from the diamond solitaire that traditionally accompanies a marriage proposal -- can weigh heavily in a female bowerbird's decision about whether or not to mate with a given mate. We don't have to look too far to find parallels in human society as well. Indeed, many women are likely to favor the man with the resources to buy her that house in the country or the status car and jewelry she's always longed for. 

Ask any woman what's most important in a prospective mate and 9 times out of 10 she'll say "a sense of humor." It's my theory that this is another, more modern way of sniffing out his ability to accrue resources. A sense of humor takes intelligence and indicates charm: Surely these are far more useful skills in earning a good living in today's world than big pectoral muscles or a square jaw! 

Copyright © 2005 Marianne J. Legato, MD, FACP and Laura Tucker

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Fear in Kandahar byline: Masha Hamilton

KANDAHAR, Afghanistan – The engineer from Florida seemed the perfect seatmate on that eight-seater Cessna flight from Kabul to Kandahar over the rugged reaches of Afghanistan. It was my first visit, and he’d already been living six months in the former Taliban stronghold, overseeing the construction of highways and schools as part of the effort to rebuild the war-shattered country that America bombed in response to Sept. 11.

“What sights should I see?” I asked as we flew over the Kfar Jar Ghar mountain range. I’d heard of the shrine to the Cloak of the Prophet Mohammed and of Chihil Zina, the forty steps up a hill that lead to a 16th Century memorial.

Tom laughed at my question. “I don’t go anywhere in Kandahar,” he said. “I haven’t seen anything. Guards pick me up at the airport and drive me to my compound. When I need to visit a construction site, they drive me to a helicopter and I fly there wearing a bullet-proof vest.” He leaned toward me and spoke just loudly enough to be heard over the hum of the engines. “The best choice you could make is to follow my example.”

Fear. It has become our closest companion in Afghanistan, even when we are there to “do good.” Doctors Without Borders recently decided to pull out of the country after two dozen years of providing humanitarian assistance there. The United Nations’ relief agency is scaling back its operations around Kandahar, and other relief agencies are considering following suit. 

U.S. Embassy officials warn against venturing beyond the capital and the bulk of the relief workers, private and public, generally adhere to this advice. There is, in fact, what Afghan-born author Tamim Ansary calls a “shadow nation” on the border between Afghanistan and Pakistan, peopled by those who actively oppose foreign involvement in their country.

Yet it is a mistake to allow suspicion to dominate our actions there. Human interaction, not simply a military or economic presence, is a critical component if our policies in Afghanistan are to be successful. When the only Americans visible in Kandahar, the country’s second largest city and its spiritual center, are armed soldiers glimpsed inside passing tanks, we create a barrier that breeds mutual distrust and will make forming lasting ties virtually impossible. And in the years to come, we are without doubt going to need every friend in the region we can claim. 

The politics of fear have been a favored tool of the Bush administration but they nearly always backfire. Under that influence, we begin to view everyone as “the Other,” alien, incomprehensible creatures of ill intent. And in response – here’s the rub – we are soon viewed in much the same way, as conquerors out to shame and rob this impoverished country instead of help it rebuild. Without human connection, these perceptions remain even when the U.S. government and private agencies are pumping in dollars.

Abdullah, who goes by only his first name, is an engineer and a devout Moslem in his 40s from a prominent Afghan family. He lived in Kandahar during the Taliban years, when the ignorance and cruelty of the country’s leaders practically paralyzed him. He hated rules that required him to pray at the mosque instead of at home, that regulated the length of his beard, that barred him from listening to music in his house or humming on the street. He hated the undercurrent of dread and violence, the seemingly random beatings and shootings.

“I was so glad to see the Americans – at first,” Abdullah told me one night over a late dinner eaten on the floor at a Kandahar guesthouse, moonlight shining in through the large windows, the dust finally settling for the day. “But now they don’t talk to us; they just drive around in armored cars and watch us suspiciously. So now, I’m suspicious of them.”

Afghan tradition says a guest must never be asked to leave. But when a host wants to signal that a visitor has outstayed his welcome, the joke is that he should serve lentils for every meal. “The time has come,” Abdullah said, “to serve lentils to the Americans.”

The truth is, though, that foreign armed presence is necessary for the moment to help maintain the fragile stability. And it could be argued that fear is understandable: after all, over 30 aide workers have been killed in the last 18 months, and more than 130 U.S. soldiers have died since Operation Enduring Freedom was launched. So what is the answer?

The vast majority of Afghans, and Iraqis for that matter, are not terrorists, just as most of us are not sadistic torturers. We know this. So instead of pulling out, foreigners who are contributing to rebuilding the country – particularly by funding small start-up businesses – need to get to Kandahar, Jalalabad, Herat and other towns and villages. The answer, in other words, lies in more and closer involvement, not less.

“The U.S. is building bastions so Americans can fly in and out safely, but they might be more effective in their war against terrorism if they would instead help Afghanistan become normal,” says Ansary. “If you talk with Afghans on a one-to-one basis, you find that everyone has a scheme. Funding those ideas would make a difference, and that requires direct contact between Americans and Afghans.”

I did not follow Tom’s advice. I visited private homes, met the city's Taliban-era chief justice, shopped in the local bazaar and posed for a snapshot with a group of grinning, armed Afghans. I encountered curiosity and courtesy. Once, in a village outside Kandahar, a bearded man watched me with suspicion. But when his brother invited me into their home, he followed, removed his turban, and soon was asking questions and telling me stories along with the rest of his family. Turns out he had a great sense of humor.

President Bush often calls Afghanistan an “ally in the war on terror” and describes American policy there as successful. But if we can’t find a way to make authentic human connections where they are needed most, in the southeastern heart of Afghanistan sandwiched between Iran and Pakistan, our alliances can be neither genuine nor lasting.

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"BANG, BANG " Choose your Target byline: Melinda Gallagher, M.A., and Emily Scarlet Kramer

While it's still a serious matter, and maybe the most important choice you will make all day, choosing a casual-encounter partner is, well, more casual than choosing a long-term lover. You don't have to worry about whether you'd want his toothbrush on your sink, whether you'd have to bring him home to meet your parents, or whether he'd get along with your girlfriends. More important, if we always practice safer sex, we do not have to worry about whether our sex partner will be a good dad. A casual-sex partner does not have to fill your every expectation, but there is one basic requirement: attraction. 

Acting on a feeling of instantaneous attraction can be very exciting; in turn, the feeling that you're so sexy that a stranger is overwhelmed by his attraction to you can be equally mind-blowing. From both perspectives, the possibility of being so passionate with someone we don't know but have a spontaneous sexual connection with is enough to make our heads (or bodies) spin. A perfectly common reaction to physical attraction is sexual excitement, and we can get turned on, often and easily, by people we don't know. 

Of course, a hot body and good looks can always whet our palates for some lovin'. But above and beyond simple attraction, anonymity, in particular, plays a big role in female fantasy. The exciting part for some of us is particularly that which is not connected to a relationship: the freedom of indulging in attraction without ever having to know someone's name. Pure physical pleasure can be heightened when we are freed from having to consider what will happen when the moment is over. Anonymity resolves the issues of consequences. There are no sacrifices. No one gets hurt. 

Copyright © 2005 Melinda Gallagher, M.A., and Emily Scarlet Kramer

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"Author on Burning of the Marriage Hat" byline: Margaret Benshoof-Holler

Some might think of the title of Burning of the Marriage Hat as an act of rebellion against the sanctity of matrimony. That's not what I had in mind in the writing of the book. When marriage works, it's very beautiful. But one need only look at the divorce rate to see that perhaps marriage, or the way that we marry or the reasons why we marry in this culture, have not brought the best results. Something must be wrong. I have seen too many women who have married and given up half of whom they are to follow someone else's dreams and not their own. I see them die a slow death and not even know it. I have seen other women marry men who give them plenty of space and who are not threatened when a woman needs to follow her own path. Those marriages seem to work. 

On the issue of being single in the U.S. culture, all types of articles and research studies have been done which analyze the single life, take it apart and come to conclusions and set the terms for how many people think. If anything, I would like to dispel that type of myth about single people which comes out of mass produced newspaper reporting and I would hope that some might gain a larger view by what I have to share. 

I think of the title Burning of the Marriage Hat as something like the road less traveled, choosing one route over another. In the case of Katherine, the narrator in the book Burning of the Marriage Hat, it means leaving one route behind or rejecting a role that was set up for her and following something different as a single woman. She, though, is not the typical spinster, the term often used to label such a woman, but an adventurous, courageous, and experienced and sensual woman who has a strong yet cautious attraction to men.

The symbol of the Burning of the Marriage Hat relates to the cleaning up of unresolved issues and denial within a family.

In a more profound sense, Burning of the Marriage Hat has to do with cleansing or being tried by fire like metal when it is shaped and molded. A jewelry maker begins with a raw piece of metal, puts it to the flame and ends up with something entirely different, something very beautiful. In a way, that's what my life has been about. 

A marriage hat is a term that came out while I was writing the book before I had even given it a title. Literally, it's the hat that the narrator Katherine's grandmother Naomi is forced to burn when her marriage to her husband Sam falls apart. It's the wedding veil that narrator Katherine burns when she finds out that her first love Joe is not going to marry her. It also has a more symbolic meaning. 

In life we find ourselves wearing different hats for different occasions. American women have worn many hats during the last 100 years -- the "married woman hat," "housewife hat," the "wife and mother hat," the "working woman" hat, "the liberated woman hat," "the single woman hat," "the marriage hat" and so on. The marriage hat has a more significant meaning when applied to a certain group such as the unwed pregnant women. 

I began writing this book on a journey back to Wyoming to dig into family roots and to uncover some past mysteries. On one trip back, I also wrote a journalism piece about Matthew Shepherd, the gay University of Wyoming student who was beaten and tied to a fence post and left to die in sub-zero temperatures in 1998 near Laramie, Wyoming (entitled "Love and Hate in the Equality State" and published in the Hearst-owned San Francisco Examiner). Not being gay myself, but a woman who grew up in Wyoming during an era when conditions for women were not the best in any location in the U.S. (this was before the 1964 Civil Rights Act had a chance to settle in to prevent discrimination against anyone on the basis of sex, race or religion and before the 1972 passage of Roe v. Wade), I had a feel for the Matthew Shepherd story. And wrote it. But, in the process of writing that piece and developing the narrator Katherine in my book, I knew there was something more that I should be writing about Wyoming. This was a story that had been buried. 

In the process of fleshing out the narrator Katherine, I began fleshing out myself as a birthmother and coming to terms with many things that I hadn't faced exactly. This is the story of the narrator Katherine. It is also the story of approximately 2.5 million women who gave their children up for adoption in the U.S. in the 1960s --"the unwed pregnant women." I drew from my own experience. I am a birthmother. And I came of age in Wyoming in the 1960s. So I drew from that experience and also what I observed around me. 

So, there we have the narrator Katherine. It was only later that I realized that it wasn't only my experience. It was the experience of approximately 250,000 unwed pregnant women a year who gave their children up for adoption in the U.S. in the 1960s. 

This is not a typical birth mother finds daughter kind of book, the kind of story that tends to get printed in the media. Those sensational types of stories get old and I quit reading them many years ago. This story goes deeper and turns the characters into real people. I was able to do that because I wrote it as fiction. Similar to how an actress projects her voice on stage, these characters are actually able to use their voices. 

In many ways, I see fiction as being truer than journalism because journalism limits one to writing about facts and figures and dates and getting things exactly right and doesn't always gets down to the deeper layers of the psyche and emotions. Journalism can do that depending on the writer. For Burning of the Marriage Hat, I had to write it in a different way. So I drew from my poetics experience and my inner core to write this book along with my journalism experience as far as structure. They all fit together and work quite well. One has to draw from real life experiences to get to deeper levels though -- one has to be very honest. And in a sense, because of the objectivity of journalism, there's a tendency for the writer to hide. A writer has to remove his or her mind from many things that might hold him or her back --i.e., the safe bureaucracies or other well-meaning people or friends who can push a writer or an artist towards self-censorship. If a writer listens too closely to the everyday voices, he or she might end up writing interoffice memos instead of a story or book that brings to light issues that have never been dealt with and still affect women today.

Burning of the Marriage Hat is the story of a woman who returns to her roots to free the ghosts of her past and come to terms with a culture that has oppressed women. Set in Wyoming, known as the "Equality State" because that's where women first gained the right to vote in the U.S. and also where I came of age on the cusp of the 1960s sexual revolution, the book is also about a place. It's also a story about a middle-class family in a small prairie town in Wyoming and the coming of age of a young woman during the post-McCarthy era of the 1960s. 

A good part of the book was written on the road. I made several road trips back and forth across Wyoming with miles and miles of open space around me. The ideas came to me on the road. The fleshing out of characters came when I returned home to San Francisco and my computer.

Another part of the book was written from my dreams. In the early 1980s while I was studying poetics with Allen Ginsberg at Narapa Institute in Boulder, he told me one night as feedback to a description of a dream that I had written that "You should write down all of your dreams." So, I've been doing that off and on since. And sometimes I happen to have very profound dreams. So part of this book came from dreams I have had at different times. It was a dream, in fact, that gave me direction when I first started writing the book. And other dreams came to me along the way as if to guide me. The dreams came at unexpected moments when I was needing a voice. The dreams and the voices I heard in them helped me get the book written. I had help from the voices of my dreams. 

Ginsberg's words and actions and feedback still speak to me. He, too, has appeared in some of my dreams. 

Back to the unwed pregnant women. In the year 2002 in the U.S., we have teen pregnancy and single welfare mothers along with six million birth mothers, many of whom gave their children up for adoption in the 60s and early 70s. This is a large group of women with strong voices and we almost never hear them. They are a group of women who have been kept out of sight. And for what reason? This must say something about whether the stigmas of the 60s are still with us. 

Also, marriage was one of two ultimatums (not choices but ultimatums) for the 60s unwed mothers. And some today would like to make it an ultimatum again for single welfare mothers. So here we have history repeating itself. 

What happened to women in the 1960s helped shape the title of Burning of the Marriage Hat. It is a fiction book that explores real social issues in the United States. I drew from my own experience. The narrator Katherine is a birthmother and I'm a birthmother. I'm also a writer and a creative women who has written about many issues. This is the first time that I have written about unwed pregnant women. This because the medium of fiction helped free the pen and the voice of this writer. 

With that, I'd like to say that a woman doesn't have to get married. She can make it alone. Not all women can do that, though. Many women can't. I have found the single life to be full of adventure along with the gamut of emotions that one deals with in any environment--married or single. A woman needs to find herself first before she takes the step towards marriage, I feel. She needs to find her creative core, her inner voice, begin the journey of following her own dreams before she even thinks of getting married." Otherwise, she will end up following someone else's and get lost in the process. Marriage can be a very beautiful union between two people and one should be open to all possibilities. 

"It is much more difficult, though, for a woman to be a strong writer within the institution of marriage. I have seen the tendency for women to hold back their voices when they are married. The stronger women writers, I feel, are those who haven't been married to a man, woman, organization, conglomerate, bureaucracy, corporation or any other system that tends to control the voice of a writer. If a woman can find freedom and space within that institution to be totally free with the pen, then we may see something very different." 

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Women Who Reach Beyond the Stars A tribute to women making aviation and space history by Marion E. Gold

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them and try to follow them." Louisa May Alcott

When Louisa May Alcott said these words, she likely had no idea that women one day would not only look beyond the sunshine, but travel beyond the stars to brave new frontiers in outer space. 

In 1961 aeronautics history began a new era when 13 women reported to the Lovelace Clinic in Southeast Albuquerque, New Mexico. They were carefully selected to be the FLATS, the First Lady Astronaut Trainees - candidates for a mission to be known as Mercury 13. Their names are: Myrtle "K" Thompson Cagle, Jerrie Cobb, Jan Dietrich and her identical twin Marion Dietrich, Mary Wallace "Wally" Funk II, Jane Hart, Jean Hixson , Gene Nora Stumbough Jessen, Irene Leverton, Sarah Lee Gorelick Ratley, Bernice "B" Steadman, Geraldine "Gerri" Sloan Truhill, And Rhea Hurrle Allison Woltman.

The program was so secret, according to an article by Funk, that not all the Mercury 13 candidates knew each other during their years of training and evaluation. It was not until 1994 when ten of the Mercury 13 met for the first time. 

Funk is a member of the "Ninety-Nines, Inc.," an international organization that was founded in 1929 by 99 licensed women pilots for the mutual support and advancement of aviation. In 1931, Amelia Earhart was elected as the first president and the group was officially named for its 99 charter members. Today, the 99s boasts more than six thousand members, all licensed women pilots, from 35 countries. Its International Headquarters is located in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

In documenting the history of the Mercury 13, Funk said that despite their outstanding test results - all passed the same tests as the Mercury 7 men-- these exceptional women never got a chance to fly into space. But their hard work paved the way 22 years later, in 1983, when Sally Ride became the first American woman to fly in space. (http://www.ninety-nines.org/mercury.html)

Ride was not the first woman in space, however. That bold step was taken in 1963 by Valentina Tereshkova of the Soviet Union - the first woman to orbit the earth. Ride's journey to the stars was followed in July 1984, when another Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya made history as the first female spacewalker.

Ride, Tereshkova and Savitskaya have been joined by many more daring women who are committed to trailblazing their way into history - space history. 

Today, if you visit the "Women of NASA" website, there are biographies of dozens of women throughout the program: Administrators and Managers; engineers, technologists, and astrobiologists; astronauts who are mission specialists, pilots and commanders; astronomers and astrophysicists, biologists, chemists, computer scientists, system specialists and programmers; aeronautics, aerospace, biological, chemical and biomedical engineers; educators who reach out to the public; computer and design engineers; environmental specialists and geologists; pharmacologists and psychologistsŠ. The list goes on and on. (http://quest.arc.nasa.gov/women/WON.html)

This month - women's history month - we honor them. This month, and every month, we especially pay tribute to the four brave women who gave their lives in the daring quest for knowledge. Four trailblazing women who reached far beyond Louisa May Alcott's sunshine and into the heavens: 

KALPANA CHAWLA emigrated to the United States from India in 1980s and became an astronaut in 1994. In a 1998 interview with the newspaper "India Today," Chawla said: "When you look at the stars and the galaxy, you feel that you are not just from any particular piece of land, but from the solar system." Chawla was killed on February 1 when the space shuttle Columbia STS-107 tragically disintegrated just sixteen minutes before its scheduled landing in Florida. DR. LAUREL CLARK was a diving medical officer aboard submarines and then a flight surgeon before she reported to the Johnson Space Center in August 1996. After completing two years of training and evaluation, she was qualified for flight assignment as a mission specialist. She also died in the Columbia tragedy. DR. JUDITH ARLENE RESNIK was selected as a NASA astronaut in January 1978. She became the second American woman in orbit during the maiden flight of Discovery, STS-41-D, between August 30 and September 5, 1984. During this mission she helped to deploy three satellites into orbit; she was also involved in biomedical research during the mission. Resnik was a mission specialist on the Challenger (STS-51- L) which exploded just after launch from the Kennedy Space Center, Florida on January 28, 1986. SHARON CHRISTA MCAULIFFE was the first teacher to fly in space. Selected from among more than 11,000 applicants from the education profession for entrance into the astronaut ranks to be trained as a payload specialist. McAuliffe also died on January 28, 1986 when the Challenger exploded.

Their legacies live on in the hearts of all women who reach beyond the stars to follow their dreams.

Timeline of Women in Aeronautics
1910 Bessie Raiche - First woman to fly solo. She flew in an airplane her husband built of bamboo, wire and silk.
1911 Harriet Quimby - First U.S. woman to receive a pilot's license. In 1912, she also became the first woman to fly solo across the English Channel.
1913 Ruth Law Bancroft- First woman to fly at night.
1914 Katherine Stinson- First woman to fly a loop (Cicero Field, Chicago, IL). In 1917, she 
set flight endurance record of 9 hours and 10 minutes.
1918 Anna Low- First Chinese-American, female aviator who flew in the San Francisco, CA region.
1921 Bessie Coleman- First African-American female aviator to qualify for an international pilot's license from the Federation Aeronautique Internationale.
1924 Ruth Nichols- First woman to earn an international hydroplane license.
1929 Ninety-Nines was founded by women pilots - female aviators club with Amelia Earhart as president. The name comes from the fact that out of 126 female licensed pilots, 99 of them joined.
1929 Elinor Smith-Sets solo flight endurance record of 13 hours and 16 minutes.
1929 Bobbi Trout-First woman to fly all night.
1930 Florence Klingensmith - First woman to set loop record for 143 consecutive loops.
1931 Anne Morrow Lindbergh- First woman to earn a glider pilot's license.
1932 Olive Beech- Helps to found, with her husband, Beech Aircraft Corporation. Also in
1932, Kathryn Cheung- First Chinese-American female to earn a U.S. pilot's license;
Amelia Earhart- First woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean (in just under 15 hours); and Ruth Nichols- First woman hired as a pilot for commercial passenger flights, on New York Airways.
1936 Louise Thaden, pilot and Blanche Noyes, co-pilot- First women to win the Bendix Transcontinental Air Race from Los Angeles, CA to New York City, New York.
1937 Willa Brown- First African-American woman to earn a commercial pilot's license.
1938 Hanna Reitsch German WWII test pilot who was the first woman to pilot a helicopter.
1943 Women Airforce Service Pilots (WASP) -The government program in which female pilots were used to train the male pilots for combat duty. The U.S. female pilots also ferried airplanes across the Atlantic Ocean for use in combat.
1944 Ann Baumgartner- First U.S. woman to fly an experimental jet airplane. She reached speeds of 350 mph and altitudes up to 35,000 feet.
1947 Ann Shaw Carter- First U.S. woman licensed to fly a helicopter.
1953 Jacqueline Cochran- First woman to break the sound barrier.
1955 Whirley Girls-Female helicopter pilots start their own association.
1960 Jerrie Cobb - First woman to undergo the testing developed for the selection of the Mercury Astronauts. 
1961 Jacqueline Cochran- First woman to fly the highest to an altitude of 55,253 feet; that same year, Cochran also Established a new altitude record for the T-38 aircraft by flying 56,071 feet.
1963 Soviet cosmonaut Valentina Tereshkova was the First Woman in Space.
1964 Jerrie Mock- First woman to fly solo around the world. She made the flight in 29 1/2 days flying 22,860 miles.
1973 Emily Howell-As second officer for Frontier Airlines, she became the first woman to fly Boeing 737 jets for a regularly scheduled airline; Bonnie Tiburzi-First female jet pilot hired by a major airline, American Airlines.
1984 Betsy Carroll-First woman to fly a jumbo jet across the Atlantic Ocean for a commercial airline (People Express).
1984 (July) Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya - First female spacewalker.
1984 (October) Kathryn Sullivan -First American Female Spacewalker.
1986 Jeana Yeager (and Dick Rutan)-First pilots to fly around the world non-stop and non-refueled. They accomplished this in a specially designed aircraft called the Voyager.
1990 British Chemist Helen Sharman flew to Mir Space Station for a week long stay after answering a newspaper advertisement. " Astronaut wanted - no experience necessary".
1990 Jean K. Tinsley-First female to fly a tilt rotor aircraft.
1992 Mae Jemison-First African American woman in space.
1995 Eileen M. Collins-First female to pilot U.S. space shuttle; 
1996 Shannon Lucid returns from six months aboard Mir, setting a space endurance record for women and a U.S. space endurance record.
1997 Kalpana Chawla -First Indian woman in outer space.
1999 Eileen Collins made history once again as the First Woman to fly as a Space Shuttle Commander.
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Watch my interview with Doris Brell on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKHeVkVtulI

Women and girls are losing the Tobacco War-and their lives! by Marion E. Gold

At this very moment, the number of tobacco victims has risen to more than 2.5 million. Women and girls pay the highest price-with women who smoke running as much as six times the risk of having a heart attack as nonsmoking women-a far greater risk than in men. Women who smoke also increase their risk of developing cancer, heart disease and stroke, reproductive disorders, emphysema, bronchitis and pneumonia.

Fact: According to the U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention Office of Women's Health, women who smoke increase their risk of developing cancer, heart disease and stroke, reproductive disorders, emphysema, bronchitis and pneumonia.

Fact: Women and children who do not smoke are not spared. The World Health Organization estimates that nearly 700 million, or almost half of the world's children, breathe air polluted by tobacco smoke, particularly at home. Environmental tobacco smoke-ETS or secondhand smoke-is a significant cause of heart disease and is estimated to be the cause of 35,000 to 62,000 deaths among nonsmokers from heart disease in the United States each year.

Tobacco companies are growing more and more aggressive. Women are bombarded with print ads in magazines that depend on that revenue. These same magazines, even those that proclaim to focus on women's health, have been shown less likely to publish articles on the dangers of smoking.

Non-Profit organizations that work to eliminate domestic violence and house its victims are also falling prey to Tobacco marketers by becoming more and more dependent on its funding. How ironic that women who are victims of domestic violence are now becoming financially dependent on another type of abuser-tobacco manufacturers.

If the Philip Morris Companies were really interested in saving women's lives, they would stop manufacturing, advertising and selling tobacco products around the world - instead of hiding behind a false cloak of corporate citizenship while they lure young people and women into addiction.

The overall result of this onslaught is that by the year 2025, the number of women smokers worldwide is expected to triple to more than 600 million.

Women and children who do not smoke are not spared. The World Health Organization estimates that nearly 700 million, or almost half of the world's children, breathe air polluted by tobacco smoke, particularly at home. In Norway, environmental or secondhand smoke was associated with an increased risk for low birth weight babies; in the Xi'an province of China, nonsmoking women had a 24% increased incidence of coronary heart disease if their husbands smoked, and an 85% increased incidence if they were exposed to passive smoke at work.

Given the tobacco industry's long history of subverting public health initiatives, it will be vital for all of us, individually and within our organizations and women's networks to speak out loud and clear. Cancel subscriptions to magazines that carry tobacco ads, and let them know why! As hard as it seems, stop giving volunteer time and money to organizations that accept tobacco funds -and tell them why.

Without a strong framework to combat tobacco use around the world - women will remain victims of this dastardly industry.

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Volunteerism—Before you say NO, consider this:

Volunteerism is Good for Your Career,
 Good for Business, 
and 
Good for the Community

Have you noticed your mailbox at home and at the office swelling with dollar-seeking pleas from non-profit organizations? Are organizations knocking at your door, asking you to volunteer your time? 

More and more, fund-raisers and volunteer-dependent organizations are targeting career women, entrepreneurs, and small business owners, as they compete for your time and money. 

Volunteering for a cause in which you believe provides the important satisfaction of giving something back to society, helping your community, and helping disadvantaged citizens. But if that doesn’t warm your heart, consider this—volunteerism is also good for business, and good for your career! Businesses large and small, as well as individuals and entrepreneurs, are all learning the value of being good citizens, or “Corporate Citizenship.” While many small businesses owners and self-employed individuals cannot afford large, or even moderate, dollar donations—volunteerism provides a great opportunity to or deep pockets. Moreover, just like the corporate giants, small business owners, entrepreneurs, and career women should take note that it does not diminish your good deeds by sending out press releases and getting more than just a little publicity about your efforts.        

Before you toss the literature and letters in the wastebasket, take a closer look! Simply put, in order to gain community or professional visibility, or to sell a product or service, people have to know who you are, and they have to feel good about you. AND you have to feel good about yourself. Volunteering for a cause you believe in provides both professional and public exposure, as well as the personal and important satisfaction of giving something back to society. One does not preclude the other—if you choose your charities wisely. Carefully consider where you will have the most impact helping others, and gain the most exposure.  Building a career or a new business does take time and energy, and it is easy to feel there is little left to donate. This is a mistake! And for two reasons: (1) there is nothing so satisfying as helping others in need and really being part of the community, and (2) it will help you and your company! There is nothing wrong with doing good deeds and getting the public and professional recognition that go with it.  

Women business owners certainly have caught on. Volunteerism has been integrated into their lives and businesses. According to the National Foundation for Women Business Owners, “nearly six million women business owners volunteer, making significant contributions to the fabric of their communities.”  Nearly eight in ten women business owners spend time volunteering and encourage a majority of their employees to do so as well. Half volunteer for more than one charity.  Overall, nearly two-thirds or 65 percent of women business owners spend time helping a community-related charity; other charities include education-related (35 percent), religious (28 percent), health or disease-related (21 percent) and the arts (19 percent). There are lots of opportunities! 

Now let’s get down to the nuts and bolts. Keep in mind that volunteerism, if not done carefully, can be an unfocused activity that is nothing more than recreational at best. But carefully thought-out, it can be a powerful professional opportunity as well as a worthwhile community service. Below are guidelines for deciding which national or local organization to join, or which charity will be the recipient of your time and money.

Jot down how much time and money you are willing to spend on the organization and its activities.

Choose a committee that fits within that budget.

Look for the activities that will get recognition.

Don’t bite off more than you can chew. This is a responsibility and a commitment that you must fulfill.

Corporate “giving” has additional considerations. If you are considering corporate, as compared to individual sponsorship of a charity or organization, take your thinking a bit further.

Does your company’s philosophy mesh with  the organization’s mission?

Is the charity a group that is well-respected in the community?

Does it have a IRS tax-exempt status?

Is the group audited by a public accounting firm?

members and vendors or other companies? 

"Does the group have active directors, or are they in name only?

Be sure to get an annual report, financial statement, budget, and copy of IRS not-for-profit filings.

If all this sounds very calculating, IT IS! After all, we are talking about your time and dollars—as well as making a difference in people’s lives. Just because you are providing a service to a worthwhile cause by serving on an organization’s board or committee, helping the disadvantaged directly, or providing dollars or an in-kind service, doesn’t mean you should not use the experience to further your business or career. 

Not only will you get publicity and recognition, but you will be giving publicity to the charity as well. This is a part of building your professional image, and it is an important part of doing business in your community.

Copyright © 1999 Marion Gold & Company Marketing Communications

Will people think you’re bragging? Will you look foolish waving your own flag? They might. But with careful planning, a public or professional image can be created without losing credibility and self-respect. Think about the image you want to create, explore your own comfort level with public exposure, and assess the communications   potential of your efforts. This is part of “positioning,” and it is the basis for all good marketing efforts—whether you are marketing yourself or your company.

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"The Lessons of "Living Treasures"" byline: Marilyn Ferguson

Japanese society has an admirable habit of honoring its outstanding contributors as if they were national resources. Individuals who have developed their abilities to a high level or who have given generously of themselves are designated “living treasures.”

Every nation, indeed every neighborhood, has its living treasures, people who find their greatest reward in contributing to the society. Some are well known, but millions are quietly going about their heroic tasks perfecting their work, trying to serve more, not less.

Most of these people grasp the content of the body of wisdom Aldous Huxley called the Perennial Philosophy. They recognize that their fate is tied to that of others. They know that they must take responsibility, maintain their integrity, keep learning, and dream boldly. And they know that this knowing is not enough.

They are making clear that what they need now is the so-called “nitty gritty,” the small steps that precede a leap. They want a technology transfer from the people who make their dreams come true.

Radical common sense says that we should collect and disseminate such secrets for the good of the whole. And, not surprisingly, that most capable people are not only happy to share what they have learned; they are also eager to benefit from the experience of others.

It is little wonder that our individual discoveries don’t become common knowledge. When we stumble across certain tricks and short-cuts we usually don’t think to tell anyone else. For one thing, they probably already know. Or we’re competitive.

The more successful we become at our chosen tasks, the less time there is for analysis and reflection. The coach may recall that the gold-medal figure skater was once graceless or fearful. Certain psychological and technical breakthroughs made the difference. The champion, also a subtle observer of change, is too busy mastering new moves to spell out the anatomy of a winning performance. The same could be said of the outstanding entrepreneur, statesman, or parent. They aren’t teaching because they are so busy learning.

Think for a moment of your own breakthroughs. Did you record and track your learning? Most of the time we notice improvement in retrospect, if at all. And we rarely think to mark the trail for others to follow. “Live and learn,” we say, acknowledging the value of experience. We usually forget about “Live and teach.” 

Radical common sense says that our collective survival may depend on our ability to teach ourselves and others. By pooling and organizing the wisdom of many scouts we can assemble a kind of guide and companion for travelers everywhere.

Apply certain laws of life, and you have nature on the side of your dream. You are less reliant on luck and, at the same time, better equipped to take advantage of it. You can contribute your best without compromising your values, undermining your health, or exploiting others. You can be an explorer and friend to humanity.

Achievers have an enabling attitude, realism, and a conviction that they themselves were the laboratory of innovation. Their ability to change themselves is central to their success. They have learned to conserve their energy by minimizing the time spent in regret or complaint. Every event is a lesson to them, every person a teacher. Learning is their true occupation, and out of it flowed their profession.

These four-minute-milers of the spirit insist that they are not unusually endowed, that others can do what they have done. They know factors of success more reliable than luck or native ability.

The not-so-hidden agenda is the conviction that leadership must become a grassroots phenomenon if our societies are to thrive. If that strikes you as unlikely, consider first of all that nothing else is likely to work. And secondly, be aware that people already secretly suspect that they are capable of taking charge. Sociological surveys have shown repeatedly that most people believe themselves smarter, more caring, more honest, and more responsible than most people.

Apparently we can’t show these traits because “it’s a jungle out there.” It’s as if to be “smart” we must hide our caring lest we try to live up to our responsibility in the jungle. So the dangerous jungle persists as a self-fulfilling prophecy from our collective self-image. One of the ways we can spring the goose from the bottle is to unite as free and honorable individuals who have the nerve and good sense to challenge defeatist assumptions. In so doing we have to pierce the veil that separates our heroes from the heroic in ourselves.

As our societies go through their identity crises, we can view the chaos as a sign of life, the turbulence as a healing fever. Radical common sense paraphrases Socrates: The unexamined collective life is not worth living.

The more sensitive I am as an individual, the more permeable I am to healthy new influences, the likelier that I can be molded into an unprecedented Self. That Self is the secret of success of a society. It sees the ways in which its fate is joined to the whole. It has the attributes we sometimes call soul and the passion we have called patriotism. 

Radical common sense is the wisdom gleaned from the past that recognizes the perishable opportunities of the moment. It is the willingness to admit error and the refusal to be deterred by failure. Heroism, it becomes apparent, is nothing more than becoming our latent selves. Victory doesn’t lie in transcending or taming our nature but in progressively discovering and revealing more of it. 

Great problems, like the wars of old, may be a stimulus to achievement, but we don’t have to rely on external challenge. Radical common sense says we can challenge ourselves. Or as the Taoist tradition puts it, we can embrace the tiger.

When asked for his most important discovery, a famous corporate trainer said, “I finally realized that people learn from only one thing: experience. And most people aren’t very good at it.”

Beyond a certain point all education is self-education. New learning comes slowly unless we choose it. A self-defined challenge is an irresistible teacher.

In encompassing the simple secrets of the visionary life, radical common sense may be the long-sought Grail, a powerful vessel in which we might shape ourselves and be shaped.

Buy her book NOW!!! Aquarius Now: Radical Common Sense And Reclaiming Our Personal Sovereignty

"Radical Common Sense" byline: Marilyn Ferguson

When we got organized as a country and we wrote a fairly radical constitution with a radical amount of individual freedom to Americans, it was assumed that the Americans who had that freedom would use it responsibly.       —Bill Clinton 

To get out of the bottle we need radical common sense. Radical common sense is common sense deliberately encouraged and applied. Radical common sense reflects the growing realization that individual good sense is not enough—that society itself must make sense or decline. Radical common sense is a spirit. It respects the past, it pays attention to the present, and therefore it can imagine a more workable future.

On the one hand, it looks as if modern civilization hasn’t the time, resources, or determination to make it through the neck of the bottle. We can’t get there from here. We can’t solve our deepest problems through such traditional strategies as competition, wishful thinking, struggle, or war. We can’t frighten people (including ourselves) into being good or smart or healthy. We find we can’t educate by rote or by bribery, we can’t win by cheating, we can’t buy peace at the expense of others, and, above all, we can’t fool Mother Nature.

On the other hand, maybe the answers lie in the problem—our thinking, especially our ideas that nature is to be mastered rather than understood. We have tried to run roughshod over certain powerful realities.

Radical common sense says let’s ally ourselves with nature. We have nothing to lose and a great deal to gain. As the old saying has it, “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.” We can apprentice at nature’s side, working with her secrets respectfully rather than trying to steal them. For example, scientists who observe natural systems report that nature is more cooperative (“Live and let live”) than competitive (“Kill or be killed”). “Competing” species, it turns out, often co-exist by food- and time-sharing; they feed at different hours on different parts of the same plant. Among moose and some other herd animals, the old or injured members offer themselves to predators, allowing younger and healthier members to escape.

Altruism appears to serve an evolutionary function in living creatures. In its inventiveness, nature—including human nature—may be on our side.

By documenting the health benefits of such traditional virtues as persistence, hard work, forgiveness, and generosity, scientific research is validating both common sense and idealism. People who have discovered a purpose feel better, like themselves more, age more subtly, and live longer.

Radical common sense derives its conviction from science and from the inspired examples of individuals.

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Top Cops: Profiles of Women In Command A personal message from author Marion E. Gold

I'm not a law enforcement officer, so readers may wonder why I chose policing as a book topic. Carrying the dubious title of “The Company Feminist,” I broke—more like crashed—through the glass ceiling and landed in a lush corner office, complete with a mahogany desk, seat on the executive board, and a variety of other perks. I hired women into professional jobs, mentored them, and was even advised that onc day some man might sue the company and me for reverse discrimination.

It was a good fight, but a lonely one. Like the few other women in other companies who had reached senior executive positions, I was wounded by the flying shards of glass. I grew weary of climbing the same hill every day, and contending with the overt, but more often subtle discrimination levied at me and not only from the men. Even some of the younger women wondered why I didn’t just become “one of the guys.” Why did I care if they used gender slurs during meetings? Why did I care if women had to be “perfect” while some of the men were mediocre? Sound familiar?

I finally walked away from that corner office—but not to hide in some other corner. I decided to talk about it, write about it, and work from the “outside” to make a difference for women and minorities in the workplace. What better way to make my point than by writing about women who blasted through one of the five remaining professions virtually dominated by male stereotypes? I believe with all my heart that all career doors must be open to women—a career in policing is one of their options. More than that, women who choose law enforcement as a career must know that they will be mentored by the women already on the force, will be free from harassment, and will have equal opportunity with men to advance into command positions. Top Cops: Profiles of Women in Command is this feminists way of shining a light on just a few of an elite group of women in policing whose persistence and dedication place them among the trailblazers in law enforcement. They are not only mentors for women in law enforcement — they are examples for all women of how skill, dedication, and a much-needed sense of humor can succeed in breaking through a male-dominated “blue wall” in order to achieve command positions. Who are the women who have attained command positions? They are tall, short, sturdy, and petite. They are blond, brunette, redheaded, and gray-haired. They are from varied ethnic and racial backgrounds. There is no physical stereotype. But they do share some characteristics. Clarissa Pinkola Estes is a psychoanalyst and a storyteller. She wrote a book titled “Women Who Run With The Wolves.” Estes says that as women have attempted to fit into society’s rigid roles, they have allowed themselves to become over- domesticated, fearful, uncreative, and trapped. She also says that within every woman there is a wild and natural creature, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing. Estes calls her a “Wild Woman.” I CALL HER A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER. In the interviews I conducted to write Top Cops, and in the many women officers I met and spoke to while writing the book, I saw those good instincts. I saw their passionate creativity and ageless knowing. Each of the women I spoke to showed an overwhelming sense of maintaining their identities—as strong, determined women who did not choose to succeed by being “one of the boys,” and who believe strongly in individual responsibility. They see the world as it is, not as they wish it were. But at the same time, each has a clear focus on how it should be, and a truly burning desire to make a difference — one step at a time — and to make policing better — for themselves, for society—and so for the women who will follow in their footsteps. 

They were not afraid to fail — and all were eager to try something new. ALL OF THE WOMEN I INTERVIEWED ALSO MADE A POINT OF SAYING THEY MAINTAINED THEIR FEMININTY — that was very important to them. Whether it was keeping their hair long, their fingernails polished, or ho\v they carried themselves. They felt no need to “swagger like the men — as one put it; or “drink with the guys” or “cuss” — as another said. 

All of the women in Top Cops dared to dream — at first about becoming an officer, and later about being in command. This type of spirit, this courage, is evident in every one of the women I interviewed. They did not\wake up one morning and decide to take a leading role in the fight for equal rights in the\workforce. That role was foisted upon them by an unenlightened society, and by an occupation still clearly identified with masculine stereotypes. But each and every one of these wonderful women — these wonderful law enforcement officers — accepted the challenge, and encourage others to do the same! Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes. In the words of Marian Wright Edelman: “If you don’t like the way the world is, you change it. You have an obligation to change it. You just do it one step at a time.”

BUY HER BOOK: TOP COPS: PROFILES OF WOMEN IN COMMAND

PowerPhrases® for Women: Decisiveness Speech for Better Results by Meryl Runion

Dressed in a business suit with a brief case in hand, a dark-haired woman stepped up to the counter next to me at California Kitchen and said: 

Can I have a sausage pizza? 
And can I have a coke? 
And will you get me some fries? 

It was as if she was asking permission to place her order. I wondered how she spoke at her business meetings. Here is my guess:

May I make a few suggestions? 
I’d like to talk now, okay?

Or how about with her kids? 

Turn off the TV, will you please? 
Do you mind helping me? 
Can you be quiet? 

       I wanted to give her a copy of my book, PowerPhrases®! The Perfect Words to Say It Right and Get the Results You Want 

How often do you speak with indecisiveness and uncertainty? Women complain that men do not take them seriously at work. Women complain that their kids only respond to their Dads. This is because women are more prone to use tentative speech.  

While she says: I feel pretty good about this proposal 
He says: My proposal will increase revenue by 32%

While she says, I don’t think you should be watching TV until your homework is done
He says: Turn the TV off right now and do not even think about turning it back on until your homework is done! 

It is said that men state opinion as fact and women state fact as opinion. Opinion stated as fact sounds judgmental, however, fact stated as opinion sounds weak. PowerPhrases® provide the middle ground where words are chosen to mean exactly what you want to say. Facts are stated as facts and opinion as opinion. Requests are made as requests and instructions are given as instructions. A PowerPhrase® is a short specific expression that gets results by saying what you mean and meaning what you say without being mean when you say it. One of the PowerPhrase® principles is that your words are as strong as they need to be and no stronger. Women often need to up the amperage; men often need to tone it down. 

Upping the Amperage 
 
Kinda, sorta and maybe are Killer Phrases that weaken your message and keep you from being taken seriously. Instead of saying style: you might want to consider, say I recommend.  Instead of saying "I’ll try" say  "I will" 

And take those tags off the end of your sentences that make you sound like you are asking permission, like "you know?" And "right?" 

If you are placing an order such as the woman at California Kitchen, do not imply you are seeking their approval of your order! Simply say, I’d like a sausage pizza, a coke and some fries. 

If you want to make a point at a business meeting, again, do not ask permission; just make your point. Or you can request the floor decisively. Say: I need your complete attention here please. 

If you want the TV off, say it like you mean it. Turn the TV off I'd like it turned off now. 

Back yourself up with action. If they balk-they do it because they have learned that you do not mean what you say. 

If you need help and expect to get it, say so. Instead of asking if they mind helping you (which they probably do mind,) simply say: I need your help.

If you want them to be quiet, don’t ask if they can be quiet, (you know they can if they want to), say: I need you to be quiet. 

Let your voice carry your message. Say what you mean and speak with the decisiveness you feel and you will get more powerful results in the world.  

BUY HER BOOK: Power Phrases!

"The Power of Color" by Mari Lyn Henry

All of us have specific colors--whether they are dramatic, understated, or neutral--that look better on us than other others. Wearing the right colors next to your skin can have a rejuvenating, uplifting, and healthier impact on your overall appearance. You will know the colors are wrong if you suddenly look older, sallow, or blotchy, or your cheeks seem drained of color.

If you have pale skin and dark hair, the jewel tone colors (sapphire blue, emerald green, ruby red, dark amethyst) and the icy pastels (orchid, lemon, pink, pale blue) will bring out your natural blush. Skin tone with a beige, pink, or ivory undertone wears more muted rosy colors extremely well. Yellow or peachy undertones suggest deeper pigmentation, and the ability to wear bright colors or richer and deeper golden-based hues. Some skin tones are so balanced that they can wear both cool-based and warmer colors. Remember, there are no absolutes. Wearing what makes you feel good when you put it on should be the general rule. But bear in mind that you must wear the color; the color must never wear you.

The color you choose to wear to an interview can have a psychological impact on the interviewer. So choose carefully to avoid sending the wrong vibration. For example, red is associated with passion, ambition, desire, assertiveness, and self-sacrifice. It is the ³I am² color. If you are meeting someone for the first time, be careful about the red you select. Avoid reds with too much yellow; they can overwhelm you. Reds with more blue in them such as the wine colors (burgundy, maroon, merlot) or berry reds (cranberry, raspberry, currant) or brown reds (terra-cotta and brick) will be less intimidating. Red is also effective as an accent color in a scarf or pocket square.

Green has a cooler energy and, like the color of the forest, is calming, non-threatening, balanced, and restful to the eye. The deeper shades of green (fir, cucumber, and hunter) are terrific to wear to the interview and on camera as well.

Blue is the color of trust, loyalty, wisdom, and inspiration. Corporate executives in navy blue suits inspire confidence. It you want to appear credible and confident, wear blue.

Yellow is so bright and dynamic that it can cause anxiety and hyperactivity. It is more effective in a print design. Large doses should be avoided, unless you have a tan to balance the color. Orange may be the color of geniuses, extroverts, good negotiators, and safety on the construction site, but it cannot be worn by everyone.

Purple is the color associated with artists, writers, and spirituality. Michelangelo kept purple stained glass in his studio when he sculpted his masterpieces. Wagner wore purple robes to compose. Studies have shown that meditating on purple can reduce mental stress. So when you choose a royal purple to wear at the interview, you will be relaxing the pressure felt by the interviewer and, in turn, feeling connected to your creative center.

White is reflective and can upstage your face. Gray represents passivity and non-commitment. Black, technically, is the combination of all the colors, and not a color at all. It is distancing, lacks vibration, absorbs color and light, and can drain it from your face. Both gray and black keep your energy contained and rob you of vitality.

Neutrals like black, gray, brown and deep navy can always be enlivened by accessorizing with colorful scarves near your face or a string of multi-colored beads. Even a black-and-white ensemble can be enhanced with red or hot pink.

Color triggers memory more readily than your name. Actors who audition before a casting director, director or producer will observe them taking notes. After auditions, clients will frequently say, "You know I really liked the girl in the purple jacket," or Remember that guy with the red vest?"

WHAT THE COLORS YOU WEAR REVEAL ABOUT YOU

Red: Ambitious, energetic, courageous, extroverted
Pink: Affectionate, loving, compassionate, sympathetic
Maroon: Sensuous, emotional, gregarious, overly sensitive
Orange: Competent, action-oriented, organized, impatient
Peach: Gentle, charitable, dexterous, enthusiastic
Yellow: Communicative, expressive, social, people-oriented
Green: Benevolent, humanistic, service-oriented, scientific
Light Blue: Creative, perceptive, imaginative, analytical
Dark Blue: Intelligent, executive, responsible, self-reliant
Mauve: Delicate, reserved, sensitive, encouraging
Purple: Intuitive, regal, spiritual, artistic
Brown: Honest, down-to-earth, supportive, structured
Black: Disciplined, strong-willed, independent, opinionated
White: Individualistic, egocentric, lonely, low self-esteem
Gray: Passive, non-committal, stressed, overburdened
Silver: Honorable, chivalrous, trustworthy, romantic
Gold: Idealistic, noble, successful, having high values

WHEN YOU ARE FEELING "BLUE" WEAR....
Red gives you an energy boost.
Pink relaxes mental tension
Maroon protects you from intrusive people.
Orange combats confusion.
Peach protects you from energy loss.
Yellow balances depression.
Green helps you deal with emotional stress.
Blue-green restores faith.
Dark blue protects against failure.
Mauve helps you stop worrying.
Purple reduces outside pressure.

Enjoy the power in your colorful palette.

BUY HER BOOK: How To Be a Working Actor

The Personal Publicity Factor(TM) by Marion Gold

A must for businesswomen with their eye on the boardroom! 

Too often we are so busy climbing the corporate ladder, we tend to forget that part of our continued climb includes letting people outside the company know who we are and what we have achieved. This is the essence of public relations. It is the heart and soul of what I call Personal Publicity.

It’s easy to wrongly assume that a mentor (for those lucky enough to have one), or supervisor will take control and make sure that others in our industries become aware of our success and knowledge, how our talents contributed to the growth of the company, and what impact we can have on our chosen fields.

Well, guess again, my friends. You can attain a corner office, earn a handsome salary, and manage a large budget and lots of people, work 16-hour days, all without anyone outside of your company knowing just how talented and valuable you are to your industry. And that is exactly what you will need to achieve if you have your eye focused clearly on the career advancement.

First you need to obtain the world's attention—well, maybe not the whole world, but) our world. Then you need to convince that world that you have a contribution to make, and that they should pay attention to you. Women at all stages of their careers who want more visibility must take the first important steps towards developing a Personal Publicity Plan if they are serious about introducing their talents and commitment to the marketplace.

Will achieving Personal Publicity take time? Of course it will! But experience shows it is crucial for successful career growth. 

Will people think you’re bragging? Will they be jealous? Will you look foolish waving your own flag? A public or professional image can be created without losing credibility and self-respect. It takes thoughtful planning about the image you want to create, exploring your own comfort level with public exposure, and assessing the informational needs of your audience. This is called “positioning,” and it is the basis for all good marketing efforts.

Do you have to be GREAT? Take a look around you. Is every male Board member you read about a rocket scientist? Are all our politicians, who have been elected by millions of people, competent? Just read the business pages of this newspaper. I-low many million-dollar CEOs walk off with golden parachutes while their companies sink into oblivion, and the good people who worked for them take their places at the unemployment line? How many Board members are in “name only” with little to no contributions made to the companies they represent?

Sadly, we live in a world of mediocrity where image and tenacity are often more important than real talent, competence, and commitment.

Now, I am not professing that you sink to the levels of mediocrity that go before you. But if you are at least good at what you do, and have the heart to compete aggressively, and face adversity, and if you truly believe you have something to offer, you have a real shot at success—as long as you get the word out. And if you are really good...look out world!   

Personal Publicity Factor is a trademark of Marion E. Gold

BUY HER BOOK: PERSONAL PUBLICITY PLANNER:  A GUIDE TO MARKETING YOU

A Personal Journey of Grief, Recovery and Remembrance A personal message from author Marion E. Gold

Mothers and daughters. We may argue and disagree about many things - yet we are forever bonded in a way that cannot be shared between fathers and daughters, or siblings, or friends. 

When a parent dies, well-meaning friends, colleagues, and loved ones provide their sympathy and other words of comfort. Most often the love and kindness they bestow is appreciated and helpful. But grief is a path we must travel alone as we embark on a journey towards comfort and renewed strength. How we travel that path is highly personal. It may include sharing our feelings with others, crying inside or outwardly, reaching towards religion. There are as many ways to grieve and heal, as there are personalities among us.

When my mother, Ray Katz Gold, passed away last year, my journey took me down a path that was surprising, comforting and enlightening in ways I could never have imagined. I had lost both parents in just two years, my dad to progressive supranuclear palsy after years of bravely fighting this rare and untreatable illness. I was utterly devoted to my dad. He was my hero - a hard-working person who stood tall, spoke with a clear and confident voice - and provided a role model of entreprenuerism and self-sufficiency. I was daddy's little girl - regardless of my chronological age. 

So growing up, and as I reached adulthood, I thought my strength and tenacity came only from my father. But I learned after Dad became so ill, that much of my strength and purpose also came from Mom. I learned that despite their separate "family roles," they were a team, a strong team - and I was the result of that teamwork. 

During my father's dreadful illness, my mother was constantly at his side, tending to his every need. She never failed to rise to the occasion during many crises. After dad passed away, my mother and I grew much closer, spending hours and hours burning up the phone lines between Fair Lawn and Chicago. I began to know her in ways I never imagined - to understand the depth of her knowledge of life, her varied interests, and her spiritual strength. 

Most people knew my mother as the wife of Larry Gold, or as a daughter - the youngest and only daughter in a family of six children. They knew her as the mother of three children, and later as a grandmother to my sister's two sons. Mom loved her traditional family roles, but there was so much more to Ray Gold that she yearned to express. During our long nightly talks, I learned that it bothered Mom how most people didn't realize that beneath the caretaker and cook, mother and daughter, wife and sister - she was an intelligent woman who kept up to date on current events that included local and national politics - and feminist issues of the day. 

My mother was also a talented artist. When I was a young girl, Mom would spend hours with me drawing fashion figures of elegant women. She had a great sense of color and design that she expressed in many works of art. Her once nimble fingers crafted beautiful needlepoint, and she crocheted blankets and pillowcases that are our family heirlooms. Her paper sculptures of people and animals were thoughtfully framed and sold in a local shop near my father's shoe store, with others given lovingly to family and friends. 

As Mom grew older, she stopped working with paper sculpture because her arthritic hands could not manage the delicate maneuvers of the tiny scissors and other materials nor could she withstand the fumes of the glue that would hold the sculptures together. As my father grew more ill, in those rare moments that weren't given to his care, she was a voracious reader of cookbooks not just the recipes but the history and culture behind the menus. "I read cookbooks like other people read novels," Mommy told me more than once. Over my desk I keep one of her favorite recipes, "easy chicken fricassee," on which she wrote, "Made - very good - next time I will mix dark & light chicken." I don't think there was one recipe among her collection to which she hadn't added her own special touch.

After Dad was gone, Mom still insisted on living life on her own terms, and sadly to her physical detriment. Although Mom had never lived alone, she wanted to remain in her own home, in her own way -with the loving memories of my father and their life together enfolding her. It was not an easy path for Mom to follow. But she was determined to do things her own way. It was her path, and that was important to my mother. She was far stronger and more determined than I had ever realized. 

In the months following my mother's passing, I found it very hard to write. A book I was writing languished. Articles and editorials didn't get beyond the first two paragraphs. I began to realize that it was my mother's strength that had helped me face the grief of losing dad. Now, they were both gone and regardless of a satisfying career and personal home life with Jerry, my partner of 25 years, I felt like my soul had been torn from me and I would never again find peace. I kept thinking of my mother's artwork, looking with fascination at the care with which she placed each tiny piece of paper onto her canvas to create a lifelike picture. Her needlework that I gently touched, hoping to feel the softness of her hands as she worked so carefully on every stitch.

Among the artwork tucked away in our New Jersey home, I found boxes of vintage beads that she had been saving for one of her projects. I set aside the marketing book I was writing and began to work with the beads - and it seemed to soothe me - and to help me deal with my grief.

In looking through craft magazines, I found new ways to work with the beads, and began stringing them on to carved pewter bookmarks. I added to my mother's bead collection and used them to form the basis for colorful ballpoint pens. Soon I had dozens of these "products." I gave several as gifts to loved ones, as memories of my mother. Then I thought, my mom sold some of her artwork. Why couldn't I sell my pens and bookmarks? Why couldn't others give these one-of-a-kind designs as loving gifts? Or collect for personal use? 

I felt a sense of energy again, and I imagined my mom and dad encouraging me - as they had always done. I know my mother would have really loved the bookmarks to use in her collection of cookbooks. And the pens, well, they would have been carefully placed in the shoe boxes my father used to store his collection of ballpoint pens - hundreds of them that I also found carefully packed away in our New Jersey home.

To market the pens and bookmarks, I took the artisan name of Miriam Bat-Rachel: My mother's Hebrew name (Rachel), joined with my own (Miriam), and then adding the Hebrew term Bat, meaning daughter of. I created and mailed a press kit, and started calling on several local shops. Imagine my delight at seeing the pens and bookmarks displayed in two top-notch boutiques in the high-rise malls on North Michigan Avenue - colorful and creative items that my Mom would have enjoyed using and collecting.

I've slowly been able to get back to writing my marketing book, and ideas for new publishing projects are starting to take shape. I've even set the plans in motion to create a series of children's picture books that use my dad's wonderful photography to celebrate his love of animals and zoos. But my beaded pens and bookmarks will remain an important part of my creative life as a tribute to my parents as well as a remembrance. 

My mother and father set a beautiful example of great strength, courage and love throughout their lives. They understood that life is indeed a journey, and often a journey in the midst of trouble. Life takes us through conflicts of passions and conscience, the disappointments of business and false friendships, and the tragedies of poverty and prejudice. But life also takes us to unknown places in the heart and mind that are filled with wonder and creativity. My parents gave me the gifts of their love and strength, and the encouragement to explore those unknown places - and so I am.

Generally, I am a very private person. I've confined my writing to marketing, healthcare education, and women's advocacy issues. But it is my hope that my personal journey will inspire others. I will miss my parents forever, and not a day goes by that I don't think of them with a mix of joy, sadness and cherished memories - and the creative process is but one way I chose to honor them.
Written in loving memory of Larry and Ray Gold. (c) 2003 Marion E. Gold. Reprinted with permission.

BUY HER BOOK: PERSONAL PUBLICITY PLANNER:  A GUIDE TO MARKETING YOU

"Invisible Veil" byline: Margaret Benshoof-Holler

She could have been any of the veiled Afghani women written about in the U.S. media in the months following September 11. But the woman I stood listening to one Saturday afternoon last fall in Sacramento, California was an American woman whose veil was invisible, whose story had been silenced and hidden. 

Her child had been taken away. It was as if it had died. But, there was no funeral, no wailing wall for her to go to pound her fists and cry! The woman was expected to just get on with her life and pretend that she hadn't just given her child away. 

With 30 some years of internalized emotion still causing her voice to quake when she spoke of signing her name on the relinquishment papers, the 56-year old woman in Sacramento spoke of the pain and grief of losing her daughter to adoption. As I listened, I was reminded that here in the U.S. we often deal with loss by covering up our emotions. I was also reminded that the U.S. was bombing Afghanistan because we lost over 3,000 very dear people. No one, though, ever went to war for these women whose losses were in the millions of newborn lives. 

Two-hundred fifty thousand women per year relinquished a child to adoption in the 60s. That number fell to 150,000 per year in the 1970s, 100,000 per year in the 1980s, and 50,000 per year in the 1990s. In the year 2001, there were approximately 51,000 surrenders in the U.S. 

There were more adoptions in the 60s than in the year 2001 for a number of reasons. More teenage girls and young women were getting pregnant then because the birth control pill, relatively new on the market in the 60s, was not readily accessible until late in the decade. Sex education classes were not part of the curriculum in most schools. Few got abortions, which studies show are easier on a woman than giving up a child for adoption, because abortion was illegal in most places. Before Roe vs. Wade, women basically had no choice except to get married, have the child, and give it up for adoption. Most young women were not able to make legal decision until they turned 21 in the 60s. And the self-esteem of many young women was low because of the rules set forth by the strong patriarchal society of the times which held a lot of them back from developing fully as human beings. 

If even half of the women who gave their children up for adoption in the 60s had banded together and cried, their voices would most surely have been heard. But they had not been taught nor encouraged to use their voices. So, societal dictates including puritanical attitudes about sex and women and pregnancy helped silence the voices of so many women for so many years. 

When one loses a child or a mother or father or husband to death, there is a funeral and a time of mourning. That hasn't usually been the case for most of the 6,000,000 birthmothers in the U.S. who have lost their children to the U.S. adoption system. Adoption is looked upon as a single mother's duty for getting herself into that situation to begin with rather than as a deeply painful separation of mother and child. In that respect, not much has changed a lot since the 60s. Societal attitudes towards unwed mothers have made adoption a logical sequence to keeping out-of-wedlock pregnancies permanently hidden. 
It was a guilt and shame thing that kept unwed mothers' voices stifled during the McCarthy and post-McCarthy era of the 60s. 

But, a small group of birth mothers began in the 1980s to find the children they gave up for adoption in the 60s. They began to come to terms with the loss. Still, it's only been with the advent of the Internet that many more birth mothers began to come out of the closet and speak. Many still only talk about what happened to them with each other in much the same way that veterans of World War II and Vietnam only talked afterwards with those who understood what they had been through. Post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms have also effected a number of birthmothers. 

There has been an undercurrent of thought for some time in today's system to move back to the era when women had no choice. Taking away a woman's right to choose would be a major setback and take us back to the times when giving up a child for adoption was a woman's only option. 

When President Bush proclaimed November 2001 as National Adoption Month, he did not mention nor honor in his proclamation the large group of American women who lost their children to adoption. He did not present a plan of prevention of unplanned teen pregnancies or a way to provide free daycare to help financially strapped mothers keep, rather than give up their babies to the adoption industry. But then I supposed he wouldn't since the Edna Gladney Home in Fort Worth, Texas, one of the biggest contributors to the National Council for Adoption to help keep birth records closed, generously donated money to the Bush presidential campaign. So, he didn't address the issue of opening birth records either, which in California have been closed since the Depression era. Closed birth records cut adoptees off from knowing who they are because the system is keeping their birth certificates locked up tight and hidden as a way they say of protecting somebody somewhere. It's certainly not birth mothers they're helping because the majority of them do want to be found. Adoption is an antiquated system filled with a strong need to hide and keep people hidden. 

Even though U.S. women have progressed since the 60s in the areas of education and upward economic mobility and many single women are raising children on their own today, there is still a stigma about anything related to a woman having a baby outside of the confines of marriage. I see it in the way that stories about single mothers get reported (or don't get reported) in the media. Young women are made to sound like criminals if they want to keep their children. 

One-hundred and forty million people in the U.S. have an adoption in their immediate families. Engrained views and practices pertaining to loss and sex and adoption help keep many, like the birthmother in Sacramento, veiled and hidden. In this respect, the U.S. tends to fall behind every other industrialized country most of which have stopped separating the natural mother from her child after it is born except in extreme situations. 

The woman that I stood listening to in Sacramento was coerced into giving her child up for adoption in the 60s. She was then encouraged to keep the whole thing hidden. Her story stayed that way for over 30 years. This mother's day, I would like to honor her and all birthmothers who lost their children to adoption. 

"Invisible Veil" © copyright 2002 by Margaret Benshoof-Holler
BUY HER BOOK: Burning of the Marriage Hat 

I LOST HOPE by M.J. Rose

Dear Reader:

In 1999, for the first time in my life I lost hope. Not as an author – but as a human being. To deal with it, I did what so many writers do –I buried myself in writing a new novel. But it was only when In Fidelity was finished did I realize that in writing it, I had also unburied something I’d lost.

In Fidelity is not a story about my life that year. It is a fictional story that explores the ties that bind us each to the other. It is suspenseful, a little bit sexy and very much one woman’s psychological adventure.

But I want to share with you what was going on in my life that fueled this novel.

In the fall of 1998, just as I was ending a twelve-month mourning period for my mother, Doug, the man I live with, went into the hospital for a routine out-patient kidney biopsy. 

An hour later, his doctor came to the small, windowless waiting room to tell me something had gone dreadfully wrong and Doug was bleeding to death. They had fifteen minutes to save his life.

Doug survived and spent the next two weeks in intensive care. It was while I was sitting by his bed in Stamford Hospital, while he slowly came back to life, that the idea for In Fidelity was born.

Was I cold and heartless to be able to think about a book when the man who I was very much in love with lay there asleep, hooked up to monitors and machines? I don’t think so. It was how I survived. It was how I prayed. 

A few weeks after Doug came out of intensive care he was back in the hospital to begin kidney dialysis. For the next year, this brilliant 41-year-old composer and musician lived a half-life of doctor’s visits and five-hour treatments three times a week. His work was no longer writing music it was staying alive. He was in and out of the hospital over thirty times in twelve months.

And I? When I was not being a caregiver – I wrote In Fidelity. 

I did it to escape into a world I could control. I did it to hide. And I did it to prove to myself that there was life outside of the illness we were facing. 

And then after a long year of hospitals and doctors and infections and waiting, we were given an amazing Christmas present. David, Doug’s brother decided to give him one his kidneys.

On December 30, at the Yale New Haven Hospital, Doug’s received a new kidney. On January 4th, 2000 we came home. Doug was able to go back to work in less than a week and I was able to sit down at the computer and finally finish In Fidelity.

This novel has given me much more than I’ve given to it… it’s kept me company and kept me going. It has also helped me put into words what I have discovered about the powerful connections between people who care about each other – connections that neither time or deed can sever.

My wish is that you enjoy In Fidelity’s twists and turns and get completely caught up in it and can’t put it down.  e of what I felt writing it – hope.

I’d like to let you know that a part of the proceeds of In Fidelity will be going to the National Kidney Foundation in honor of Doug’s brother and the wonderful doctors at The Yale New Haven Transplant Center.

  BUY NOW!!!  In Fidelity

HOW MUCH TO YOU KNOW ABOUT WOMEN'S HISTORY? Byline: Marion Gold

Throughout history women have played a remarkable role in shaping America's destiny. Yet men's names predominate in history books, mostly because of a male historical bias and because there is no formal repository of women's historical contributions. 

March is Women's History Month. Below are only a sample of the outstanding women whose extraordinary courage and perseverance changed our lives forever. These are women who inspired others to do great things with their lives. Woman who we celebrate this month and every month. 

Did you know that in c.1600, near the place later known as Seneca Falls, New York, Iroquois women staged a protest against irresponsible warfare? They refused to make love or bear children unless their voices were heard on whether to wage war.

Did you know that in 1916 Ruth Law was the first person to fly nonstop from Chicago to Hornell, New York, setting a new record. She tried to enlist as a fighter pilot, but was turned down.

Did you know that in 1926 Violette Neatly Anderson became the first African-American woman lawyer to practice before the U.S. Supreme Court?

Did you know that in 1931 Jackie Mitchell became the first woman to sign with a professional baseball club? She pitched against Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, and struck them both out!

Did you know that in 1962 Dolores Fernandez Huerta helped start the United Farm Workers and became its main contract negotiator?

Did you know that in 1960 Teresa and Mary Thompson, aged eight and nine years old, became the youngest Americans ever granted a patent? They invented a solar teepee (called a Wigwarm) for their school science fair.

Did you know that in 1868 Civil War worker Mary Livermore organized the first woman suffrage convention in Chicago? She later became president of the resulting Illinois Woman Suffrage Association.

Did you know that Susan Picotte, a member of the Omaha tribe, was the first American Indian woman to become a physician? She earned an MD degree in 1889 from the Women's Medical College of Pennsylvania, graduating at the top of her class.

Did you know that in 1893, at the Columbian Exposition in Chicago, Fannie Barrier Williams addressed a special session of the World's Congress of Representative Women? Her topic was "The Intellectual Progress of Colored Women in the United States since Emancipation." More than 150,000 people attended to hear 330 women present papers.

Did you know that bacteriologist Anna Wessels Williams isolated the strain of diphtheria bacterium which was used to produce the antitoxin; and that in 1905 she developed the staining method that became the standard for rabies for 34 years?

Did you know that Professor Jean Broadhurst, at age 64 climaxed her 34-year-career by discovering the virus bodies of measles. Until that time, physicians were unable to diagnose measles until the rash appeared.

Did you know that it was Dr. Joan Miller Platt, born in 1925, who helped develop a procedure for fixing cleft palates in infants? Until her innovation, the problem could not be fixed until the child was older.

Did you know that it was Trotula of Salerno, who lived during the 11th century, who was the first to claim that both men and women could have physiological defects that affected contraception? It was a daring move to admit that a man could be responsible for infertility. Trotula also described the use of opiates to dull the pain of childbirth. (Some scholars dispute that Trotula was a woman, or that she even existed.)

Did you know that it was Dorothy Reed in 1901 who showed that Hodgkin's disease is not a form of tuberculosis? She discovered a distinctive blood cell (later named the Sternberg-Reed cell) which is used to diagnose the disease.

Did you know that it was two women, microbiologist Elizabeth Lee Hazen and chemist Rachel Brown, who discovered the antifungal later called nystatin?

Did you know that Anne Bradstreet was the first published poet in American history? Bradstreet abandoned a life of nobility in England before 1644, to settle in Massachusetts with her husband. Her poems were first published in 1650.

Did you know that Lady Murasake Shikibu, a Japanese noblewoman who was born in 970 and died in 1004, wrote the earliest novel on record? Many critics consider her work a masterpiece.

Did you know that Benjamin Franklin's sister-in-law, Ann Franklin was editor of the Newport, Rhode Island, Mercury in 1762?

Did you know that in 1738 Elizabeth Timothy became the first woman editor in the South, putting out the South-Carolina Gazette? 

Did you know that it was investigative reporter Adela Rogers St. Johns who exposed the widespread corruption of the Los Angeles City government in the 1920s?

Did you know that from 1765 to 1768 Mary Katherine Goddard and her mother, Sarah Updike Goddard, published the weekly Providence Gazette in Rhode Island? She also published the Maryland Journal and printed the first signed copy of the Declaration of Independence.

Did you know that in 1861 after writing a letter defending women as government clerks, Emily Edson Briggs became a daily columnist for the jointly owned Philadelphia Press and Washington Chronicle-and the first woman to report regularly on White House News?

Did you know that in 1878 Anna Katharine Green wrote the first American Detective novel? It was titled The Leavenworth Case?

Did you know that in 1945 Doris Fleeson was the first woman to write a syndicated political column?

Did you know that in 1946 Alice Allison Dunnigan was the fist African American woman journalist to get White House credentials?

Did you know that Pauline Frederick was the first woman news reporter on television, covering the 1948 political conventions for ABC?

Did you know that since the annual Nobel Prize for Literature was first awarded in 1901, only eight women have received it?

There is so much more! No study of the history of literature and journalism is complete without recognition of how women helped shaped society through their writings. As more and more women enjoy successful careers in science and medicine, politics and public service, publishing and journalism just imagine what wonderful insights are yet to be discovered. Just imagine

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