Sales Tips I Learned from My Cat by Wendy Weiss

I love my cat. Her name is Ms. Kitty. She was named after Mr. Cat, who died 11 years ago, and after Amanda Blake of "Gun Smoke" fame. Ms. Kitty and I just celebrated our birthdays. She's 11. I'm... well, I celebrated a birthday, too. 

Those of you who are cat lovers are nodding your heads and smiling. The rest of you probably think I've totally lost it. But before you tune out completely, let me share some of the fabulous sales tips that I have learned from Ms. Kitty and from all the cats in my life.

<<Be clear in knowing your goal>>

Ms. Kitty always knows what she wants. Whether it's  more food or to be petted or not to be petted, she knows what she wants and when she wants it. She spends much time pondering her wants. All that time spent sleeping on the coach is not what it appears. She's really planning her next move.

<<Ask for what you want>>

Once Ms. Kitty has determined her goal, she asks for it. Clearly and concisely. "Meow." She lets me know in no uncertain terms what she wants. And if I'm not clever enough to understand the first time, she is patient with me until I do. 

<<Ask again>>

If at first you don't succeed. Ms. Kitty asks, and asks and asks. She won't go away. She won't stop saying, "Meow." She wants what she wants when she wants it, and she lets nothing stand in her way.

<<Ask a lot of people>>

Ms. Kitty has learned over time that I don't always immediately accede to her demands. That's okay. She just asks someone else. And then someone else. Eventually, some human being says "yes."

<<Be persistent>>

Ms. Kitty never judges herself. She doesn't worry about being "too pushy" or "too aggressive." She doesn't worry that her prospect might be "too busy" or "already have a cat." She believes in herself, she knows what she wants, and she keeps asking until she gets it.

<<Don't take "no" for an answer>>

Ms. Kitty is clever and creative. She keeps asking. She asks many people. She reworks her pitch and starts over. She does not hear "no." She realizes that sometimes humans are slow and she just has to keep after us till we "get it." It's a process.

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Sales Plan? What's a Sales Plan? by Wendy Weiss

In the past, if you said the word "plan" to me, I would bolt and run. I'm the "creative type," a former ballet dancer and choreographer-I'm terrible with details. When I was dancing professionally, all the details were taken care of; all I had to do was show up and dance. Even when I was choreographing, as long as I met my deadline for when the dance needed to be complete, I could go with the moment, go with the impulse and see where the dance led.

A hearty dose of reality hit when I began to run a dance company. All of a sudden, I had people-employees, volunteers and dancers-waiting. I had to know where we were going and how we were going to get there. It was a different world. Every decision had impact  down the line. If we were going to have a spring season, I needed to know what we would be performing and where we'd be performing it. How many dancers would I need? What about costumes? Were we going to commission music? What would it cost? How would we pay for it all?

It took a long time for me to grasp the impact of having a plan. Because I was running a small, grass roots organization, there never seemed to be enough time, people, money or resources. I was always putting out fires. Every plan I developed changed the moment I keyed in the last sentence and printed it out. Plan-who has time to plan? Especially when the plan keeps changing!

Over time, I began to see the planning process as a road map. You know your ultimate goal. You figure out the best way to get there. Your plan needs to include contingencies and have enough space that you can deal with fires and still move forward. And sometimes, the plan changes; it might need some adjustment or "tweaking." As long as the goal remains the same and as long as you keep taking steps forward to achieve that goal, your plan will help you get there.

In sales, your goal is revenue-driven. How much money do you want to make? Or a better question: How much profit do you want to make? Then, how are you going to achieve that?

Your basic plan should start with a dollar amount and work backwards. If, for example, you want to gross $500,000 in sales this year, on average, how many sales would that be? What is your average sale? On average, how many prospects do you have to see or speak with to close one sale? So, how many prospects would you need to see or speak with to close the number of sales you would need to reach your goal of $500,000? What steps do you need to take to see or speak with that many prospects?

Wow! What a mouthful! Here is a mathematical formula:

First:
Value of average sale =______________
How many prospects to close one sales: _______________

Then:
Gross sales ? average sale = total number of sales needed

Number of prospects to close one sale x total number of sales needed = total number of prospects

(This formula is from a dancer who counts up to 8 and starts over again! If I can do it-you can do it!)

Then: How will you reach those prospects?

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Sales Letters - Yes? or No? by Wendy Weiss

The scene…
Date: Any day
Where: Anytown, USA
Time: All the time
Cast: 
The Sales Person (SP)
The Prospect (P)

A conversation ensues…

SP: I recently sent you a letter outlining all of the benefits of working with ABC Company. Did you receive it?
P: What did it look like?
SP: It was in a white envelope.
P: What was in it?
SP: A letter outlining all of the benefits of working with ABC Company.
P: It's probably here somewhere…
SP: Ah…
P: Could you send it again?

Do you find yourself having conversations much like the above? Do you find yourself hanging up the telephone uttering, "Why don't they just clean their desk! Why don't they just get organized!" Are you frustrated and angry when the above situation occurs?

There is a simple solution: DON'T SEND A SALES LETTERS FIRST!

There is one exception to the above rule: if your sales letter generates a return telephone call—not occasionally, but all the time or in very, very high numbers. Then you have an effective sales letter. It does what it is supposed do: It generates a response. Keep using it and doing exactly what you are doing.

If your sales letter does not generate phone calls, stop sending it. It is not helping you. Sending a letter first does not "warm up" your call—it can actually be counterproductive. Usually your letter ends up in a pile on your prospect's desk; they haven't read it or they have lost it. You end up having a conversation like the above—or in an alternate scenario, a conversation like this one:

P: I got your letter. I filed it. I'll call if I need you.

Or worse…

P: I don't remember it, but if you sent it, I probably got it and filed it. I'll call if I need you.

You will never get to the next step in your sales process this way.

Make your call first and ask for what you want. If you are calling to set an introductory new business meeting—use your script and then ask for the meeting. If at that point your prospect asks to receive written material, by all means send it and send it right way! If your prospect has said "no"—then they do not really need any material. This approach will save time, effort and postage. 

If you call first and your prospect absolutely, positively insists on receiving written material first, this also gives you a second chance to call her back and try for that meeting. 
Sometimes, you can promise to send literature immediately and at the same time suggest that you both "pencil in a meeting" for a few weeks later, after they have had a chance to review the materials. This way, everyone gets what they want!

Spend your time effectively, making telephone calls—not sending out letters that no one reads. 

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"Radical Common Sense" byline: Marilyn Ferguson

When we got organized as a country and we wrote a fairly radical constitution with a radical amount of individual freedom to Americans, it was assumed that the Americans who had that freedom would use it responsibly.       —Bill Clinton 

To get out of the bottle we need radical common sense. Radical common sense is common sense deliberately encouraged and applied. Radical common sense reflects the growing realization that individual good sense is not enough—that society itself must make sense or decline. Radical common sense is a spirit. It respects the past, it pays attention to the present, and therefore it can imagine a more workable future.

On the one hand, it looks as if modern civilization hasn’t the time, resources, or determination to make it through the neck of the bottle. We can’t get there from here. We can’t solve our deepest problems through such traditional strategies as competition, wishful thinking, struggle, or war. We can’t frighten people (including ourselves) into being good or smart or healthy. We find we can’t educate by rote or by bribery, we can’t win by cheating, we can’t buy peace at the expense of others, and, above all, we can’t fool Mother Nature.

On the other hand, maybe the answers lie in the problem—our thinking, especially our ideas that nature is to be mastered rather than understood. We have tried to run roughshod over certain powerful realities.

Radical common sense says let’s ally ourselves with nature. We have nothing to lose and a great deal to gain. As the old saying has it, “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.” We can apprentice at nature’s side, working with her secrets respectfully rather than trying to steal them. For example, scientists who observe natural systems report that nature is more cooperative (“Live and let live”) than competitive (“Kill or be killed”). “Competing” species, it turns out, often co-exist by food- and time-sharing; they feed at different hours on different parts of the same plant. Among moose and some other herd animals, the old or injured members offer themselves to predators, allowing younger and healthier members to escape.

Altruism appears to serve an evolutionary function in living creatures. In its inventiveness, nature—including human nature—may be on our side.

By documenting the health benefits of such traditional virtues as persistence, hard work, forgiveness, and generosity, scientific research is validating both common sense and idealism. People who have discovered a purpose feel better, like themselves more, age more subtly, and live longer.

Radical common sense derives its conviction from science and from the inspired examples of individuals.

Buy her book NOW!!  Aquarius Now

Qualifying Your Prospect by Wendy Weiss

How do you respond when an absolute stranger calls, at work or at home, and begins to ask questions? “Are you the person who…?” “What is your marketing strategy?” “Do you own or rent?” Even, “How are you today?”

Are you annoyed and put off by these questions? Do you respond, “I already have a vendor,” “I’m not interested,” “Send a brochure” or “What are you selling?” (These days my response is to tell these callers to read Cold Calling for Women!)

This question-asking strategy does not work. It does not work to qualify your prospect, and it does not work to set your prospect at ease. If anything, this strategy puts you at a disadvantage and makes your prospect not want to speak with you!

Here is a better approach: Allow your prospect to “self-qualify”—allow them to tell you that they are the decision-maker. This is how: Position yourself as the expert. Give your prospect a reason to want to speak with you, and set yourself up as the person with the credentials who has the right to ask questions. 

Use your script. Introduce yourself, your company and your product or service. Tell your prospect something about the above in such as way as to “stand out from the crowd.” Talk about your experience in the industry or your company’s credentials. Explain what you do in a way that is different from everyone else in the entire world that is doing something similar. 

Talk about your business and the unique benefits you offer. You can use phrases like “we specialize in…” or “our reputation is…” or “we are known for…” You can also name-drop credentials to help this “expert positioning.” Mention clients or customers in similar businesses as your prospect. This does two things: it lets your prospect know that you are familiar with their industry, and it also makes prospects feel safer if they have not heard of you before. If someone has referred you, mention her name. 

Once you set yourself up as the expert, then you are in a position to ask some of your predetermined qualifying questions. Ask them. This way, you are likely to get answers! In the ensuing conversation, the prospect will more than likely tell you that he or she is the decision-maker. If they do not, you can ask, “How is this decision made?” “Who else is involved in this decision?” “How has this decision been made in the past?” “What is your decision-making process?”

If you approach qualifying your prospect in this manner, you are setting up a relationship of equals. You are someone with expert credentials, someone with whom your prospect would want to talk. Your prospect will respond in kind. It is a far easier and far more effective way of qualifying prospects. 

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"Purple Envelopes" by Wendy Weiss

In a recent individual sales coaching session, my client was lamenting her inability to grab the attention of a particular prospect. She described the many letters she had sent and the information contained in the letters. Essentially her letters were lists of all the services (features) offered by the company and concluded with a tepid, "I will call to follow up." The letter could easily have been written by any of her competitors. She sent it out in a white envelope. It was not surprising that her prospect had not responded.

While I generally recommend against sending letters before a prospecting call, if you are sending a letter, you must make it interesting. If your letter could be written by any of your competition, there is nothing to differentiate you from your competition. This rule applies for crafting your telephone prospecting script as well. If you say the same things that your competition says, you will be perceived to be the same as your competition. Another important facet of letter writing is getting your letter opened. Thousands of books have been written on this subject. If the prospect does not open your envelope, they will not read your  letter.

I mentioned to my client that all correspondence from my office goes out in purple envelopes. And prospects notice! I'd like to be able to tell you that I knew to use purple envelopes because I am a marketing genius. The reality is, I accessorize.

When my first book, "Cold Calling for Women" came out I sent out hundreds of review copies with media kits. The cover of "Cold Calling for Women" is deep purple and hot pink. Clearly, I needed deep purple folders for the media kits and then, just as clearly, I needed a purple envelope to complete the ensemble. (It annoys me if my nail polish and lipstick don't match.)

I called every reviewer to say that I was sending a review copy of the book in a purple envelope. Then I sent the review copy and media kit in the purple envelope. After that, I would call to confirm that the reviewer had received it. An amazing thing happened. Reviewers receive thousands of books every week, yet every reviewer with whom I spoke knew exactly what book I was referring to.

Since that time, I have continued to use purple envelopes, for correspondence, for contracts, for media kits. it doesn't matter. Prospects always know which package is mine, because it's in a purple envelope.

My client, however, was horrified. "No, no, no," she said. "Our clients are staid and conservative. It's an 'old boy's network.'" I found this to be an amazing statement, since there is no way my client, "Sally," would ever fit into an "old boy's network" no matter what she did. There's a demoralizing goal: Trying to desperately to fit into and be a part of a group that will never accept you.

I said to Sally, "At this moment in time, you already do not have that prospect as a client. The prospect has ignored every attempt that you have made to contact them. There is no risk here. You have nothing to lose. It's time to do something different. In order to be noticed you must do something noticeable."

My first advice to Sally then was to stop sending letters and try to reach the prospect directly by telephone. (Making sure that she had first crafted a compelling script.) When asked by the secretary, "What is this in reference to?" Sally could truthfully say, "We've had correspondence."

If the direct telephone approach didn't work then Sally's next option might be to try another letter. But in this case she would need a compelling, interesting, benefit-centered letter. She would also need a mechanism (purple envelope or something else) to ensure the letter being  opened.

But there is a bigger issue here: So many people are afraid to take risks, to try something different or to be a little different. The difference can be minor; like purple envelopes or it can be conceptual as in the way you speak about what you do. But whatever that difference is, don't be afraid to embrace it and use it to your advantage.

The status quo is the sales professional's biggest enemy. If your prospects do not perceive a difference between what you have to offer and what their current vendor offers, you will not get the business. You must make that difference visible in ways great and small. That means doing, being, showing difference. 

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Proposals: Following Up by Wendy Weiss

Readers frequently write and ask: How does one follow up on a proposal when each time you call, you only get voice mail?

Excellent question! Try this:

Always have your calendar or Palm Pilot with you and easily available. When a prospect asks for a proposal, part of your conversation must be about how and when you will deliver that proposal. Once you have established the time frame for delivery, take out your calendar and say, "Let's pencil in a time for me to come by with the proposal, and we'll be able to talk about it." 

Keeping in mind the parameters and time frame that you just discussed, offer some choices: "Is early next week good for you, or is later in the week better?" This way, you are having a conversation about when you will meet to discuss the proposal, not if you will meet to discuss the proposal—an important distinction! I also like the word "pencil"—it implies that the time can be erased or changed, so the prospect does not feel trapped.

This is a strategy that you can use to advantage at any point through out your sales cycle. If, during a meeting with a prospect, it becomes apparent that you will need to meet again, set it up there and then. If your prospect says, "Call me next week, and we'll set something up…," you say (taking out your calendar), "Let's pencil something in, and I'll make sure to call you to confirm." Then, give your prospect some choices: "Is next Thursday or Friday good, or would the following week be better?" If you can set the meeting in this manner, all you need to do is confirm it. It is a much more efficient use of your time. This approach eliminates the endless phone calls, messages or telephone tag that you might otherwise need to follow up with a prospect.

Here's another use of this technique: If you meet someone at a networking meeting who asks you to call, saying that they'd like to have an extended business conversation—take out your calendar. Say, "Do you have your calendar handy? Let's pencil in a meeting, and I'll make sure to call to confirm. Is next week good, or would the week after be better?"

Using this approach, you could halve the number of follow-up phone calls you might need to make.

Going back to the initial scenario we discussed, following up on a proposal: It is always a better idea to present your proposal face-to-face. This way, you can answer questions, articulate benefits, evaluate your prospect's response and negotiate, if need be. You have far more control in this

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Top Cops: Profiles of Women In Command A personal message from author Marion E. Gold

I'm not a law enforcement officer, so readers may wonder why I chose policing as a book topic. Carrying the dubious title of “The Company Feminist,” I broke—more like crashed—through the glass ceiling and landed in a lush corner office, complete with a mahogany desk, seat on the executive board, and a variety of other perks. I hired women into professional jobs, mentored them, and was even advised that onc day some man might sue the company and me for reverse discrimination.

It was a good fight, but a lonely one. Like the few other women in other companies who had reached senior executive positions, I was wounded by the flying shards of glass. I grew weary of climbing the same hill every day, and contending with the overt, but more often subtle discrimination levied at me and not only from the men. Even some of the younger women wondered why I didn’t just become “one of the guys.” Why did I care if they used gender slurs during meetings? Why did I care if women had to be “perfect” while some of the men were mediocre? Sound familiar?

I finally walked away from that corner office—but not to hide in some other corner. I decided to talk about it, write about it, and work from the “outside” to make a difference for women and minorities in the workplace. What better way to make my point than by writing about women who blasted through one of the five remaining professions virtually dominated by male stereotypes? I believe with all my heart that all career doors must be open to women—a career in policing is one of their options. More than that, women who choose law enforcement as a career must know that they will be mentored by the women already on the force, will be free from harassment, and will have equal opportunity with men to advance into command positions. Top Cops: Profiles of Women in Command is this feminists way of shining a light on just a few of an elite group of women in policing whose persistence and dedication place them among the trailblazers in law enforcement. They are not only mentors for women in law enforcement — they are examples for all women of how skill, dedication, and a much-needed sense of humor can succeed in breaking through a male-dominated “blue wall” in order to achieve command positions. Who are the women who have attained command positions? They are tall, short, sturdy, and petite. They are blond, brunette, redheaded, and gray-haired. They are from varied ethnic and racial backgrounds. There is no physical stereotype. But they do share some characteristics. Clarissa Pinkola Estes is a psychoanalyst and a storyteller. She wrote a book titled “Women Who Run With The Wolves.” Estes says that as women have attempted to fit into society’s rigid roles, they have allowed themselves to become over- domesticated, fearful, uncreative, and trapped. She also says that within every woman there is a wild and natural creature, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing. Estes calls her a “Wild Woman.” I CALL HER A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER. In the interviews I conducted to write Top Cops, and in the many women officers I met and spoke to while writing the book, I saw those good instincts. I saw their passionate creativity and ageless knowing. Each of the women I spoke to showed an overwhelming sense of maintaining their identities—as strong, determined women who did not choose to succeed by being “one of the boys,” and who believe strongly in individual responsibility. They see the world as it is, not as they wish it were. But at the same time, each has a clear focus on how it should be, and a truly burning desire to make a difference — one step at a time — and to make policing better — for themselves, for society—and so for the women who will follow in their footsteps. 

They were not afraid to fail — and all were eager to try something new. ALL OF THE WOMEN I INTERVIEWED ALSO MADE A POINT OF SAYING THEY MAINTAINED THEIR FEMININTY — that was very important to them. Whether it was keeping their hair long, their fingernails polished, or ho\v they carried themselves. They felt no need to “swagger like the men — as one put it; or “drink with the guys” or “cuss” — as another said. 

All of the women in Top Cops dared to dream — at first about becoming an officer, and later about being in command. This type of spirit, this courage, is evident in every one of the women I interviewed. They did not\wake up one morning and decide to take a leading role in the fight for equal rights in the\workforce. That role was foisted upon them by an unenlightened society, and by an occupation still clearly identified with masculine stereotypes. But each and every one of these wonderful women — these wonderful law enforcement officers — accepted the challenge, and encourage others to do the same! Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes. In the words of Marian Wright Edelman: “If you don’t like the way the world is, you change it. You have an obligation to change it. You just do it one step at a time.”

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PowerPhrases® for Women: Decisiveness Speech for Better Results by Meryl Runion

Dressed in a business suit with a brief case in hand, a dark-haired woman stepped up to the counter next to me at California Kitchen and said: 

Can I have a sausage pizza? 
And can I have a coke? 
And will you get me some fries? 

It was as if she was asking permission to place her order. I wondered how she spoke at her business meetings. Here is my guess:

May I make a few suggestions? 
I’d like to talk now, okay?

Or how about with her kids? 

Turn off the TV, will you please? 
Do you mind helping me? 
Can you be quiet? 

       I wanted to give her a copy of my book, PowerPhrases®! The Perfect Words to Say It Right and Get the Results You Want 

How often do you speak with indecisiveness and uncertainty? Women complain that men do not take them seriously at work. Women complain that their kids only respond to their Dads. This is because women are more prone to use tentative speech.  

While she says: I feel pretty good about this proposal 
He says: My proposal will increase revenue by 32%

While she says, I don’t think you should be watching TV until your homework is done
He says: Turn the TV off right now and do not even think about turning it back on until your homework is done! 

It is said that men state opinion as fact and women state fact as opinion. Opinion stated as fact sounds judgmental, however, fact stated as opinion sounds weak. PowerPhrases® provide the middle ground where words are chosen to mean exactly what you want to say. Facts are stated as facts and opinion as opinion. Requests are made as requests and instructions are given as instructions. A PowerPhrase® is a short specific expression that gets results by saying what you mean and meaning what you say without being mean when you say it. One of the PowerPhrase® principles is that your words are as strong as they need to be and no stronger. Women often need to up the amperage; men often need to tone it down. 

Upping the Amperage 
 
Kinda, sorta and maybe are Killer Phrases that weaken your message and keep you from being taken seriously. Instead of saying style: you might want to consider, say I recommend.  Instead of saying "I’ll try" say  "I will" 

And take those tags off the end of your sentences that make you sound like you are asking permission, like "you know?" And "right?" 

If you are placing an order such as the woman at California Kitchen, do not imply you are seeking their approval of your order! Simply say, I’d like a sausage pizza, a coke and some fries. 

If you want to make a point at a business meeting, again, do not ask permission; just make your point. Or you can request the floor decisively. Say: I need your complete attention here please. 

If you want the TV off, say it like you mean it. Turn the TV off I'd like it turned off now. 

Back yourself up with action. If they balk-they do it because they have learned that you do not mean what you say. 

If you need help and expect to get it, say so. Instead of asking if they mind helping you (which they probably do mind,) simply say: I need your help.

If you want them to be quiet, don’t ask if they can be quiet, (you know they can if they want to), say: I need you to be quiet. 

Let your voice carry your message. Say what you mean and speak with the decisiveness you feel and you will get more powerful results in the world.  

BUY HER BOOK: Power Phrases!

"Powerful, Persuasive and Motivating Language" by Wendy Weiss

I did a teleconference a few weeks ago with people who were new in sales and new to prospecting. The focus of the call was to help participants get beyond fear and understand their prospecting process.

One of the participants on the call told me that she had been given the telephone prospecting script that her team leader uses to set appointments. The team leader was a highly successful sales professional who had been in the business for many years and made quite a lot of money. The participant, who had been in the business for approximately a week, told me that she was going to work with the script and "make it her own."

"No!" I cried out. "Don't do that! Don't make it your own!" 

My reasoning? This participant was a beginner. She knew nothing about sales or prospecting. She had a script that was crafted by someone who was highly successful on the telephone. This particular participant did not know enough to make it her own. More than likely, in making the script her own she would eliminate all of the powerful, persuasive and motivating language  used by the sales super star who had given her the script.

When you are on the telephone with a prospect you have about 10 seconds to grab and hold your prospect's attention. If you do not do that within that first 10 seconds, your call is more than likely over. If you get through that first 10 seconds, that buys you another 10 seconds. If you get through that 10 seconds it buys you yet another... and so on... 10 seconds is not a lot of time. To get through those 10-second increments, you want to use the most powerful and persuasive words that you have at your disposal.

If you are a beginner it is entirely possible, indeed even likely, that you may not be comfortable with certain powerful words or phrases. They may be very unlike your usual way of speaking. Even if you've been in sales for a while you might be set in your ways, accustomed to certain words and a certain delivery, and changing that might feel uncomfortable.

I've met many people who say they do not want to work with scripts because then they "cannot be themselves." Remembering that your prospecting call happens in 10-second increments you want to be the very best self that you can be, every time. That requires preparation.

One of the things that I've always loved about being in sales is that it is crystal clear. You always know exactly where you are. You are either scheduling appointments, or you're not. You are either closing, or you're not.

If you are new to sales and a successful professional gives you their script--don't change a word. That script will be your gold mine. If you've been in sales for a while and want to try out a new script, test it first. Your old script becomes your baseline. For example, make 30 prospecting calls using your usual script and keep track of the number of appointments that you schedule. Then make 30 more prospecting calls using your new script exactly as written. Keep track of the number of appointments that you schedule. At the end of those 60 calls you will know which script works better. That becomes your new baseline.

© 2006 Wendy Weiss

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Powerful Brand Leadership by Anna Lieber

Q. How do we define a brand today?

A. A brand is a promise to the community. It is an emotional connection which promises a certain level of quality, honesty and integrity whether it applies to a person, a product or service. 

If you have a daycare center, your community is the mothers in your area and you are promising reliability and excellent care for their children. If you are a CPA, your community may be businesses or individuals who need tax consulting, and you are promising honesty, integrity and a high level of competence. If you are a jobseeker, you yourself are the brand and you promise a high level of commitment to anyone who receives your resume. There is a great deal of competition in every area. Today, you can’t even get a date without marketing yourself. 

Some brands seem to grow magically, like Starbucks, for example.

A brand needs to be relevant to the times. There’s a good reason why we drink coffee at Starbucks today and not Chock Full o’ Nuts. Starbucks recognized the need to create a coffeehouse community. They grew their brand quickly, and without advertising, simply by recognizing a need in society so they could be ahead of the curve, and creating a great brand experience. 

Q. How do you create a brand?

A. Too many people think a brand is simply a logo. A brand identity is much more. The brand is a personality expressed by how you look, how your office looks, your letterhead, your web site and promotion or your resume, how you answer the phone, in short, through every means of communication. 

The brand personality will be very different for the daycare center (colorful, fun and energetic) than for the CPA (dignified, businesslike and conservative). A brand must be appropriate and descriptive of the business or individual through its look and feel. Sometimes it helps to start with the key words which describe your business. 

Q. How do you know if you are being strategic? 

A. Strategize who you are, what you’re selling and who your target audience is? Decide exactly what you stand for and develop a set of key messages which answer the questions: What can I offer? What is my core competency? What do I specialize in? What do I believe in? 

It is imperative to strategize by analyzing yourself and then your competition. In marketing we do a SWOT analysis. SWOT stands for strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. Understand thoroughly who you are. Determine your unique point of difference. What distinguishes you from your competition? And don’t forget, what could you do better? It’s easier today to do competitive research or competitive intelligence than ever before because of the internet. 

Make sure you know what your clients want. Only then can you fashion products and services that are marketable and build an image which is credible, relevant, unique and durable. 

Q. How do you create a corporate identity?

A. So now you are finally ready to create a brand identity, a visual representation. The brand identity becomes a powerful tool in getting your message out. It may be a logo or type treatment which you integrate into every communication whether it’s a letter, a web site, an email, a resume, a product package or a service brochure.

Do not create it yourself unless you are a graphic designer. And don’t let your nephew in high school do it. You wouldn’t let him fix your car or perform surgery on you. Don’t let him experiment with your brand either. It’s far too important. If you can’t afford a designer, hire a design student through one of the design schools. Although they are beginners, they’ve had design training which is essential.

A powerful brand identity creates memorability through repetition. Create a letterhead, business card and envelope which all match. When you develop a web site, integrate the same look here.

Once you have a brand identity, how do you get the word out? 

Start by creating key messages about yourself, your product or your service. Then market these messages every chance you can – to everyone you know. You have a database – even when you start out. It’s your address book. Tell everyone you know what you are doing whether it’s through a letter, a postcard, a web site or verbally via your elevator speech. That’s the basis of networking. We all use our networks to find a doctor, a babysitter, or a job, or to buy a house. And we need to spread the word about our business in the same way because no one knows you are out there until you tell them. 

Q. What is an elevator speech? 

A. Figure you are in an elevator and going up to the 10th floor. You meet someone and you must tell them in two to three sentences what your business is, or what position you are seeking. It should be succinct, compelling and answer the questions, who you are, what you do – and most important, why they should care. The key is there needs to be a benefit. What’s in it for them – or if they can’t use your service, what’s in it for your target audience – because surely they know someone who could use your services. The elevator speech needs to be scripted and to roll off your tongue without thinking.

Q. So an elevator speech is a networking introduction?

A. Networking is essential in marketing our businesses. It’s the key to getting what we need in life because we are all part of a community which shares information. That leads me to the role that content and knowledge management play in creating a brand. 

Q. What do you mean by “content”? 

A. Brands today are required to be brainy and to have a “brand voice”. You have information to share. And you will want to figure out how to share it so that you and your brand look smart to the right people, your target audience, those who have a need and are qualified to buy your product or service. You want to engage them to create interest and credibility. 

With so much information out there, how does creating content help my client?

In our cluttered environment, your role is to simplify the process for the client who has too many choices. You are the “portal of trust,” a term coined by Robert Reich “The Future of Success”. You, the expert, will navigate the waters for a client who is terrified to make a mistake. 

Q. What types of marketing initiatives will prove your credibility?

A. Use your brand to show yourself as an expert. Create content on the web, write an article, run a workshop, send an email newsletter. Even a simple promotional letter outlining your accomplishments of the past year can be instrumental. Your clients may not know what you’ve done for other clients. Start what I call a clipping campaign. Send your clients and prospects articles of interest. Selling today is not really about sales. It’s about starting a dialogue and being a resource. 

And marketing is not about advertising. It’s information sharing in a global community. It’s about creating a brand personality which represents you and your company in a way that creates maximum credibility and visibility. Educate those around you and give them something of added value. In the “New Normal,” a leader in business or in life needs to connect by creating a brand, then make a contribution to the community, and success is sure to follow. 

"Power Words" by Wendy Weiss

I conducted a teleconference a few weeks ago with people who were new in sales and new to prospecting. The focus of the call was to help participants get beyond fear and understand their prospecting process.

One of the participants on the call told me that she had been given the telephone prospecting script that her team leader uses to set appointments. The team leader was a highly successful sales professional who had been in the business for many years and made quite a lot of money. The participant, who had been in the business for approximately a week, told me that she was going to work with the script and "make it her own."

"No!" I cried out. "Don't do that! Don't make it your own!"

My reasoning? This participant was a beginner. She knew nothing about sales or prospecting. She had a script that was crafted by someone who was highly successful on the telephone. This particular participant did not know enough to make it her own. More than likely, in making the script her own she would eliminate all of the powerful, persuasive and motivating language used by the sales super star who had given her the script.

Some words are better than others. Some words are stronger and more evocative than others. When you are on the phone with a prospect, you have about 10 seconds to grab and hold your prospect's attention. If you do not do that within that first 10 seconds, your call is more than likely over. If you get through that first 10 seconds, that buys you another 10 seconds. If you get through that 10 seconds it buys you yet another...and so on...10 seconds is not a lot of time. To get through those 10-second increments, you want to use the most powerful words that you have at your disposal.

If you are a beginner it is entirely possible, indeed even likely, that you may not be comfortable with certain powerful words or phrases. They may be very unlike your usual way of speaking. Even if you've been in sales for a while you might be set in your ways, accustomed to a certain delivery, and changing that might feel uncomfortable.

I've met many people who say they do not want to work with scripts because then they "cannot be themselves." Remembering that your prospecting call happens in 10-second  increments, you want to be the very best self that you can be, every time. That requires preparation.

One of the things that I've always loved about being in sales is that it is crystal clear. You always know exactly where you are. You are either scheduling appointments, or you're not. You are either closing, or you're not.

If you are new to sales and a successful professional gives you their script-don't change a word. That script will be your gold mine. If you've been in sales for a while and want to try out a new script, test it first. Your old script becomes your baseline. For example, make 30 prospecting calls using your usual script and keep track of the number of appointments that you schedule. Then make 30 more prospecting calls using your new script exactly as written. Keep track of the number of appointments that you schedule. At the end of those 60 calls you will know which script works better. That becomes your new baseline.

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"The Power of Color" by Mari Lyn Henry

All of us have specific colors--whether they are dramatic, understated, or neutral--that look better on us than other others. Wearing the right colors next to your skin can have a rejuvenating, uplifting, and healthier impact on your overall appearance. You will know the colors are wrong if you suddenly look older, sallow, or blotchy, or your cheeks seem drained of color.

If you have pale skin and dark hair, the jewel tone colors (sapphire blue, emerald green, ruby red, dark amethyst) and the icy pastels (orchid, lemon, pink, pale blue) will bring out your natural blush. Skin tone with a beige, pink, or ivory undertone wears more muted rosy colors extremely well. Yellow or peachy undertones suggest deeper pigmentation, and the ability to wear bright colors or richer and deeper golden-based hues. Some skin tones are so balanced that they can wear both cool-based and warmer colors. Remember, there are no absolutes. Wearing what makes you feel good when you put it on should be the general rule. But bear in mind that you must wear the color; the color must never wear you.

The color you choose to wear to an interview can have a psychological impact on the interviewer. So choose carefully to avoid sending the wrong vibration. For example, red is associated with passion, ambition, desire, assertiveness, and self-sacrifice. It is the ³I am² color. If you are meeting someone for the first time, be careful about the red you select. Avoid reds with too much yellow; they can overwhelm you. Reds with more blue in them such as the wine colors (burgundy, maroon, merlot) or berry reds (cranberry, raspberry, currant) or brown reds (terra-cotta and brick) will be less intimidating. Red is also effective as an accent color in a scarf or pocket square.

Green has a cooler energy and, like the color of the forest, is calming, non-threatening, balanced, and restful to the eye. The deeper shades of green (fir, cucumber, and hunter) are terrific to wear to the interview and on camera as well.

Blue is the color of trust, loyalty, wisdom, and inspiration. Corporate executives in navy blue suits inspire confidence. It you want to appear credible and confident, wear blue.

Yellow is so bright and dynamic that it can cause anxiety and hyperactivity. It is more effective in a print design. Large doses should be avoided, unless you have a tan to balance the color. Orange may be the color of geniuses, extroverts, good negotiators, and safety on the construction site, but it cannot be worn by everyone.

Purple is the color associated with artists, writers, and spirituality. Michelangelo kept purple stained glass in his studio when he sculpted his masterpieces. Wagner wore purple robes to compose. Studies have shown that meditating on purple can reduce mental stress. So when you choose a royal purple to wear at the interview, you will be relaxing the pressure felt by the interviewer and, in turn, feeling connected to your creative center.

White is reflective and can upstage your face. Gray represents passivity and non-commitment. Black, technically, is the combination of all the colors, and not a color at all. It is distancing, lacks vibration, absorbs color and light, and can drain it from your face. Both gray and black keep your energy contained and rob you of vitality.

Neutrals like black, gray, brown and deep navy can always be enlivened by accessorizing with colorful scarves near your face or a string of multi-colored beads. Even a black-and-white ensemble can be enhanced with red or hot pink.

Color triggers memory more readily than your name. Actors who audition before a casting director, director or producer will observe them taking notes. After auditions, clients will frequently say, "You know I really liked the girl in the purple jacket," or Remember that guy with the red vest?"

WHAT THE COLORS YOU WEAR REVEAL ABOUT YOU

Red: Ambitious, energetic, courageous, extroverted
Pink: Affectionate, loving, compassionate, sympathetic
Maroon: Sensuous, emotional, gregarious, overly sensitive
Orange: Competent, action-oriented, organized, impatient
Peach: Gentle, charitable, dexterous, enthusiastic
Yellow: Communicative, expressive, social, people-oriented
Green: Benevolent, humanistic, service-oriented, scientific
Light Blue: Creative, perceptive, imaginative, analytical
Dark Blue: Intelligent, executive, responsible, self-reliant
Mauve: Delicate, reserved, sensitive, encouraging
Purple: Intuitive, regal, spiritual, artistic
Brown: Honest, down-to-earth, supportive, structured
Black: Disciplined, strong-willed, independent, opinionated
White: Individualistic, egocentric, lonely, low self-esteem
Gray: Passive, non-committal, stressed, overburdened
Silver: Honorable, chivalrous, trustworthy, romantic
Gold: Idealistic, noble, successful, having high values

WHEN YOU ARE FEELING "BLUE" WEAR....
Red gives you an energy boost.
Pink relaxes mental tension
Maroon protects you from intrusive people.
Orange combats confusion.
Peach protects you from energy loss.
Yellow balances depression.
Green helps you deal with emotional stress.
Blue-green restores faith.
Dark blue protects against failure.
Mauve helps you stop worrying.
Purple reduces outside pressure.

Enjoy the power in your colorful palette.

BUY HER BOOK: How To Be a Working Actor

The Personal Publicity Factor(TM) by Marion Gold

A must for businesswomen with their eye on the boardroom! 

Too often we are so busy climbing the corporate ladder, we tend to forget that part of our continued climb includes letting people outside the company know who we are and what we have achieved. This is the essence of public relations. It is the heart and soul of what I call Personal Publicity.

It’s easy to wrongly assume that a mentor (for those lucky enough to have one), or supervisor will take control and make sure that others in our industries become aware of our success and knowledge, how our talents contributed to the growth of the company, and what impact we can have on our chosen fields.

Well, guess again, my friends. You can attain a corner office, earn a handsome salary, and manage a large budget and lots of people, work 16-hour days, all without anyone outside of your company knowing just how talented and valuable you are to your industry. And that is exactly what you will need to achieve if you have your eye focused clearly on the career advancement.

First you need to obtain the world's attention—well, maybe not the whole world, but) our world. Then you need to convince that world that you have a contribution to make, and that they should pay attention to you. Women at all stages of their careers who want more visibility must take the first important steps towards developing a Personal Publicity Plan if they are serious about introducing their talents and commitment to the marketplace.

Will achieving Personal Publicity take time? Of course it will! But experience shows it is crucial for successful career growth. 

Will people think you’re bragging? Will they be jealous? Will you look foolish waving your own flag? A public or professional image can be created without losing credibility and self-respect. It takes thoughtful planning about the image you want to create, exploring your own comfort level with public exposure, and assessing the informational needs of your audience. This is called “positioning,” and it is the basis for all good marketing efforts.

Do you have to be GREAT? Take a look around you. Is every male Board member you read about a rocket scientist? Are all our politicians, who have been elected by millions of people, competent? Just read the business pages of this newspaper. I-low many million-dollar CEOs walk off with golden parachutes while their companies sink into oblivion, and the good people who worked for them take their places at the unemployment line? How many Board members are in “name only” with little to no contributions made to the companies they represent?

Sadly, we live in a world of mediocrity where image and tenacity are often more important than real talent, competence, and commitment.

Now, I am not professing that you sink to the levels of mediocrity that go before you. But if you are at least good at what you do, and have the heart to compete aggressively, and face adversity, and if you truly believe you have something to offer, you have a real shot at success—as long as you get the word out. And if you are really good...look out world!   

Personal Publicity Factor is a trademark of Marion E. Gold

BUY HER BOOK: PERSONAL PUBLICITY PLANNER:  A GUIDE TO MARKETING YOU

Creating A Personal Protection Plan to Avoid Violence by Kristie Kilgore

She was a martial artist and a business executive. She went into the office on a Sunday when no one was around to catch up on a pile of paperwork. Like most women, Sarah did not expect to encounter violence in the middle of the day: a common misconception. Few people realize that that time of day is not a determining factor for most violence. More than half the attacks on female victims occur during daylight hours.

Walking towards the front door of the office building, Sarah noticed two men standing approximately 20 feet away. Given their distance, she dismissed their presence as she inserted the key in the office door. This was her second error. Fact#2: An average person can close a 20-foot distance in under 2 seconds. How long does it take to unlock a door to a car, office or home? 

Unlocking the door, her attention was on the lock, not on her surroundings. The deadbolt clicked and the door began to open. Less than a second after the door began to open, Sarah was violently shoved from behind and into the empty building. Fact#3: Most attacks on women occur from the rear or flank. Ambushed by two men, Sarah was dragged inside and pinned against a wall. Two men began striking her, finally triggering her martial arts training. Thankfully she had training. Without training she would have been sexually assaulted, brutalized, and possibly killed. Although Sarah valiantly fought her way free to escape, her two attackers remain at large today.

A simple Personal Protection Plan (PPP) could have prevented Sarah's assault. A PPP is an agreement that you make with yourself to protect yourself, to avoid violence. Many martial artists could benefit from such as plan. Often martial artists are trained only in how to use force and never explore what could happen if they do fight back. Few explore reasons to avoid use of force completely.

Use of force should be the very last component in a PPP and should not be the only component. For Sarah, her lack of a plan nearly killed her. Use of force carries risk, both in terms of injury and liability. While Sarah was most certainly justified in her use of force, she could easily have been over-powered by two large male attackers, especially if they had been trained. Relying on her use of force training rather than focusing on protection nearly got the female martial artist killed.

A PPP should be awareness and avoidance-based, rather than reaction or use of force-based. Knowledge of how to survey surroundings for threat could have prevented Sarah's attack. While the young executive and martial artist was able to fight her way to freedom, she still carries the memory and scars of the encounter and will for a lifetime. Simple concepts taught in Eyes Wide Open: Bodyguard Strategies for Self-protection could have prevented her attack. 

Millions of attacks just like Sarah's happen every year in America. How many people start each day thinking about personal protection and planning the day with avoidance of violence in mind? Avoiding violence takes far less energy and resources than handling violence or mentally and physically recovering from violence. More than 2000 years ago in the Art of War, Chinese military strategist Sun Tsu taught that vulnerability should be in the enemy, invincibility is in oneself. Avoidance does not mean living in fear. Avoidance means understanding the enemy that you may face, and becoming invincible.

At a time when our nation has been called into a state of "vigilance" in response to terrorist attacks, each American should be educated in threat recognition, assessment and avoidance techniques. Each person would benefit from the concept of personal invincibility.

Random Versus Predictable Violence

It all starts with understanding violence: where, when, and how it really occurs. Misconception and myth about violence abounds. Eyes Wide Open is based on both statistical research and interviews conducted with victims of violence. Even I was surprised to discover the truth about violence.

Violence is one of two things: random or predictable. I define random violence as the victim had no reason to expect the event prior to its immediate on-set. For example the workers who entered the Twin Towers on September 11, 2001 had no reason to expect that they would be victims of violence that day. The victims of the gunman who went on a shooting spree in Pennsylvania in the summer of 2000 had no reason when they got out of bed in the morning to expect that they would face a killer.

In contrast, predictable violence means that the victim had sufficient information to assess that violence could occur that day, given a specific location, activity, history of events, or type of persons who would be encountered. Sufficient information was available to passengers who flew on those ill-fated flights on September 11, 2001 for them to be at least generally aware that travel by air was a high-risk activity. Hi-jackings of commercial airlines began in the 1960s. Cockpits have been accessible on commercial airlines, even after the onset of the age of hi-jackings. Short-bladed knives considered lethal weapons, were allowed on commercial airliners for years (PHOTO___) and a high percentage of the population carries concealed short-bladed knives for personal protection (Photo __ ). A lethal weapon, just by its presence creates a high risk environment. You cannot predict the circumstances under which the lethal weapon might be pulled or used.

Steps to protect yourself from random violence are different than predictable violence. A partial list includes: learning to assess your environment, developing and taking mental note of escape routes for emergencies, identifying the last "safe place" you passed, identifying high risk places and avoiding those places or heightening awareness while in them, and developing reflexes for fleeing a scene or evading a last minute attack. 

Preparing for random violence may also include learning to recognize concealed weapons and understanding the effective range of common types of weapons: cutting/edged implements, impact tools, firearms and rifles. Do you think you will never face an automatic weapon? 

Doris was traveling to Switzerland several days after the September 11th attack. She had read portions of Eyes Wide Open and contacted me about the dangers of traveling in such high risk times. I shared very general concepts with her:

· pay attention to what is happening around you;
· listen to your gut;
· report suspicious activities;
· escape conflict if you can;
· if you cannot, then face a physical threat centerline of the body to centerline;
· if you cannot escape and are forced to fight, strike vital targets.

As fate should have it, two days later Doris was outside a building in Switzerland when a gunman opened fire inside that same building. Doris had stepped off a plane from America only two hours earlier. The man inside the building shot numerous victims who were complete strangers to him: random violence. Doris was about to go into that same building when she heard the first automatic gunfire erupt. 

Lucky for Doris, when others around her insisted that the noise was not gunfire, she listened to her instincts. If Doris had dismissed her gut feeling or abandoned her newly created PPP, she would have gone inside the building and been a victim too. 

Doris was among the first to assess what was happening inside the building. She was personally responsible for alerting police, who then entered the building and apprehended the shooter. How did she do it? First she was aware of her surroundings, she heard the gunfire and recognized the noise. Second she noticed a police officer passing by in a patrol car, and she laid on the horn of her vehicle to get his attention. With the windows rolled up the officer could not hear the gunfire and was oblivious to what was going on inside the building.

Doris courageously yelled to people who were walking towards the building, alerting them to the danger inside. This was seconds before bloodied victims dove out of windows to escape the shooter. Her simple response to random violence prevented others from becoming victims. 

Unlike Sarah, Doris is not a martial artist. Yet, she is living proof that one person equipped with basic PPP and a few easy-to-apply concepts can make a difference. Her PPP saved her life and the lives of others. Overshadowed by September 11, her story did not make it into US newspapers, still, Doris was a hero that day and I am proud of her!

Most violence is predictable, and therefore preventable. Something preceeds the violence. Predictable violence can be categorized by how it begins: verbal confrontation with an emotionally triggered person that escalates to assault, surprise frontal attack, rear assault/surprise attack, multiple attacker ambush for kidnapping or sexual assault, robbery of personal property under the threat of violence, acquaintance sexual assault, and road rage. Predictable violence includes traveling to, passing through and remaining in areas that in Eyes Wide Open I identify as high risk locations, such as fatal funnels (places with only one way in and out).

Preparing A Personal Protection Plan

Every young adult and adult should take the time to prepare a Personal Protection Plan. The first step in preparing your own PPP is to determine the type or types of violence that you may realistically encounter in your normal life. For example, if you are a middle to upper class business person who frequently travels to Mexico (one of many high risk countries for travelers), you have the potential to be kidnapped for ransom. If you do not travel internationally and have no financial assets, this type of violence is not likely to happen to you. If go into the office after hours, perhaps something like the first story in this article is a possibility for you? Do you work in upper level management and make decisions regarding firing personnel? Then the potential exists for a frontal confrontation with an emotionally triggered employee.

Next assess where you will travel to, through or remain in high risk locations, and times you will be isolated. If you frequent bars, reduce your awareness and response time with alcohol, and are easily triggered by words or actions of another, then you have a high probability of experiencing frontal confrontation that escalates to assault. If you visit ATMS and are unaware of your surroundings, withdraw money and wave that money around, then you have a high probability of being ambushed from the rear. If you go to the office after-hours alone and do not pay attention to what is in a 30-foot radius, then you run the risk of a rear ambush while you unlock a door.

Variables of Exposure to Violence

Human conflict is human conflict. Learn about the Variables of Exposure to Violence. I developed these variables based on interviews with bodyguards, victims of violence and extensive statistical research of violence. The Variables are: accessibility/vulnerability, predictability, visibility, high risk locations and activities, level of awareness, familiarity with the environment, and gender. This conceptual model applies to domestic violence, street violence or terrorism. Watch the movie Black Hawk Down and find them at work in the now-famous military action in Somalia.

Understanding the Variables can also prevent exploitation such as identify theft, and kidnapping. With the Variables in hand, you can begin to assess daily routines that are predictable, places and moments of assessability to attack, actions or manners that lead to visibility, how to assess an unfamiliar environment, choices that compromise awareness, and high risk locations and activities. Take the time to learn about the Variables that apply to human conflict in daily life - now! Think about violence before it happens. If you wait until you face violence, you have missed the opportunity to protect your well being, and you will be forced to defend your life. If you have had no training, then nothing is what you are likely to do when unprepared and surprised. In this sense, self-defense really IS it too little, too late.

Statements: Agreements to Thrive in Life

A PPP is built around statements that begin with, "I always___________." Start by assessing what you always do to stay safe and avoid violence right now. Then add in what you plan to do from this day on. I recommend a primary or general plan that is always followed and a daily plan that fits your planned activities for the day. People who travel frequently should also develop a Travel PPP. 

My primary plan consists of actions that I take no matter where I am. I always lock my door when I come home at the end of the day and survey my house (about 50% of violence against women occurs in a private home). I always keep the doors and windows to my house locked. I always keep the doors to my vehicle locked. I always tell someone my destination, route and itinerary when I am traveling alone. I always have a weapon within my sight. I always stay more than arm's length away from strangers. I always limit who has access to my home telephone number. I always travel with a charged cell phone in case of emergency. I always assess entrances and exits when I am in any room or building. I always limit the access of strangers to my home. Unless my environment is secure (I am in a locked room alone), I always pay attention to who is within a 30 foot radius. I always check my environment closely before I turn my back, and I recheck what is behind me frequently while my attention is focused to the front of me (for example, while unlocking a door). 

While these statements may seem like "small steps", taking these simple steps may save your life. Remember that awareness and quick response based on a PPP saved Doris and the lives of those she warned!

Other steps that I add to my daily plan depend on whether I will be in a high risk situation, location or activity that day. Considerations for the daily plan depend on details such as whether or not I will be commuting, in meetings with strangers, working unusual hours, or working in or visiting unfamiliar locations. Other actions may also depend on whether someone in my life is emotionally triggered or unstable. I create my daily plan just like I select my clothing for work; it is just what I do, every day that I leave my home. 

Simple Steps to Live Life Free from Violence

Simple steps and a basic PPP can and may save your life. Take a moment to prepare a general PPP and commit yourself to considering your safety every day. Learn the Variables of Exposure to Violence and assess these variables that are already at work in your life. Human conflict is a part of life and has been since Sun Tsu lived. How you handle each conflict may determine whether you will simply survive, escape the conflict, or avoid the situation to thrive and live life fully another day. 

BUY HER BOOK: Eyes Wide Open...bodyguard strategies for Self-Protection

A Personal Journey of Grief, Recovery and Remembrance A personal message from author Marion E. Gold

Mothers and daughters. We may argue and disagree about many things - yet we are forever bonded in a way that cannot be shared between fathers and daughters, or siblings, or friends. 

When a parent dies, well-meaning friends, colleagues, and loved ones provide their sympathy and other words of comfort. Most often the love and kindness they bestow is appreciated and helpful. But grief is a path we must travel alone as we embark on a journey towards comfort and renewed strength. How we travel that path is highly personal. It may include sharing our feelings with others, crying inside or outwardly, reaching towards religion. There are as many ways to grieve and heal, as there are personalities among us.

When my mother, Ray Katz Gold, passed away last year, my journey took me down a path that was surprising, comforting and enlightening in ways I could never have imagined. I had lost both parents in just two years, my dad to progressive supranuclear palsy after years of bravely fighting this rare and untreatable illness. I was utterly devoted to my dad. He was my hero - a hard-working person who stood tall, spoke with a clear and confident voice - and provided a role model of entreprenuerism and self-sufficiency. I was daddy's little girl - regardless of my chronological age. 

So growing up, and as I reached adulthood, I thought my strength and tenacity came only from my father. But I learned after Dad became so ill, that much of my strength and purpose also came from Mom. I learned that despite their separate "family roles," they were a team, a strong team - and I was the result of that teamwork. 

During my father's dreadful illness, my mother was constantly at his side, tending to his every need. She never failed to rise to the occasion during many crises. After dad passed away, my mother and I grew much closer, spending hours and hours burning up the phone lines between Fair Lawn and Chicago. I began to know her in ways I never imagined - to understand the depth of her knowledge of life, her varied interests, and her spiritual strength. 

Most people knew my mother as the wife of Larry Gold, or as a daughter - the youngest and only daughter in a family of six children. They knew her as the mother of three children, and later as a grandmother to my sister's two sons. Mom loved her traditional family roles, but there was so much more to Ray Gold that she yearned to express. During our long nightly talks, I learned that it bothered Mom how most people didn't realize that beneath the caretaker and cook, mother and daughter, wife and sister - she was an intelligent woman who kept up to date on current events that included local and national politics - and feminist issues of the day. 

My mother was also a talented artist. When I was a young girl, Mom would spend hours with me drawing fashion figures of elegant women. She had a great sense of color and design that she expressed in many works of art. Her once nimble fingers crafted beautiful needlepoint, and she crocheted blankets and pillowcases that are our family heirlooms. Her paper sculptures of people and animals were thoughtfully framed and sold in a local shop near my father's shoe store, with others given lovingly to family and friends. 

As Mom grew older, she stopped working with paper sculpture because her arthritic hands could not manage the delicate maneuvers of the tiny scissors and other materials nor could she withstand the fumes of the glue that would hold the sculptures together. As my father grew more ill, in those rare moments that weren't given to his care, she was a voracious reader of cookbooks not just the recipes but the history and culture behind the menus. "I read cookbooks like other people read novels," Mommy told me more than once. Over my desk I keep one of her favorite recipes, "easy chicken fricassee," on which she wrote, "Made - very good - next time I will mix dark & light chicken." I don't think there was one recipe among her collection to which she hadn't added her own special touch.

After Dad was gone, Mom still insisted on living life on her own terms, and sadly to her physical detriment. Although Mom had never lived alone, she wanted to remain in her own home, in her own way -with the loving memories of my father and their life together enfolding her. It was not an easy path for Mom to follow. But she was determined to do things her own way. It was her path, and that was important to my mother. She was far stronger and more determined than I had ever realized. 

In the months following my mother's passing, I found it very hard to write. A book I was writing languished. Articles and editorials didn't get beyond the first two paragraphs. I began to realize that it was my mother's strength that had helped me face the grief of losing dad. Now, they were both gone and regardless of a satisfying career and personal home life with Jerry, my partner of 25 years, I felt like my soul had been torn from me and I would never again find peace. I kept thinking of my mother's artwork, looking with fascination at the care with which she placed each tiny piece of paper onto her canvas to create a lifelike picture. Her needlework that I gently touched, hoping to feel the softness of her hands as she worked so carefully on every stitch.

Among the artwork tucked away in our New Jersey home, I found boxes of vintage beads that she had been saving for one of her projects. I set aside the marketing book I was writing and began to work with the beads - and it seemed to soothe me - and to help me deal with my grief.

In looking through craft magazines, I found new ways to work with the beads, and began stringing them on to carved pewter bookmarks. I added to my mother's bead collection and used them to form the basis for colorful ballpoint pens. Soon I had dozens of these "products." I gave several as gifts to loved ones, as memories of my mother. Then I thought, my mom sold some of her artwork. Why couldn't I sell my pens and bookmarks? Why couldn't others give these one-of-a-kind designs as loving gifts? Or collect for personal use? 

I felt a sense of energy again, and I imagined my mom and dad encouraging me - as they had always done. I know my mother would have really loved the bookmarks to use in her collection of cookbooks. And the pens, well, they would have been carefully placed in the shoe boxes my father used to store his collection of ballpoint pens - hundreds of them that I also found carefully packed away in our New Jersey home.

To market the pens and bookmarks, I took the artisan name of Miriam Bat-Rachel: My mother's Hebrew name (Rachel), joined with my own (Miriam), and then adding the Hebrew term Bat, meaning daughter of. I created and mailed a press kit, and started calling on several local shops. Imagine my delight at seeing the pens and bookmarks displayed in two top-notch boutiques in the high-rise malls on North Michigan Avenue - colorful and creative items that my Mom would have enjoyed using and collecting.

I've slowly been able to get back to writing my marketing book, and ideas for new publishing projects are starting to take shape. I've even set the plans in motion to create a series of children's picture books that use my dad's wonderful photography to celebrate his love of animals and zoos. But my beaded pens and bookmarks will remain an important part of my creative life as a tribute to my parents as well as a remembrance. 

My mother and father set a beautiful example of great strength, courage and love throughout their lives. They understood that life is indeed a journey, and often a journey in the midst of trouble. Life takes us through conflicts of passions and conscience, the disappointments of business and false friendships, and the tragedies of poverty and prejudice. But life also takes us to unknown places in the heart and mind that are filled with wonder and creativity. My parents gave me the gifts of their love and strength, and the encouragement to explore those unknown places - and so I am.

Generally, I am a very private person. I've confined my writing to marketing, healthcare education, and women's advocacy issues. But it is my hope that my personal journey will inspire others. I will miss my parents forever, and not a day goes by that I don't think of them with a mix of joy, sadness and cherished memories - and the creative process is but one way I chose to honor them.
Written in loving memory of Larry and Ray Gold. (c) 2003 Marion E. Gold. Reprinted with permission.

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"Perception Is Reality" by Wendy Weiss

I was never supposed to be a speaker, author and sales trainer. I was supposed to be a ballerina.

I grew up in Pittsburgh, PA. My mother has told me that when I was a small child I would constantly turn on the radio and dance. She said I had no sense of rhythm so she enrolled me in ballet class. That was the beginning of a first career and a great passion.

As a child I danced with Pittsburgh Ballet Theater, always one of the child guests in Act I of Nutcracker. As I grew older, it was the corps de ballet, Snowflake and Waltz of the Flowers. I was even the Sugar Plum Fairy a few times!

At age 17 I moved to New York City to dance, and like every artist in the City, needed a day job. At first I waited on tables. Then I found something more lucrative and more fun-telemarketing.

An ad in "Backstage," the trade publication we would read to look for auditions, caught my attention. It was an ad for a telemarketing company. They would hire actors because actors  can read scripts. (Hiring tip: If you are looking for a part time telemarketer-hire an actor.) The job was calling high-level executives and setting new business appointments. I got the job and was really good at it. Who knew? Ballet dancers don't even talk.

Eventually the telemarketing company started to give me all the "hard leads," the Presidents, the CEO's, the people who "didn't take cold calls." I'd call them, get them on the line, have a great conversation and set up the meeting. It was fun and it was easy.

Years later when I started my training and coaching business I thought all that was necessary was to show clients a system and help them write a good script and we would be finished. 
Imagine my surprise upon discovering all of the human and psychological barriers people face when prospecting by telephone.

That sent me back to the basics to think about not only the system and scripts but also the thought process and mind set as well. I realized something fascinating.

At the time of that initial telemarketing job, I was 19, rather naive and inexperienced in the ways of the world. I lived in a small apartment with four other dancers. I made very little money. Yet, when I would pick up the telephone to call that CEO or President, believe it or not, I felt that I was superior. I may have been calling someone who made 100 times more money, someone who lived in a wonderful house or apartment, someone whom everyone would consider to be the epitome of success, yet I felt superior because I was an artist. 
My belief system at the time was simply that artists are superior in every respect. It never occurred to me that prospects would be anything but delighted to speak with me.

While my mind set and beliefs about the business and corporate world, my place in it and my "superiority" have changed drastically over the years, that belief system was what enabled me to successfully pick up the telephone and speak easily with high-level executives. Perception is reality. Although my life circumstances at the time were far from ideal I didn't view it that way.

The thoughts and beliefs that you have about yourself directly impact your ability to perform and be successful. While it is not necessary to believe yourself to be superior, as once upon a time I did, it is imperative that you see yourself and your prospects as peers and equals. If you do not, it is time to change your thought patterns. Instead of thinking about how important your prospect is, think about all of the ways that your prospects and customers need you. Think about how you help. Think about the benefits that you bring. Start to see yourself as an equal with something of value to offer. Determine that your prospects will be happy to speak and work with you. Perception becomes reality. 

I close with my all time favorite quote by Henry Ford who said:
"Either you think you can or you think you can't and either way you're right."

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"The Pendulum: A Practical Tool for Everyday Living" by Anne Williams

Imagine being able to hold a pendulum between your thumb and index finger, watch it swing clockwise, counter clockwise, or straight back and forth to give you a yes or no answer. Imagine being able to get information from a readily available but generally untapped source. The pendulum, a tool for investigating energy, is not widely included in scientific studies, yet it can definitely be used for self-diagnosis and research.

Radiesthesia, also known as dowsing, is an ancient practice, which today attracts both holistic practitioners and lay people alike. It is most renowned for detecting underground water, for which about 80% accuracy has been demonstrated. Use of dowsing instruments, including pendulums, has also proven effective in locating oil mineral deposits, missing persons and objects and, as suggested above, in obtaining health related information.

The Egyptians, Hebrews, Incas, Chinese, Greeks, Roman, Druids, and Polynesians used "divining" devices of various kinds. Chinese use of such devices dates back to 2200 B.C. as far back as 9000 B.C. in Peru, a rock carving depicting a man with a forked rod was found. Today, we are taking a new look at ancient occult wisdom. Organizations dedicated to dowsing are found today throughout Europe, Africa, Israel, the Middle East, and New Zealand. The American Society of Dowsers, founded in 1958, is headquartered in Danville, Vermont and holds yearly conventions attended by national as well as international participants.

Why Use a Pendulum?

A pendulum is a practical tool for investigating and dealing with health-related concerns, matters of the heart, and other personal issues. A special feature is that it is small enough to be carried in one's pocket or purse.

The pendulum can help you discover what food allergies or intolerances you have as well as which foods your body needs, which vitamins or mineral supplements are necessary, and how much and how often you should take them. The pendulum will let you know which colors stimulate or relax you, which profession is most suited to you, which exercises are best, and how strong your self-esteem and emotional balance are. There is no end to the type of questions you may ask and the more creative you become, the more information you will gain. Wouldn't you like to ask about a car you are thinking of buying? An investment you are considering? The value of a book you want to read? The interest level of a lecture or enjoyment of a musical event beforehand? The possibilities are limitless.

How Does the Pendulum work?

There are many theories about this. Perhaps the most popular is that all substances radiate electrical waves which, through practice, become especially concentrated in the body. Since these electrical field contains both positive and negative charges, our bodies function as supersensitive receiving sets, and the concentrated energy causes the pendulum to move.

Using Your Pendulum

The pendulum may be made of any number of materials, usually pointed at the end and suspended by a thread, string, or chain approximately 4 to 12 inches long. The pendulum itself may be of any comfortable size or may weight as little as one eighth of an ounce. It may be used with various charts as an indicator of information or it can be held directly over the body to locate weakness or disease.

You will need to train your pendulum to work for you. First hold it over your right leg just above the knee. Now ask the pendulum to move clockwise for an affirmative/yes sign; then hold it in the same manner over your left leg and ask it to move counterclockwise for a negative/no sign. For the left-handers these signs are sometimes reversed. When you have completed this step successfully, you are ready to hold the over foods and charts and ask it questions about yourself and others (this is where the table or guide is useful). When holding it over foods, remember that it will usually gyrate clockwise if the food is beneficial and counterclockwise if it is not.

It's best not to let anyone else use your pendulum. In time it will become accustomed to your own particular energy and should not be confused by anyone else's vibrations or electrical field. Competent use comes with practice, so be patient. Do not use the pendulum when you are tired, ill, or under the influence of alcohol or drugs as the reading may not be accurate.

While the pendulum is used for a variety of purposes, it is not infallible and should never replace common sense. It is merely a tool for evaluation. Understand that the pendulum is one way of tapping areas of the brain with which we are often out of touch. Make your questions as clear and explicit as possible. Word them carefully. If you wish to ask if it is raining now, for instance, indicate the local: the pendulum isn't a mind reader and may not know that you mean in your neighborhood. Similarly, state what period of time you want to know about (now, at 7 pm, tomorrow?). State who the dowsing is for. Always be specific, clear, and as objective as possible. 

We all need to lovingly be our own special support system and to be in a mental and/or spiritual place uncluttered by negativity of any sort. A pendulum can be an important resource to incorporate into your daily life. All you need is a pendulum and the patience to practice a few minutes each day. The results can be very rewarding.

Parenting After The Divorce: How To Thrive! by E.R. Reid

Divorce. I have been there and done that, along with 19 million other adults in this country. Although it has lost some of its stigma over the years, divorce hasn't lost any of its heartache, especially for our children. As a divorced parent, nothing is more heart breaking than watching the impact of divorce on your children. They are usually the last to know and the most affected.

Many professionals disagree about the impact divorce has on children. Some say they are resilient enough to become successful adults in spite of divorce. Others say divorce will cause long-term damage that will carry over into adulthood. But almost everyone agrees that how well parents handle themselves and their children during the divorce transition can decrease the damage and increase the chances that the children will form their own successful relationships in the future.

AFTER D-DAY -WHAT'S A PARENT TO DO?

So, the question is, "after the divorce, what can we, as concerned parents, do to provide our children the best possible roadmap towards becoming highly productive citizens and adults?" As a professional corporate strategist, my success comes from knowing how to put myself in my client's position so I can see issues from their perspective. As a parent, my great awakening came when I realized I needed to do the same thing for my children. The lessons I learned and suggestions I offer are derived from seeing divorce from a child's point of view. 

BAG THE BITTERNESS SO YOU CAN THRIVE! 

One of the most important things you can do to help your children, and yourself is to bag the bitterness! Focus on taking away helpful lessons from your experience. Then, use this new knowledge to become better. Despite the reasons you divorced, your mental attitude is critical to not only surviving, but thriving as a family. If you have the right mindset, then you can feel confident that you and your children will be all right. Take it one day at a time. For every problem there is a solution. Don't try to tackle everything at once. 

You have to move quickly, though, towards healing and away from bitterness, anger and depression. It's like the instructions we get on the airplane for using the oxygen masks. If you are traveling with a minor, put yours on first, then help the child secure hers. As parents, we don't have the "luxury" of wallowing in negative emotions and behavior because the impact of such behavior hurts our children.

YOUR CHILD IS WATCHING AND LISTENING!

 My children are like little sponges, they absorb everything especially when it comes to what comes out of me! One of the biggest mistakes a divorced parent can do is to tear down the ex-spouse in front of the children. This is hard not to do, because it makes us feel better if we can play the "blame game" and point to someone else's faults. For your children's sake be careful and be quiet. Remember it is painful for them to hear anyone talk badly about Mom or Dad. 

WORK IT OUT OR WORK TOGETHER!

Our children learn culture, character and esteem from us. They take cues about what is acceptable from what we do not necessarily from what we say. The way you handle yourself and your relationship with your former spouse will be the way your children handle other complex issues and relationships. 

Remember your children may face difficult relationships, too. You can teach them by example how to handle, discuss and reach solutions with someone whom they do not agree. Work to find common ground. Sometimes you will have to bend more than you want to but it may bring resolution and be better for the children.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND PRAY

Avoid name-callers, doomsayers, and negative people because they will bring you down! Look for and develop friendships with others who are positive, want to move forward, and are encouraging. Your stability and outlook sets the tone for your child's life. Without overlooking the needs of your children, take care of yourself spiritually, mentally and physically. Then you will be in a better position to ensure your child will learn how to do the same.  

Notes on Fairytales: The Frosting, Not the Cake by Linda Miles, Ph.D.

Fairytales play an important part in child development by giving imaginary solutions to deep fears. For example, Jack and the Bean Stalk is about a little boy conquering a big person. Jack gains power over the "giants" (adults) who control his life. He deals with his smallness and anger through a magical fantasy in which he triumphs.

But solutions that work in early childhood often fall short when we mature. In fact, fairytale thinking, if not replaced by more realistic problem-solving, can remain with us as adults, giving us unrealistic expectations that leave us ill-equipped to deal with life's problems. 

There are too many examples like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, where the heroine lives "happily ever after" only after being saved by a man. What a setup, considering the duration and difficulty of marriage in our times.

Fairytales are like the frosting on a cake - sugary solutions that cover the unconscious impulses children try to control but have not yet dealt with. The cake underneath is the true basis for realistic problem-solving. By helping children learn to develop realistic solutions to replace the myths and fantasies, parents help children "mix" the cake, which is then "baked" in the heat of real-life problems and experiences. 

Mixing the cake 

By the time children are 4 or 5, parents need to help them move from the emotional, magical problem-solving of fairytale thinking toward thinking about what they feel in actual situations. 
For example, a parent might ask, "How do you think you should handle the problem?" and help the child develop a solution. As a write this, I hear a neighbor calmly explaining to her child that "running by the pool can hurt you." She sounds patient and wise on this sunny afternoon.

Unfortunately, many children do not get enough direction, and emotions remain disconnected from thinking. This leads to angry outbursts or feelings of helplessness that continue into adulthood. It is helpful to teach children real-life, concrete examples of solving problems. With my son, I shared times when I felt left out and helpless, then chose to take action by forming my own groups. Children need lots of examples of managing emotions and impulses in healthy ways. 

Leaving " perfect" behind 

In fairytales, there are very clear "good guys" and "bad guys." This allows a child to do what is known as "splitting," for example, seeing one parent as "all good" and the other as "all bad." The problem develops when splitting continues into adulthood. Thus, the handsome prince (husband) who is "all good" becomes the ogre who is "all bad." We see this often in our practice with all kinds of relationships.

As we discuss in our book, The New Marriage, children think in magical terms, in all-or-nothing solutions, and believe that they are the center of the universe. They are naturally narcissistic and feel as though they have to fight great forces for their place in the world.

As a marriage and family therapist, I have seen disaster after disaster based upon the power of this early learning. Children who learn that this is the normal way to be grow to believe as adults that there is something wrong with them because they are not living happily ever after. 

Hopefully, as adults we become more humble and realistic about our place in the world and learn to make a difference by loving as much as we can from wherever we are. Translated in psychological terms, we are no longer looking for our perfect prince or princess, but are willing to settle for a real-life human being with flaws. We are also capable of feeling valuable even if we are not the most beautiful princess who ever lived.

In The New Marriage, we try to offer more sophisticated answers to these transformations. We suggest that people learn that we are all inner-connected and that they learn respect and compassion. This does not mean that they allow themselves to be victimized or abused. The mature person is able to face the difficult forces around them with creativity, flexibility, compassion and humor. 

The frosting of magical wishes is important for a child's development. However, true transformation requires a substantial cake that can be baked in the oven by real-life experience in order to live our dreams.  

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