"Don't Overlook These Lessor-Known Features for Long Term Care Insurance Policies" by Stephanie Ackler

When buying a long-term care insurance policy, most consumers concentrate on the basic features of the policy such as the dollar amount of the daily benefits, the length of coverage and what circumstances trigger the policy's benefits. But newer LTC policies offer features and options consumers frequently overlook, that can be very beneficial to the insured. 

Survivorship benefits. This is an attractive feature for couples who buy individual policies from the same insurer. When one spouse dies, the company waives the remaining premiums on the surviving spouse's policy. For this to go into effect, the insurer generally requires that both policies have been in force for several years (typically seven to ten years), and some policies require that no benefits have been paid to either spouse during that period. 

Shared benefits. Couples who buy policies with benefits for a limited number of years, such as two or five, versus lifetime benefits, might find this feature attractive. This comes in three forms. One type allows people who exhaust their benefits to dip into their partner's policy benefits. Another version creates a third pool of benefits that either partner can dip into. A third form is to have a single pool of benefits that both partners draw on.

The obvious risk here is that with two of the types, you could drain the other partner's benefits. Financial planners commonly recommend that consumers buy lifetime benefits if they can afford it.

Alternate plan of care. One reason consumers are reluctant to buy an LTC policy when they are younger (say in their 50s) is the concern that the policy will become obsolete and not cover newer forms of care. For example, adult day care centers and assisted living facilities weren't around years ago, and older policies still in force won't cover them. With the alternate plan-of-care feature, the insured, his or her doctor, and the insurance company will ideally agree on a plan of care not currently specified under the policy but which the company will pay for.

Accelerated payments. This allows you to pay up the policy within a certain period instead of over the rest of your life by making accelerated premium payments. Examples include ten-year pay or payments made until you turn 65. Accelerated premiums, which are not allowed in some states, might run two to three times more than lifetime premiums.

This feature eliminates the challenge of making payments when you're living on limited retirement income, and it can provide a tax advantage for some business owners (especially C corporation owners). On the other hand, should you need the policy earlier in your lifetime than is normal, you've "overpaid" your premiums. Disciplined savers also could bank the extra premium money they otherwise would have made, letting it earn interest and drawing on it for premiums once you're retired.

Enhanced elimination period. LTC policies offer a choice of elimination periods, which is the number of days you must pay for long-term care out of your pocket before the policy starts paying. The elimination period may range from zero days up to 180 days or even a year. The longer the elimination period, the smaller the premium. 

With an enhanced elimination period, you can start or accelerate the elimination period "clock" with just a few home health care visits. This can save you out-of-pocket expenses during the elimination period.

Respite care. It's common for family members or friends to provide informal care at home to someone who otherwise would have qualified for their policy benefits. When this occurs, some policies will pay for temporary care while the family caregiver takes a "break," even though the insured has not met the elimination period. Policies typically limit the number of respite days you can take.

These are just of a few of the lesser-known long-term care features. Others include bed reservation benefits, non-forfeiture benefits, geriatric care management coverage, international care, return of premium upon death, restoration of benefits and caregiver training. Some are standard in most policies, others are offered as options at additional cost. Review these and similar features with your financial planner and long-term care insurance agent to see if they're available and if they make sense for you.

(Please consult with your own tax and legal advisors before taking any action that would have tax consequences.) 

"Gills' Bountiful Vegetable Soup" by: Sheila Sachs

Bountiful for sure, and bursting with basil—this vegetable soup has a Mediterranean kick thanks to the pesto topping, which fancifies it as well.

INGREDIENTS -- SERVES 10

SOUP
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 medium onions, diced
2 medium carrots, sliced into discs
1 medium rib celery, diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
10 cups stock, vegetable or chicken
4 medium new potatoes, cut into 1⁄2-inch cubes
1 14-ounce can diced tomatoes or 2 large tomatoes, peeled, seeded, and chopped
1⁄4 teaspoon summer savory (or 1⁄8 teaspoon marjoram and 1⁄8 teaspoon thyme)salt and fresh ground black pepper
1 medium zucchini, cut into 1⁄4-inch cubes
1 medium yellow squash, cut into 1⁄4-inch cubes
2 ears corn, kernels cut from cob (or 1 1⁄2 cups frozen)
1⁄4 pound green beans, trimmed and cut into 1-inch lengths
1⁄2 cup elbow macaroni
1⁄2 cup fresh parsley, chopped
1⁄4 cup fresh basil, chopped

BASIL PESTO MAKES ABOUT 2 CUPS
2 cups fresh basil leaves
4 cloves garlic
1 1⁄4 cups olive oil
1⁄2 teaspoon salt
1 cup Parmesan cheese
1⁄4 cup pine nuts, toasted

PREPARATION
SOUP: Heat oil in a large soup pot. Add onions, carrots, and celery. Sauté until vegetables soften, about 5 minutes. Add garlic and sauté until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add stock, bring to a simmer, and simmer 1–2 minutes.

With the soup base at a simmer, add potatoes, tomatoes, summer savory; salt to taste and simmer for 30 minutes. Add squashes, corn, and beans and simmer 5 minutes. Add macaroni and simmer until pasta is done, about 10 minutes. Stir in parsley and basil. Season with additional salt, if necessary, and pepper to taste. Serve with basil pesto dollop.

PESTO: Puree basil and garlic with olive oil in a food processor. Blend in salt, cheese and nuts. (This will yield more than you’ll need, but pesto can be frozen and will keep in the refrigerator for up to three weeks.)

BUY the book here! Soup and Bread Cookbook: Building Community One Pot at a Time

Cinnamon Coffee Cake Mix by: Shaina Olmanson

Summary: A good cinnamon coffee cake is not to be messed with. It’s the perfect accompaniment to that first cup of java in the morning, and your friends will be grateful when you make its preparation as easy as mixing it and popping it in the oven.

Ingredients
MIXES:
. 2 cups all-purpose flour
. 1 teaspoon baking soda
. 1 teaspoon baking powder
. 1 ½ teaspoons ground cinnamon
. ½ cup cinnamon chips
. 1 cup sugar
. Vanilla bean seeds scraped from 1 vanilla bean pod
. ½ cup chopped pecans
Makes 1 jar of cake mix, to yield one 9-inch-square cake

Instructions
1. Mix together the flour, baking soda, baking powder, and ground cinnamon in a bowl. Place in a 1-quart jar. Top with a layer of cinnamon chips.
2. Mix together the sugar and the vanilla bean seeds and add as a layer in the jar. Top with the chopped pecans. Seal with the lid, decorate the jar if you like, and attach a label with these instructions for the recipient:

TO MAKE CINNAMON COFFEE CAKE
. 8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
. 2 large eggs
. 1 cup sour cream or Greek-style yogurt
. ¼ cup whole milk
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour a 9-inch square baking pan. Mix together the butter, eggs, and yogurt in a large bowl until well blended. Stir in all the contents of the jar, then slowly stir in the milk. Pour into the prepared pan and bake for 30 to 35 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Remove from the oven and let cool slightly. Serve warm.

From: Desserts in Jars: 50 Sweet Treats That Shine BUY HERE NOW!

"Ten Smart Things Job Seekers Can Do" by Sherrie A. Madia

Searching for a job, but don’t know where to begin? Try these 10 social networking strategies.

1. ASSESS YOUR ONLINE PRESENCE

 According to Coremetrics (2010), 75% of companies require recruiters to research job applicants online, so you’ll want to be sure you know what they’ll find.

 Do a Google search on your name

 Surprised by what you see? When possible, remove content that doesn’t align with the image you want to project

 Don’t have a presence? Start by determining where you’d like to work, and the image you’d like to project

 Position yourself as an expert in your industry

 Remember to be authentic

2. BECOME A JOINER

 Research communities that best suit your professional interests, then join

 Once you’ve observed and gotten a sense of the community, enter the conversation with a meaningful comment that progresses the dialogue

 LinkedIn and Facebook Groups are great places to begin

 Become the “expert” within select communities by consistently offering useful insights

3. WORK THE ROOM

 Within communities you select, get to know the people as you would in any other networking event

 Seek out common interests and ask questions of those who share your passion

 Think of this exercise not as a one-time job search, but as a foundational network to last throughout your career

 By approaching job search more as a “people search” you will be more likely to land a job—Relationships count in job search, so spend time building them

4. LINK IN TO LINKEDIN

 Sign up and complete your LinkedIn profile—partial profiles send a message that you may not be fully committed

 Seek out past employers, people you know who are working in your idea industry, classmates from school, and more

 Use LinkedIn’s Search feature to find these individuals and invite them into your network

 Ask former employers and clients for an “I would recommend”. This LinkedIn feature functions as an online letter of recommendation

 Answer questions on LinkedIn Answers. Respond consistently and with value, and you will soon become known as an expert

5. FOLLOW THAT RECRUITER!

 Use Twitter to enhance your job search by finding your ideal companies, or representatives from your ideal industry

 Visit www.Search.Twitter.com and search on keywords of interest (e.g., “Boston IT Jobs, Healthcare Jobs, Jobs at IBM, etc.)

 Follow these Twitter streams and get to know who is tweeting— Often, these streams are staffed by recruiters

 Tweet meaningful responses that position you as a knowledgeable contributor

 As the relationships build, you may send a Direct Message (DM), but do so with care

6. FACEBOOK: CREATE YOUR OWN PERSONAL JOB FAIR

 Tap into your existing network of friends via Facebook

 While it’s okay to mention you are seeking a job, do not use your Facebook wall to vent, whine or complain about your plight

 Let friends know you what type of job you are seeking, but do so in a manner that’s positive and professional

 Post a link to your resume on your Facebook wall

 Create a Facebook ad that highlights your skills and the value you would bring to an employer

 Remember, job search is not about you (the job seeker) —it’s about them (the company), so position shareable content that speaks to companies’ needs

7. HAVE YOU HUGGED YOUR COMMUNITY TODAY?

 Consistency matters in social media use for business, and the same rules apply to job search

 Post routinely (at least once a day is ideal) so that members of the group come to expect and look forward to your commentary

 Regular engagement demonstrates commitment, follow—Regular engagement demonstrates commitment, follow through, and discipline—All great qualities to showcase

 Be sure to promote your community activity within your resume, letters of inquiry, and so forth

8. SMART TACTICS FOR JOB SEARCH SUCCESS

 Purchase a URL in your name (e.g., “FirstNameLastName.com”). This will enable you to send recruiters to an online page that highlights your credentials

 Start a blog

 Ask to contribute to an existing blog as a guest blogger

 Great on an interview? Create a 1-3 minute video in which you answer common interview questions and highlight your skills.

 Post this to YouTube and title your video using keywords from the industry in which you’d like to work.

 Create a podcast and post to your Facebook page

 Create connections across social networks so that recruiters can find one consistent image of you

9. REVERSE ENGINEER YOUR JOB SEARCH

 Rather than sending resumes en masse, social networking enables job seekers to plant content seeds strategically in places where human resources will likely be.

 Today’s hiring decisions are more critical than ever, so human resource representatives must make careful hires—This means they are likely to be more diligent than ever in exploring credentials

 Establish yourself as a thought leader, and give your expertise freely. People will appreciate this value and will tend to return the favor

10. JUST SHOWING UP IS A WIN

 When using social networking for job search, you build both your online presence, and a set of skills that employers will find valuable

 Your ability to write with clarity in a blog, showcase photos and video, tweet effectively, etc. makes you that much more attractive to recruiters

 Regardless of job type, company size, or industry, every company today needs employees who are skilled in social media.

 Those who bring industry expertise and social media savvy have the distinct advantage in the job market

The Online Job Search Survival Guide

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Cherry Lollipops by: Sandra Lee

These hard candy lollipops are the perfect project for pint-sized chefs. Make them in any color or flavor you want -- even in fun shapes, using metal cookie cutters or candy molds, available at most kitchen stores. To make cute gifts, holiday treats, or party favors, tie colorful ribbons around the sticks and curl the ends by pulling the ribbons between your thumb and the blade of a pair of scissors. 

Makes 20 lollipops 

Nonstick cooking spray, PAM® 
3/4 cup granulated sugar 
1/2 cup light corn syrup, Karo® 
1/4 cup butter 
1 box (3-ounce) cherry gelatin dessert mix, Jell-O® 

Special Equipment:
20 4-inch lollipop sticks 
Metal tablespoon-size measuring spoon 
Candy thermometer 

Prep time: 10 minutes 

Preparation: 

Spray 2 large baking sheets with nonstick spray. 
Arrange 10 lollipop sticks on each baking sheet, spacing evenly apart. 
Stir sugar, corn syrup, and butter in small saucepan over low heat until sugar has dissolved. 
Slowly bring to boil, stirring frequently. 
Continue cooking for 7 minutes, or until candy thermometer registers 275 degrees. 
Stir in gelatin until smooth. 
Using metal tablespoon and working quickly, spoon syrup over one end of each lollipop stick. 
Cool completely. 
Wrap each lollipop in plastic wrap and store in airtight container. 

Copyright © 2003 SLSH Enterprises

Artichokes Stuffed with Serrano Ham: Alcachofas Rellenas de Jamon Serrano by: Simone & Ines Ortega

Serves 6

1 lemon, halved
12 globe artichokes
Scant 1 cup finely chopped Serrano ham or proscuitto
2 ½ tablespoons bread crumbs
1 tablespoon white wine
1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley
1 clove garlic (optional), finely chopped
1 chicken bouillon cube
2 tablespoons sunflower oil
Salt 

Squeeze the juice from one lemon half and add the juice to a large bowl of water. Break off the artichoke stalks and remove the coarse outer leaves. Cut off the tips of the remaining leaves. Open out the centers of the artichokes and remove the chokes. Rub the artichokes with the remaining lemon half and place in the acidulated water. 

Combine the ham, 1 ½ tablespoons of the bread crumbs, the wine, parsley and garlic, if using, in a bowl. Drain the artichokes and fill with the ham mixture. 

Put the artichokes filling uppermost into a pan just large enough to hold them in a single layer. Pour in water to cover. Crumble the bouillon cube and dissolve it in a little water, then add it to the pan. Sprinkle the remaining bread crumbs and the oil over the artichokes. Bring to a boil, lower the heat, cover and simmer for 30 minutes. Season with salt if necessary (bearing in mind that the ham and bouillon cube are both salty). 

Re-cover the pan and cook for 30 minutes more, until the liquid has reduced to a sauce and the artichokes are tender. Serve the artichokes in a dish with a little sauce in the base. 

  BUY NOW!!!

12 Steps To Sponsorship Success by Sylvia Allen

Sponsorship selling will be even more difficult than in the past. Why? Pending recession, reduced budgets, greater demand (on the part of sponsors) for validation of a return on their investment (ROI) and, of course, more competition. It's not just the major leagues going after sponsorship dollars. Both for profit and non-profit organizations have "jumped on the bandwagon" and recognized that corporations will invest money in their events IF there is some marketing value and payback to them for that investment.

Selling sponsorships is not a matter of buying a mailing list of potential buyers, writing a direct mail letter, putting together a "package", mailing everything out and waiting for the telephone to ring with people offering you money. It's a nice dream but the reality is much more complicated (and time consuming) than that.

Before getting started you should have a definition of sponsorship. The following definition is by no means perfect; however, there are some choice words that help you purse your sponsorship sales with a good foundation. Sponsorship is an investment, in cash or in kind, in return for access to exploitable business potential associated with an event or highly publicized entity.  The key words in this definition are "investment", "access to", and "exploitable". 

First, investment. By constantly looking at sponsorship as an investment opportunity, where there is a viable payback, no longer are you talking to someone about a payment of cash or money. Rather, use the word investment which automatically implies that value will be returned to the investor. Second, access to which means they ability to be associated with a particular offering (event, sport, festival, fair … you name it). Lastly, exploitable, a positive word which means "to take the greatest advantage of" the relationship. In other words, allowing the sponsor to make the greatest use of their investment and capitalize on their relationship.

Don't underestimate the value of your local events and local opportunities. Your read so much about the multi-million dollar deals you forget that there are many more small deals … $500, $2,500, $5,000. These can be as simple as vertical street banners (which offer great exposure for a very cheap cost per thousand) to title sponsorship of the local parade or festival. Once you have gone through the 12 steps you will have a better understanding of how to put together sponsorship offerings, what words to use, and how to not only price but evaluate, on a post-event basis, what you provided to the sponsor.

If you take these basic 12 steps you will be assured of greater success in your sponsorship endeavors. 

Step 1 … Take inventory

What are you selling? You have a number of elements in your event that have value to the sponsor. The include, but are not restricted to, the following:
· Radio, TV and print partners
· Retail outlet
· Collateral material … posters, flyers, brochures, table tents, payroll stuffers, bank and utility bill stuffers, etc.
· Banners
· Tickets: quantity for giving to sponsor plus ticket backs for redemption
· VIP seating
· VIP parking
· Hospitality … for the trade, for customers, for employees
· On-site banner exposure
· Booth
· Audio announcements
· Billboards
· Product sales/product displays
· Celebrity appearances/interviews
· Internet exposure

And, you can think of more. Look at your event as a store and take inventory of the many things that will have value to your sponsors, whether it be for the marketing value or hospitality value. Take your time in making up this list … time spent at the beginning will be rewarded by more effective sponsorship’s when you get into the selling process.

Step 2 …Develop your media and retail partners

Next, approach your media and retail partners. They should be treated the same way as all other sponsors, with the same rights and benefits. You want to negotiate for air time, with radio and television, and for print coverage with newspapers and magazines (You can always try for money but be happy to settle just for barter … you really need this inventory to be competitive with other people seeking sponsorship money from the same sponsors you will be approaching.) This inventory of media can then be included in your total sponsorship offerings to prospective sponsors. 

The retail partner offers you a store relationship for various products. For example, if Walgreen's is your retail partner, they have shelf space, end of aisle display opportunities, weekly flyers, in-store audio announcements, bag stuffers, on-bag promotions and register tape advertising that can be offered to your product sponsor such as Tums or Schick razors. Because sponsorship has to become more and more accountable, and offer a strong ROI, this retail relationship is vital to ensure the success of your product sponsorship. In fact, after taking your inventory steps 2 and 3 are done almost simultaneously as you must have something to give to your potential media and retail partners that describes the sponsorship. Briefly, here's what is important to these two key partners.

Media

Your event offers the media an opportunity to increase their non traditional revenue (NTR). You have an audience, sampling opportunities, sales opportunities and multiple media exposure that the media people can offer to their own advertisers. Many times an advertiser asks for additional merchandising opportunities from the media. Your event offers them that opportunity. You can let them sell a sponsorship for you in return for the air time or print coverage. Just make sure it is always coordinated through you so they are not approaching your sponsors and you are not approaching their advertisers. From radio and TV you want air time that can then be included in your sponsorship offerings. From print you want ad space and/or an advertorial (a special section) In both instances you are getting valuable media to include in your sponsorship offerings to your potential sponsors.

Treat your media just like your other sponsors. Give them the attendant benefits that go with the value of their sponsorship. When the event is over, they should provide you with proof of performance (radio and TV an affidavit of performance; print should give you tear sheets) and, conversely, you should provide them with a post event report 

Retail

A retail partner … supermarket, drugstore, fast food outlet … offers you some additional benefits that can be passed on to your sponsors. And, with a retail outlet, you can approach manufacturers and offer them some of these benefits.

For example, once you have a retail partners the following opportunities exist:
· End cap or aisle displays
· Register tape promotions
· In-store displays
· Store audio announcements
· Inclusion in weekly flyers
· Weekly advertising
· Cross-promotion opportunities
· Bag stuffers
· Placemats (fast food outlets)
· Shopping bags

Again, as with the media, even though this might be straight barter, treat the retail outlet as you would a paying sponsor. They are providing you with terrific benefits that can be passed on to your other sponsors, a tremendous value in attracting retail products. And, as with the media, have them provide you with documentation of their support … samples of bags, flyers, inserts, etc. In return, you will provide them with a post-event report, documenting the benefits they received and the value of those benefits.

Step 3 … Develop your sponsorship offerings

Now you can put together the various components of your sponsorship offerings so you are prepared to offer valuable sponsorships. Try to avoid too many levels and too "cutesy" headings. Don't use gold, silver and bronze. Don't use industry-specific terms your buyer might not understand. (If the buyer doesn't understand the words they probably won't take a look at the offering!). Simply, you can have title, presenting, associate, product specific and event specific categories. They are easy to understand and easy to sell. Of course, title is the most expensive and most effective. Think of the Volvo Tennis Classic or the Virginia Slims Tennis Classic. The minute the name of your event is "married" to the sponsor's name the media have to give the whole title. Great exposure for your title sponsor. 
The first step in preparing for your initial sponsor contact is to prepare a one page fact sheet that clearly and succinctly outlines the basics of your event (the who, what, where, when of your property) and highlights the various benefits of being associated with that event (radio, TV, print, on-site, etc.). Sample following.
_______________________________________________
HIGHLANDS BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP FACT SHEET

LOCATION: Downtown Highlands, NJ 

DATES/TIMES: 40 events from May 1-December 31, 2XXX including craft shows, bike tours, car shows, cruise nights and holiday activities

ATTENDANCE: 50,000 All demographic groups with average attendees 30-45 year old, professional, married with children. Visitors come from all over NJ with a concentration on 
attendance from people in Monmouth County. 

SPECIFIC ACTIVITIES: Food, fireworks, entertainment, crafters, rides, vendors… everything you have come to expect in the way of family entertainment on the Jersey Shore.

MARKETING Booth Space
OPPORTUNITIES: Large street banners, Vertical banners, Audio announcements, Inclusion on posters, flyers, etc. On-site signage

PROMOTION IDEAS: Product sampling
Database development (register to win)
Product sales
Contest/promotions
Premium incentives
Couponing/bouncebacks
Cross-promotions/sponsor partnerships

SPONSORSHIP OPTIONS RANGE UP TO $7,500 INCLUDING BOOTH DISPLAYS, TITLE SPONSORSHIP, HOSPITALITY PACKAGES, PRODUCT AND CATEGORY EXCLUSIVITY … LET US TAILOR ONE FOR YOU!

Allen Consulting, Inc. 732-946-2711

###

Step 4 … Research your sponsors

Learn about your potential sponsors. Get on the Internet, read the annual reports, do a data search on the company, use the Team Marketing Report sourcebook … find out what the companies are currently sponsoring, what their branding strategies are, what their business objectives are. Become an expert on your prospects … the more you know abut them the better prepared you will be for their questions and the easier it will be for you to craft a sponsorship offering that meets their specific needs.

Be prepared to discuss the sponsor's individual marketing strategies with them when making the sales call. KNOW YOUR SPONSOR'S BUSINESS BETTER THAN THEY DO THEMSELVES! You will have to answer questions quickly and intelligently during the sales process … know everything about their brands, their sales goals, their sponsorship strategies.
Know and understand that there are different departments, with different budgets, that can spend money on sponsorships. These departments include, but are not restricted to, advertising, marketing, public relations, product management, brand managers, human relations directors, multi-cultural marketing managers, office of the President and even a sponsorship director! Look for different opportunities within the same company.

Step 5 … Do initial sponsor contact

Then, pick up the telephone. When you reach the correct person, don't launch right into a sales pitch. Rather, ask them several questions about their business that will indicate to you whether or not they are a viable sponsor for you project. Questions could be "Based on what I have read on your company, it appears _____________________________________ (fill in the blank with your knowledge.) Is that true? Are you interested in maintaining/increasing your profitability? Are you interested in creating a better environment for your employees (or attracting new employees, or rewarding current employees)? Make sure you ask questions that can be answered with yes.

Also, make sure you are talking with the decision maker. How do you know if they are the decision maker? During the questioning process, ask "Is there anyone else you want involved in this discussion?" That way they can give you another name without being intimidated that they are not the final decision maker.

One of the questions is always "How do I get past the gatekeeper?" If you can't get through the gatekeeper, make the gatekeeper your friend and ally. Explain the program, explain the benefits of participation and get him/her to make the appointment for you . Another concern? How to get through voice mail. Don't leave long, boring messages. Never leave more than three messages. Dial around … try to get a real person … talk to the operator … have the person paged … get their e-mail address and send a note … call early in the morning … late in the day In other words? Be creative!

Step 6 … Go for the appointment

Once you have had a brief discussion, try to get the appointment. If they say, "Send me a 'package'" respond with "I'll do even better than that. I've prepared a succinct one page Fact Sheet that highlights the various marketing and promotion components of my event. May I fax it to you?". Then, ask for the fax number, send it to them right away and then call back shortly to make sure they received it. If they have received it go for the appointment. Explain that the fact sheet is merely a one dimensional outline that cannot begin to describe the total event and you would like to meet with them, at their convenience, to show them pictures, previous press coverage, a video … whatever you have. Follow the basic sales techniques of choices .. Monday or Friday, morning of afternoon. Don't give them a chance to say they can't see you.

If it is a company that is too far for you to meet with face-to-face, make an appointment for a telephone interview. Have them write that appointment in their book, just as if it were an in-person conversation. Send them a package of information that they can have in front of them when you are speaking with them so they can follow along with your discussion and presentation.

Step 7 … Be creative

Once in front of the sponsor, be prepared. Demonstrate your knowledge of their business by offering a sponsorship that meets their specific needs. Help them come up with a new and unique way to enhance their sponsorship beyond the event. For example, if it's a pet store, come up with a contest that involves the customers and their pets. Or, devise a contest where people have to fill out an entry form to win something. Think about hospitality opportunities … rewards for leading salespeople, special customer rewards, incentives for the trade. Be prepared to offer these ideas, and more, to help the sponsor understand how this sponsorship offers him/her great benefit.

In many instances, it is up to you to lead the discussion. Often a potential sponsor will turn to you and say "I don't know how to make this work." This is where your knowledge and research will prove invaluable since you will have given thought, beforehand, to how they can maximize their participation in your event.

Step 8 … Make the sale

The moment of truth … you have to ask for the sale. You can't wait for the sponsor to offer; rather you have to ask "Will we be working together on this project?" or something like that. You will have to develop your own closing questions. Hopefully, as you went through the sales process, you determined their needs and developed a program to meet those needs. And, you certainly should have done enough questioning to determine what their level of participation would be. Keep in mind that different personality styles buy differently which means you must select from a variety of closing techniques to ensure the right "fit" with the different personalities. 

As with any sale, once you have concluded the sale, follow up with a detailed contract that outlines each party's obligations. A handshake is nice but if the various elements aren't spelled out there can be a bad case of "but you said" when people sometimes hear what they want to hear, not necessarily what was spoken. Make sure you include a payment schedule that ensures you receive all your money before the event. If not, you could suffer from the "call girl principle". The only exception to this rule? If you are working with a Fortune 500 company they will want to hold back 10% until after the event as insurance against not getting full delivery. It's a normal practice and, if you've done your job, nothing to worry about.

Step 9 … Keep the sponsor in the loop

Once you have gone through the sales process you will want to keep your sponsor involved up to, and through, your event. See if their public relations department will put out a press release on their involvement. If they do, make sure you have approval rights before it is sent you. (You want to make sure that your event is being presented in the proper light, just as you want to assure your sponsors, with your releases that their marketing message is being presented properly.) Show them collateral as it is being developed - posters, flyers, banners, table tents, invitations, etc. - to make sure they are happy with their logo placement. (With fax and e-mail this is now a very simple process.) Make sure they are kept up-to-date on new sponsors, new activities … whatever is happening. Discuss their marketing needs with them …make sure the contest or other activity they are doing is being followed through on. The more you involve them in the process the more involved (and committed) they become.

Step 10 … Involve the sponsor in the event

Involve your sponsor in the event. Don't let a sponsor hand you a check and say "Let me know what happens". You are doomed to failure. Get them to participate by being on site … walk around with them … discuss their various banner locations, the quality of the audience, the lines at their booth, whatever is appropriate to their participation. Take time to participate in the various hospitality offerings with them. Introduce them to other sponsors … talk to their representatives. Do everything possible to ensure positive participation and, of course, reinforce this participation as a prelude to renewal!

Step 11 … Provide sponsors with a post-event report

There's a very old saying regarding presentations: "Tell them what you are going to tell them, tell them, then tell them what you told them." The post-event report is the last segment of this saying. Provide your sponsors with complete documentation of their participation. This should include copies of all collateral material, affidavit of performance from your radio and TV partners, tear sheets, retail brochures, tickets, banners, press stories… whatever has their company name and/or logo prominently mentioned or displayed. This should all be included in a kit, with a written post-event report that lists the valuation of the various components, and presented to the sponsor with a certificate of appreciation for their participation. Use a formula that encompasses Cost Per Thousand (CPM) because that is language your sponsors understand from their media buys. If you have done your pricing properly, you can use those same figures in your post-event report. Be consistent and be honest. If you are doing it the right way, you will deliver at three three times their investment, just in marketing value. And, a 3:1 ROI is great … certainly assurance of renewal!

Step 12 … Renew for next year

Now, if you've followed these 12 steps carefully, renewal is easy. In fact, you can get your sponsor to give you a verbal renewal during your event (if it is going well) and certainly after you have provided that sponsor with a post-event report that documents the value of all the marketing components he/she received. You should try for a three to one return on their investment. In many instances it will be even more than that if you have delivered as promised!

Conclusion

Selling isn't easy; however, if you follow these 12 steps it will be easier because you will have done your homework and will be prepared to discuss the sponsorship intelligently. These 12 steps make selling fun!

3 Online Networking Tips for Job Seekers by Sherrie Madia PhD

Skillful networking can help you meet the right people, make a splash in professional circles, get your name out there, and position yourself as an expert in your field. Social media tools provide amazing new opportunities to expand your networking reach and influence -- especially when you're in job-hunting mode. But too many job seekers forget that every single tweet, blog posting, and Facebook entry has a life of its own -- and that life is immortal.

Bottom line: If you're not using social media consciously, carefully, and thoughtfully as a way to enhance your online presence and reputation, there's a good chance that it's hurting, not helping, your job search efforts.

As you're putting yourself out there in the job market, here are three tips for effective networking online:

Give before taking.

When networking for a job search, always start by giving something of value. Offer an insightful comment to a blog or a question on LinkedIn. Pose a question to an industry group and engage in an information-sharing dialogue on best practices. The trick is to give your expertise and thus position yourself as the helpful expert. People will be inclined to return the favor.

Invite right.

Be sensitive as to which social networks you request colleagues to join you in. If your Facebook page is largely family-oriented and reads like a snapshot from Ancestry.com, think twice about inviting the boss or the senior leadership team to post on your wall. Is this really the mix that either of you wants? If so, more power to your Uncle Ned's backyard barbecue. If not, stick to sites geared more toward professionals, such as LinkedIn or Plaxo.

Avoid gate crashing.

If you have a name and reputation in your field that gives you special currency, don't assume this gives you carte blanche to enter any social network. For example, let's say you search a site such as Ning for social communities geared toward your corporate interests. Before bellyflopping into the pool, have a seat on the deck and listen. Get to know the audience you'd like to engage with first. If there is an administrator of the special-interest community, you might start with a quick introduction, the reason for your call, and a query as to whether members would be okay with your involvement. Or if you feel inclined to get in the water, do so authentically. Members might be pleased to have an expert in their midst, but only if you're honest and sincere.

5 Tips On How To Achieve The Perfect Hollywood Smile by Dr. Sheila Dobee

1. Keep your gums healthy pink without any puffiness and bleeding by flossing twice a day and brushing twice a day. The most important time to brush is at night so that the bacteria does not accumulate and destroy your gums and teeth while you are sleeping.

2. Consider straightening your teeth. With new technology teeth can now be straightened with invisible braces. No more big silver buttons with the silver wire on your teeth.

3. Using veneers you can get results in a very short period of time. These are thin tooth colored coatings that can cover teeth that are discolored or not straight

4. There are various methods of whitening your teeth from over the counter products that can whiten a few shades to professional whitening products that that can be done within an hour at your dentist.
5. Ask your dentist about specific ways that you can improve your smile. Take clippings from magazines to show them the shape of teeth that you like. That way they can get an idea of what you want and propose more specific options suitable for you.

Business Survival Tips When The Owner Faces a Health Crisis by Shari Powell

When my doctor told me I had a fast growing form of lung cancer and needed surgery right away, a host of priorities whirled in my mind - one of which was how to keep our 35-client business going strong during my long-term recovery leave.

Here are "business survival" strategies I implemented, which were very beneficial during my nearly two-month recovery leave:

Key Strategy No. 1 - Customers First!
My top priority was to make a list of all of my customers and their needs, including those I was personally responsible for. Then, I developed a service strategy for each client, and delegated to my employees accordingly.

Key Strategy No. 2 - Develop a Communication Plan
My central communication plan included:
· Personally calling all of my current customers to let them know my status and that I had made arrangements to continue a smooth flow of service. I emailed all customers who could not be reached by phone. 
· Designating a "shining star" employee to be the "crisis" contact point in my absence.
· Having a breakfast meeting to let my employees know what was happening, how long I would be out and whom to contact if they needed help.
· Designating one employee to receive and handle my phone calls, and briefing that employee on processes for handling calls from potential and existing clients, acquaintances, vendors, etc.
· Contacting all of my referral sources to let them know how long I expected to be away, and providing them with a contact person for future business referrals.
· Arranging for a colleague to sit in for me at essential (or required) networking/business meetings.

Business Survival Tips - 2 
· Changing my voicemail message, and indicating how long I would be out of the office, and whom to call for assistance.
· Setting up an "auto-responder" for incoming emails … takes minutes to do and helps bring peace of mind.

Key Strategy No. 3 - Know Your Responsibilities
Early on, we structured the company so that each employee had very specific job descriptions and responsibilities - advice garnered from reading The E-Myth Revisited, by Michael Gerber. 

Going through this crisis taught me how important it is to have job descriptions in place, and to know exactly what my position is in the company. When it came time for my surgery, it was very easy to decide which of my responsibilities were important, and which could be put on hold during recovery.

Key Strategy No. 4 - Hire Dependable Employees and Let Go of "Undependables"
Because I had dependable employees in place, I was able to rely on them to keep the Atlanta business going; but the story wasn't all so simple. I had to terminate an employee four days before surgery. 

A call from a major client revealed that their account representative had repeatedly failed to complete work on time. I decided that I couldn't take time off with such a major concern on my shoulders, so I made the difficult decision to terminate and reassign the employee's responsibilities. 

Greatest Lessons Learned

Looking back, I see that all of the strategies I implemented for the good of the business ultimately were the most helpful to me. By knowing that good systems were in place, I was able to unplug the phone, let go of company worries, and take time off to heal. The "better case" scenario, of course, would have been to already have a contingency plan in place. 

In terms of changing perspectives, this is the first time in my life that I ever had a serious illness. Now, I see the world in a totally different way. I look at each day, and the challenges that I face during each day, as a gift. 

I've also learned how important it is to manage stress levels - nothing is so important that it's worth jeopardizing one's health.

Finally, I'm reminded about how important it is to "Trust Your Gut." The first doctor that saw the spot on my lung told me it didn't look like anything serious and to come back in six months. My gut told me otherwise, and it was right. 

Housing for Seniors

October 2013, This is so amazing:  Housing within Reach of Most New Yorkers By Linda Hoffman
 
 It’s no secret that housing costs in New York City are among the highest in the nation.
 
 That is why we at New York Foundation for Senior Citizens, the only non-profit, non-sectarian organization serving seniors throughout New York City’s five boroughs, developed the intergenerational Home Sharing Program, which eases financial burdens and provides companionship for both young and old.
 
 The only one of its kind in the city, our free matching service pairs “hosts” who have extra private bedrooms in their homes or apartments to share with responsible, compatible “guests” seeking suitable affordable housing.
 
 The service matches adults 18 and over; either the “host” or the “guest” must be 60 years of age or older. The Home Sharing Program also provides housing for individuals with developmental disabilities capable of independent living. “Hosts” offering their homes to these high-functioning individuals must be age 55 or over.
 
 Learn How It Works along with Additional Housing and Services call: 212-962-7559, or visit: www.nyfsc.org

A Second Chance at Life

Guest blog by Senator Sandra Tiffany

A year ago, Nevada Senator Sandra Tiffany never would have thought she would be speaking out about a virtually unknown illness called sepsis. Today, she is taking it upon herself to increase awareness about sepsis and ensure that others receive the same quality of care that saved her life. Sepsis affects nearly three quarters of a million Americans each year. Despite these statistics, which equate to more lives touched than breast, colon/rectal, pancreatic, and prostate cancer combined, sepsis is difficult for doctors to diagnose and few Americans know that sudden, severe, flu-like symptoms may be a warning of a life-threatening condition. 

While traveling in California, Sandra became nauseous and sought medical attention at Providence St. Joseph Medical Center in Burbank. A bacterial infection related to a blocked kidney stone was the source of her sudden change in health. Her condition continued to worsen and after she underwent surgery, she was rushed to the ICU and placed on life support. Finally, Sandra was diagnosed with septic shock and treated with a breakthrough therapy that likely, saved her life. This care approach allowed Sandra to make a full recovery and continue impacting lives. 

Sandra--or Sandee, as her friends call her--is fortunate to have received the kind of care she did. But more than that, Sandee's story can serve as a powerful example to women everywhere. From a professional perspective, Sandee is a strong female politician who is comfortable speaking out on behalf of constituents. Now from a personal perspective, she understands that she was one of the fortunate ones and must fight for others who may not receive the same quality of care she did. 

To ensure that others receive the treatment they need, Sandee continues to promote sepsis awareness. Because of her efforts, The Nevada State Department of Health agreed to collect, track and report sepsis data by regulation and Senator Tiffany proposed a resolution to document these agreements. Because too few Americans even know sepsis exists, patients and their families are prevented from being active participants in health care decision-making. Senator Tiffany's personal story of sepsis has led her to become a driving force in the battle against this silent killer.

Sandee's life-threatening experience made her want to encourage other women to take their health care and their lives into their own hands. She is active in Keep Our Doctors in Nevada (K.O.D.I.N.), an organization whose goal is to keep quality physicians in Nevada through reforming the state's tort laws. As a member of K.O.D.I.N., and an active legislator, Sandee was called upon to help the women of Henderson, Nevada. With less than three weeks notice, the only provider of obstetrics and gynecological services in the area was forced to shut down because the cost of its medical malpractice insurance became too high. Sandee fought tooth and nail to keep the clinic open, calling the state governor and the state department of insurance and persuading them to provide a quote for insurance to the clinic. Even after getting the new quote, the clinic choose to close its doors, but this only made Sandee more determined to reform Nevada medical malpractice and tort laws. She is on the forefront of trying to get these issues passed during this session of the Nevada Legislature.

Sandee is also working on several other women's issues during this legislative session. One issue she is closely involved in is the creation of a scholarship program for college-aged women that would allow them to attend the National Education for Leadership Women's (N.E.W.) Program. The N.E.W. Program is an intensive six-day program where various women leaders speak to college-aged women about the issues facing them, and the issues facing the next generation of women leaders. Sandee is working to get the program $75,000 in scholarships in June 2003 so that more college students can participate in the program. 

The N.E.W. Program is only one facet of the programs Sandee is actively involved in as an advisory member of the Women's Research Institute of Nevada. The Women's Research Institute oversees the N.E.W. Program as well as other programs that mentor college-aged women. As member of the Institute, Sandee talks to college-aged women about their individual goals and the role of women in society today. 

Sandee is a mother and a legislator who has been given a second chance at life. She is using this second chance to make a difference in individual women's lives-by instituting model legislation, reforming antiquated laws, and passing her knowledge onto the next generation of women leaders. She is a survivor who knows how lucky she is and says only this, "I've been given a new lease on life and it's made me realize what's truly valuable - living every moment, caring for those I love and doing what I passionately enjoy - making a difference as a legislator." 

Use Astrology to Change Your Life for the Better!

Guest blog by Stephanie Clement
Author of Charting Your Career: The Horoscope Reveals Your Life Purpose

As we enter the autumn season I am reminded of the many times this meant a return to school. After a summer of vacations, part-time jobs, and outdoor activities, I went back to the classroom to begin a new learning cycle. Even now I feel the strongest urge to explore new subjects in the fall. It happens again in January as we start the New Year.

Are you looking for something new to wrap your mind around? Make astrology your new subject this year. You'll discover there is much more to the subject than just your Sun Sign!
How can you make use of all that astrology has to offer, even if you don't feel like becoming a professional? My clients ask me this question often, so I have gathered together some suggestions for using astrology in your daily life. Let's start with your birth chart.

Understanding Your Chart

The basis of astrology is the birth chart. Each of us has a unique chart for the time, date and place where we were born. Here's what you can find out from your chart:
· about your individual potential
· how to direct that potential to become a creative, happy person
· how to develop satisfying relationships
· how your chart reflects your personality and desires

Here's a short list of what astrology can tell you about yourself:
· Sun - You as an individual
· Moon - How you act from instinct and accomplish goals
· Mercury - how your thinking is organized, how you communicate
· Venus - how you attract love and harmony into your life
· Mars - how you experience action and desire in your life
· Jupiter - how you expand your thinking, your philosophy
· Saturn - how your structure your life on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual planes
· Uranus - how you experience imbalance in your life, how you use intuition to regain balance
· Neptune - where you experience glamour and illusion, how you cultivate compassion
· Pluto - Your power and will
· Ascendant (rising sign) - the mask you wear, your personality
· Midheaven (the highest point in your birth chart) - what you can learn about yourself, your self-awareness

As you learn about the myriad differences among the planets and signs, you gain a new appreciation of the variety and power of opportunities you have. You develop sympathy for other people, whose potential takes them in different directions. And you learn how to work with other people more successfully.

Career: cross reference to Vocational Astrology

Guest blog by  Stephanie Clement
Author of Charting Your Career: The Horoscope Reveals Your Life Purpose

The two most frequently asked questions in astrology relate to relationship and career. Of these, career exploration combines the best of traditional astrological methods with the best of modern psychological astrology. In addition, Vedic astrology includes very specific data about the type of career one may pursue.

Exploration of the career includes several factors in the chart:
· Individual creative capacity. Everyone is creative; vocational astrology looks at creativity as it impacts career choices.
· The careers that suit the individual chart. These reflect the planets, sign, and aspects related to the 10th House and its rulers.
· The actual workplace and the people found there, reflected by the 6th House and its rulers. This includes the geographic location, the type of building, and the location within the building where one works.
· The source of one's personal income, reflected by the 2nd House and its rulers. This house also includes money management, material goods, and also self-esteem.
· The personal style of the individual. This includes myriad factors, with a focus on the Sun, Moon, Ascendant and Midheaven signs.
· The place to begin one's career path (indicated by Saturn)
· The personal activities concerning career (indicated by Mars)
· Character traits that may affect job performance (sign and element of the Sun and Moon, speed of the Moon in the birth chart, position of Mercury relative to the Sun, and numerous other factors)

When career considerations are expanded to include the concept of vocation or mission, the astrological delineation of career takes on a philosophical, or even spiritual overtone. If one's vocation is a calling, who calls? The ideal career satisfies this calling in a direct way. The astrologer can help the client listen to the inner voice, or daimon, to understand the unique personal life path he or she is intended to pursue. The astrologer then uses the above considerations to identify careers that suit the individual mission.

Twenty-first Century vocational astrology has unique demands, considering the rapid changes in the work arena. Significant careers from the past no longer exist, or have metamorphosed into something unrecognizable by a 19th Century person. For example, candle-making was once an essential occupation. The contemporary candle maker is either working in a highly mechanized atmosphere, or is making candles for the love of the task. Very few people make their living in this career. However, like the butcher and the baker, the candle-making profession may be seeing a small revival, as people indicate their desire for "the real thing."
The distinctions between work roles have blurred. For example, where a business person once had a secretary to prepare all letters, email now is an essential component of an executive's work skill package. Yet skilled letter-writing retains a place in the career mix, and is a creative art to be developed by those who aim to get ahead. The executive has acquired the increased need for written communication skills.

A second example involves libraries. The internet and computers have resulted in major revisions in the way libraries operate. Once the province of a professional librarian, book cataloging can be done quickly and inexpensively by staff with far less technical training, and a library collection in Pueblo, Colorado can be viewed by a patron in Italy. In this case the clerical workload of collection management has been shifted to another staff member, and the professional librarian has moved into the role of collection development and reference services to a large extent.

What do these changes mean for the vocational astrologer? The astrologer has to keep current with career changes. Vocational and professional training information forms an important part of the astrologer's resources. Similar to the career counselor in a school, the astrologer must be able to relate the client's astrological vocational picture to the career market of the day.

The astrologer can act as career coach as well. Help with choosing the career field remains the main focus. In addition, the astrologer can coach the client in how to present his or her skills effectively. A third part of the astrologer's role is to help the client present his deeper character traits effectively. Missing from resumes of the 20th Century, effective communication of one's character may be the deciding factor in gaining employment in very tough job markets. The astrologer is well positioned to provide essential information in this regard.
Vocational astrology is a growing segment within the broader astrological career field. The use of traditional charting methods and contemporary computer-aided astrology make this a dynamic branch of a profession that dates back at least to the Greeks and their Arabian contemporaries.

Start Your Own Second Act Sisterhood

Guest blog by Sue Shellenbarger

One of the toughest aspects of a midlife crisis for most women is the isolation they feel. Our culture affords no customary, established ways for midlife women to meet, share their experiences and find a sounding board for the dreams and questions that surface for many of us at midlife. Yet a critical difference between women who manage a midlife transition successfully and those who remain non-starters is often a supportive network of female friends who offer feedback and encouragement. If you read The Breaking Point to better understand your own restlessness or frustration, you may want to consider starting a Second Act Sisterhood (SAS). Here are some recommendations:

1. Gather a group of friends who are also in the middle of life, however you want to define it, and who have some goal or dream or desire they would like to pursue, no matter how distant or difficult it may seem. This might be either a new or existing group, such as a book or investment club that wishes to shift gears for a while. The meeting should be held in a place where everyone will feel at ease - perhaps at a restaurant or in a participant’s home. 

2. Have each person discuss her dream along with the fears and obstacles that stand in her way. It may be helpful to assign each woman a defined period of time to speak and hear feedback, such as 15 to 30 minutes each. 

3. After each woman has presented her goal or desire, the other women should each be allowed time to respond. Only positive feedback or support is permitted; disapproval, criticism, and sarcasm are not allowed. Even if someone's ambition seems far fetched, the members of the group should support the member’s wish for change and brainstorm for tactics and ideas that could make it happen.

4. Members should lend more than vocal support to each other if they can. For example, if one group member wants to pursue outdoor activities and adventure and another is a member of a ski club, this is an ideal opportunity for one member to help another realize her ambition.

5. Set a regular meeting time when members can reconvene and talk about progressing toward their dream, perhaps bi-weekly, monthly or quarterly, either indefinitely or for an agreed-upon period, to share and support each other’s midlife dreams, goals and renewal.

6. Every meeting should offer each woman an opportunity to present her experiences and steps forward. Every Second Act Sisterhood member should know that her voice is heard and that she is in good company as she continues on her pathway toward personal growth. 

One of the women profiled in The Breaking Point said that hearing other women's stories of midlife crisis and resolution is like passing a recipe on to someone else. With your Second Act Sisterhood you're ensuring that one person's recipe for change and happiness can be shared, adapted, and applied by other women living through a similar transition.

Perhaps, It’s All In A Name

Guest blog by Sharon Kava

Sharon Kava’s first novel – a suspense thriller – still sits in a bottom desk drawer after receiving 116 rejections from literary agents. Alex Kava’s first novel – a suspense thriller – received three offers of representation and went on to be a bestseller with a first printing of 70,000 hardcover copies, and the recently released paperback hitting #23 on the New York Times extended bestseller list. The difference? It may very well be all in the name, because I wrote both of those novels -- one under my real name, Sharon; the other under a pen name, Alex.

When I randomly sent out that first novel as Sharon Kava, I received quite a few conflicting responses from literary agents. Notes in the margins of my query letter said things like, “Wonderful suspense, but too harsh for a romance.” Or “tone down the violence and add some romance.” I wasn’t trying to market the novel as romantic suspense, and yet, it appeared that literary agent after literary agent was trying to put me into that genre. I began to wonder if these agents – many of whom are women with remarkable track records – simply didn’t believe women wrote hard-hitting suspense thrillers. It seemed as though they needed to fit me into the romantic suspense genre in order to believe they could sell my novel.

Two years later, I quit a full-time job as a director of public relations for a small college. I was burned out and ready for a change. I decided to give novel writing one more try. Only this time, I would eliminate as many obstacles as possible. 

First, I finished the manuscript. I polished, revised and edited, then revised some more. I was living off my savings and then my credit cards. I taught part-time and even had a newspaper delivery route. I could hardly afford the $100 editing fee, but still, I hired a professional editor to go over the manuscript. 

Then I did my research on literary agents, carefully choosing agents I’d like to work with and finding out as much as possible about the current authors they represented as well as recent sales they had made. I narrowed my list to thirty-two literary agents and prepared custom-designed submission packages to each agent’s specifications. But before I sent out a single one, I decided that Sharon Kava would become Alex Kava. 

That past experience had left me with what was, perhaps, only a gut instinct. However, I was determined to remove as many obstacles as possible, and if there was the slightest chance that a perception existed that women wrote romantic suspense while men wrote suspense thrillers, then I would try to remove that obstacle the best way I knew. So I looked for a name, that when spelled the same way, could be misconstrued male or female. Of course, it also had to be a name I liked and could live with, if need be. But most importantly, I didn’t want agents determining my manuscript’s plight by a simple glance at my name and pegging it into a certain genre before they even read it. 

A half dozen agents wanted to see more. Three requested the entire manuscript to read. Those three offered to represent the book, calling and asking for “Mr. Kava.” None of them had been able to distinguish whether the manuscript had been written by a man or a woman. For me it was the ultimate compliment, my reasoning being that good fiction should be, in a sense, genderless. After all, isn’t that what writers strive for is to be an all-knowing force, an omnipotent narrator who can relate to and see into the hearts of minds of their characters, whether those characters are male or female? Besides, I had also just accomplished the first step in what some claim is the equivalent of winning the lottery – I was on my way to getting my first novel published, and whether it was as Sharon or Alex, it was still my novel.

What If I Find It Difficult To Trust My Spouse"t To Trust My Spouse

Guest blog by Shannon Eldridge
Author of The Passion Principles: Celebrating Sexual Freedom in Marriage

I’ll never forget the sound of Tonya sobbing uncontrollably over the telephone as we talked about the many ways she was driving her husband (and herself!) nuts. She would intercept every magazine that came in the mail and cut out every picture of any woman whom she perceived as even possibly “prettier” than her. When I asked her why she felt that need, at first her reply was, “Isn’t it my responsibility to keep my husband from lusting after other women?” 

“No, Tonya, it’s not your responsibility. You can’t control anyone but yourself, and your husband can’t be controlled by anyone other than himself. You realize that, right?” I inquired. 
“I guess, but I still feel as if I have to control his environment. When we’re at dinner parties, if he leaves the table to go to the bathroom, I go to the bathroom too, just in case there’s some other woman along the way that wants to try to talk to him,” she confessed.
“How does your husband feel about you following him to the bathroom?” I asked.
Tonya admitted that it probably drives him crazy, and that the fact she would even feel the need to do such a thing drove her crazy too. We talked quite a while longer about the great lengths she would go to in order to “control his environment.” Basically, this guy didn’t make a move without his wife knowing about it. And both were panicked over what it might mean if any of her suspicions were ever confirmed.

“Have you ever heard of a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy,’ Tonya?” I asked, going on to explain that sometimes we create the very behavior in someone else that we are trying so desperately to control, simply by being so controlling. When someone gets the message loud and clear, “I don’t trust you. I can’t trust you!” then guess what? They begin to believe it themselves. They are brainwashed by their own spouse into thinking, “I’m untrustworthy.” So then they simply act in accordance with what they believe about themselves. We can create the very unstable relationship that we fear most—all because of our own insecurities!

Truth be told, I’ve talked with numerous “Tonyas” in my life-coaching practice, as well as many “Toms” (the male version). Their tactics have included:
• Forcing their spouses to go to counseling in spite of their unwillingness to do so, sometimes to deal with issues that only exist in their own heads.
• Following their cars to see if they go where they said they were going after work.
• Stalking Facebook pages, text messages, e-mails, etc.
• Privately asking their spouses’ coworkers to comment on his/her office behavior. 
• Enlisting a friend to “spy” on them at the fitness center, or worse, to even pretend to flirt with them simply to see how they’d respond.

My best advice to anyone who feels compelled to go to such great lengths to “follow up” on a spouse’s faithfulness or “set a trap” to catch him or her in the act—professional help is definitely needed, but you may be more in need of it than your spouse! And if you indeed discover that there is an issue that warrants your concern, I hope you’ll both get counseling rather than just expecting your spouse to deal with his or her issue alone. It takes two to tango in any dysfunctional relationship dance.

Marlene has experienced both extremes – being externally motivated by a controlling husband, and being internally motivated thanks to a trusting husband. She shares these words of warning and encouragement:

“I’ve travelled for business on a regular basis for the last twelve years. The first five of those years I was in a controlling, manipulative marriage where I was expected to phone at a certain time each day, my suitcase was scrutinized to see what I was packing and if I had a bathing suit with me. I would do laps in the hotel’s pool, but the interpretation was that I was trolling for men. I was grilled on who I met with, whether they were male or female, what I wore . . . you get the idea. 

“The behavior certainly didn’t motivate me to honor his demands and, in fact, did become a self-fulfilling prophecy, eventually leading me into an extra-marital affair. Don’t misunderstand—I’m not saying my husband’s actions were responsible for my affair. Clearly that was a choice I made myself, out of low self-esteem and a need to find affirmation. I contrast those first five years with the past two years since I’ve remarried and I’m so grateful that my new husband gives me the benefit of the doubt. I’m highly motivated to let him know I arrived safely somewhere and to text him throughout the day to let him know how things are going. He trusts me completely and, as a result, I respond in kind and honor his trust. The responses the two different behaviors elicit are night and day. Everyone needs to understand that negative actions result in negative responses.” 

Do you have this kind of unwavering trust in your marriage, or might there be some “self-fulfilling prophecies” in the making? If the latter is a truer statement, what do you think your own relational insecurities communicate to your mate—1) I have a high enough self-esteem to expect my spouse to be fully committed to me, or 2) I have such a low self-esteem that I automatically assume that no one would ever be faithful to someone like me? Your answer to that question will most likely reveal a lot more about yourself than it does about your spouse.
Before you let your own personal insecurities ooze out and ruin the very fibers of your relational rug, consider taking the high road. See if you’re able to make the following declarations to your spouse:

• I believe in you 100 percent and I trust you completely.
• Although you’re a fallible human being, I know your conscience will be your guide. I trust you have the Holy Spirit guiding you.
• I don’t feel the need to go behind your back to check up on you, and that feels really good. 
• If I have any concerns about your marital faithfulness, I will ask you with complete confidence that you will be honest with me, regardless of what the answer may be.
• As we continue “putting all of our emotional eggs in each other’s baskets” from day to day, I have no doubt that you’ll treat my heart as carefully as I will treat yours.

Always remember that a person is innocent until proven guilty, and keep your personal insecurities in check as your own issues to deal with, rather than turning the tables and letting them evolve into relational poison. And as you put this kind of stock in your spouse’s character and integrity, I believe that it will yield a tremendous amount of compound interest! Your spouse will undoubtedly want to rise to the occasion and prove incredibly worthy of your trust.

God, please show me how to inspire rather than require
sexual integrity from my spouse such that I never create a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” Help us trust one another completely, or at least trust the Holy Spirit inside one another. Help us to be as faithful to each other as You are to us.

Ten Suggestions for Creating a Lasting Love...All by Yourself

Guest blog by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D
Author of The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love

The power is yours. Whether your relationship simply needs some fine-tuning or whether it is in serious trouble, you will be amazed at how much relationship-healing you can do all by yourself. And if you are not in a relationship, there are many ways of approaching members of the opposite sex in a new and welcoming manner.

So how do we begin? Here are ten suggestions:

1) Expand the purpose of your relationship. As I see it, a relationship has two important purposes-a Practical Purpose and a Higher Purpose. The Practical Purpose of a relationship is simply to have someone with whom to share our lives. Traveling the road together can be a joyous experience. But sometimes problems with money, sex, children, work and the like can make the journey together very difficult. It is for this reason that we need to have a Higher Purpose. 

The Higher Purpose of a relationship is to learn how to become a more loving person--despite what problems come up. It is our using all the problems as a vehicle for seeing what we need to work on within ourselves to keep love in our heart. Too often, without remembering our Higher Purpose, we begin longing for the initial bloom of love and the downward spiral begins. We blame our mate instead of realizing that this is a great time for learning and growing. Anger and resentment build. And for too many of us, we can safely predict that the end is near. 

If, however, we focus on the Higher Purpose, that of becoming a more loving person, the outcome can be very different. Problems can become a plus instead of a minus. We learn, we grow, we are filled with creativity, we take responsibility, we feel strong and our love for our mate grows. There is no question that it is through our Higher Purpose that we ultimately experience the exquisite beauty of real love. 

2) Handle the neediness. Neediness is an emotion created by fear and is one of the prime destroyers of love. It stands to reason that if we are feeling needy, consciously or unconsciously, we are always trying to manipulate our mate with the desperate hope that they will make us feel whole. Neediness causes us to protect ourselves at the expense of our mate, to close our hearts, to judge our mates and blame them for our unhappiness, to become angry, resentful and defensive. Not a pretty picture! 

But when we feel whole...when we feel strong...when we feel we are a part of the hugeness of life...we can be safely vulnerable always knowing … that no matter what happens, we will handle it all. In this way, our neediness disappears. We are fulfilled. And our ability to love with a sense of confidence and joy radiates throughout our being. We become a magnet to all that is good in this world...and that includes a truly wonderful relationship. 

3) Radiate a positive and loving energy. Science is actually proving that feelings are contagious. This means that if you think and act lovingly, your partner will actually "catch" that loving energy. You become a model that evokes love in your mate. And the whole nature of the relationship begins to move in the direction of love. 

Of course, the opposite is true as well. If you think and act un-lovingly, your partner will "catch" that un-loving energy. You become a model that evokes conflict in your mate. And the whole nature of the relationship moves itself in the direction of conflict. And you know where conflict leads…often to the end of the relationship. 

Bottom line: If you are feeling resentful, negative, disdainful and the like with your mate, work on changing your energy to one of love, appreciation, and caring. It can make all the difference in the world.

4) Pick up the mirror instead of the magnifying glass. What does that mean? The magnifying glass represents our symbolically pointing a finger and blaming our mate for our unhappiness. The mirror represents looking inward and taking responsibility not only for our actions but also for our REACTIONS to what is going on in the relationship. The mirror is self-awareness, and self-awareness is the first step toward positive change. A few examples:

The magnifying glass: I am angry he is not making more money.
The mirror: Why am I blaming him? It's my own fear that is stopping me from creating money all by myself. I have to work on my fears.

The magnifying glass: I am angry because of her taking time away from me to spend time with her friends.
The mirror: Is my life so limited that I can't function without her for a few hours? It's time for me to take responsibility to create more balance in my life so that I don't feel empty and needy when she is not around.

5) Become the mate you want your mate to be. First make a list of all the characteristics you want your mate to have. It could look like this: loving, thoughtful, warm, considerate, caring, appreciative, romantic, generous. Now for the big challenge...pick up the mirror and begin developing these qualities in yourself.

You may be someone who resists this challenge. But how can we ask our mates to be something we have been unwilling to be ourselves? Also, as you just learned, loving behavior is contagious. Just incorporating all these loving qualities within our own being can dramatically alter the thoughts and actions of our mate. Also, remember the Higher Purpose of your relationship...and that is to become a more loving person. This is a perfect opportunity to do so. Your goal? Maximum caring and minimum need. Powerfully loving, indeed! 

6) Validate your mate. We have to learn to notice and openly express thanks for the beautiful things our mate does for us. (And if you can't find anything to thank him for, then why are you there?) It makes our mate feel so good when we let him know the things we appreciate about him. And it encourages him to continue doing beautiful things. 

Remember that every relationship has its good and every relationship has its bad. By focusing on the bad, we starve. By focusing on the good, we thrive...allowing us to creatively and lovingly deal with the bad. So begin right now by appreciating all that your mate does in your life. Don't let another day pass before you say "Thank you for being in my life. I love you." Say it today...and say it often. 

7) Don't be passive when it comes to love. I think it's really important to keep in mind that love is an emotion but just as importantly, love is an action. The question you need to keep asking yourself is, "What am I doing to keep love alive?" Action is key when romance is involved. It's also a way of keeping us conscious! We need actions to help us keep our focus on how blessed we are to have our partner in our life. 

I suggest you do just do one thing daily as a way of honoring your mate and your Higher Purpose, that of becoming a more loving person. It may take time to push through any resistance you may be feeling, but keep pushing. Eventually you will get yourself on the side of love. 

8) There are times to "lie" lovingly. You sit down to dinner together and you want to complain about the fact that your mate was late coming home from work. Knowing that he/she is in the middle of a lot of pressure at work at the moment, it would be irrational and punishing to say, "It really makes me angry that you came home late today." Instead, with clenched teeth, if need be, let what comes from your mouth be loving, even if you are not feeling loving. Say something like, "I'm so happy when we are together. I love you." You will most likely get a loving response back. And the miracle of such an approach is that your own tension will melt and you will feel that beauty of the moment instead of being the one to destroy it.

9) Stop gender bashing. You've probably been guilty of telling (or at least laughing at) jokes about members of the opposite sex-even when your mate is in the room. Don't do that. What seems like "harmless" joking may actually be working against your efforts to move out of the realm of "selfish" love and into the realm of "real" love. When you participate in the bashing of members of the opposite sex, you are behaving in a hurtful and unloving way. Remember, if you don't love, respect and admire the opposite sex, you won't, by definition, love respect and admire your mate. 

10) Celebrate the wonderful fact that many of the old "selfish" reasons for being in relationships are gone. Women are learning how to take care of themselves financially. Men are learning how to cook, clean and care for children. Take advantage of the opportunity to nowbe in a relationship for much more fulfilling reasons than in earlier times. It's no longer about survival; it's about learning and growing together; it's about supporting each other's dreams; it's about the wonder of walking the walk and talking the talk. These are beautiful components of real love, in which men and women help each other to become whole. 

Yes, the power is yours. We can all make the decision to live our lives with dignity, love and caring, and to push through the inner fears that keep us from being a loving person. We all have that choice. No matter what the state of your relationship, it offers you an incredible opportunity for learning and growing. It is definitely worth all the effort you put into it. Why? A loving relationship feels sublime and brings you great joy; it makes life sweeter and easier. You delight in your ability to give to your mate; you feel abundant as you take in the love that he gives to you. Just sharing the journey with someone you love…it doesn't get any better than that. 

How Can We Put The Joy Back Into SEX?

Guest blog by Susan Quilliam
Author of The Joy of Sex: The Timeless Guide to Lovemaking, Ultimate Revised Edition
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog

It was a great day for me when I was first asked to reinvent the seminal sex book "Joy of Sex". The original - written by Dr Alex Comfort - was a groundbreaking work, coming as it did at the start of the sexual revolution of the 1970s; now I was being asked to revisit the work, update, rewrite and bring it into the twenty-first century.

And indeed, the years of work and the launch of the book have been absolutely rewarding. But it's dawned on me, gradually, that much has changed since the original publication 37 years ago. Sure, in those decades, we've become more liberated, more uninhibited, more able to have sex with who we want, when we want and in the ways we want.

But... but... I kept reading the original, with its energy and enthusiasm for lovemaking, its bright eyed optimism about a world where sex would be wonderful all the time.... And I kept looking around at the world of the Noughties, and realizing that optimism wasn't well-founded.

For many of us don't feel the joy of sex that we want to feel. Perhaps because we're more aware of the dangers - how easily sex can be misused, how easily it can be abused. Perhaps because there is more pressure to have sex, great sex, 24/7. Perhaps because in our lives, in our relationships, the pleasure has died... as my work on the book continued, and my understanding of the issues involved developed, I started to feel, strongly, that we need to reintroduce the joyfulness, the enthusiasm, the optimism, that - naively perhaps - was there, forty years ago, when Joy of Sex was first written.

Let's be sex positive

There are in our society so many warnings against sex - often for good reason. But let's also remember that in its essence, between two loving and responsible adults, sex is a wonderful thing. It builds physical health, improves mental health, boosts self esteem, possibly lowers the risk of some kinds of cancer; it even helps you live longer. 

Let's make sex anxiety free

One of the most practical and straightforward things we can do to have joyful sex is to remove all the anxiety from it. Reliable contraception reliably used, reliable protection reliably used; then we can relax and enjoy what follows. Being well-informed about safe sex, getting - and giving - the support we need to have sex safely. 

Let's make sex central

We live time-poor lives, where we have to work long hours to make ends meet, and then rush from one demanding commitment to another. Let's take time out for ourselves, to make love with a partner. The most recent research suggests that carving out a weekend every few months can reignite our desire for each other. No more excuses; we need to do it.

Let's make sex meaningful

What we now know - where perhaps in the 'sexual revolution' they didn't - is just how powerful sexual contact is. It binds you to a partner, creates a link between you that always remains even if the two of you don't stay together - when you make love, you do just that. Let's take sex seriously, and treat it with respect.

Let's make sex varied

We can fall into the trap of thinking that we know what we like sexually - and what our partners like. But tastes change, and routines normalize. So why not keep checking in with ourselves and with each other whether what 'always works' still does. And why not introduce new options, new moves, new possibilities; the Japanese kept a 'pillow book' of ideas by the bed to inform and inspire, and we can do the same.

Let's make sex fulfilling

It can be - particularly for her - that climax gets put to one side. Over time, perhaps it becomes acceptable that she doesn't orgasm every single time. The ideal is that both of us should do so most times we make love - if that's not happening, no wonder the joy is seeping away. Learn how to make that happen...

Let's troubleshoot if we need to

Sexual problems of some sort hit most couples - it's no shame if you are struggling. Age is no bar to good sex (recent research suggests sex gets better with the years) but can create physical or emotional blocks. So let's not be ashamed to go to a health practitioner if desire, or performance drops away. We have a right to lifelong sexual pleasure.

As for me, I've been commissioned to write more books in the Joy of Sex series, and to lecture on sex-positive programs in education and health contexts. In short, I feel that as my writing of Joy of Sex has come to an end, my campaign to reintroduce the joy to people's sex lives has only just begun. 

Reducing Skin Aging- How to Get The Wrinkles Out!

Guest blog by Shari Lieberman, Ph.D., CNS, FACN
Author of Glycemic Index Food Guide: For Weight Loss, Cardiovascular Health, Diabetic Management, and Maximum Energy
Watch her interview on The Woman's Connection YouTube Vlog!

Researchers examined the diets of approximately 2,000 people who were 70 years and older to see if what they ate made a difference in the youthfulness of their skin.The participants were from Australia, Greece, China, Japan and Sweden. 

Rather than using the skin on the face, the skin on the back of the hand was examined and tested to assess actinic damage or skin aging. The back of the hand was used since some participants may have been using cosmetic products that reduce skin aging and wrinkling on the face. A silicon rubber impression method was used to keep an actual model of the skin, its texture and signs of wrinkling for each participant. 

Oxidative stress in skin is induced by sun damage and inflammation. Also, when damage occurs (e.g. exposure to sunlight) antioxidants in skin may undergo depletion. If antioxidants are not replenished continuously, deterioration of the skin can occur leading to accelerated skin aging and wrinkling. 

Topical application of numerous antioxidants such as vitamins C and E, Coenzyme Q10, alpha-lipoic acid, and flavonoids in green tea, have been shown to decrease sun damage and protect the skin against aging, improve skin wrinkling and possibly prevent skin cancer. Studies using oral antioxidant supplements of vitamins C and E simultaneously have also shown a reduction in sun damage and wrinkling of skin. However, this is the first time that daily food intake was examined to see if specific foods would protect the skin, reducing wrinkles and other signs of aging. 

SOME SURPRISING RESULTS

Overall, those with a higher intake of vegetables, legumes, olive oil, monounsaturated fat (e.g. olive oil) and legumes, but a lower intake of milk and milk products, butter, margarine and sugar products had less skin wrinkling and aging. Eggs, yogurt, legumes (especially broad and lima beans), vegetables (especially green leafy, spinach, eggplant, asparagus, celery, onions, leeks, garlic), nuts, olives, cherries, melon, dried fruits (in particular prunes, apples and pears), multigrain bread, jam, tea and water were all shown to protect against skin wrinkling and aging. Higher intakes of vitamin C, calcium, phosphorus, magnesium, iron, zinc, and retinol (vitamin A) were also very protective against skin wrinkling and aging. Whole milk sweet milk desserts, ice cream, red meat (especially processed meat), potatoes, soft drinks, cordials, cakes and pastries were associated with increased skin wrinkling and aging. 

HOW ARE THESE FOODS PROTECTIVE?

Vegetables have a high content of antioxidants beyond vitamins C and E and beta-carotene. In particular, flavonoids and other powerful phytonutrients present in foods such as tea, apples, onions, garlic and eggplant are extremely powerful antioxidants. Tufts University has identified prunes, strawberries, berries, cherries, and tea to have some of the highest antioxidant activity compared to other foods. These foods are rich sources of polyphenols have a higher antioxidant activity than vitamins C or E. Legumes are a rich source of phytoestrogens that also have potent antioxidant activity. Collectively, these powerful antioxidants protected the skin against wrinkling when consumed in the diet.

Fish intake was shown to reduce skin wrinkling when consumed with other protective foods such as vegetables. Fish is a rich source of PUFA in the form of eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA) and docosahexaenoic acid (DHA). While EPA and DHA are extremely important essential fatty acids that are not only important for skin, but for the cardiovascular and immune system as well, they are still susceptible to oxidation because they are categorized as PUFA. Therefore, a higher intake of fish must be accompanied by a higher intake of antioxidants. 

A diet rich in monounsaturated fat (MUFA) from olives and olive oil may increase the MUFA content of skin. MUFA is much more resistant to oxidative damage than polyunsaturated fats found in other types of oil. Also, oil assists the absorption of fat-soluble antioxidants such as vitamin E and lycopene. Margarine is made of polyunsaturated fatty acids (PUFA) and frequent intake was associated with more skin wrinkling and aging. This may also be due to the more damaging effects of trans fatty acids and their greater susceptibility to oxidative stress than other PUFA. Margarine contains far more trans fatty acids that are formed during the hydrogenization process than would ever be found in nature. Even though saturated fats resist oxidation, foods high in saturated fat such as meat and butter did not protect against skin aging and wrinkling. 

High sugar intake was associated with greater skin wrinkling. This may be due to a greater production of advanced glycosylation end products (AGE) and less clearance of these damaging compounds. AGE are found in excess as a result of the aging process and also with conditions such as diabetes. AGE are closely associated with oxidative stress and have similar damaging effects. 

SAVE YOUR SKIN

The skin is very susceptible to oxidative damage due its high content of lipids, proteins and DNA all of which are extremely sensitive to the oxidation process. By consuming more vegetables, legumes and switching to olive oil (preferably extra virgin) and eating less meat, dairy, butter and sugar you can protect your skin against wrinkling and aging. 

Selected References

1. Purba M, Kouris-Blazos A, Wattanapenpaiboon N et al. Skin wrinkling: can food make a difference? JACN 2001;20(1):71-80.
2. Boulanger E, Dequiedt P, Wautier JL. Advanced glycosylation end products (AGE): new toxins? Nephrologie 2002;23(7):351-9.
3. Shapiro SS, Saliou C. Role of vitamins in skin care. Nutrition 2001;17:839-844.