Sobering global #MeToo outcomes show why gender equality will take 4-20 generations By: Dr. Kathleen Brush

Hollywood actresses emboldened to share #MeToo stories that haunted their lives inspired a global movement. Women all over the world joined in, and for many or most, their lives got worse, sometimes a lot worse. #MeToo inadvertently revealed why gender equality is estimated to arrive in the 24 th century in the United States and the 27th century in Iran.

Sometimes women used #MeToo and sometimes they created new hashtags. In Japan, many #MeTooers were shamed to a point that was seen as dangerous. Japanese women switched to #Wetoo and #Withyou to show support for the movement.

At first, government censors in China kept a lid on #MeToo. Undeterred women began using virtual private networks. #MeToo was labeled as a hostile force using Western feminism to interfere with the government. Some #MeTooers believed their lives were in danger. Minimally some were in danger of being sued. In China, more accused sue than victims, and they often win. Male-dominated judiciaries can be very powerful for reinforcing the status quo that silent women are better off.

In South Korea, women filing lawsuits alleging sexual assault have faced shaming and taunting as gold diggers. The message sent was the real victims are men. In Slovenia, #jaztudi took a more cautionary route to protect alleged victims. Stories were posted anonymously by an NGO. Instead of women facing threats, the NGO has.

In Latin America, women tired of violence, which too commonly takes the deadly form of femicide, launched #NiUnoMenos, which means not one less. Peru’s highest religious leader, Cardinal Juan Luis Cipriani, said, “[They tell us] there are many abortions among young girls, but nobody has abused these girls. Often it is women who put themselves on display, provoking men.” Another response: well-known women supporting #NiUnoMenos have been murdered.

Russian #MeTooers have not been murdered, but murder inspired a Russian #MeToo-type movement #янехотелаумирать, which means I didn’t want to die. According to the Russian government, at least 12,000 women die from domestic violence every year. What’s being done about it? In 2017 Russian President Putin signed a law, originally proposed by a female legislator, that decriminalized violence against women unless it is so severe, they require treatment in a hospital. Regarding #MeToo, Putin said he doesn’t support the movement, and like the Chinese alludes to a western conspiracy. In Russia, there is a saying, “if he beats you, it means he loves you.”

France shared something in common with Russia; influential women opposed to the premises of #MeToo, or in France #balancetonporc which means squeal on your pig. Hollywood icon, Catherine Denueve and others saw #MeToo as a puritanical movement, and men sexually pestering women as "essential to sexual freedom." France obviously sees issues of sexual harassment and abuse differently. In 2020, highly feted “literary genius” Gabriel Matzneff found his acclaimed writings about sex with young girls were being re-examined. Millions around the world responded in disbelief asking how this could happen? Perhaps, it’s because a previous open challenge to Matzneff’s sexual deviance was rebuffed. How can a nation hailed as a leader in gender equality not protect young girls from sexual abuse?

In sub-Saharan Africa, according to the UN, violence against women is second to Latin America. Here #MeToo barely made inroads. Equal rights advocates suggested the fear of backlash was too high. In India, women in Bollywood joined the #MeToo movement, but lawsuits against alleged victims, exoneration of perps, and men battling back against false complaints drowned out #Metooers. False complaints are a tiny fraction of accusations everywhere, but they have become a potent weapon in the arsenal of men to silence women seeking equal rights. Outside Bollywood, Indian women have stayed silent for two reasons that are similar to reasons in sub-Saharan Africa. It’s a better alternative and many females (and males), sometimes most, see intimate partner violence (IPV) as justified in some situations, like burning dinner, or refusing sex.

#MeToo didn’t gain traction in small Pacific island nations. One reason is, because here too there is a widespread belief that IPV as justified. The problem, or not, depending on your view, is not, limited to intimates. One study found 27% of men in Papua New Guinea admitted to raping a female non-partner, and 14% admitted to multiple rapes of female non-partners. In neighboring Australia, #MeToo had problems catching on. Some pointed to strong anti- defamation laws as the reason. In one case an Australian actor won more than a $600,000 in an anti-defamation suit. That would be enough to cool the heels of any media source or alleged victim going public with a story.

In some Muslim-majority countries, estimates for gender equality reach 20 generations or 500 years. Iran is a 500 year-to-equality country. Iranian women have struggled with #MeToo because they are up against a government that insists Islamic traditions prevent harassment. But interviews with unnamed women in Iran disagree. “If you ask 10 women about this, nine of them will say, yes, they have suffered harassment.” There is a correlation between gender equality and IPV, which would indicate that this 9 of 10 might not be far off in a 500 year-to- equality country. Laws passed in some Muslim countries are often unenforceable because they violate religious laws. Under sharia law, there is no marital rape, and a husband can justifiably beat a disobedient wife. For unmarried intimates, sexual harassment and assault are not illegal. Sex out of wedlock is what is illegal. An unmarried intimate reporting rape would be self- reporting a crime, so would a non-intimate without four witnesses. Being illegal is anyway a technicality that the potential global population of #MeTooers knows too well. In the United States, 1% of victims will see perpetrators jailed.

Religious institutions like political institutions are male-dominated, and their leaders often see women creating their own problems. In 2018, authorities in Thailand warned women “not to dress too sexily” during the New Year holiday. The thinking was if women get sexually harassed, it’s their fault for dressing like sluts. Thai women created #Donttellmehowtodress, which has been adopted in other parts of the world. Another Thai movement has been launched to teach women about consent in a culture where men don’t ask, because it seems apparent that they don’t need to. Around the world, girls don’t know there are age-of-consent laws that range from 9 to 21. But should a 50-year old man, like Matzeff, be free to have sex with a fourteen, let alone nine-year-old girl, because she said yes? In male-dominated governments, that’s not for women to decide.

There is plenty of evidence that very powerful political men can see nothing wrong with sexual harassment. The president of the Philippines, President Duterte’s regular sexist comments spawned #BabaeAko, which translates into #Iamwoman. Duterte has made jokes about rape and referred to a second wife as a “spare tyre” in the trunk of his car. What hope do women in the Philippines have to escape the most heinous form of discrimination if the leader of their country perpetuates the notion of women as men’s sexual playthings?

US President Donald Trump was a catalyst for #MeToo. Like Duterte, online logs are kept of his sexist comments. In office, they haven’t been as crude, but that’s a tempered outcome similar to the evolution of #MeToo in the United States. In the US, #MeToo has tempered sexual harassment but increased gender harassment. For victims the results are similar: the ambitions of degraded women decreases and many leave the workforce. Who leaves? Not sure, but senior women face higher levels of harassment. They are, after all, the ones that pose the greatest threat to male-dominated institutions.

#MeToo challenged powerful men all over the world, and they have responded to let women know that power in this world is securely in the hands of men, and they won’t be letting go anytime soon. Sexual harassment and abuse has been and continues to cement the inferior position of women in society. Harassment and abuse isn’t about sex; it’s about keeping women subordinated all over the world. Gender discrimination is blind to color, religion and wealth. The latter simply causes biases to change forms, and to offer legal remedies that are more likely to haunt victims than deliver justice.

Without generating global outrage that compels lawmakers and business leaders to address a scourge on half the world, harassment and abuse will continue to reinforce gender inequality. The estimates of 4-20 generations to equality and a global survey of #MeToo outcomes reinforce this won’t happen anytime soon. Women fear reporting acts of sexual violence, females have been raised to see it as justified, male political leaders promote women as sex toys, handfuls of falsely accused men drowned out millions of female victims, incidents are censored or swept under the carpet. When allegations are formalized, judiciaries send unsupportive messages.

There are other problems too. In many governments, data is not reported because the actions are not illegal. Where it is illegal, data can be censored, unprioritized, or used for purposes that obviously aren’t having much of an impact. The World Economic Forum produces the gold standard for measuring global gender equality, but it doesn’t find the most blatant and egregious form of gender discrimination relevant to evaluating equality. There is an adage that what gets measured, gets improved. If NGOs tracking gender equality don’t see a problem and neither do male-dominated governments, there is a problem without a solution. We certainly can’t rely on female heads of government. Today there are fourteen (7% of countries), up from one, fifty- eight years ago. But, even females as heads of government doesn’t automatically mean progress for women. A forecast for gender equality spanning centuries makes sense. The bigger question is, how do we bring this forward? More senior women leaders that accept part of their charge as ending gender discrimination could work.

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13 Reasons Why I Ditched My Title of DIETITIAN by Megan Pennington

Becoming a Dietitian made me fat, stressed, and miserable.

Before I explain further, let me be clear that I have NOTHING against Dietitians. What I am about to say is in no way meant as a discredit or disrespect to those Dietitians who are out in the world helping others and doing a great job.

That being said, the Dietetics profession was not for me.

As young as 13 years old I became enthralled with nutrition and health. I began doing my own research, read all the different diet theories at the time, and encountered an enormous amount of conflicting information. I decided to learn the “truth” about nutrition, and pursued it as a career.

When I started my degree in Dietetics and Human Nutrition at McGill, I was ecstatic. I wanted to help others (and myself) feel alive and well and to live a long and healthy life.

I was eager to learn and it felt pretty amazing to be studying my passion at one of the best schools in North America.

However, things didn’t quite work out the way I had planned.

I gained 30 pounds.

I became obsessed with food and eating “healthy”.

I was constantly thinking and stressing about my next meal, trying to get all the nutrients I needed without consuming too many calories.

I implemented the low fat, low calorie eating plan I learned for weight loss, which only resulted in major food cravings, mood swings, fatigue, and a very poor relationship with food. I didn’t even lose weight!

Food became my enemy – something that was causing stress in my life and making me feel awful about my body. The more control I tried to have over my food intake, the worse things got.

In a nutshell: it sucked. And worse, I felt there was nothing I could do about it. I mean, I was following the guidelines set out for me by experienced Dietitians! My teachers! If this wasn’t working, then I guessed nothing else would….

After a few years I decided to take a completely different approach. I went on a 4 month backpacking trip across Southeast Asia, Australia, and New Zealand, and came back with an interesting revelation:

When I threw everything out the window, everything I “thought” I knew about nutrition and healthy eating; when I stopped counting calories and stressing about my diet, I felt 100% better and lost all the added weight, effortlessly!

After my trip, I worked as a Clinical Dietitian in long term care for about 5 years. During this time I performed nutritional assessments, devised meal plans, provided advice in the management of various diseases, yet never felt that I was having a very big impact on my clients’ wellbeing. There was something lacking; something important.

I tend to view the Dietetics profession as I view the western medicine profession. Everything is broken down into parts, which is great for detail, but often makes it difficult to see the big picture.

For example: let’s say you have body pains. A doctor may give you painkillers, or refer you to a specialist. If the specialist can’t find anything wrong with you, then what? When you have no one looking at you as a WHOLE, things get missed. Such as the stress, sugar abuse, depression and food intolerances all contributing to that body pain!!

Sure, there are exceptions. Some doctors are amazing at taking a full assessment and considering all the potentially relevant factors. But generally, they will focus on treating your symptoms and not necessarily address the underlying cause.

Similarly, a Dietitian will often focus on managing your symptoms with a diet, because this is what they are trained to do. For example, someone with heart disease will likely be shown how to decrease their salt and cholesterol intake, and will be encouraged to lose weight and exercise. HOWEVER, it is well known in the scientific community that inflammation plays a huge role in heart disease, so what’s causing the inflammation?

Diet can only go so far when there are other underlying factors contributing significantly to your current state of health.

I have found much more success in taking a holistic approach, which does NOT focus on a single area such as food or nutrition. This approach allows for a broader view of what’s going on, and the opportunity to bring everything together to create a truly effective action plan. One that also looks at root causes and contributing factors unrelated to food.

SO HERE ARE THE 13 REASONS I CHOSE TO DITCH MY TITLE OF DIETITIAN:

(Note that these are generalizations – certainly there are exceptions, but this was my experience…)

1) A Dietitian’s main role is to create a diet for a patient. I personally found that regimented diet plans don’t usually work over the long term, and can result in eating disorders, poor body image, and control issues.

2) As I touched on before, Dietetics offers a very limited approach to health. No amount of organic broccoli is going to help someone who is depressed. We need to look beyond salt, fats, calories and portion sizes.

3) Dietitians are generally advised to follow the US and Canadian Food Guides. While these have dramatically improved in recent years, they are still influenced by lobbying food industries. These guides are still a balancing act of science and politics.

4) And yet, Dietitians are held to a standard of practice which includes best practice guidelines based solely on scientific literature. Interesting

5) A Dietitian’s recommendations are based solely on current guidelines based on the scientific literature. The problem with this is, there are limitations in terms of what HAS BEEN and what CAN BE studied and proven, thus the Dietitian is in turn limited by these same boundaries. This is to protect the public, but to think that one century of science should be the sole basis for our treatment plans, at the exclusion of thousands of years of traditional, alternative, or anecdotal evidence, seems a bit ludicrous to me.

6) Formal training in Dietetics concentrates primarily on calories, macronutrients, and micronutrient quantities in isolation. This is highly beneficial for tube feeds and IV calculations, in addition to some other clinical situations, but makes it difficult to translate into practical information for the general public.

7) Since so much emphasis is placed on nutrient quantities, there tends to be a focus on specific intake levels according to the Recommended Daily Intakes. This can be problematic because we don’t eat nutrients; we eat food. Too much of a single nutrient, for example calcium, can cause more harm than good.

8) Dietetics offers minimal training in food sensitivities, allergies, and the laundry list of symptoms that so many people are suffering from (headaches, indigestion, bloating, weight gain, body pains, autoimmune disease). If Dietitians, traditionally THE nutrition experts, aren’t trained in these food related issues, who is?

9) Dietetics offered minimal training in the psychology of eating (I remember only receiving one class in general psychology). Yet psychology is a HUGE driving factor in many dietary issues and general eating habits.

10)  Dietetics offered minimal training in counselling. For example, how to be a good listener, show compassion, build rapport and trust, provide a safe space for the client to share their struggles, and how to guide them in such a way that feels supportive and will encourage change.

11) Dietetics focuses minimally (if at all) on the mind-body connection in relation to food and overall health. Even the impact of the microbiome was not widely discussed when I was in school.

12) Dietetics trainings are infiltrated by politics. I attended several annual meetings and workshops for continuing education provided by the association, and these were often funded by the Canadian Sugar Institute and PepsiCo. As attendees we received little gifts with the logos of such companies.

13) The Dietetics profession seeks to monopolize the skillset. As a student my teachers would regularly preach “YOU are the trained professionals. YOU are the only nutrition experts. Everyone else lacks proper training”. There are laws and regulations to back this sentiment. My question is: why is a newly graduated Dietitian with NO experience automatically “better” than a nutrition coach with 30 years of independent study and practical knowledge? Were soldiers who learned surgery in the field less competent or worthy than those who studied in a lab? I believe it is extremely close-minded to teach students that they know best and are the most qualified in their field, while disregarding the competence of other modalities and practitioners.

So that has been my experience in the Dietetics world.

Again, I know MANY Dietitians who are FANTASTIC and do an amazing job. They are open-minded, compassionate, and extremely supportive. The above 13 reasons are generalizations from my own personal experience.

I feel that the Dietetics model as a whole is lacking in some very important areas, and thus I have chosen to move away from that modality and approach. Currently I am a Certified Holistic Health Coach and LEAP Therapist (Lifestyle Eating And Performance), specializing in food sensitivity reactions, inflammatory conditions, weight management, and disease prevention.

I work with the body mind connection and energetic field. I have learned that there is much to be discovered about the human body and I will never discredit any healing technique or modality that brings my clients relief or improved wellbeing.

I would like to encourage others to search out a health practitioner with whom you resonate with and feel supported by. And NEVER give up on your path to health. Don’t let anyone tell you “there is no cure for that” or “there is nothing else you can do”. There is so much waiting for you J

Megan Pennington is a Certified LEAP Therapist and Holistic Health Coach with a BSc in Dietetics and Human Nutrition.

Oprah’s new horizon becomes a reinforced glass ceiling by Dr. Kathleen Brush

Two years ago, Oprah galvanized the Golden Globes with her #metoo speech. She declared a new day was on the horizon. For men - time was up. Oprah threw down the gauntlet on gender equality. Hollywood elites roared in appreciation. People implored her to run for president. With Oprah Winfrey as CEO of gender equality, how could a new day not be on the horizon for women?

Let’s face it, Hollywood and MainStreet share little in common. Oprah’s speech, in combination with millions of #metoo tweets and the newly launched Times Up movement, sounded to many like women declaring war on men – all men – from abusers to allies. With men holding the vast majority of senior leadership positions in the public and private sectors, heeding a call to arms to protect their own was inevitable. What were the prospects women would prevail? In 2019, Forbes 75 most powerful people included five women. Time’s 25 most influential leaders of 2019 counted four women. Biography’s 100 most influential people of all time included two women. In 2019, 11 out of 100 of the richest people in the world were women. In 2019, 25 female CEOs were leading S&P 500 companies and 23 women were leading 193 sovereign nations.

Women have not prevailed. In the past two years, the path to gender equality has gone backward. In 2017, the World Economic Forum predicted it would take 170 years for economic equality, in 2018, it rose to 202 years and in 2019, to 257 years.

Look at some of the subtle ways men are halting the progress of women. The number of male managers consciously avoiding one-on-ones with female subordinates has skyrocketed. Harvard Business Review reported in 2019 that 27% of men said they were avoiding one-on- one meetings with women colleagues and 21% said they were leery about hiring women where a job required close interactions. A survey in 2019 by Lean In and Survey Monkey found that 60% of men are uncomfortable mentoring, socializing, or working one-on-one with women: a 32% increase since 2018. Meetings with women have been characterized as unknown risks and something to be avoided.

Women already face a host of unconscious biases in the workplace. A heightened fear of interacting with women is bound to increase them. How can women dispel biases held by the male gatekeepers of their career if they’re excluded from interacting with them? The giant gap between male and female leaders will never be closed with increased segregation and people and organizations will never experience the validated benefits of sufficiently representing the other 50% of the population.

One good news outcome for #metoo is that sexual harassment in the workplace appears to be on the wane. The bad news is, it’s being countered with increased gender harassment. Gender harassment is like sexual harassment minus the sex. Things like insulting the competence of women, belittling their professional presence, or making crude comments about women in general. Men are altering behaviors that cast them as sexual deviants to ones that paint them as chauvinists or garden-variety sexists. This turn of events is similar to the change that took place when overt discrimination against women was made illegal in the sixties. Discrimination in an unconscious and ambiguously legal form skyrocketed (Noe: according to the EEOC, gender harassment in “serious” forms is supposed to be illegal). Sexual or gender harassment has the same impact on women. Confidence takes a hit, perceptions of suitability for senior leadership are decremented again, and women exit the workforce. You could say the mission of letting women know who’s in charge is accomplished with either form of harassment.

There have been some positive #metoo outcomes. Company leaders have stepped forward with measures to strengthen policies against sexual harassment and have made commitments to promote more women into senior leadership. It’s still unclear if the walk is matching the talk. Some nations have also strengthened laws against sexual harassment, but enforcement remains a question mark. There are always problems implementing unpopular policies or laws, particularly when people believe they were motivated by politics or public relations. There is also the reality that while most agree on what constitutes sexual assault, agreement is missing when it comes to sexual harassment or serious gender harassment. How could there be agreement? Northeastern University’s Dr. Judith Hall, an expert on forms of sexism, which include actions of sexual and gender harassment, said these actions can “literally look welcoming, appealing, and harmless" to some women -- but not all women. It seems reasonable that men could be confused and angry by being cast as a sexual predator for something many women see as harmless or even a positive endorsement of their attractiveness.

Women should never be declaring war on men, and not just because men are in the catbird seat. Wars have winners and losers; the goal is win:win equality. To make progress toward this goal, women need a lot more than Oprah. Women leaders need to be at least 25% on all of those top-powerful-people lists. With critical mass, women leaders can get beyond the stigma of tokenism and can leverage their positions of power to influence others to accept that moving toward equality is in everyone’s interest. How women get there won’t have the glamour of Hollywood. Instead, it will have lots of women that understand why #metoo backfired, why and how discrimination against women, including sexual and gender harassment, is perpetuated, and what women can do to rise above socially-baked-in biases to land positions of senior leadership. Then we can talk about a target for a new horizon of gender equality, and it needs to be a lot less than 257 years.

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Women Whose Noise Complaints Have Been Dismissed Are Asked to Advocate for A Quieter Environment by Arline L. Bronzaft, Ph.D. GrowNYC

In New York City, I have served on the Board of GrowNYC (www.growNYC.org) for thirty years (non-paid position), having been appointed to this organization by the present Mayor and the four former Mayors. Our website provides information on noise and as the individual who has conducted research and written extensively on the adverse effects of noise on mental and physical health, people are directed to contact me if they need assistance with personal noise problems. (I have been called the Noise Lady). Since noise intrusions are a major complaint in New York City, I do hear from many people with most contacting me after having first sought help from the 311 Helpline and the city’s agencies to whom their calls were directed.  Over the years, I have developed techniques to assist many people successfully, but not always. One successful case involved a caller hearing the bed banging against the wall shared with her neighbor when the neighbors were having sex. The woman knew the housekeeper and I suggested telling the housekeeper that she has heard the bed bang against the wall (omit sex part) and it was probably damaging the wall.  The housekeeper moved the bed and the noise disappeared. Additionally, people around the country have also sought my help with noise problems, contacting me often after reading one of my publications or hearing my interviews on podcasts and in the radio.

While both men and women have come to me exasperated with having to deal with their noise problems, I have found that many more women seek out my help and a large number are older women.  Additionally, women callers frequently live in small studio apartments and cannot go to another room that could possibly be quieter. My findings are largely drawn from the many complaints I get about residential noise, often covered by the “warranty of habitability” clause of one’s lease, and most are complaints about noise from neighbors. There are also complaints about noise from building equipment.  Many of these women have already complained to the landlord or managing agent, generally male, about the noise and tell me that their complaints have been dismissed. Those who have not directed their complaints to the landlord or managing agent are generally too timid to lodge a complaint with the person in authority. Women also complain to owners of nearby loud bars and restaurants but report that their complaints are not taken seriously. 

Early in my conversations with the women who call me, I tell them they have a right to live without intrusive, harmful noises and that they should not be intimidated by those in charge who have ignored their complaints. I start out by writing letters on the behalf of these women to the responsible agents and then follow up with phone calls.  Most of the recipients of my letters and phone calls are male. They frequently label the women who have complained as just being “sensitive” to sound.  While there are people who are more sensitive to sounds, and others that are less sensitive, I explain during these calls that the majority of people fall in the middle range and these people are being “reasonable” about the sounds that are bothersome. I also note that others having to live in these apartments would probably find the noise intrusive. When I am told that people have the right to make sounds in their apartments, I reply that they do but their sounds should not intrude on their neighbors’ rights to “reasonable quiet” in their apartments.  Often, I am told that the superintendents have not heard the noises when they visited the apartments. With many superintendents being male and having worked with loud equipment for many years, it may very well be that they have some hearing loss.  Thus, they cannot hear the intrusive sounds.

Let me assure you that noise is an irritant that has been intruding on the lives of many people worldwide, causing them stress, a loss of sleep, physical and mental discomfort, and a diminished quality of life. Going to www.growNYC.org/noise, will introduce you to the relevant research on noise impacts. Knowing that there is literature linking noise to adverse health impacts will be helpful in addressing the noise problem. Secondly, one must become familiar with the bylaws governing noise restrictions, whether it be noise from overhead airplanes and helicopters, neighbors who play their loud music into the early hours, or construction sounds that not only rattle one’s windows but also one’s “nerves.”  People are too often left to their own means to find out about their rights re: noise intrusions—intrusions that disrupt their daily activities, their sleep, their desire for some peaceful, restful relaxation, and more recently, with so many people now working out of their homes, their livelihood. They also have to find out whom to call with a noise complaint.

New York City noise complaints are, for the most part, dealt with by the New York City Noise Code which New York City passed in 1970 and then updated twelve years ago.  (https://www1.nyc.gov/assets/dep/downloads/pdf/air/noise/noise-code-guide-summary.pdf). It is largely the New York City Department of Environmental Protection which enforces this Code with a designated group of agents. Yet, this Code does not oversee noise from overhead airplanes and helicopters, controlled for the most part by the Federal Aviation Administration and local airports.  Also, the Code does not cover the many residential complaints from neighbors. Residents have to depend on the “warranty of habitability” clause of their leases. Then, whom does one call to complain about noise.  In New York City, residents generally call 311 and their calls are directed to proper agencies under the Noise Code.  However, with regard to many of the neighbor to neighbor noise complaints, landlords and managing agents have to be contacted directly.

Now that I have provided some information on noise as a health hazard as well as where you can learn more about the New York City Noise Code and to whom to direct one’s complaints, let me explain further as to what one can do to lessen noises in their lives.  Do find out if others in your building are disturbed by neighbor or building equipment noises.  Ask them to join you in contacting building management.  In numbers, there is greater strength and a greater likelihood that action will be taken. With regard to neighborhood noises, e.g. nearby loud restaurant, noisy metal plates on the road, do ask your neighbors if they are similarly disturbed and have them join you in your efforts to reduce the noise. Such complaints can be taken directly to the Environmental Protection Agency, police precincts and public officials.  Do learn who your local public officials are and remember the City Council passed the NYC Noise Code.  To parents who have children who are attending schools that are noisy from within or from without, e.g. passing trains, nearby road traffic, etc., please read the research on the adverse effects of noise on children’s learning and work toward achieving quieter learning environments for your children.  

Do not let the dismissive attitude toward women complaining about noise stop you from taking action to ameliorate the noise.  Instead, let this negative reaction be the incentive to direct you to the activities described above to lessen the noises in your life. On a more positive note, let me add that some of the women with whom I have worked on noise problems, have indeed become more active in reducing noise in their environment for both themselves and for the many other people who have been similarly affected by nearby noises. They understood that less noise in our environment would result in improved health and well-being for all of us. Less noise will also provide greater opportunity to tune in to the wonderful sounds in our environment, e.g. birds singing, gentle breezes, leaves blowing in the wind, which might very well be drowned out in time if the noises in our environment are not abated.

'Prospecting Success" by Wendy Weiss

I spent my formative years in ballet class. While other kids went out to play, I went to ballet class. In high school while others attended after-school activities or hung out together, I went to ballet class. By my mid-teens I was taking class five or six times a week or maybe even more. This was a habit that continued till injuries sidelined my professional dancing career.

This habit of taking a ballet class every day was not mine alone. Every dancer, professional or those seeking to become professional, takes class every day. It's a habit, it's a reality, it goes with the job. It is impossible to dance professionally without taking class. Even the stars, Barishnykov, for example, take class every day.

In my late teens I had some personal crises that stopped me from going to class everyday. At one of my rare appearances in class, my teacher asked where I had been. I told her what was going on in my life. She said to me, "That's no reason not to take class. You have to take class everyday, no matter what."

Sounds harsh doesn't it? But she was right. Not taking class only gave me something else to feel bad about.

When I started my sales training business, I used that same "no matter what" approach to prospecting. I prospected every day. I started out with absolutely no corporate connections. I was a ballet dancer, I only knew other ballet dancers. I did, however, know how to prospect. On and off for years my "day job" had been telemarketing. I began to prospect the same way I learned to take class, every day, no matter what. Five years later I have a thriving business. Even today I continue to prospect every day, while perhaps not for as many hours. Every day brings some prospecting activity, no matter what.

So how does the busy entrepreneur, busy owner or sales professional find the time to prospect every day no matter what? The answer is simple, put it in your calendar. Schedule time in your calendar every day for prospecting activity. At the scheduled time put aside what you are doing and prospect. Do not take other calls, do not work on other projects, do not  allow interruptions. Simply prospect. When the time you have scheduled is over, stop prospecting and go on with your other tasks.

Schedule appointments with yourself to prospect and keep those appointments. We get angry and upset when prospects miss appointments. Ask yourself: Why is it all right to miss an appointment with yourself? 

Prospecting success (just like learning to dance) comes over time. In order to keep your sales funnel full you must constantly be on the lookout for leads and prospects. By keeping your funnel full you avoid the boom and bust cycles that so many entrepreneurs and sales professionals experience. To be successful you must engage in some prospecting activity everyday, no matter what. It's a habit, it's a reality, it goes with the job.

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Power to Within! by Donna Labermeier

After years in the business world, I decided to try my hand at “stay-at-home” mom. I soon realized that it was the hardest job on the planet! With a few years at this under my belt, a four year old on one hip, a two year old on the other, an ailing mother with dementia, an elderly father living on his own, and a husband working more hours than not trying to keep his business going and pay the bills, I had lost myself somewhere down the line. I no longer had an identity. Who was I? Did I have a purpose outside of caregiver? I felt completely drained, used up, a shell of a human being…I had given my power away.

My mother died later that year, and my depression became deeper. I felt terribly disappointed and angry at the way she left me. I was never alone, it seemed, but I felt utterly lonely. My mental anguish had begun to manifest itself physically. Like clockwork, every month, I would acquire an unbearable strep-like sore throat. Knowing what I know now, I realize it was from not speaking my truth, not expressing my authentic self.

In the Spring of the following year, my sister asked me to go on a trip with her. She was sure I needed some time for myself. I, of course, was very reluctant to even entertain the thought with two small children at home. I had responsibilities, and how would my husband feel about the added duties? So after mulling it over for a time, I woke up one morning and made a command decision…I was taking my power back! This was my life, too! I was going to go on a trip with my sister! Everyone was just going to have to make due without me for a few days.

So my sister, Ginny, and I went to Canyon Ranch Health Resort in Tucson, Arizona. My sister had been there before and enjoyed it so much as a relaxing retreat that she was sure it would be good for me, too. There, I did some reflecting, but I was still very sad. I felt as if I was supposed to be doing something else in life. I was searching for a missing piece of myself. I didn’t know what it was or how to go about figuring it out. Then one day, I scheduled myself for a session called “Healing Touch.” For many years of my adult life I had been interested in the metaphysical and in spiritual development, but energy healing was a new concept to me. This process of healing another individual of emotional and physical blockages using only the healing energy inherent in each of our bodies and minds was positively fascinating to me. When I came home from this adventure, I still couldn’t put my finger on exactly what my larger purpose in life was, but I began studying energy medicine.

After a few more months of feeling aimless and continuing to search for my path in life, I became terribly sick. I had come down with a respiratory illness and coughed incessantly for a month. Again, I now know this was a serious sign that I was shoving negative energy down into my body instead of releasing it through some form of personal expression and having some fun in my life.

I was prescribed stronger and stronger medication, but I continued to get worse. I was desperate to get well. One night, afraid that I might fall asleep and never wake up, I said to myself, “What if these medicines I’m relying on to heal me don’t work? There MUST be a way for me to heal myself.” And the instant those thoughts poured out of my mind, the premise for my book, The Healers, flooded in. The detail was amazing, especially considering my exhaustion and delirium at the time. So crisp and clear were my visions of the characters – children from various parts of the globe, each with their own healing abilities, using specific techniques, teaching other young people and adults, alike, to use energy healing in their own lives.

The next morning, the ideas were still so vivid in my mind that I began writing them down on paper. I had now found what I was searching for: a greater purpose in life, an identity, a creative outlet to express my true self, a way to spread a message of hope and love to humanity. In a world of infinite possibilities and infinite abundance, I had finally attracted what I was ready to have. That was two years ago, and I haven’t been sick or depressed since.
I sincerely hope that my readers will come away from this book with the realization that they have more power than they ever dreamed. The power of the Universe lies inherently within each and every one of us. We live on a vibrational planet, and all that exists is simply made of energy. We have the ability to shape our own realities through the focus of our thoughts, so if you hold your thoughts on the positive and the good, your life will be a mirror reflection of them. This Universe of ours is loving, caring, supportive, and abundant; and I passionately believe that every person on Earth has the inner strength to better his or her own life – to release all fear, worry, anxiety, distress, and dis-ease from their bodies and minds.. It is a gift we ALL possess.

BUY NOW!!  The Healers (Healers Trilogy - Book 1) (The Healers Trilogy)

Park That elephant by D.L. Bolk

When my oldest son obtained his learner's permit, his father decided to let him drive our 15-passenger van. When he arrived home, the first thing our son said was, "It's like using an elephant to practice riding a horse."

How's your writing? Are you moving according to plan or are you practicing to ride a horse using an elephant?

Do you have that special story that you've always wanted to write, but haven't because someone convinced you it won't sell?

Are you becoming an expert on synopsis and the first three chapters because that's how you were told to market you story ideas?

Did you whip up a neat little short story because someone told you it was easier than writing a novel?

Or, maybe you penned an Inspirational because Inspirationals are hot right now. Or did you just finish that sweet romance, although you'd rather write something hotter? But you can't do it because your mother might read it.

What! You don't want to write a romance at all! You want to go mainstream, but someone told you breaking into romance would be easier because you have structured guidelines to follow.
I won't say you'll never get published if you've taken a spin on any of these elephants, but I will tell you the ride won't be anywhere near as satisfying if it wasn't what you really wanted to write.

Here are six of the best words ever written: To thine own self be true.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be aware of what's happening in the market. What I am saying is this. What makes you special, as a writer, is you. Telling the story you want in your voice.
I recently dismounted my elephant (romantic fiction) and rode my horse. My first novel (a psychological thriller) WHEN HEROES FALL was released in November 2001.
So, unsaddle that elephant, get on that horse. Your horse. And write your story.
I won't promise you'll get it published, but I will promise you'll enjoy the ride. 

BUY HER BOOK: When Heroes Fall

Lessons For Living by Dr. Lillie M. Coley

Power of Forgiveness - We all need wisdom and discernment in handling any type of problems. If we reacted to the shock our parent's death by being unforgiving and with other types of negative reactions, we would not have made it here today. Life would have eaten us up. Holding grudges will destroy us. 

It takes power to forgive when the pain of hurt aches every part of our body. But through life experiences we must learn forgiveness and the importance of it. As we love and forgive, our divine intervention can help and deliver us, which sets us free to help others who are bound by circumstances and the inability to forgive. It's hard to help others until you have first helped yourself, although it is not impossible for hurting people to help hurting people. We must be very careful and use wisdom, because usually we will find hurting people hurt people. Whole people help heal people and make them become stronger.

Forgiveness, however, frees you to live, grow, and move on. Learning to forgive at an early age prepares us for the hurts that will come later in life. We had to "put something in our hearts called love" in order to receive the reward of being free in our spirits. Remember NO DEPOSIT, NO RETURN; what you put out is what you get back.

Forgive as soon as possible because the longer you wait the more damage it does on your body. Unforgiveness is a form of stress that wears and tears on the body.

Power of Healing - It is always best to expose the enemy or our bad habits in our own lives before someone else does. Often, when people find out something negative about you, they cannot wait to tell someone else. This is why we are telling our story, because nobody can tell it like we can tell it. When we tell, we are healed from it faster. Of course, we always must use wisdom and common sense. Use wisdom before you speak to provide clarity of thought and articulation of speech about what to say and not to say. But the healing process requires that we release that which hurts us in some constructive way. Communication is the best way, because it is so therapeutic. As we release the negative in a healthy way, then we have room to fill ourselves up with positive things. During our mending process, our broken hearts will be placed back together one day at a time and one piece at a time. But first, we must admit the problem has literally crushed our soul. Then we must seek to get the ultimate healing. No food, job, sexual experience, money or person can fix a problem like divine healing can. 

Memories are reflected encounters of life that have taught us and brought us to where we are. In other words, we are the sum of our past that has been designed to help us grow into our future. As we reflect and understand where we have been, it is then and only then that we can go to the next level in life. People have a tendency not to want to think about the past because it brings up so much hurt. But, often we must face our accuser, and it is through these encounters that healing can take place. We can be healed in the very place of our pain. Ask me. I know! 

Look at healing as living water. It never touches one person or one place, but, just like water, when it spills, it touches all that is around it. Now, living water will ignite what it touches, to bring life to anything that needs life. It is imperative that we get these lessons, because, otherwise, we may find ourselves falling into the same behavior patterns. Lessons in life teach us about ourselves and lead us on a road to recovery. The roads where it lead us often help us to apply what we have learned during our pain and healing to help others who are going through similar situations. This is what true destiny and purpose in life is all about: helping those to help themselves. The same comfort of healing we received from our parents, we are now able to use to comfort others.

Power of Loving Yourself and Being Whole - We must seek help for all the hurts and pains in our lives. We should take care of them like we would take care of other areas of our lives. Unresolved issues do nothing more than get worse over time. We are not in our problems alone. There is somebody somewhere who is going through something similar. Seek help because it is the right thing to do, and do not worry about what people think. Mentally and physically free yourself from people and their negative opinions. We must seek to be around people that will not poison or vex our spirit but build us up. We need people for encouragement and correction in love. Being free in our minds from carrying unnecessary weight is really the life we want to live. Otherwise, we will be enslaved to ourselves, and our problems will mentally weigh us down. Destruction usually follows along with a life of unfulfillment. Please seek help until it is found, and continue to knock until a door is opened. After every 'No' there is a 'Yes' somewhere.

We must be honest with ourselves first, and then take it to someone who gives us morally and sound counsel. This person should be a good listener. Remember that love is the only thing that changes people. We cannot change anybody but ourselves. As we love people where they are, we love unconditionally, and this helps them move into wholeness. This direction of growth must be our own self-will.

Life's not designed for us to make it by ourselves. Everybody needs help. Seek to find the strength to overcome, and become a VICTOR instead of a victim. After divine revelations, we finally felt completion or closure to our parents' tragedy. Our mind was at rest, and we had peace with the situation. In addition, our mended broken heart was now in sync with our renewed minds. They were of one accord. From this encounter, we became completely "whole" in this area of our lives. We now felt free and had more strength to share our story with others. From these encounters came our mission in life and Community Empowerment Outreach was born. An organization to help those who have similar stories as ours and those who need to be empowered. As we understand our self-worth and have self-identity we can become whole and complete with strength to move on and help others along the way.

BUY NOW My Story: Tragedy Turned to Opportunity

Empowerment byline: Carol Drinkwater

The Oxford Dictionary definition of empower is : give (someone) the authority or power to do something.  Make someone stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.  The noun is Empowerment

What fascinates me about empowerment, particularly as a writer, is how we can create our own power, how through the experiences of loss or grief, learning or challenge we find the inner strength to grow and move forward with a broader and richer understanding of ourselves and the world in which we live and function.   

I believe that no experience is worth having if it does not takes us further. What have I learnt? What can this teach me about myself and the my relationship with the world about me?

In the OLIVE trilogy I am writing, stories about buying a delapidated villa in ten acres of land in the south of France and transforming that ruin and its Mediterranean terraces into a glorious olive farm that produces first class olive oil, there are numerous examples of challenge and loss, some painful, some very funny. Each of the books recounts some of these challenges and how they can be transformed into rich and uplifting and often humorous experiences.

In THE OLIVE SEASON, the second book in the trilogy, I find myself pregnant. The news is joyous to myself and my husband, Michel, because I had a history of miscarriages. Unfortunately, I lose the little girl at seventeen weeks into the pregnancy. The devastation is compounded when I learn from my gynecologist that I will never be able to carry a child full-term. For almost any woman this is a profound tragedy and one that takes a great deal of courage to face and move through. For me, personally, there were two issues that took my grief way down. Firstly, my husband has beautiful twin daughters from his first marriage and though I love them to bits and they love me I will never be their mother and, secondly, I am an actress and and as such my life is sometimes lived in the public domain. On television I have been described as 'womanly', 'attractive', 'feminine' etc and now here I am childless. Being denied the quintessential female experience. How was I to go forward ? How was I going to come to terms with such a deprivation? 

Running alongside tales of the rich and colourful world of life in southern Provence, this loss, these questions and their answers, is one of the themes of THE OLIVE SEASON. I believe that I allowed myself to go through the grieving and, slowly, as the seasons changed on the olive farm, as winter turned to spring, as a new harvest of olives was gathered and pressed, as sapling olive trees are planted, I began to find strength in nature. I began looking for what was good in my life.

What makes my cup half FULL and not half EMPTY?

The olive tree is considered to be the Tree of Eternity. It lives sometimes to a thousand years. It does not begin fully fruiting until is about twenty-five years and its finest fruits can be harvested when it has reached a century or more.

We have recently planted another two hundred small trees. Sometimes, these days, I stand on our farmland and I look about me and I thank Life for all that is wonderful. I will never have children in the physical, the conventional sense. But we have young trees that will be fruiting long after Michel and I have passed through this life, I have my books to write, roles as an actress to take on and we are creating a farm that will be there for many future generations to come.

Of course, I remain sad that I don't see that little girl at my side on the farm, that I don't hold her hand, but she is there in spirit and I am stronger and richer as a woman now because I have learnt to celebrate what I have. 

I have been empowered - been made stronger and more confident - by the facing of my loss and I have discovered joy in the everyday world around me. 

© CAROL DRINKWATER, France 2003

Choose Optimism byline: Debbie Gisonni

Have you ever wondered where the expression, “knock on wood” comes from? There are several theories dating back to the Pagans, Christians and ancient Celtics. The most common is that knocking on a tree woke the good spirits who would protect people from evil. Today’s version includes knocking on any wood-like surface, but the premise remains the same--preventing bad luck. To me, it’s just another form of negative thinking--focusing on the bad instead of the good.

You bring into your life that which you focus upon. If you’re one of those people who thrives on gloom and doom, yanking others into your web of despair, and then gloating about your foresight when life becomes as miserable as you feared--guess what? This becomes your own self-fulfilling prophecy! You will always live in victim mode, shunning happiness, while you anticipate your next inevitable misfortune. 

Amid these forces of negativity, notice that there are others who always seem cheerful, finding the good in any situation or person. The words, “Murphy’s Law,” never touch their lips! You may think that they have all the good luck. And they do! Because they focus on how great things are or can be, versus what can ruin it. And, if something does go wrong, they find the lesson in the experience--maybe even the silver lining--and move on positively. These are the people who choose optimism. 

When I woke up one day to find my car tire flat in my driveway, I didn't think, “These things always happen to me. This car has been bad luck since I bought it.” Instead I chose to think, “Wasn't I lucky to have this happen here, instead of while I was driving 60MPH on the freeway?” OK…you say, “Big deal! It’s just a flat tire. What about the really bad stuff that happens to us, like death, divorce, 
bankruptcy, illness?” My answer stays the same--How you see it is still your choice. I lost four family members in four years, and my mother was ill for ten years. After that devastating time, I decided to write a book to help others deal with tragedy. I wanted to turn those tragedies into something positive for others and myself. That was my choice.

Optimism is a learned behavior. If no one in your life has ever taught you to be positive, then it becomes your choice to learn. You create the reality around you with your thoughts, words and actions. It’s the law of the universe--what you put out, you get back. Simple. 

Negativity zaps so much energy from you and comes back ten times stronger. It’s cold, dark and heavy on your soul, while being cheerful and optimistic feels like a cool summer breeze--light, sweet and airy. Try it sometime; you may never go back. 

Five ways to choose optimism in your life
1) Hang around positive people even if it seems uncomfortable at first.
2) If you work or live with negative people, don't get pulled into their fear or impose your opinion upon them.
3) Try to change every negative thought and word to a positive one. 
4) Always assume the best from people and situations.
5) Make positive affirmations--if you say it enough, you'll start believing it.UY HE

BUY HER BOOK: Vita's Will: Real Life Lessons About Life, Death & Moving On

Choose Acceptance byline: Debbie Gisonni

It’s so easy to accept the good stuff when it happens to us. We savor those fortunate moments, like a piece of Godiva chocolate slowing melting in our mouths. But when we’re faced with bad news or unpleasant feelings, we fight, ignore or deny them like the plague. We dig in our heels and think, 

“Not in my lifetime is this going to happen!”

There is a generation of people who experienced more than the usual death and loss, while they struggled through WWII and the great depression. Having gone through so much pain, they seem to be more accepting of what happens in their life. My parents were part of that generation. After my mother became disabled, she would often say, “I never imagined I'd be living like this.” Then in the same breath, she'd follow with, “I guess it’s God’s will.” Whether it was God’s will or not, the acceptance of her uncontrollable misfortune helped her stay sane through ten consecutive years of chronic illness, disability and near death experiences.

Now, I'm not suggesting you roll over and play dead when life deals you a bad set of cards. You should always attempt to change and improve whatever you can. But sometimes, a tornado sweeps into your life without cause or warning. While you can't prevent it, you can certainly live through it. That means acknowledging it and adjusting your life to accommodate and embrace it--without anger or guilt. Major setbacks are often lessons that help you change your life for the better. 

Death is one of the most difficult events in life for us to accept. Often family members choose to deny a terminal diagnosis or worse, assume they’re doing the dying person a favor by not telling him. Then the person dies without the opportunity to say good-bye, make amends or get his affairs in order. Afterwards, the remaining friends and family are left with an even larger burden --sorting out the mess and all their emotions of denial. They may never accept their loved one’s death, which can cause a domino effect of emotions from anger to hate to depression. On the other hand, had they accepted the impending death, they might have been able to make that person’s last days more joyful and their own less frustrating.

By accepting the events in your life, you accept life itself.  You become more tolerable of others and more content with your personal situation, whatever it may be at the time. You realize that every event in your life--trivial or life changing, fortuitous or tragic, eventually comes to an end. 

Life will always be a series of ups and downs. For some of you, it’s a roller coaster ride. For others, it’s just a few bumps on a rather flat road. Either way, you'll be happier if you hold on, pay attention and embrace every bit of the ride.

Five ways to choose acceptance in your life: 
1)   Say and believe each morning that you are open to whatever the day brings.  
2)   Consider death a natural part of life--talk about it, work through it.
3)   Remember that unhappy events and emotions are temporary--don't deny them, they'll come back to haunt you.
4)   Embrace misfortune; it will make the good times feel that much better.
5)   Don't worry or blame yourself for things out of your control--go with the flow.

BUY HER BOOK: Vita's Will: Real Life Lessons About Life, Death & Moving On

Career: cross reference to Vocational Astrology by Stephanie Clement

The two most frequently asked questions in astrology relate to relationship and career. Of these, career exploration combines the best of traditional astrological methods with the best of modern psychological astrology. In addition, Vedic astrology includes very specific data about the type of career one may pursue.

Exploration of the career includes several factors in the chart:
· Individual creative capacity. Everyone is creative; vocational astrology looks at creativity as it impacts career choices.
· The careers that suit the individual chart. These reflect the planets, sign, and aspects related to the 10th House and its rulers.
· The actual workplace and the people found there, reflected by the 6th House and its rulers. This includes the geographic location, the type of building, and the location within the building where one works.
· The source of one's personal income, reflected by the 2nd House and its rulers. This house also includes money management, material goods, and also self-esteem.
· The personal style of the individual. This includes myriad factors, with a focus on the Sun, Moon, Ascendant and Midheaven signs.
· The place to begin one's career path (indicated by Saturn)
· The personal activities concerning career (indicated by Mars)
· Character traits that may affect job performance (sign and element of the Sun and Moon, speed of the Moon in the birth chart, position of Mercury relative to the Sun, and numerous other factors)

When career considerations are expanded to include the concept of vocation or mission, the astrological delineation of career takes on a philosophical, or even spiritual overtone. If one's vocation is a calling, who calls? The ideal career satisfies this calling in a direct way. The astrologer can help the client listen to the inner voice, or daimon, to understand the unique personal life path he or she is intended to pursue. The astrologer then uses the above considerations to identify careers that suit the individual mission.

Twenty-first Century vocational astrology has unique demands, considering the rapid changes in the work arena. Significant careers from the past no longer exist, or have metamorphosed into something unrecognizable by a 19th Century person. For example, candle-making was once an essential occupation. The contemporary candle maker is either working in a highly mechanized atmosphere, or is making candles for the love of the task. Very few people make their living in this career. However, like the butcher and the baker, the candle-making profession may be seeing a small revival, as people indicate their desire for "the real thing."
The distinctions between work roles have blurred. For example, where a business person once had a secretary to prepare all letters, email now is an essential component of an executive's work skill package. Yet skilled letter-writing retains a place in the career mix, and is a creative art to be developed by those who aim to get ahead. The executive has acquired the increased need for written communication skills.

A second example involves libraries. The internet and computers have resulted in major revisions in the way libraries operate. Once the province of a professional librarian, book cataloging can be done quickly and inexpensively by staff with far less technical training, and a library collection in Pueblo, Colorado can be viewed by a patron in Italy. In this case the clerical workload of collection management has been shifted to another staff member, and the professional librarian has moved into the role of collection development and reference services to a large extent.

What do these changes mean for the vocational astrologer? The astrologer has to keep current with career changes. Vocational and professional training information forms an important part of the astrologer's resources. Similar to the career counselor in a school, the astrologer must be able to relate the client's astrological vocational picture to the career market of the day.

The astrologer can act as career coach as well. Help with choosing the career field remains the main focus. In addition, the astrologer can coach the client in how to present his or her skills effectively. A third part of the astrologer's role is to help the client present his deeper character traits effectively. Missing from resumes of the 20th Century, effective communication of one's character may be the deciding factor in gaining employment in very tough job markets. The astrologer is well positioned to provide essential information in this regard.
Vocational astrology is a growing segment within the broader astrological career field. The use of traditional charting methods and contemporary computer-aided astrology make this a dynamic branch of a profession that dates back at least to the Greeks and their Arabian contemporaries.

BUY BOOK: A to Z Horoscope Maker and Interpreter

"Amulets and Talismans" byline: Rachel Madorsky

During healing sessions, Katrina began to see symbols and pictures. In the beginning, I did not pay attention. But the recurrence of visions attracted my interest. Looking through books, I learned about similar symbols. The visions came to Katrina either from her past lives or from the Cosmic Mind. The received information could no longer be ignored. At the same time, a jeweler came to me for treatment. I couldn't believe this was just coincidence. The jeweler used Katrina's drawings to make amulets and talismans. 

The symbol of a triangle, which had come in curious form to Katrina, was made into a necklace and earrings. The triangle is one of the most ancient symbols known to mankind and has been used in amulets and talismans around the world. The adornment protected the wearer from dark forces and evil eyes. Look at those who wear an overabundance of jewelry. These people carry amulets and subconsciously are trying to protect themselves from powerful environmental influences. These adornments keep the attention away from their owner.

The type of amulet or talisman used depends on how developed the society or culture is. Many think amulets and talismans are the same, but they are different. Amulets protect their owners from misfortune, enemies, malicious wizards and evil eyes. Talismans bring good luck, love, happiness, health, authority and riches by attracting aid from the forces of Quasimir or the invisible world to the owner. Usually talismans are carried on the body or are hung in certain places.

Some types of amulets have been known for thousands of years, such as the Ankh, Seal of Solomon, Star of David, Cross, Swastika, Scarab, Horseshoe, and Palm, to name a few.
In ancient Egypt, amulets were used both for the living and for the dead. Amulets with the name of one or many gods and consecrated by a sorcerer or priest were considered the strongest ones.

Archeologists found in Egypt more than 300 different types of amulets. Amulets for the heart were shaped in the form of a scarab. The scarab not only protected, it also gave new life to a body when certain words were carved into it. It is also one of the most popular amulets today. Another amulet is the Eye of Horus, the Egyptian god of light, used to protect against danger and safeguard good health. The ankh is the amulet of life. 

During the Roman Empire, Emperor Caracalla forbad amulets with his image under threat of punishment. 

The gold or silver plate covered with tiny snakes or half moons and ancient writings served as amulets for the Jews. Soldiers carried them on their wrists during war. One of the most important amulets of the Jews is the Torah. Excerpts from the Torah enclosed in cases are kept at entrance doors or carried as adornments to deflect the devil's games and to protect from evil. Amulets in the form of letters served the ancient Jews, who believed God created the world by the letters of their alphabet and language. Each letter of the alphabet bears a certain amount of energy and miracle force. The name of God consists of four letters, but Jews are not allowed to speak it aloud as it carries both creative and destructive forces and affords protection from the devil. The eighth letter of Hebrew alphabet is Chi - the symbol of life and it is very popular among Hebrews, other nationalities, and different cultures, as well. 

In the Middle Ages, amulets got a second life in connection with epidemics, wars and political cataclysms. Dried frogs carried in silk bags were worn around the neck to prevent epileptic attacks. At that time, epileptics were thought to be possessed by malicious spirits. Wearing an amulet expelled the malicious spirits from the body or protected others from attack.
Written amulets, usually associated with the cabbalistic tradition of letters or words on a leather parchment, are carried in a metal or leather case. 

In China, priests sell small metal plates with engraving or a leather piece with writing to protect man from illnesses or accidents.

Arabs use either talismans of Hebrew or Gnostic origin. In Arabian legends, magic properties are attributed to rings or seals of Solomon.

One frequently used talisman is an image of an inverted palm. The hand extended forward is considered a symbol of divine force and the authority of the Almighty. The amulet in the form of a hand saves his owner from an evil eye and should be worn around the neck or attached to something. Called the "Hand of Fatima" by Arabs, it is the most popular amulet in the Near East. In Jewish culture, it is called "Chamsa," which means five in Arabic. It protects against the five forces of nature: water, fire, wind, lightening and earthquake. 

In the Middle Ages, Slavs used plants, medicinal herbs, animal parts or fish bodies as amulets. Bunches of sage were hung at door entrances. Other bunches were shaped into brooms to sweep malicious spirits from premises. Witches, healers, or medicine men passed their books on herbs only to their descendents.

The star is a long-time symbol of hope. Though the Seal of Solomon (pentagram) and Star of David (hectogram) were widely used by Jews in amulets, they were also popular with Egyptians, Assyrians and Babylonians. The symbols of stars could be found in ruins in India, China, Peru and Mexico as well.

With an edge upward, the star resembles man with open hands and with legs astride. It symbolizes the surrender of man to the Almighty and reflects the eternal spirit overseeing the four elements: air, fire, water and earth. Pentagrams are frequently used in amulets together with the lunar or half moon. In ancient Jewish culture, the Star of David or Seal of Solomon symbolized the union of fire and water, man and woman, or body and soul. To the Egyptians, it symbolized fertilization. The six-pointed star united the power of all the planets, bringing success to all.

The eight-pointed star, Eschatar, is the symbol of hope, spiritual inspiration and protection. Every possible kind of star has been used in amulets.

The cross is probably the most ancient amulet. However, it was not originally a symbol of Christian origin. During the age of Samaria and Assyria, the first known crosses were symmetric, frequently made within a circle. The circle designated Earth and the four branches signified the four seasons of the year. This type of cross, used by the pagans long before Christ, symbolized a deity and creative forces. Later the cross was associated with protecting the wearer with well being and a long life. Columbus found the symbol of a cross in America. The Indians called it the "cross of the wind."

In the beginning of our era, four forms of the cross-Greek, Tauay or the cross of the Old Testament, cross of Saint Andrew, and Latin or Christian - were used in amulets. In the 4th century during the rule of Constantine the Great, his mother Helen converted to Christianity while visiting Palestine. She announced she had found the "true cross;" the cross on which Jesus was crucified. Having received from Helen a part of the cross, Constantine sent it to the Pope in the Vatican. At the same time, he ordered the replacement of the eagle on all Roman soldiers' shields to the Latin or Christian cross, thus raising the stature of Christianity to the state religion of the Roman Empire. 

There is one more ancient amulet with a sad past. It is the swastika. Its name comes from India, which means "happy, successful." Early Christians used the swastika on crypts to protect the dead. In China, it was known as "thunder scroll" and brought long life, good luck and well being. The swastika frequently appeared on pedestals of Buddha statues. Knowing Nordic mythology, Hitler chose the swastika as a symbol of the Nazi party and the Arian race. Because of its recent history, the swastika is no longer popular as an amulet.

Talisman comes from the Arabian word "talisma" that means "magic letter." Talismans usually appear on medals, rings or pieces of parchment on which special marks and text have been drawn. The power of the magician or sorcerer serves as a link between the owner of the talisman and the invisible forces to strengthen the magical properties of the talisman, connecting its form, color and smell. Many European magic schools recommend that the wearer craft his own talisman so he learns about planetary symbols and natural forces.
Many talismans use pentacles (pentagrams) or seals. Pentacle in Latin means "small figure." Pentacles frequently use five- or six-pointed stars. Seals usually name one of the spiritual forces.

The majority of ancient talismans used Hebrew (the language of ancient Jews) or Latin. Some symbols are so ancient that their importance and meaning have been lost in layers of centuries. 

With frequent handling, metal becomes charged with biopower information of the bearer. Quite often parents give children jewelry from dead relatives without understanding its biopower. If the source of the talisman is unknown or if the giver is gravely ill or has died, the talisman should be washed in salt water to remove any stored information.

Amulets and talismans can be produced from any imaginable material. Dare to create one for yourself. Bring a talisman into your life to embark on a new and probably mystical adventure. By studying ancient wisdom, you become wiser. If you believe in their magic force, ancient amulets can help you. 

BUY HER BOOK: Create Your Own destiny!

Affirmations

Money
I happily see every bill paid now.
I joyfully see every obligation met now.
I am the Spirit of Infinite Plenty individualized.
I am boundless abundance in radiant expression.
And so it is!

I am wonderfully rich in consciousness.
What is expressed in love must be returned in full measure.
I am a mighty money magnet and oceans of money engulf me.
Therefore, wave after wave of visible money supply flows to me now.
And so it is!

I am bountifully supplied with money.
I now realize my plan for abundant living.
I lovingly see myself sharing this bounty for the good of all  according to Universal guidance.
I see my bank account continually filled with an all-sufficiency to meet every need with a divine surplus.
And so it is!

Good Fortune

New fields of Divine Activity now open for me.
Someone somewhere is looking for exactly what I have to offer.
I am awake to my good, and gather in the harvest of endless opportunities.
My seeming impossible good now comes to pass, the unexpected now happens!
And so it is!

I give thanks for my whirlwind success.
The tide of destiny has turned and everything comes my way.
I have a magical work in a magical way, I give magical service for magical pay.
I see clearly and act quickly and my greatest desire comes to pass in a miraculous way.
And so it is!

I now fulfill my destiny.
The genius within me is now released.
Happy surprises come to me each day.
I banish the past and now live in the wonderful now.
And so it is

Joy
Unlimited channels of good are open to me now.
I accept all the joy and prosperity life has to offer.
I create the world as a happy, abundant place for everyone.
My life is filled with the abundant blessings of the Universe.
And so it is!

I am rich, well and happy.
I am rich in consciousness and manifestation.
Infinite riches are now flowing freely into my life.
Life is meant to be fun and I'm now willing to enjoy it!
And so it is!

Affirmations contributed by Rita

"Know Your Credit Score" byline: Barbara Kavovit

The most important part of qualifying for a mortgage isn't how much of a down payment you can make, it's how good your credit score is. The better your credit, the more easily you can secure a mortgage loan, even without a fat bank account or a high-paying job. The first and most important action you should take is to get your credit report from each of the three major credit bureaus, Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion. You have to get all three reports because the companies and utilities that extend you credit don't report to all three bureaus. The result is that each consumer has three credit reports with three different sets of information. You can access the reports for free at least once a year. If you find errors and report them (see below for details), you can get a revised report for free.

Your credit score is based on the information in the credit report. In the simplest terms, the score indicates how likely you will be to pay back a loan in full and on time. According to Steven Burman, president of Credit Advocates and an expert credit counselor, it reflects your credit history, how much debt you currently carry (called outstanding debt), how much debt you're already approved to carry in the future (add up the credit limits on your credit cards for the answer), how long your credit history is, and how timely you are in paying bills. The higher the number, the better your credit is, ranging from a low of 300 to a perfect score of 850. Do everything you can to improve your score -- it's even more important than saving money, in my opinion! Why? Because the higher your score, the better the interest rate you will get. If you have a very high score, you may even be able to buy a house with no money down.

Improve Your Credit Rating
Steve says that you have to take personal responsibility for your credit, and I agree. The first time many people see their credit reports is when they are about to purchase a home or a car. Because it can take about 3 months (and sometimes much longer) to change a credit score, if the score is wrong or low at that time, it could be too late to fix it. You could lose that fabulous apartment! Don't let that happen -- start changing your score today. Here are six proven ways to improve your score:

1. Check and correct your credit history 
Thirty-five percent of your score comes from your credit history, according to Steve. Unfortunately, 70 percent of credit reports contain errors -- mistakes that can adversely impact your score! Mistakes range from the misspelling of names, to reporting wrong addresses or places of employment, to confusing the accounts of people with the same name, to including outdated information. You can and should report errors to each of the credit bureaus since they do not share information. You can file disputes by phone or by mail, but you may find that it is most convenient to dispute errors online. Once the credit bureaus receive a dispute, they have 30 days to investigate. If they cannot verify the information in that time, it is deleted or corrected by default. Once you dispute information, the onus is on them to prove it. If your payment was late once or twice and the creditor reported it to the credit bureau, you can ask the retailer or credit card company to issue a letter of correction. For example, many retail stores would prefer to keep your business by issuing a correction than lose it by refusing to. Always follow up on promised corrections by rechecking your credit report. If some of the accounts on your report are old and closed, tell the credit bureau that you don't recognize them. They will investigate, find that you are not a customer, and remove them. It's best if your credit report lists only active accounts. Even when some of the accounts are closed, having dozens of them may make lenders assume that you are not a stable credit risk.

2. Pay down high balances 
The amounts you owe on revolving credit accounts are responsible for 30 percent of your score. Steve says the fastest way to improve your credit rating is to pay down balances. After he advised one client to use all of his available cash to pay down his credit card bills, the client's credit score went up by 100 points. Keep revolving credit accounts under 30 percent of the available limit. For example, if your credit card limit is $10,000, keep the balance under $3,000. High balances adversely affect credit ratings. Plus, credit card debt is expensive to carry. Some cards charge up to 24 percent interest on unpaid balances. Are the designer jeans and fur jacket really worth that? Pay off your credit cards! You can also negotiate with your credit card company to reduce or eliminate interest charges and sometimes even reduce what you owe.

3. Make history with your credit 
It's good to have some activity and history on the account. "Many people think closing accounts will make their credit look better, but it depends," says Steve. "Look at the accounts you are closing and keep the oldest one. Length of credit history counts for 15 percent of your total score."

4. Think twice about new credit 
When you open a new credit card account, the creditor makes an inquiry to one of the credit bureaus to evaluate your history. The number of recently opened accounts and credit inquiries accounts for 10 percent of your score. (Note that checking your own credit report doesn't count as an inquiry, however.) "If you start applying for loans at an auto dealership or a bank and each one does an inquiry, it's a negative," says Steve. When a store sends you a sales pitch saying you're preapproved for credit, resist the temptation to fill out the application form. One credit card is all you really need. At any rate, closing an account doesn't mean it automatically disappears from your credit report. You have to ask them to remove it. Better yet . . . 

5. Pay with cash 
Using debit cards and cash are good ways to control your debt (and therefore maintain a great credit score).

6. Pay all your bills on time 
Late payments can have a substantial negative impact on your score. For example, you can raise your score by as much as 20 points simply by paying bills on time for 1 month!

For more information on improving your credit rating, visit the Federal Trade Commission's credit repair page at www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/pubs/credit/repair.htm. To dispute information in a credit report, here is how to contact the credit bureaus:

Equifax Information Services, LLC
Disclosure Department 
PO Box 740241 
Atlanta, GA 30374 
800-685-1111 
www.equifax.com

Experian 
475 Anton Boulevard
Costa Mesa, CA 92626 
or 
955 American Lane
Schaumburg, IL 60173
888-397-3742 
www.experian.com

TransUnion LLC
PO Box 1000
Chester, PA 19022
800-888-4213 
www.transunion.com 

Annual Credit Report Request Service
PO Box 105281 
Atlanta, GA 30348-5281
877-322-8228 
www.annualcreditreport.com

Annualcreditreport.com is the official site that helps consumers obtain the free credit reports they are entitled to annually, as required by law.

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"Grow The Space You Have" byline: Barbara Kavovit

Transforming existing raw space into an extra bedroom, a playroom, or a guest or master suite is an affordable way to make your house bigger. You can also winterize an unheated sunroom or porch to transform a two- or three-season room into a year-round retreat. You can transform a two-bedroom, two-bath house into a "new" three-bedroom, three-bathroom house just by making your unused space livable!

Be Your Own Project Manager
Finishing the existing raw space in your home for livability requires the help of specialists in several trades: plumbing, carpentry, electrical, and others, including flooring and possibly stoneworking for tile work. So while it's not a do-it-yourself job, you can manage the project yourself and become your own general contractor. That way, you'll save money and choose and work with the tradespeople whom you really like. Managing the project gives you tremendous control over personnel, quality control, and finishes. You're the boss! Here are the basic steps you'll want to follow:

Set aside some time
Expect to spend from 1 to several hours a day for several months dealing with some aspect of the renovation. Managing the transformation of any space in your home does not require you to be on-site every minute, but you do have to check in often, inspect the work as it progresses, pay bills, consult with the tradespeople who are on the site, coordinate with and schedule the tradespeople who need to come in, make sure the site is organized safely and in a way that protects workers (and therefore your liability), monitor rubbish removal, and troubleshoot.

Determine your budget 
Every decision you make flows from your budget, from how much to spend on flooring to how fancy you want your bathroom fixtures to be.

Decide how you want to use the space 
Will it be an extra bedroom and bath, a family room, or a children's playroom? The function will help inform many of the finishes you choose. For example, a children's playroom may benefit from a hardwood floor partially covered by a large rug. How elaborate do you want the bathroom to be? If you are transforming a space into a master suite, the bathroom should have double vanities and a glass enclosure for the shower, which should have extra wall and overhead showerheads.

Gather the right professionals 
Several professionals are involved in an addition project. They include:

Architect
Carpenter and/or drywall contractor
Flooring contractor
Licensed electrician
HVAC specialist
Licensed plumber
Window supplier/installer

As project manager, you coordinate the work, schedule, and budget. Jobs need to be completed in a particular order. Follow this general timeline:

Prepare the floor
Check the condition of the existing subfloor and floor joists. If you are finishing a basement, you must inspect the condition of its floor. Most basements have poured concrete floors, and sometimes they slope steeply for drainage purposes. If that's the case, the floor must be leveled before proceeding with the work. A handyperson or contractor should pour a thin concrete overlay to level it. Be sure that access to any existing floor drains is maintained! Drains need to stay functional in case of basement flooding. Check with a plumber to find out if you will be required to periodically pour water in them to prevent sewer gas from building up.

Install any necessary HVAC systems 
Ductwork is cumbersome. In basements, where ceiling height is always a consideration, soffits may be required to cover up any vents running overhead, which can lower the ceiling. Basements are usually cool and may not require air-conditioning systems. They do require heating, however. Be sure the HVAC specialist locates supply ducts near outside walls. Install return air ducts on interior walls or ceilings away from the supply ducts. The idea is to "draw" air across the room. Particular attention must be paid to ventilating, heating, and cooling attic rooms.

Install plumbing
You can solve plumbing issues in other parts of your house at this time, too, if necessary. If the existing drain stacks in the house are made from PVC, they need to be wrapped with insulation to minimize sound transmission. Cold-water lines may need to be insulated if you have had problems in the past with condensation, because it may drip onto your new ceiling. Have the plumber rough in bathroom plumbing so he or she can come back later to install the fixtures. Rough plumbing is all the plumbing components that need to be installed before the finish tradespeople (drywall contractor, painter, and so on) come in to do their jobs, including the waste and supply water lines that are in the walls or framing of the building. Ask the plumber to use ½-inch or 1-inch lines instead of the more common ¼-inch lines in the bathroom for extra water pressure.

Have necessary electrical work done
All electrical work must be done in compliance with the National Electrical Code or the code adopted by your community. Don't skimp on the electrical system. Make a list of everything you intend to use in the room (appliances, light fixtures, electronic equipment, and so on) so the electrician can calculate the required load and make sure you have enough circuits. He or she can rough in wiring for ceiling fixtures at this time and come back to install the fixtures when the drywall or drop ceiling has been installed. Think ahead. Make sure you can access the main electrical service panel and telephone and cable TV termination points. Ask the electrician to install conduits through which additional wires can be run at a later date. Don't forget about wiring the space for surround sound.

Install cable and phone lines
Call your service companies and schedule a time for them to add new telephone, data, and cable wiring. Be sure to have them add extra phone and data lines now, even if you don't plan on using them all right away. Adding them later on is more expensive. 

Build and insulate the walls
A carpenter can install 2 x 4-inch studs if they aren't already there, as well as a variety of thermal insulation materials, from traditional soft batting to rigid foil-faced sheets to blown-in insulation. He or she should be able to advise you on what is recommended for your geographic region and application. 

Install walls
You can choose one of several types of wallboard or paneling. I prefer drywall because it gives you the most flexibility and doesn't scream "finished basement" the way paneling does. Plus, you can always apply bead-board wainscoting, faux finishes, wallpaper, or other treatments over drywall at a later date.

Install the ceiling 
I prefer drywall ceilings, but I admit that the ubiquitous and industrial-looking acoustical tile or drop ceiling has come a long way. It now comes in a variety of styles, from bead board to decorative embossed styles that look like old-fashioned tin ceilings. The advantages of installing a drop ceiling are that it creates an accessible tray for ductwork and wiring and if one tile gets damaged, it's easy to replace (buy 10 percent more than you need for coverage). The disadvantages are that it lowers the ceiling height, which might be at a premium in your attic or basement. For drywall ceiling, the drywall contractor or carpenter builds soffits around any ductwork. That means that making a drywall ceiling takes extra work and is therefore somewhat more expensive than a drop ceiling, but the ceiling will be lower only in the areas where ductwork exists and headroom is maximized everywhere else.

Install the floor 
I love hardwood, as you know. If you happen to be finishing a basement-level room, however, think twice before choosing hardwood flooring. Hardwood flooring trade associations and manufacturers caution against using traditional hardwood below ground level, even in very dry basements. Instead, consider engineered hardwood click flooring, laminates, tile, or carpeting. If you are worried about wet floors or insect infestation, install treated or marine plywood as a subfloor before proceeding with the final finish.

Install final fixtures
Have the plumber and electrician return to install the permanent bathroom and electrical fixtures.

Paint trim and walls

Furnish your new rooms and enjoy them!

  BUY NOW!!!  Invest in Your Nest: Add Style, Comfort, and Value to Your Home

"Indulge Yourself! 20 Fantastic Ways To feel Fantastic" byline: Jennifer LB Leese

Don't let yourself come last! It's important for you to be able to indulge in things that are just for "you." You deserve it!

Important, how you ask?

Well, it is a known fact that having a relaxing, non-stressful moment in your day will ease your social life as a friend and companion. In doing so, you are more relaxed to deal with family issues such as: the kids fighting and screaming, your husband's personal and work related issues, not to mention all the housework waiting for you at the end of a long and tiring day. 

Ease your family life as a mother and lover and you'll be more productive in your work life. Your boss will thank you and so will your co-workers.

You will be able to think more clearly and you'll find that you are able to handle and to solve daily conflicts that may arise throughout your day. 

We all know that while driving in the car can be very stressful. Did you know that while listening to the radio in your car can be extremely relaxing? You can also get books on tape, or even no music and listening to the wind blow in through your window can be relaxing.

No matter what your job description may be or even if you're a "Work at Home Mom," "Working out of the House Mom," or a "Stay at Home Mom," you should always find a few minutes to cater to yourself. 

One important thing is to keep yourself well-adjusted. What is a well-adjusted woman? The answer of course, is different for everyone! We all do know that a well-adjusted woman isn't a super hero, cartoon character, or a mythical creature. She can't do everything on her own, and she certainly can't be expected to be able to deal with troubling issues with a level head, but she can try!

Even a well-adjusted woman who thinks she has her life together has mood swings, runs out of energy, and still has time to give to her children, her partner and her family. However, a well-adjusted woman should never allow herself to be neglected. In doing so, everyone suffers.

With that in mind, I have taken the liberty to include a few soothing, relaxing and enjoyable ways...for you to "Pamper Yourself."

 1. Enjoy being outside, sit, and watch the clouds go by.
 2. A warm, soothing bubble bath is always nice, any time of the day.
 3.Go for a leisure walk, by yourself or with your family.
 4. How about entering someone else's world for a while? Read a book, such as Ghost by Danielle Steel. Alternatively, watch a romantic, drama, or comedy movie. 
 5. Make an appointment at your local salon to have a manicure or pedicure done. While you are there, have your hair shampooed and styled.
 6. I have found that sitting in a quiet room, reading a book to my children is another great way of relieving stress of a hectic day.
 7. Listen to your favorite music for a while, whether it's soft music, alternative, or even rap. Whatever enriches your soul and makes you feel good.
 8. How about going to flea markets or yard sales? You are sure to find something to take home and treasure. On the other hand, turn it into something new.
 9. Calling your best friend is another great way to make yourself feel good. Find out what's new; catch up on gossip or even just talk about old times.
10.Order dinner in tonight. Just sit back and wait for it to arrive.
11. Did you know that laughter is good for the soul? Moreover, that it is very contagious? Laugh and others are guaranteed to laugh with you.
12. Even just the simple task of lighting a scented candle can be fulfilling. Relax; let the aroma take you away.
13. Another good way to make you feel good is to order yourself a gift basket. How about freshly scented bubbles bath basket or even a romantic basket to share with your loved one?
14. Having a make over is very important also. Let someone else turn you into someone new for the day. You won't regret it.
15. Even a small shopping spree can make any woman feel good. Pamper yourself; buy yourself something you've always wanted.
16. Take a day all to yourself. 
17. Making crafts can be very enjoyable also. Start with something easy and build up from there.
18. If all else fails, then make an appointment to have a professional masseuse rub you down for an hour or more. That will surely release your tension. 
19. How about having a facial? You'll be surprised, you will leave there feeling relaxed, fresh and you'll be smiling for hours.
20. Find your favorite place to sit, whether it's at the park, your living room or even at the local library, and try writing about your day or write about whatever comes to mind. 

The key is to find something that relaxes you. Everyone is different. I've talked to some women that feel that kickboxing is a way of relaxing. They say that it helps them become the well-adjusted woman they should be. If you are one of these women, and feel that kickboxing is a great way of relieving tension then by all means, do it! More power to you!

You will have a better outlook on the things around you and in your daily routine. In addition, you will feel as though you are in better health and the people around you will benefit from you pampering yourself.
     

"How Wives with Cheating Husbands Can Gain the Upper Hand" byline: Ruth Houston

Most wives with cheating husbands suffer in silence or tolerate their husband's infidelity. They feel they have no other alternatives, or don't know what else to do.

You don't have to sit back and be a helpless victim or be swept along with tide. There are things you can do to make the best of a bad situation and minimize the damage infidelity can cause.

You can take steps to protect yourself emotionally, sexually, legally and financially. You can work quietly behind the scenes to offset many of the negative consequences that result from infidelity and prepare yourself for what lies ahead.

Take control of the situation. Regardless of whether you ultimately decide to stay with your husband or leave him, the guidelines below will help you gain the upper hand.

Make sure infidelity is the problem you're dealing with.  Problems like drug or alcohol addiction or gambling often masquerade as infidelity because of similar telltale signs. Don't speculate, investigate. 

Face reality.  Ignoring your husband's infidelity will not make it go away. It will only make things worse. He could become so attached to his mistress that it will be impossible to get your marriage back on track.

Speak up and take a stand.  If you know he's cheating and say nothing about it, you're enabling his infidelity. Make it clear that you disapprove of what's going on and tell him you want it to stop. Not addressing his infidelity makes him think he has your silent approval or that you don't know what's going on.

Let him know you know.  Affairs thrive in secrecy. If you've identified numerous telltale signs and have solid proof of your husband's infidelity, decide when and how to tell him you know about his affair. Sometimes just knowing his infidelity has been exposed will be enough to make him stop. 

Build a support team.  You need someone to confide in about your husband's infidelity. Don't try to get through this alone. Surround yourself with people who care about you and have your best interests at heart. 

Realistically evaluate your situation. Consider your options. Is your marriage worth saving? Should you get a temporary separation? File for divorce? What is it in your (and your children's) best interest to do?

Seek counseling for yourself and for your marriage. You have a better chance of saving your marriage if you get professional help. You'll be better equipped to deal with the trauma of infidelity if you seek individual counseling, as well. 

Identify the underlying issues. Try to pinpoint the contributing factors to his infidelity - A life crisis? Major character flaws? Sexual addiction? Dissatisfaction with you or with the marriage? Or something else? Get to the root of the problem, if you can. 

Protect yourself sexually. Your husband's infidelity can have life-threatening consequences for you. If he's cheating, your health is at risk. You're already a victim of infidelity. Don't become a victim of HIV/AIDS too.

Find out your legal rights.  Consult an attorney who specializes in matrimonial law. Get a clear understanding of what you're legally entitled to (alimony, child support, division of marital assets) in the event of a divorce or separation.

Put your financial house in order.  Get a realistic view of your current financial situation and make the necessary adjustments. Establish credit in your own name. Set up a separate checking or savings account. Start putting money aside for a rainy day. 

Make sure you're equipped to earn a living.  Many women remain in adulterous relationships because they're financially dependent on their husbands. If you need to, take college courses or start learning a trade to make yourself employable.

Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally.  Accept the possibility that your marriage may end. Don't be caught off guard. Have an "Infidelity Game Plan" in place in case your husband decides to move out or ask for a divorce. Begin formulating your strategy now.

Break free of the bonds of infidelity.  Focus your energy and efforts on the positive things you can do to make the best of a bad situation. Empower yourself by acting on these suggestions and you'll gain the upper hand.

© 2005 Ruth Houston

Buy NOW! Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs

How Can We Put The Joy Back Into SEX? by Susan Quilliam

It was a great day for me when I was first asked to reinvent the seminal sex book "Joy of Sex". The original - written by Dr Alex Comfort - was a groundbreaking work, coming as it did at the start of the sexual revolution of the 1970s; now I was being asked to revisit the work, update, rewrite and bring it into the twenty-first century.

And indeed, the years of work and the launch of the book have been absolutely rewarding. But it's dawned on me, gradually, that much has changed since the original publication 37 years ago. Sure, in those decades, we've become more liberated, more uninhibited, more able to have sex with who we want, when we want and in the ways we want.

But... but... I kept reading the original, with its energy and enthusiasm for lovemaking, its bright eyed optimism about a world where sex would be wonderful all the time.... And I kept looking around at the world of the Noughties, and realizing that optimism wasn't well-founded.

For many of us don't feel the joy of sex that we want to feel. Perhaps because we're more aware of the dangers - how easily sex can be misused, how easily it can be abused. Perhaps because there is more pressure to have sex, great sex, 24/7. Perhaps because in our lives, in our relationships, the pleasure has died... as my work on the book continued, and my understanding of the issues involved developed, I started to feel, strongly, that we need to reintroduce the joyfulness, the enthusiasm, the optimism, that - naively perhaps - was there, forty years ago, when Joy of Sex was first written.

Let's be sex positive

There are in our society so many warnings against sex - often for good reason. But let's also remember that in its essence, between two loving and responsible adults, sex is a wonderful thing. It builds physical health, improves mental health, boosts self esteem, possibly lowers the risk of some kinds of cancer; it even helps you live longer. 

Let's make sex anxiety free

One of the most practical and straightforward things we can do to have joyful sex is to remove all the anxiety from it. Reliable contraception reliably used, reliable protection reliably used; then we can relax and enjoy what follows. Being well-informed about safe sex, getting - and giving - the support we need to have sex safely. 

Let's make sex central

We live time-poor lives, where we have to work long hours to make ends meet, and then rush from one demanding commitment to another. Let's take time out for ourselves, to make love with a partner. The most recent research suggests that carving out a weekend every few months can reignite our desire for each other. No more excuses; we need to do it.

Let's make sex meaningful

What we now know - where perhaps in the 'sexual revolution' they didn't - is just how powerful sexual contact is. It binds you to a partner, creates a link between you that always remains even if the two of you don't stay together - when you make love, you do just that. Let's take sex seriously, and treat it with respect.

Let's make sex varied

We can fall into the trap of thinking that we know what we like sexually - and what our partners like. But tastes change, and routines normalize. So why not keep checking in with ourselves and with each other whether what 'always works' still does. And why not introduce new options, new moves, new possibilities; the Japanese kept a 'pillow book' of ideas by the bed to inform and inspire, and we can do the same.

Let's make sex fulfilling

It can be - particularly for her - that climax gets put to one side. Over time, perhaps it becomes acceptable that she doesn't orgasm every single time. The ideal is that both of us should do so most times we make love - if that's not happening, no wonder the joy is seeping away. Learn how to make that happen...

Let's troubleshoot if we need to

Sexual problems of some sort hit most couples - it's no shame if you are struggling. Age is no bar to good sex (recent research suggests sex gets better with the years) but can create physical or emotional blocks. So let's not be ashamed to go to a health practitioner if desire, or performance drops away. We have a right to lifelong sexual pleasure.

As for me, I've been commissioned to write more books in the Joy of Sex series, and to lecture on sex-positive programs in education and health contexts. In short, I feel that as my writing of Joy of Sex has come to an end, my campaign to reintroduce the joy to people's sex lives has only just begun. 

BUY NOW!!! The Joy of Sex: The Timeless Guide to Lovemaking, Ultimate Revised Edition

"FENG SHUI FOR LOVE: 9 Decorating Mistakes That Could Be Preventing Cupid From Coming To Your Home" byline: Laura Forbes Carlin and Alison Forbes Sow

Wondering when Cupid is going to find his way to you?  Assess your situation and figure out what is detouring Cupid from visiting your home. Maybe your home is too cluttered with mementos of past loves and he can’t get in. Or perhaps you're sending him the wrong message by decorating for one! But by simply pulling out your iPhone and making some quick adjustments, you can have an enormous impact on whether or not Cupid strikes on that special date.

Feng Shui, an ancient Chinese approach to arranging our surroundings, shows us how our homes influence and shape all aspects of our life. In Feng Shui, there are nine areas of your life, including your love life, that are represented energetically in your home. Depending on what furniture and accessories you have in each spot, you could be helping or hurting the corresponding part of your life. So if your love area is where the bathroom is, it’s no wonder your relationships keep going down the drain!

Ex-Files: Avoid filling your home with pictures, letters, and belongings from an ex. Letting go of photographs, letters, and mementos from past relationships can present a challenge. Sometimes spending time with intimate memories from your past can be a healing and empowering experience. However, if looking at these photographs and letters is not helping, or if they are keeping you tied to someone who is no longer in your life, then it’s time to let them go. Instead, surround yourself with things that reinforce who you are now and where you're headed.

Home For One: Many singles often have a bedroom set up for one person (i.e., one bedside table, one reading lamp, one pillow) or the long side of the bed is pushed up against a wall so only one person can enter the bed comfortably. While it is important to accept and embrace where you are now, it is also necessary to make some space for a partner. Create a room for two people — both symbolically and physically make space for your future partner. Set up your bedroom for two by adding the extra bedside table and lamp. Check the other rooms in your home as well. Is there a comfortable place for two to hang out?

Immature Decorating: Rooms that look they are designed for girls and boys rather than men and women are a real turn-off. If you are a man, avoid the “college frat room look” or the “bachelor pad” (i.e. mattress on the floor, futons, shot glass collections, high school trophies, dirty dishes in the sink, clutter everywhere, etc.) If you are a woman, avoid a room or apartment that resembles your childhood room (i.e. doll collections, stuffed animals on the bed, too much lace or pink, sorority signs, baskets of dried flowers, furniture that looks like it is meant for teenagers not adults).

Solitary Items or Groupings of Three: Create a home that re-enforces the idea of togetherness and a couple by pairing objects in your home together. Lots of lone objects can represent loneliness and groups of three may represent one too many people involved in your relationship.

Excessive Pictures: An abundance of photos showing friends, family, and other people’s children, as well as too many pictures from one particular time in the past (such as college), can divert focus away from your own life and the present moment. Create space for new people in your life and a new “best time of your life” by creating room for new photos.

Unfinished or Temporary-looking Homes: Many people hold off on decorating or buying a home until they're married or living with someone. They don’t buy expensive or nice things because they want to wait until they have a “real” home (which, of course, is frequently associated with getting married, registering for gifts, and buying a house). By surrounding yourself with things you don’t love, are not in good condition, or that you feel are second-rate, you’re subconsciously telling yourself that you don’t deserve better. It’s important to invest in yourself now and embrace the present moment. By doing so you are sending a message to the universe, as well as yourself, that you are worthy. You are also accepting where you are now, which often leads to change.

A Television in the Bedroom: Ideally, the bedroom should serve only two purposes: rest and romance. Yet, because of laptops, televisions, and phones, bedrooms are often more like media rooms than sensual and peaceful retreats. Don’t let a television replace a partner in your life.

By implementing Feng Shui and enhancing these areas in your home, the corresponding area in your life will be enhanced as well. “A lot of people don’t believe it until they try it for themselves,” said Alison Forbes, one of the co-authors of the app. “Once you see your home through the eyes of Feng Shui, it changes everything, and it works! A few of our clients have even toasted Feng Shui at their weddings!”

While Feng Shui in the past has meant hiring a consultant or doing a lot of in-depth reading, using Feng Shui For Love is as simple as moving your iPhone around a space — it shows you, live, which areas of the room are which – and the rest of the app gives you the perfect enhancements to make Cupid want to take up permanent residence in your home.