"Vocabulary and Its Importance" byline: Anne Sawyer

Introduction

Language is our most-used and best communication tool. We begin using rudimentary words as infants and toddlers to get our needs met, often changing bottle to baba or water to wawa, as we gain linguistic control. As we grow older, it becomes more and more important to be able to articulate clearly what we want to express – whether it be to teach, give directions or instructions, to express emotions, or for gain – to flatter or bargain. Human beings are social animals and we yearn to connect with other humans, to understand them and to be understood.

Why is it important to have a good/strong vocabulary?

We are judged not just on the external cues, such as appearance, age, gender and race, but also by other categories, including education, social position and what we do for a living. The ability to move fluidly between social strata and turn situations to our advantage has a great deal to do with context, and how we speak, because this is one of the crucial ways in which we present ourselves. Just as you wouldn’t choose to wear a wedding gown to a job interview, or a bathing suit to the beach, you would be wise not to speak to your boss in the same ways and language that you use with your four-year-old child. Each situation demands different language choices, and the greater your vocabulary the more choices you have. Just as we want our doctor or our automobile mechanic to answer our questions in “layman’s terms”, there are times when it is necessary to skew ones word choices to the situation at hand.

How can one tell if one’s vocabulary is inadequate?

The New York Times can serve as a good litmus test. If you find that you are reading an article or novel and come across so many unfamiliar words that you lose track of the story, that’s one sign. When I was younger and came across a word that I did not know, rather than looking it up in the dictionary, I would just skip it, thinking that it wasn’t important. Of course that led to my missing important plot points on many occasions.

If, in social situations or at work, you find that you are hesitant to join the conversation because you don’t follow all the words that the people around you are using, or you hesitate because you are afraid of appearing stupid, that’s a sign.

If you find that you use the same words over and over to express yourself, words like “wow”, “yeah”, “awesome” and “like” – and you’re not a 13 year-old, then you may need to bolster your vocabulary.

What if you know words, but are hesitant to use them in conversation?

In a case like that, it would be helpful to look the word up in the dictionary, consult the definition, examples and pronunciation given, and begin to insert the word into conversation. Start with a new word each week or every few days, and don’t use it to impress people, but when the word truly serves to express exactly what you mean. For example, a word that you hear all the time, but probably don’t use often is “ubiquitous” which means omnipresent or “present everywhere” – not like God or oxygen, but as in cellular phones or handheld palm devices. 

What are some tricks to improving vocabulary?

If you really want to improve your vocabulary then you need to become very aware of language. Listen for new words when you are out in the world or when watching television. Write them down when you can and later, look them up in a good dictionary. You can try to infer the meaning of the word from the context in which it is used, or the conversation around it.

Reading is the number one way to improve vocabulary. I recommend fiction – novels and short stories, as well as journalism – major newspapers, magazines that include fiction selections, such as The New Yorker, …And make note of unfamiliar words so you can look them up.

If the situation is appropriate, such as with a friend or colleague in private conversation, then don’t hesitate to ask the person for the meaning of an unfamiliar word they have used. Even I have developed the ability to just ask – there are so many words in our language, that there’s always a new one just around the corner.

Other ways to improve are to engage in word related activities – such as playing Scrabble, doing the crossword puzzle in the newspaper, buying a Word of the Day calendar, subscribing to an online vocabulary booster, reading books of puns and jokes and then telling them to others.

Use Testimonials to Market Yourself by Wendy Weiss

Testimonials are a wonderful way to market yourself. They give you credibility-a third-party endorsement. It is no longer you alone saying that you and your company and products or services are phenomenal-it is someone else saying that they are phenomenal! When you place an ad, everyone knows that you have paid for it. It is you "tooting your own horn." Much more believable and credible is someone else "tooting your horn!" Use testimonials in your marketing materials, use them on your web site, use them in advertisements, use them in your media kits, put them on business cards and make sure to use them in your sales presentations and/or on the telephone as success stories.

So, how do you get all of those glowing testimonials from satisfied customers? Ask. Get in the habit of asking every single satisfied customer for a testimonial. There are many ways to do this. Here are a few:

1. Ask your customers to fill out a brief customer satisfaction survey. Leave space for comments at the end. Make sure to also ask at the end of the survey, "May we use your name and comments in our marketing materials?" Have a space for them to check "yes" or "no," along with their signature. Most people are delighted to have you use their comments!

2. If you use public speaking to increase your visibility and generate leads for your business pass out an evaluation form to your audience. Make sure to ask at the end of the evaluation form, "May we use your name and comments in our marketing materials?" Have a space for them to check "yes" or "no," along with their signature. Again, most people are delighted to have you use their comments!

3. Using the satisfied customer's name greatly increases your credibility. It is far stronger to have an endorsement with a name than without. Use the customer's name and the company name. Make sure to ask permission to use their name first.

4. Ask your customers to write testimonial letters. Say, "I was wondering if you could help me." (People love to help!) "Would you write a testimonial letter for me outlining how happy you are with our product/service?" (Only ask customers that you are sure are happy!)

5. Offer to write it for them, "I know that you are very busy. I'd be more than happy to draft something for you to edit." People do genuinely want to help, and people are also genuinely very busy. This makes it easy for them to help. 

6. Every time you complete a project and/or a customer says something positive to you about your product/service, say to them, "Would you write that down on your letterhead? It would be a big help to me, and I would use it to market my product/service."

7. Use your testimonials as success stories when speaking with prospects or even customers. This enables you to tell others what you have accomplished for your customers without appearing to brag. The model of a success story is: Your customer had a problem. You fixed it. They are now very happy. Remember to always tell your success story from the customer or prospect's point of view. That means stick to the benefits that your customers received from your work.

8. And if you occasionally suffer from the "blahs," here's another tip. Post your favorite testimonial letters on a bulletin board or clear wall space near where you work. Put the rest into a three-ring binder. Anytime you start to feel "blah," read through your letters from all of the people saying how much you have helped them. It will perk you right up!

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

"Twisted Thinking" by Wendy Weiss

One of my new favorite books to recommend to coaching clients is "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David D. Burns, M.D. This is a book about depression. The subtitle reads: "Overcome depression, conquer anxiety, enjoy greater intimacy."

So why am I recommending a book about depression to my clients? This book is about a type of treatment called cognitive behavioral therapy. The word "cognition" means "thought" and this book is a common sense look at changing the way people think and thus changing their behavior.

In "The Feeling Good Handbook" Dr. Burns lists "The Ten Forms of Twisted Thinking" that occur when people are depressed. These ten forms also exist when people are not depressed and they exist within many, many sales professionals, entrepreneurs and business owners. If you use any of these twisted forms (and most of us do in one way or another) it will negatively impact your sales. I am listing all 10 so that you can judge for yourself. The following list of "Twisted Thinking" is paraphrased from "The Feeling Good Handbook" by David D. Burns, M.D.

1. All-or-nothing thinking

Everything is black or white. If a situation falls short of perfect, then it's a total failure. An example of all-or-nothing thinking is dieters who have one cookie and then proceed to eat the entire bag since they've already blown their diet. Another example would be sales people who because they do not have the time to make 100 calls in a day make no calls.

2. Over generalization

Seeing a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. People who over generalize use words such as "always" or "never." "Cold calling never works for me." "Prospects always reject me."

3. Mental filter

Picking out a single negative detail and dwelling on it to the exclusion of everything else. An example: You receive many compliments from your associates about your presentation. If, however, you receive even one mildly critical comment you obsess about it and forget about all of the positive comments.

4. Discounting the positive

You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count." If you do a good job, you may tell yourself that it wasn't good enough or that anyone could have done as well.

5. Jumping to conclusions

You interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion. There are two categories here: **Mind reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you with no evidence to back that up. You arbitrarily conclude that a prospect does not want to speak with you with no evidence to back that up.**Fortune telling: You predict that things will turn out badly. Before a prospecting call you tell yourself, "They're not interested." "I'm bothering them." "They'll probably say 'no.'"

6. Magnification

You exaggerate the importance of your (or your company or product or service) problems and shortcomings. You also minimize the importance of your (or your company or product or service) desirable qualities.

7. Emotional reasoning

You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are. "I am uncomfortable making cold calls" therefore "People do not like cold calls" therefore "Cold calling does not work."

8. "Should" statements

You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped or wanted them to be. "I should have made that sale." "Musts," "ought's" and "have to's" are similar offenders. Should statements that are directed against yourself lead to guilt and frustration. Should statements that are directed against other people also lead to anger and frustration. "My prospect should call me back."

9. Labeling

Labeling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. You attach a negative label to yourself or to others. Example: You make a mistake and then say to yourself, "I'm a loser."  Labeling is quite irrational because you are not the same as what you do. These labels lead to anger, anxiety, frustration, and low self-esteem.

You may also label others. When a prospect does not respond as you had hoped you may tell yourself, "He's a jerk." Then you feel that the problem is with that person's character instead of with their thinking or behavior. This makes you feel hostile and leaves little room for constructive communication.

10. Personalization and blame

You hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn't entirely under your control. An appointment with a new prospect is cancelled because that prospect has left the company. You think, "If only I was better at prospecting, this wouldn't happen."

Some people do the opposite. They blame other people or their circumstances for their problems and they overlook ways that they might be contributing to the problem. Blame doesn't usually work very well.

© 2006 Wendy Weiss

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

"Twenty Four Buckets" byline: Wickham Boyle

Through the magic of email I received the draft of an article by Noeleen Heyzer, director of the United Nations Development Fund for Women, litanizing what it takes to care for a single AIDS patient in rural Zimbabwe. The message is a clarion call intended to coincide with the conference on AIDS being held this month in Barcelona. The essential message was daunting, stupefying and pointed fingers at all the civilized world for withholding  medicines and even simple running water, further exacerbating the impoverished economics of the sufferers. But beyond those facts was a simple truth; when one women was asked what it took to care for an AIDS patient on a daily basis she calmly replied 24 buckets of water.

This is not 24 light plastic buckets that are filled from a faucet in the bathroom; getting water is a physical commitment. Often a well is not any closer than an long walk from the house. Water is a rare commodity in many parts of Africa and most often it is the women who, in our vernacular, schlep for it. 

Sometimes in summer when the wash from American children who can not abide being dirty or sweaty from camp cloths or spilled ice cream reaches a critical state, I get testy. Why is there so much wash, why are there so many showers, why are the lights left on and the air conditioner turned up to freezer level so we can live our normal insulated lives? I complain about the too much quality of my life as a woman balancing work with the care and joys of a home, but I am stopped in my tracks by the shockingly simple truth that it takes my counter part in Zimbabwe 24 buckets of hard won water to care poorly for an AIDES patient in her country.

I have lived in Africa. I spent time in countries where streets in a capital city have no street signage because only ten percent of the population is literate, so why waste time with signs. I have witnessed poverty and learned the techniques that allow some of us from the very first world to live or spend time in the most heinous conditions in the rural world. We have to become inured somewhat to the terror or else we could not work and function. We would weep and watch. So one learns to move through what you see and focus on the small tasks at hand.

Seventeen summers ago I was pregnant with my first child, and caring for my first friend to die of AIDS. As I grew more rotund with my daughter, my sweet Greg withered. We knew so little of AIDS then. The hospital rooms were marked with a logo resembling a nuclear attack site and care givers were encouraged to wear protective garb. Somehow I felt divinely protected and so did nothing more than visit constantly wearing big, loose cotton dresses and carrying food. I made custards, pies, casserole and spooned in tiny portions. I rubbed his feet, the only part where there was enough meat left not to be annoyed by touching. I did so little and in such modern circumstances and still I felt depleted by every visit and by all the crazy machinations I concocted in my head regarding a means to save my dearest friend, the man who was to be my daughter’s god-father.

And no now years later we know how the disease has spread, we have some methods to slows its growth, it is no longer a secret but a dirty shame on all our lips. Still the means to care for and cure seem eons away.

I imagine the woman carrying water at day break does not jump start a chart that ticks off one bucket and keeps a count until around midnight she collapses on her mat finished for the day with bucket 24. Often she will be roused in the middle of the night to serve some need with the howls of fearful animals echoing in the background. No well at that hour. 

To honor and support all the work that woman do in fighting this crisis is my only choice today. To remember my friend as his summer birthday rolls around is a bittersweet joy. And to be mindful, deeply mindful of the water I drew for this coffee, the faucet that flowed to wash my hands and the two loads of wash that lie folded on my clean kitchen table is to celebrate a daily life, sadly beyond many women’s imaginings.
July 10, 2002

BUY HER BOOK: A Mother's Essays From Ground Zero

This Holiday, Trim the Turkey-And Your Waistline byline: Dara Stieger, Registered Dietitian, MS, RD, LDN

Most Americans can pack on five to eight pounds every year between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day, enjoying big family dinners and other seasonal festivities.

Sugary baked goods, butter-laden side dishes, sugar-loaded cakes and breads, and fatty main courses can make it hard to maintain your waistline, or lose weight, during the holidays.

But in fact, it can be downright easy to maintain your weight and the holiday spirit with some creativity and advance planning.

Avoid Mall Munchies

Step one: stay away from high-fat, high-calorie snacks when shopping at the mall or supermarket. Plan your shopping after mealtime, so you won't be hungry when you shop. And try to have three balanced, home-cooked meals a day, which will help you fend off snacking and overeating.

If the mall's food court is your only option for a meal on a busy day, choose healthier items such as a "create your own" salad with low-fat dressing (or olive oil and vinegar), or a slice of pizza topped with fresh vegetables.

And here's a neat exercise tip to use while you're mall hopping: Park as far from the mall entrances as you can, or enter the malls at the opposite end of your destinations. Depending on how much extra walking you can engineer into your travels, you can burn any extra 100 to 500 calories.

Be a Party Planner

The holidays are loaded with great get-togethers; sometimes several in a week. To maintain or even trim your waistline at cocktail parties, eat something healthy, yet filling before heading to the parties. This will help you cut down on or even avoid fattening party foods and snacks.

And if you're hosting your own bash, wait until the day of or day before the party to buy your groceries, even if that means missing a sale. Keeping sweets, cakes, breads, drinks, snacks, and other party foods out of the house will also keep them out of your tummy.

Also, plan your schedule so there's little as time as possible between party preparation and the arrival of guests. This will help you avoid snacking on your tempting and delicious party creations.

Remember, being the host means that you can create healthier versions of all of your favorite recipes which you, your guests and your family can enjoy without any guilt.

Skin the Bird

One holiday dinner can have over 3,000 calories-more than people should consume in a single day. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the meal. Instead of ham, roast beef, or other dark meat, reach for white meat turkey. Then peel off the skin, which harbors about 4 grams of fat, and you've shaved about 35 calories off that delicious helping.

Likewise, pass on too many starchy side dishes. Favor roasted vegetables and salads instead (especially salads without dressing already mixed in). You can also opt for low-sodium butter, low-fat dairy products, and egg whites to cut calories without cutting flavor.

The Skinny on Drinks and Desserts

Alcohol is very high in calories. Cutting back on alcoholic beverages will cut your total caloric intake. Wine or light beer may be a better choice than mixed drinks which are often high in sugar and calories. And remember, if you choose to consume alcohol, do so in moderation.

When baking sweets, use a substitute for sugar, use light butter instead of regular butter when possible, and use apple sauce instead of oil (yes, you read that right!). Top your desserts with a dollop of light whipped cream. And be sure to serve a big bowl of high fiber fruits, such as grapes, pineapples, honeydews, and strawberries.

Lastly, don't let watching what you eat get in the way of your good time. Remember that healthy options are nearly always available on the table. You just need to be alert and inventive. Make this the year that you make the best choices, and have the best, slimmest holiday season ever.

This Thanksgiving, Be Thankful He's Not the Cheating Kind byline: Ruth Houston

This Thanksgiving, any wife whose husband isn't cheating on her has a lot to be thankful for. Faithful husbands are in short supply. Most wives assume their husbands are faithful. But only 1 wife in 4 can truthfully make that claim. 

Infidelity has reached epidemic proportions and now affects 80% of all marriages today. According to statistics, 3 out of 4 husbands are cheating on their wives. So be thankful if your husband is not the cheating kind. 

An estimated 38 to 53 million women are victims of infidelity. In one study, over 65% of the cheating husbands admitted to having had more than one extramarital affair. Studies also indicate that 2/3 of the wives whose husbands are cheating on them (approximately 26 million women) have no idea their husbands are having an affair. The wife truly is the last to know.

In the face of statistics like these, you can see why a faithful husband is indeed something to be thankful for. 

4 of Many Reasons to Be Thankful 

Though many husbands are having extramarital escapades, there's still a small minority of men who are not the cheating kind. Despite the prevalence of infidelity, these faithful husbands remain true to their marriage vows. If you're fortunate enough to be married to one, this Thanksgiving you have at least four things you can be thankful for:

** Be thankful your marriage and family are still intact.

** Be thankful the time and energy you've invested in your marriage have not been in vain.

** Be thankful you don't have to deal with the mental and emotional trauma that infidelity brings.

** Be thankful you don't have to agonize over the decision of whether to end your marriage or struggle to get it back on track.

And if you're not sure whether or not your husband is the cheating kind? Then be thankful you read this article. 

BUY NOW!!! Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs

"The Lessons of "Living Treasures"" byline: Marilyn Ferguson

Japanese society has an admirable habit of honoring its outstanding contributors as if they were national resources. Individuals who have developed their abilities to a high level or who have given generously of themselves are designated “living treasures.”

Every nation, indeed every neighborhood, has its living treasures, people who find their greatest reward in contributing to the society. Some are well known, but millions are quietly going about their heroic tasks perfecting their work, trying to serve more, not less.

Most of these people grasp the content of the body of wisdom Aldous Huxley called the Perennial Philosophy. They recognize that their fate is tied to that of others. They know that they must take responsibility, maintain their integrity, keep learning, and dream boldly. And they know that this knowing is not enough.

They are making clear that what they need now is the so-called “nitty gritty,” the small steps that precede a leap. They want a technology transfer from the people who make their dreams come true.

Radical common sense says that we should collect and disseminate such secrets for the good of the whole. And, not surprisingly, that most capable people are not only happy to share what they have learned; they are also eager to benefit from the experience of others.

It is little wonder that our individual discoveries don’t become common knowledge. When we stumble across certain tricks and short-cuts we usually don’t think to tell anyone else. For one thing, they probably already know. Or we’re competitive.

The more successful we become at our chosen tasks, the less time there is for analysis and reflection. The coach may recall that the gold-medal figure skater was once graceless or fearful. Certain psychological and technical breakthroughs made the difference. The champion, also a subtle observer of change, is too busy mastering new moves to spell out the anatomy of a winning performance. The same could be said of the outstanding entrepreneur, statesman, or parent. They aren’t teaching because they are so busy learning.

Think for a moment of your own breakthroughs. Did you record and track your learning? Most of the time we notice improvement in retrospect, if at all. And we rarely think to mark the trail for others to follow. “Live and learn,” we say, acknowledging the value of experience. We usually forget about “Live and teach.” 

Radical common sense says that our collective survival may depend on our ability to teach ourselves and others. By pooling and organizing the wisdom of many scouts we can assemble a kind of guide and companion for travelers everywhere.

Apply certain laws of life, and you have nature on the side of your dream. You are less reliant on luck and, at the same time, better equipped to take advantage of it. You can contribute your best without compromising your values, undermining your health, or exploiting others. You can be an explorer and friend to humanity.

Achievers have an enabling attitude, realism, and a conviction that they themselves were the laboratory of innovation. Their ability to change themselves is central to their success. They have learned to conserve their energy by minimizing the time spent in regret or complaint. Every event is a lesson to them, every person a teacher. Learning is their true occupation, and out of it flowed their profession.

These four-minute-milers of the spirit insist that they are not unusually endowed, that others can do what they have done. They know factors of success more reliable than luck or native ability.

The not-so-hidden agenda is the conviction that leadership must become a grassroots phenomenon if our societies are to thrive. If that strikes you as unlikely, consider first of all that nothing else is likely to work. And secondly, be aware that people already secretly suspect that they are capable of taking charge. Sociological surveys have shown repeatedly that most people believe themselves smarter, more caring, more honest, and more responsible than most people.

Apparently we can’t show these traits because “it’s a jungle out there.” It’s as if to be “smart” we must hide our caring lest we try to live up to our responsibility in the jungle. So the dangerous jungle persists as a self-fulfilling prophecy from our collective self-image. One of the ways we can spring the goose from the bottle is to unite as free and honorable individuals who have the nerve and good sense to challenge defeatist assumptions. In so doing we have to pierce the veil that separates our heroes from the heroic in ourselves.

As our societies go through their identity crises, we can view the chaos as a sign of life, the turbulence as a healing fever. Radical common sense paraphrases Socrates: The unexamined collective life is not worth living.

The more sensitive I am as an individual, the more permeable I am to healthy new influences, the likelier that I can be molded into an unprecedented Self. That Self is the secret of success of a society. It sees the ways in which its fate is joined to the whole. It has the attributes we sometimes call soul and the passion we have called patriotism. 

Radical common sense is the wisdom gleaned from the past that recognizes the perishable opportunities of the moment. It is the willingness to admit error and the refusal to be deterred by failure. Heroism, it becomes apparent, is nothing more than becoming our latent selves. Victory doesn’t lie in transcending or taming our nature but in progressively discovering and revealing more of it. 

Great problems, like the wars of old, may be a stimulus to achievement, but we don’t have to rely on external challenge. Radical common sense says we can challenge ourselves. Or as the Taoist tradition puts it, we can embrace the tiger.

When asked for his most important discovery, a famous corporate trainer said, “I finally realized that people learn from only one thing: experience. And most people aren’t very good at it.”

Beyond a certain point all education is self-education. New learning comes slowly unless we choose it. A self-defined challenge is an irresistible teacher.

In encompassing the simple secrets of the visionary life, radical common sense may be the long-sought Grail, a powerful vessel in which we might shape ourselves and be shaped.

Buy her book NOW!!! Aquarius Now: Radical Common Sense And Reclaiming Our Personal Sovereignty

The Confident Seeker by: Patricia Soldati

Self-confidence can make or break a job or career search. With it, you trust your own abilities and have a general sense of control in your life. Without it, you’re frustrated and stuck – until you learn that developing it – and keeping it – is really within your own control. 

My clients are young and older, male and female, rich and not-so-rich. They are planners, engineers, marketers, filmmakers, community activists, designers, social workers and sales managers, to name a few. Their goals range from moderate, in-place change to “just help me find a job” to significant career-change. 

As a result of this experience, one thing is abundantly clear: a diminished sense of confidence tags right along with everyone who seeks out a new opportunity or a meaningful career. It’s a nasty little irony: just when you need it most, your personal power slips right out of your grasp. 

No one is immune, even though it often feels like you are the only one who is vulnerable. Whether your search is one of choice or through the force of downsizing, or whether you hold a fancy title or not, a landing in a new job or career is intimidating for all there is to learn...the choices...the financial insecurity...and the ultimate uncertainty of all: “Will I really find what I’m looking for?” 

It chips away, making your voice weaker, your actions heavier. You wonder “Will they like me? Will they hire me? Can I continue to please my boss?" 

Lack of self-confidence is not necessarily related to lack of ability. Rather, seekers who lack confidence depend excessively on the approval of others in order to feel good about themselves. They tend to avoid taking risks because they fear failure. They generally do not expect to be successful. They often put themselves down and tend to discount or ignore compliments paid to them. 

By contrast, self-confident people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally trust their own abilities. They tend to accept themselves; they don't feel they have to conform in order to be accepted. 

How is Self-Confidence Developed?
Many factors affect the development of self-confidence. Parents' attitudes are crucial to a child’s sense of self-worth, particularly in the child's early years. When parents are accepting, children receive a solid foundation for good feelings about themselves. If one or both parents are excessively critical or demanding, or if they are overprotective and discourage moves toward independence, children come to believe they are incapable, inadequate, or inferior. 

However, if parents encourage a child to moves toward self-reliance and accept and love their children when they make mistakes, he or she will learn to accept themselves and will be on their way to developing self-confidence.

Playing A Stronger Game
Does this mean this mean that, as an adult, you are doomed if you weren’t blessed with the perfect childhood?  No, of course not. It does suggest, however, the wisdom of examining any beliefs you hold that negatively influence your confidence. For example, believing that you must have approval from every significant person in your life is a perfectionist and unattainable goal. It is more desirable to develop personal standards and values that are meaningful to you and not dependent on the approval of others.  Similarly, if you wallow in “the past has done me wrong”, consider that, as an adult, you can become aware of those influences and make a choice to move beyond the ones that no longer serve you. 

And here are SEVEN more ways to step into your power: 

1. Develop a strong personal foundation. Clean up unfinished business that chips away at your sense of self; understand your inner gifts and talents, and articulate the values that are most important to you. 

2. Create an empowering environment. Eliminate the people and things that take your energy and power from you.

3. Let go of obligations -- even if only for a few hours. Do something that inspires you.

4. Physical self-care. This always precedes personal power. When you are feeling low physically, everything else will fall a little flat.

5. Remember a pride story. For an instant confidence boost, recall an event or an accomplishment that you are quite proud of. Ask “What inner qualities did it take for me to achieve this?” to tip the confidence scales in your favor. 

6. Give up old hurts. They keep you in victim mode.

7. Create thoughts that transform. When negative thoughts take hold, acknowledge them...and replace them with a positive affirmation.

When you tap into your personal greatness, your world opens up. It is easier to take new steps and assume risks. You are mentally, physically and emotionally expanded – which radiates to those around you. You are centered, clear-headed and able to focus on moving forward. 

Most important of all – remember that it is a process. Our confidence will rise and fall – what’s important is that you know how to gain it back.

The Terror of Cold Calling by Wendy Weiss

What can strike terror into the heart of even the most successful sales professional  or entrepreneur? What can crush self confidence, destroy self esteem and leave even the most seasoned quivering with humiliation and defeat? But fear not! 

Top Ten Tips for Terminating Telephone Terror  

1. Make telephone calls.  Few things are more terrifying than the unknown. The fear you create for yourself is far worse than the reality of cold calling. Once you start making telephone calls and continue making telephone calls it gets easier. You overcome fear by doing. 

2. Make a lot of telephone calls: If you have only one prospect to pursue, that prospect becomes overwhelmingly important. If you have hundreds of leads, no one prospect can make or break you. The more calls you make, the more success you will have.

3. Prepare: Prepare for cold calling the way you would for any major presentation. Know what you want to say, how you want to say it and how you want to represent yourself, your company, your product or service. And know the goal of your telephone call.

4. Practice: If you are new to cold calling or uncomfortable with cold calling practice your pitch out loud. Role-play with friends or colleagues. Practice various sales scenarios. This way you will not have to worry about what you are going to say, you will be prepared and you can focus in on your prospect.

5. Start with less important leads: It will be good practice and less stressful. Once you feel more comfortable, start working on the more important leads. 

6. Stay calm: You will for the most part be talking to people who will appreciate your call. If a prospect is rude, remember: This is not personal. They may just be having a bad day. Move on.

7. Your priorities and your prospect’s priorities are different: You want an immediate “yes,” your prospect may want to finish a report, finish a conversation, start their vacation… Be very careful not to read negative or extra meaning into early conversations with your prospect or prospect’s secretary. If, for example, your prospect’s secretary says that your prospect is “on the phone,” “in a meeting,” or “out of the office,” that does not translate to “My prospect knows that I am calling and is avoiding me. 

8. Some things are out of your control: If a prospect does say “no” ultimately that is out of your control—but what is within your control is continuing to prospect and continuing to make calls. It is also within your control to improve your cold calling skills, take seminars, read books or hire a coach—then fewer prospects will say “no.”

9. The object of Arlene’s game is to focus on rejection. The goal is to reach 100 points. You get 1 point for every rejection. Give yourself 1 point for every “no” answer. If your prospect says “yes,” that’s a bonus! Focus on acquiring points. The more calls you make, the more points you acquire. When you reach 100—You Win! Give yourself a prize!

10. Have fun: This is not life or death—it’s only a cold call. The fate of the world does not rest on you and your telephone. You will not destroy your company or ruin your life if a prospect says “no.” Loosen up, be creative, have some fun!

BUY HER BOOK HERE:  Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

Telephone Etiquette Sounds Right by Wendy Weiss

A true story. In the course of sending out a mailing to prospective clients, I found it necessary to verify some addresses. I called the main telephone number for one of those prospective clients. The receptionist answered the call, and a conversation ensued…

RECEPTIONIST: ABC Company.

WENDY: I have some correspondence that I'm addressing, and I need to verify some information. Your mailing address is 123 Main Street?

RECEPTIONIST: Sounds right.

Sounds right? (Question: How did she get to work that morning?) Sounds right? Does this sound right to you?

The person answering the telephone at your company is your representative to the world. This is the person who makes the first impression for your company, and the world sees this representative as YOU. In this conversation, the receptionist seemed unconcerned, careless and not too bright. A caller could easily assume that this is the way the entire company functions, that it's the way YOU function. 

Think about the impression you wish to make. Do you want to be seen as clueless (I don't know my own address) or as intelligent, businesslike and professional?

Here are some tips to help make an intelligent, businesslike and professional impression on the telephone:

1. Hire someone whose speech is clear, articulate and pleasing. (Tip: Have your job candidates leave a voice mail for you. If you do not understand what they are saying, or you do not care for their tone or speech quality—no one else will either.)

2. Make sure that your telephone representatives know all key company information (your company name, address, etc.). Have that information posted prominently for easy reference.

3. Develop a plan to route and handle all calls. Have the plan in place before problems occur. 

4. Make sure that anyone answering your company telephone knows the responsibilities of various individuals at the company. Again, have that information posted prominently for easy reference.

5. There is an old saying, "The customer is always right." Bring that saying back. Treat all callers, even ones that call to complain, with respect and concern.

6. Try not to put callers on hold. (Do you like being put on hold?) If you must put a caller on hold, explain that you are doing so and that you will be back in just a moment. If that moment is longer than anticipated, go back to the caller and tell them it is taking longer than you anticipated. Offer them the option of calling back, going to voice mail or continuing to hold.

7. Do not chew gum, eat, drink or have conversations with other people in the room when you are answering telephone calls. Keep background noise to a minimum — no loud conversations or music.

8. Treat your callers the way you would want to be treated. If you're not sure, ask yourself, "How would I feel or react if someone said or did this to me?" Act accordingly.

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

Talking to a Prospect as if to a Friend by Wendy Weiss

While working with a new coaching client, I asked to hear her sound bite. Everyone needs a good sound bite. A sound bite, sometimes also called an "elevator speech," is a 10- to 15-second commercial on what your company does, offers or stands for. Use it when you meet someone new in business, use it at networking meetings, and use it on the telephone as part of your introductory calling script.

Here is the sound bite from my client:
Client: We offer complete marketing solutions.
Wendy: (With eyes glazing over…) Huh?

The idea behind the sound bite or elevator speech is to communicate clearly, easily and effectively what you do and why someone else should be interested in what you do.

I asked my client, if a friend asked her to explain what she does, would the answer be "complete marketing solutions"? Probably not. And there's your litmus test. If a phrase would make a friend think you'd suddenly lost your mind, don't use it in a conversation with a prospect! Most likely, it sounds artificial and probably doesn't actually mean anything. That same phrase may be fine in writing, for your brochure or web site, but it is not as effective in spoken language, because written language and spoken language are different.

These differences come into play when you are writing an introductory calling script. Write your script down the way that you speak. If your script is in written language, you will sound phony. Real people do not speak with capital letters at the start of sentences and periods at the end. People actually speak more in phrases or fragments, with pauses and the occasional "ah" or "um..." Write your introductory calling script with no punctuation and no capitalization. If there is a point that you particularly wish to emphasize, underline or highlight it. It is imperative that you sound real, so you may want to try talking into a tape recorder, then playing it back and writing down what you've said.

Try to stay "jargon-free." Every industry has its own jargon, but you must know and use jargon appropriately. If your prospect does not understand your industry jargon, then she will not understand you when you use it! Instead, become conversant with your prospect's industry jargon—then, she will see you as an expert who understands her industry and her issues and concerns.

When you are writing your script, keep in mind a particular individual to whom you will be speaking. Picture this person as a friend, as someone who is open and receptive to what you have to say. Speak to that person as you would to a friend, and not in formal business language taken from your company brochure.

I have seen perfectly reasonable, articulate human beings become stiff, formal and uncomfortable while trying to speak in a manner they believe to be "businesslike." They use unwieldy phrases like "complete marketing solutions," because someone told them it sounds more professional. It doesn't. If no one understands what you are talking about, no one will buy your product or service. Be yourself, and speak as you would to a friend. Remember your litmus test: Do not include anything in your introductory calling script that would make a friend raise an eyebrow.

The very definition of an introductory call is that you are talking to a stranger. You are telling your story to someone who knows nothing about you, your company and your product or service. You must be clear. For the ultimate test, before you get on the telephone, try role-playing your script with an eight- or nine-year-old. If that kid does not understand what you are talking about—no one else will either.

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

Survival Strategies for Entrepreneurs by Wendy Weiss

1. Do the moneymaking things first.
For an entrepreneur, generating income is the most important job. Without income, your business will cease to exist.

2. Develop a sales and marketing plan.
What are you selling? Who is going to buy it? Where and how will you find them? Establish your sales goals, and then view your plan as your map to reach those goals.

3. Follow your sales and marketing plan.
While plans do sometimes change, one of the biggest challenges faced by entrepreneurs is how to be proactive rather than merely reactive. Having a plan in place and following it allows the entrepreneur to move the business forward.

4. Do at least three things every day to promote your business.
In the immediacy of day-to-day business life, it is easy to let sales and marketing activities fall by the wayside. Keeping on top of and servicing existing accounts seems to always take precedence over developing new accounts. But without new accounts, there are no future accounts! Keep your momentum by doing at least three sales/marketing/promotional items every day.

5. Do the things you do well. Hire people or partner with others to do the rest.
You cannot expect yourself to do everything perfectly. Even if you did, there are not that many hours in a day. Do what you do well. Do what makes money. Delegate the rest.

6. Delegate appropriately and effectively.
Find people whom you trust to do what needs to be done. Be clear about your expectations and their responsibilities.

7. Give employees some autonomy in their decision-making process.
Once you have the appropriate people in place, let them do their job. Micromanaging is not a good use of your time. You have hired your employees to do the things you cannot do or do not want to do. Let them do it.

8. Encourage employees to think creatively.
Encourage an atmosphere of ownership and responsibility by allowing employees to offer suggestions, make changes and discover new possibilities.

9. Minimize paperwork and bureaucracy.
While accurate records are important, records and paperwork are meant to help, not be an end in themselves. Always ask yourself if a particular procedure helps or hinders. Decide what to do accordingly.

10. Schedule time to have fun.

Enough said.

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

Summertime Blues by Wendy Weiss

It's summertime!

1.   No one wants to be bothered.
2.   It's too hot.
3.   It's a beautiful day; everyone is out.
4.   No one is thinking about work.
5.   Prospects are getting ready to go on vacation.
6.   Everyone is o I'm preparing to go on vacation.
9.   I'm on vacation.
10. I've just returned from vacation.
11. My assistant is on vacation.
12. Their assistant is on vacation.
13. No one is in on Mondays.
14. No one is in on Fridays.
15. Prospects are catching up midweek.
16. Prospects leave the office early.
17. Prospects go to the office late.
18. Prospects take long lunches.
19. No one makes appointments till after July 4th.
20. No one makes appointments till after Labor Day.

Print this list out. Send it to your competition. Then, get on the telephone!

Life and work continue, even in the summer! If it's too hot, then your prospects will be in their nice, air-conditioned offices-where you should be, too, making calls. If it is a beautiful day,  some people may be out. The rest will not.

Everyone is not on vacation every day. If you happen to call someone who is on vacation, call him or her back when they return. If they are planning a vacation, schedule the meeting for when they return. If they have just returned from their vacation, schedule for a time when they say they will be caught up. If you are going on vacation, schedule for when you return.

Prospects are in the office on Mondays and Fridays, early and late. They are frequently at their desks during lunch-especially when you are calling the boss.

Prospects make appointments all summer long, just as they do in the fall, winter and spring. If a prospect asks you to call back after a holiday, suggest that you "pencil in a meeting for after the holiday." Promise that you will call to confirm it. Do so!

© 2005 Wendy Weiss

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

Stuff We Make Up About Our Prospects by Wendy Weiss

"Please tell (your prospect) that (your name) from (your company) is on the line."

Hardly a phrase to arouse conflict—but astonishingly, it does!

"Please tell (your prospect) that (your name) from (your company) is on the line" is the phrase that I advise introductory callers to use with secretaries in answer to the question, "What is this in reference to?" [Note: Do not use this answer with a receptionist—that is a different situation with a different response. Receptionists aren't screening—they're saying, "There is no one here by that title."]

Routinely, when I'm conducting workshops or working one-on-one with coaching clients, people tell me this phrase sounds "rude," "pushy" or "too aggressive." They fear that in saying this phrase to a secretary, that secretary may respond negatively and keep them from their prospect.

This is fascinating. The words themselves are neutral. "Please tell (your prospect) that (your name) from (your company) is on the line." There's even a "please" at the beginning of the sentence to make it polite!

What causes this uproar? Let's imagine that Andrea Jung, CEO of Avon Products, Inc., calls your prospect and says to the secretary, "Please tell (your prospect) that Andrea Jung from Avon is on the line." Is she being "rude," "pushy" or "too aggressive"?

How about President George W. Bush? If he calls your prospect and says to the secretary, "Please tell (your prospect) that George W. Bush is on the line," is he being "rude," "pushy" or "too aggressive"?

If you believe that Andrea Jung and George W. Bush can say this sentence and you cannot, what does this say about your belief system? Do you believe that you and what you have to say are not important enough? If so, it is time to change the way you think. "Pushy," "too aggressive," and "rude " are all judgments that you put on yourself. Put another way, it's "stuff you make up." 

Remember that on an introductory call, your prospect's secretary (just like your prospect) is a stranger. You have no way of knowing what that prospect's secretary is thinking. You can choose to believe that she will view you as "rude," "pushy" or "too aggressive" or you can choose to believe that she will view you as confident, in control and having something important to say. In the first scenario, your expectation is that she will "screen you out." In the second scenario, your expectation is that she would put your call through, that you and your call are important.

Your expectations can become self-fulfilling prophecies. The first expectation is self-defeating. You are "doomed before you dial." The second is empowering—whether or not you actually reach that prospect. There are always more prospects, and you have the power to make more calls. Your expectation that your call is important and that you will eventually reach your prospect puts you in control.

© 2003 Wendy Weiss

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

STRESS MANAGEMENT FOR WOMEN Utilizing Tai Chi/Qigong and Yoga for Total Relaxation of the Body, Mind and Spirit. by Cynthia Knorr-Mulder RNC, MSN, NP-C,CS, C.Ht

When we talk about stress management one thing we always have to remember is that we can’t change stress. It is always there and always will be. However, what we can do is decrease our perception of it by utilizing complementary modalities that have been practiced for over hundreds of years to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Tai Chi/Qigong, which has been practiced in China for over 600 years, does exactly that. Moving through Tai Chi/Qigong postures gently works the muscles and helps to combine mental concentration with coordinated breathing. Often called meditation in motion, Tai Chi is becoming very popular in the US and appeals to women because the synchronized movements are easy to learn, perform, and can fit into busy lifestyles.   As women, we have a tendency to nurture all of those around us and in doing so we forget to nurture ourselves. Self-care plays a vital role in how we manage stress. Women all over have recognized the positive outcomes of self-care and are attending weekly classes for Tai Chi/Qigong and yoga. Women attending these classes state that they feel less stressed throughout the week and are better able to face the challenges ahead. Outcome research has shown that even after only one week, women will have a reduction in heart rate, blood pressure, anxiety, depression, fatigue and pain and a general increase in their overall perception of health.

I had a 42-year-old women who was referred to me by her physician for anxiety and high blood pressure. During her fourth week into a yoga program her blood pressure was within normal range and she was feeling less stress by utilizing the techniques she had learned in the program. As she expressed how wonderful she was feeling she stated, “Okay now I’m done, I just wanted to get better so I could go back for my doctors appointment next week with a low blood pressure”.  I advise participants that including these modalities into your lifestyle can indeed be very beneficial for stress management and total health although one must practice these modalities weekly if not every day in order to incorporate it into your philosophy of life. 

As a Complementary Medicine Nurse Practitioner I not only recommend these modalities for women seeking stress management, but I also feel that it significantly benefits women with chronic conditions.  It is an ideal practice for women at any age that experience increased stress resulting from chronic pain with arthritis, fibromyalgia, or back injuries. Women with this type of pain need a milder and more soothing exercise. Tai Chi/Qigong and Yoga facilitate low impact movements that increases muscle strength and balance while promoting general pain relief and an improved quality of life.

By participating in these modalities women report a decrease in pain, depression, anxiety and fatigue increased flexibility and an overall increase in their perception of health. These classes are an ideal lifestyle addition for women of any age to help decrease stress. Not only are the classes inexpensive, but they can be practiced almost anywhere at any time with no special equipment or clothing.

Tai Chi/Qigong and Yoga are not a vigorous workout like traditional exercise and participants reap the added benefit of balancing mind and spirit. Most female patients with chronic illness don’t want a vigorous exercise regime, but they want the benefits of exercising. If they don’t like to exercise they will not stick with any program designed for them. Since Tai Chi/Qigong and Yoga are something people really enjoy, they tend to stick with it.

In most classes you can find a large group of women ranging in age of 28-83 participating weekly to master gentle postures and movements with an emphasis on breathing and inner stillness. The women continue daily to practice Tai Chi/Qigong or Yoga, and state they would never go a day without it because it makes them feel physically, mentally and spiritually fit.

Not only do I advocate these modalities for my clients I also stress the importance of self-care and therefore can be seen weekly joining group sessions of Tai Chi/Qigong and Yoga and include meditation in my daily practice. Practicing these modalities increases my mind-body-spirit connection and reaffirms my commitment to self-care. This serves as the foundation of what I do as a complementary medicine practitioner and that is first and foremost to build a therapeutic relationship with each and every one of my clients. 

Speaking Funny Ten Tips on Using Humor Effectively in Your Presentations© by Fran Capo

My 20 year career as a stand-up comedian has taught me first hand, how to succeed with any kind of audience. When I moved into professional speaking, I quickly discovered the great advantage of professional speaking over comedy. In speaking you don't have to be funny! But if you are, you are considered a sensation. Knowledge and humor is a powerful mixture, and in speaking its a win-win situation.

Unlike a comedian, there is very little risk involved if a speaker bombs with a joke. If you "bomb" as a comedian you risk never getting booked again. If your humor fails as a professional speaker, simply continue with the presentation. No one however likes to hear a round of silence instead of one of laughter. Here are some tried and true methods to give your humor the best chance to succeed on the platform.

#1 - You don't have to be a comedian to be funny. Anyone can tell a joke. Find your comic persona. What type of humor are you most comfortable with? Some speakers are better at one liners, some at observational humor, others excel at story telling. Timing is essential. The closer you stick to your natural timing, the more success you will have.

#2 - Know your audience! Are they blue or white collar? Liberal or conservative? What do they have in common? Are there regional sensibilities? The nature of your audience determines the type of humor. A colleague of mine jokingly yelled out "Last call at the bar!" Only to discover most of his audience were Alcoholics Anonymous members!

#3- Localize and personalize your materials. Audiences love to be included. Tailor your humorous anecdote. Make it seem as if it just happened. They will think you are incredibly talented. Mark Twain said, "The best improvisation is rehearsed for 48 hours." It is better to say "On my way here from Newark Airport" than "A month ago when I was in Dallas. " Personalize humor from a joke book or speaker's file. The audience wants to relate to you, and you want to relate to them.

#4 - Be prepared with a few "What IF" lines. IF the mike malfunctions, IF the lights go out, IF a fire alarm sounds, IF, IF, IF. Have stock joke answers that you will use in these situations.

#5 - There are many ways to speak funny. Make enlargements of relevant funny cartoons. Use props. Have silly pledges or awards. You are only limited by your imagination.

#6 - Humor is important because it keeps your audience interested. Your job is to impart information. Humor keeps a audience tuned into your message. The more attentive they are, the more they will retain.

#7 - Space out the humor. The beginning, middle and end of a speech are the strategic places for a joke. You want to start with a laugh to warm them up, throw some humor in the middle to keep them interested, and end with a laugh so they will have a nice, warm feeling.

#8 - Practice telling the joke on unsuspecting friends. Just like with your speech, practice your jokes and delivery. Don't tell someone you are going to tell them a joke, just work it into a conversation and watch their reaction. If they laugh, you know you have a winner on your hands and you've mastered the joke.

#9- Do not telegraph the end of the joke - surprise them. Suspense is the key in any good joke. If someone feels they know the punch line, the joke is a let down. The listener should be waiting to find out what the punch line is. 

#10 - Be yourself and have a good time. If the audience sees you are really enjoying being on stage, your enthusiasm will be contagious. If you are having a good time, then your audience will too. 

Follow these simple steps, and remember to always leave them laughing!

BUY HER BOOK: It Happened in New York Why did an elephant cross the Brooklyn Bridge? Who stole the Star of India? What was the greatest hoax ever to fool New Yorkers?

"Eighty Percent Of Success is Showing UP" by Wendy Weiss

The above quote, "Eighty percent of success is showing up." is from Woody Allen. It was particularly appropriate this past weekend.

I went to take a dance class. My favorite teacher was back in town for a short time. I was thrilled and ready to dance! This teacher is incredibly talented, an excellent dancer, good choreographer and her class is high energy and fun! I had often wondered why she was not more successful as a teacher or why she never got into a decent dance company.

I rearranged my entire schedule to be there. So did a number of her students. One cut short her holiday weekend with her parents to get on a plane and fly back in time for the class. Another rearranged her work schedule, going in to work at 4:00 a.m. in order to be done in time for the afternoon class.

The class never happened. My favorite teacher called in "sick" at the last minute.

When she taught regularly in New York City this teacher had a habit of canceling classes at the last minute. She'd been gone for six months and was scheduled to teach only four classes over the holidays. So far she's only made it to the first class. She called in sick for the second. Was she sick? Perhaps and who cares? 

I'll never again rearrange my day to take her class. I know several other dancers who also will never again rearrange their days for her and even more dancers who will simply never take her class again! Now I understand why this teacher never got very far in the dance world.

I was raised on the old show business adage, "The show must go on." It has served me well. As a young dancer it was drilled into my head that the audience didn't care how I felt. They were there to see me dance. They'd paid a lot of money to see me dance and it was my responsibility to be at my best, no matter how I felt.

While that "nobody cares how you feel" message may not be the best message for a child, in business and in sales it's the truth.

Your prospects and customers want what they want when they want it. It is your job to deliver. If you do not, they will find another source.

The first rule of prospecting and selling: Show up.

Most sales are made between the 7th and 12th contact with a prospect. Most sales people stop at about three to four contacts. All you have to do to sell more is show up a few more times!

Want to build trust and rapport? Show up. Keep showing up. Do what you say you're going to do when you say you're going to do it. No excuses. Prospects and customers like and trust people who do what they say they're going to do, when they say they're going to do it!

Want to close the sale? Show up and ask for the order. If you do not get the order that time, show up and ask again.

It doesn't matter how smart you are. It doesn't matter how talented you are. It doesn't matter how great your product is. f you don't show up, nothing else counts.

© 2004 Wendy Weiss
Buy Now! Cold Calling for Women: Opening Doors and Closing Sales

Seven Types of Men to Avoid if You Are Looking for a Mate byline: June Marshall

Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

If you are an intelligent, independent woman looking for a relationship with a man, it takes patience to find someone you can respect, whose heart is open to you, and you can be with without driving you up the wall.

Good mate-material is out there. But, while you are looking, don't waste your time and money on The Dirty Seven.

Underlying Problem: The underlying problem with The Dirty Seven is a kind of selfishness that makes them incapable of giving your needs fair play. They lack empathy (the ability to put themselves in your shoes).

Who are these Guys?

Don't give up your freedom and happiness for these guys. They will always put you and your needs second or last. Read on to see who they are and what you can do about them.

1. ScarMan: Talks continuously about his ex and the past, to the exclusion of everything else, including you. You feel like saying, "Hello! You are out with me!"

If you want to feel first in a man's heart, throw ScarMan back on the dating beach.

2. SideMan: Married or living with someone but looking for some excitement on the side, with no intention of creating a real relationship. 

Walk away and don't look back. He wants to use you. If it takes a lie, he will lie to get what he wants, without a thought for the pain he causes.

3. CrazyMan: Has so many quirks, a hospital wing of psychotherapists couldn't figure him out. He'll drive you nuts if you give him a long-term try.

4. GuyMan: Likes guys better than girls but pretends to be straight. The fact that he is lying to you about it is what makes him one of The Dirty Seven.

Let him go on his journey of discovering his true identity without you.

5. YAPpie: (Young And Poor) have the benefit of youth on their side but not much else: No money and no job prospects. You pay for everything and drive him around too.

Do less for him. He is a species of parasite that survives by living off of women and will move on.

6. OLMan: (Old Loser Man) is the YAPpie, grown older but not wiser. He has not provided for his future. He is looking to you to do that for him. He was lazy, selfish, and clueless in his youth and has remained the same in his old age.

Do not get involved with him until you find out where and how he lives. Go there with him. If he is penniless, especially beware of how he lives.

7. BagMan: Difficult children from different marriages some of whom live with him, multiple alimony payments, and lots of bitterness over past woes are just some of the baggage this man brings to the relationship. 

Give up on him before you are left holding the bag.

Good Guys

Good guys are out there and are worth taking the time to find. The good mate thinks about the "us" before he thinks about himself. The relationship is foremost in his life and he shows you that it is. His life is not about his miserable self, self, self and he wants to do something to make things better in the world instead of being a drain on the system.

He takes care of himself because he has self-respect. Money is not what motivates him. His heart guides him. He lives his life with passion and is not a wound-licking victim or an ego-driven control freak. He understands the territory of love and shares it with you. He appreciates and respects you and you feel a warm glow of happiness when you think of him. He is the exact opposite of all of the Dirty Seven:

· The un-ScarMan: He is not stuck in the past and is here with you, now. He wants to learn about you because he is interested.
· The un-SideMan: He is devoted to you and not lots of chicks on the side. He puts his whole heart into your relationship.
· The un-CrazyMan: He has enough reference in reality to be able to share your world with enthusiasm. He is balanced and rational.
· The un-GuyMan: He is honest about his sexuality and loves you because you are a woman with a woman's body.
· The un-YAPpie: He can support himself and does not expect you to be a Sugar Mama. He has plans and goals for what he wants from life and how he wants to contribute to others.
· The un-OLMan: He has had a life vision and continues to work on it, even when he is up in years. He can support himself and stays young-at-heart, though he has the wisdom that comes with age and experience.
· The un-BagMan: He might have some baggage, as everyone who has lived has, but he does not inflict it on you so that it takes over your life. He has handled it cleanly and fairly so that it does not keep coming back to haunt him and you. 

BUY HER BOOK: The Dirty Seven...Ladies Beware! Who they are. What they do. How to Handle them. Hint: It's Not LOVE!

"Start Your Own Second Act Sisterhood" by Sue Shellenbarger

One of the toughest aspects of a midlife crisis for most women is the isolation they feel. Our culture affords no customary, established ways for midlife women to meet, share their experiences and find a sounding board for the dreams and questions that surface for many of us at midlife. Yet a critical difference between women who manage a midlife transition successfully and those who remain non-starters is often a supportive network of female friends who offer feedback and encouragement. If you read The Breaking Point to better understand your own restlessness or frustration, you may want to consider starting a Second Act Sisterhood (SAS). Here are some recommendations:

1. Gather a group of friends who are also in the middle of life, however you want to define it, and who have some goal or dream or desire they would like to pursue, no matter how distant or difficult it may seem. This might be either a new or existing group, such as a book or investment club that wishes to shift gears for a while. The meeting should be held in a place where everyone will feel at ease - perhaps at a restaurant or in a participant’s home. 

2. Have each person discuss her dream along with the fears and obstacles that stand in her way. It may be helpful to assign each woman a defined period of time to speak and hear feedback, such as 15 to 30 minutes each. 

3. After each woman has presented her goal or desire, the other women should each be allowed time to respond. Only positive feedback or support is permitted; disapproval, criticism, and sarcasm are not allowed. Even if someone's ambition seems far fetched, the members of the group should support the member’s wish for change and brainstorm for tactics and ideas that could make it happen.

4. Members should lend more than vocal support to each other if they can. For example, if one group member wants to pursue outdoor activities and adventure and another is a member of a ski club, this is an ideal opportunity for one member to help another realize her ambition.

5. Set a regular meeting time when members can reconvene and talk about progressing toward their dream, perhaps bi-weekly, monthly or quarterly, either indefinitely or for an agreed-upon period, to share and support each other’s midlife dreams, goals and renewal.

6. Every meeting should offer each woman an opportunity to present her experiences and steps forward. Every Second Act Sisterhood member should know that her voice is heard and that she is in good company as she continues on her pathway toward personal growth. 

One of the women profiled in The Breaking Point said that hearing other women's stories of midlife crisis and resolution is like passing a recipe on to someone else. With your Second Act Sisterhood you're ensuring that one person's recipe for change and happiness can be shared, adapted, and applied by other women living through a similar transition.

"Savings is Leverage: Cash is King (Queen)" byline: Dr. Audrey Reed

At a recent Debt Free Diva Seminar, a participant asked why should I save? With interest rates so low, why should I put my money in the bank?

It is a really good question. What is the advantage of having a savings account, with interest at less than 2% on a good day? 

Savings accounts hold the money that we might normally keep around the house or in a checking account until we decided to buy something with the "you could have saved this" money. Savings accounts will give you the small advantage of interest without the stock market worry. And when you do decide there is another place you want to invest, it is there for plodding along like the tortise, you know the one that won the race.

Going to the bank and setting up a savings account is nurturing. It gives us a lift (almost as good as chocolate or shopping). Saving or investing is like shopping without the bags to carry home. I love to go to the bank and hand over the cash….yes cash, not a check…to nurture me, even if I have a check that could be put right into the savings account I will stand in line twice for the Yummy feeling I get from the cash rich ritual.

$1. I cash the check
$2. I take it over to one of the desks or a cozy chair.
$3. I count the money, put it in order (1's - 100's) and bless each and every dollar bill, grateful for the abundance.
$4. I then go back to the teller and put my money into my savings account.
$5. I get the receipt in my book, say thank you with a bright smile and I am good to go……feeling rich and rewarded.

When you are ready to take your money out of the savings account to invest in other ways, you may be surprised how the money has grown. Then invest in your dreams, but keep some liquid funds available for that rainy day, and may it never come…

A pound of prevention is worth an ounce of cure, as my mother said. Yes, I have a mother, too!

This is a habit that lots of affluent people I have interviewed tell me they do. The bank knows who they are, they could be anonymous, they could bank by Internet, but the choose to be recognized as a participant in their money matters. So they show up, act friendly, joke around with the tellers, learn whom the assistant manager and bank manager is, and know them by name and face. 

My friend Rosalee from Austin, Texas says, when I first started to go to the bank and deposit money into my savings account, it was $20 a week. Every week. The bank tellers must have thought it was cute.

Now 30 years later, I have a substantial portfolio, and have developed a great relationship with my bank.  I developed the relationships when there was nothing. Now that there is a substantial portfolio, I am honored to still stand in line, chat with the other customers and tell the teller what a great job they are doing for me. That works! 

How does the savings become leverage?
It is the fuel that allows you to make investments without touching your saved money.
When you have money, you don't necessarily need to give that money to a lender, they will allow you to keep the money in the account or in a Certificate of Deposit (CD) as collateral for the loan or business/personal transaction.

It is like owning a house…..cash is always queen.

Last month, Stella got a line of credit from her bank for $25,0000, for her new business.
She does have $15,000 in her savings account, that the bank had her put into a CD to guarantee the loan. You will notice that she has kept the money and the interest coming into her account. The bank will only take the money and interest if she defaults (does not pay when due) on her line of credit.

Magic! Yes, because we don't normally think like this….. a great way to use OPM (other peoples' money) and keep your own in the bank creating some ROI (return on investment).

Be blessed.

BUY HER BOOK: Money ToolBox for Women. simple solutions for mastering your money