"Female Friendly Erotica" byline: Nancy Madore

In these times of sexual openness and honesty, more and more women are revealing that they are not satisfied sexually. This dissatisfaction has opened up a whole new industry for treating what we now call sexual dysfunction. Women in huge numbers are coming forward with a wide range of sexual problems, and there are all kinds of statistics being gathered in relation to what this means. I read somewhere that possibly as many as 70% of women suffer with some kind of sexual dysfunction. Not surprisingly, to me at least, was the discovery that these dysfunctions manifest themselves most often in the form of lack of desire.

This new wave of sexual dysfunction awareness is particularly satisfying for me. I have always wondered over the supposed indifference women appear to have towards the media's presentation of sex and sexual material. To my mind, sex in the media more often than not appeals to men while ignoring women almost entirely. It seems to take the position that sex is for guys, and women are only involved to please them. The most offensive thing about this, for me, is women's silence about it.

Officially, no definitive connection has been made between women's sexual dysfunction and our culture's presentation of sexual material. But this lack of corroboration doesn't dissuade me from my opinion that the most common sexual dysfunction complained about by women, lack of desire, is most certainly linked to the way sex that is presented in our media. It is a natural deduction once you put together the facts we do know. We know, for example, that women and men are sexually stimulated by different things. And it also generally agreed that women need to feel sexy in order to enjoy sex. With just these two factors in mind, how is it possible that a woman wouldn't be turned off by images and ideas that either alienate her or put her down? 

Years ago, when I first noticed the negative effects this kind of media was having on me personally, I started filtering what I exposed myself to. I can truly say, for example, that I haven't looked inside a beauty magazine in over twenty years. I am also choosy about what I will spend my leisure time watching on television. Nearly all advertisements are totally off limits, and I've noticed that companies selling women's products are the most abusive. Without these negative influences, my own 'dysfunctions' have long since disappeared.

The irony here is that men are actually far less discerning than women in regards to sexual material. They are just as likely to find one sexual stimulant as effective as another. What's more, their sexuality tends to be more readily active even without the overabundance of stimuli and, finally, there is no potential harm to their libidos when the stimulant is directed toward the women (quite the opposite, in fact). So in appealing to women, the media has a wonderful opportunity to double their audience and entertain both genders at once. HBO's Sex in the City was a great example of this. Most of the men I know liked this show as much as women did. For advertisers, this kind of thinking could bring about a tremendous boost in sales. For some reason, they are hung up on the idea that women will buy more products if they are made to feel like they are not good enough without the products. I think their wrong about this. But it is really up to women as individuals to make a statement to the industry through their buying. If the advertisements for a product make you feel bad about yourself, why would you buy it?

Part of the problem is one of habit, but the other part is of ignorance and laziness. Most advertisers and writers appeal to men because it is simpler. They don't know how to appeal to women. Women are undeniably more difficult to excite sexually than men are. It takes more finesse and sensitivity. One of the biggest differences between men and women, for example, is that men seem to prefer visual stimulation, while visual stimulation can actually act as a deterrent to women, especially when it is presented in a way that intimidates them. It is intimidating and off putting for women to be faced with images that are unrealistic and unnatural, especially when those images are presented as superior. It threatens their sexuality to be faced with the concept that they are not, and could never be, truly sexy. One of the more obvious examples of this is the Victoria's Secret commercial that asks, "What is sexy?" and proceeds to present images of unnaturally thin women whose bodies have been surgically augmented so that they have curves in the "right" places. I would like to mention to whoever wrote that commercial that I personally know women who have suffered with years of depression and isolation and yes, sexual abstinence, because their bulimia did not make them feel sexy. I also know it was not considered sexy by their boyfriends and husbands. I could also tell you about women who suffered terrible repercussions and health issues from implant surgeries gone bad. These things are not sexy in the least, and frankly, I find it a bit arrogant of this company to suggest that they are an authority on what is sexy. From their commercials I am confident that there is nothing they could offer me in the way of lacy undergarments that could repair their thoughtless damage to my self image were I to actually believe their advertisements of what sexy is. Needless to say, I don't shop there. But unfortunately, scores of women do flock to their stores to try and capture this illusive "sexy" that they, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, actually have had in their possession all along. The products sold at Victoria's Secret could bring out and enhance a woman's natural sex appeal, but it cannot produce it. Instead of browbeating women into thinking something is missing without their products, Victoria's Secret might sell even more products if they were to encourage women to simply enhance that unique part of themselves and have a little fun with it. I know that I would be more interested in seeing what they have to sell if they presented it that way to me.

The media overall is obsessed with presenting sex as if they were re-inventing the wheel. They want to project an image or idea that is better than anything real life has to offer. This translates to many women as there being a deficiency within themselves. I will agree that women are far too influenced by the media, but I can't for the life of me understand why women are buying products from companies who do this. Still, I strongly believe that these companies would sell even more products if they took a different approach.

In my first book, Enchanted; Erotic Bedtime Stories for Women, I conducted an experiment on this by intentionally leaving out all visual images of my female characters. I did this for several reasons. First and foremost, I wanted to focus on erotic behaviors and sexual fantasies-and not on appearances, especially stereotypes. Besides this, I wanted my readers, who I anticipated would be women, to be able to imagine themselves in the staring role. I wasn't certain that it could be done. Almost every type of sensual material I have found, from porn to romance novels feature, as their central focal point, a heroine that is, more times than not, over the top in physical perfection and/or performance. This has always acted as a distraction to me, so I thought perhaps it might be the same for others. And as it turns out, most women who have read my book did not even seem to notice that the images were missing. Even more surprisingly, men who read the book have told me that they did not miss the visual images either, and that they found the stories exciting without them. I found this remarkable.

The most obvious characteristic of erotica that is designed for women is that the subject matter appeals to and interests them. That is why in Enchanted; Erotic Bedtime Stories for Women, each fairy tale is re-written around a popular women's fantasy. In my next book, The Twelve Dancing Princesses, each princess overcomes a common sexual dysfunction. And yet, as straight forward as writing for women may sound, it presents a challenge. Sexual fantasies and dysfunctions alike can be extremely complex and contradictory. I found, for example, that many women take on a submissive role in their fantasies. This can become a paradox, though, even for the women who is fantasizing this way. After the fantasy, she can suffer with feelings of guilt and shame over the things it gave her pleasure to fantasize about moments before. Quite naturally then, there is bound to be censure when someone else entirely puts those fantasies down on paper. It has become more accepted since Nancy Friday's books, but even so, there will always be offense taken when a woman is portrayed in any way as being subjugated. Interestingly, my research revealed that dominance, when dispensed in an effort to please, is one of the most liberating experiences a woman (or man) can be subjected to. The submissive is generally the coveted role. But even more to the point, how can women be empowered sexually if they truly can't 'let go' in the bedroom? This is just one example of how it takes a thoughtful, careful hand to write to women, and even then there will be some women who are offended. My worst critics were feminists, and I found it perplexing that women would be so critical of a genuine, thoughtful effort on their behalf, while completely cowering under the open disregard for them in other aspects of the media. I suppose the effort in itself opens one up to critique. The idea is that women can help the evolution of a true sexual revolution for them by showing support for efforts to achieve it. 

Writing female friendly erotica is most certainly a challenge, but it could be very rewarding for writers and advertisers alike to tap into this market. Now especially, as more and more is learned about sexual dysfunction in women, it becomes apparent that there is actually a need for erotica for women. Doctors are already saying that erotica can be a wonderful tool to help get women in the mood. 

In closing I would like to say that I personally think that calling lack of desire a 'sexual dysfunction' is, in and of itself, a lack of understanding of women. Once again, we are being compared to men. Women are not machines, and the combination of forces working against women's sexual health, along with the everyday stresses of life, make it really more normal for women to not be in the mood than otherwise. It should be expected that women would need to relax and encourage the mood to achieve it, thereby taking charge of their sexual life and any 'problems' therein. 
 

BUY NOW!!! Enchanted: Erotic Bedtime Stories for Women

Fear in Kandahar byline: Masha Hamilton

KANDAHAR, Afghanistan – The engineer from Florida seemed the perfect seatmate on that eight-seater Cessna flight from Kabul to Kandahar over the rugged reaches of Afghanistan. It was my first visit, and he’d already been living six months in the former Taliban stronghold, overseeing the construction of highways and schools as part of the effort to rebuild the war-shattered country that America bombed in response to Sept. 11.

“What sights should I see?” I asked as we flew over the Kfar Jar Ghar mountain range. I’d heard of the shrine to the Cloak of the Prophet Mohammed and of Chihil Zina, the forty steps up a hill that lead to a 16th Century memorial.

Tom laughed at my question. “I don’t go anywhere in Kandahar,” he said. “I haven’t seen anything. Guards pick me up at the airport and drive me to my compound. When I need to visit a construction site, they drive me to a helicopter and I fly there wearing a bullet-proof vest.” He leaned toward me and spoke just loudly enough to be heard over the hum of the engines. “The best choice you could make is to follow my example.”

Fear. It has become our closest companion in Afghanistan, even when we are there to “do good.” Doctors Without Borders recently decided to pull out of the country after two dozen years of providing humanitarian assistance there. The United Nations’ relief agency is scaling back its operations around Kandahar, and other relief agencies are considering following suit. 

U.S. Embassy officials warn against venturing beyond the capital and the bulk of the relief workers, private and public, generally adhere to this advice. There is, in fact, what Afghan-born author Tamim Ansary calls a “shadow nation” on the border between Afghanistan and Pakistan, peopled by those who actively oppose foreign involvement in their country.

Yet it is a mistake to allow suspicion to dominate our actions there. Human interaction, not simply a military or economic presence, is a critical component if our policies in Afghanistan are to be successful. When the only Americans visible in Kandahar, the country’s second largest city and its spiritual center, are armed soldiers glimpsed inside passing tanks, we create a barrier that breeds mutual distrust and will make forming lasting ties virtually impossible. And in the years to come, we are without doubt going to need every friend in the region we can claim. 

The politics of fear have been a favored tool of the Bush administration but they nearly always backfire. Under that influence, we begin to view everyone as “the Other,” alien, incomprehensible creatures of ill intent. And in response – here’s the rub – we are soon viewed in much the same way, as conquerors out to shame and rob this impoverished country instead of help it rebuild. Without human connection, these perceptions remain even when the U.S. government and private agencies are pumping in dollars.

Abdullah, who goes by only his first name, is an engineer and a devout Moslem in his 40s from a prominent Afghan family. He lived in Kandahar during the Taliban years, when the ignorance and cruelty of the country’s leaders practically paralyzed him. He hated rules that required him to pray at the mosque instead of at home, that regulated the length of his beard, that barred him from listening to music in his house or humming on the street. He hated the undercurrent of dread and violence, the seemingly random beatings and shootings.

“I was so glad to see the Americans – at first,” Abdullah told me one night over a late dinner eaten on the floor at a Kandahar guesthouse, moonlight shining in through the large windows, the dust finally settling for the day. “But now they don’t talk to us; they just drive around in armored cars and watch us suspiciously. So now, I’m suspicious of them.”

Afghan tradition says a guest must never be asked to leave. But when a host wants to signal that a visitor has outstayed his welcome, the joke is that he should serve lentils for every meal. “The time has come,” Abdullah said, “to serve lentils to the Americans.”

The truth is, though, that foreign armed presence is necessary for the moment to help maintain the fragile stability. And it could be argued that fear is understandable: after all, over 30 aide workers have been killed in the last 18 months, and more than 130 U.S. soldiers have died since Operation Enduring Freedom was launched. So what is the answer?

The vast majority of Afghans, and Iraqis for that matter, are not terrorists, just as most of us are not sadistic torturers. We know this. So instead of pulling out, foreigners who are contributing to rebuilding the country – particularly by funding small start-up businesses – need to get to Kandahar, Jalalabad, Herat and other towns and villages. The answer, in other words, lies in more and closer involvement, not less.

“The U.S. is building bastions so Americans can fly in and out safely, but they might be more effective in their war against terrorism if they would instead help Afghanistan become normal,” says Ansary. “If you talk with Afghans on a one-to-one basis, you find that everyone has a scheme. Funding those ideas would make a difference, and that requires direct contact between Americans and Afghans.”

I did not follow Tom’s advice. I visited private homes, met the city's Taliban-era chief justice, shopped in the local bazaar and posed for a snapshot with a group of grinning, armed Afghans. I encountered curiosity and courtesy. Once, in a village outside Kandahar, a bearded man watched me with suspicion. But when his brother invited me into their home, he followed, removed his turban, and soon was asking questions and telling me stories along with the rest of his family. Turns out he had a great sense of humor.

President Bush often calls Afghanistan an “ally in the war on terror” and describes American policy there as successful. But if we can’t find a way to make authentic human connections where they are needed most, in the southeastern heart of Afghanistan sandwiched between Iran and Pakistan, our alliances can be neither genuine nor lasting.

Buy "The Distance Between Us"

Daring or Desperate? Why Women Cheat by Frances Cohen Praver, PhD

Women's choice to cheat is both daring and desperate. A desperate plea for help and a daring catalyst for change in their marriage or their own selves, the affair is serious stuff. Not just fun. Let's take a peak at a few wives with whom I have worked 

Not that she doesn't have a handsome, successful husband. Not that she doesn't have two adorable children. Not that she doesn't have a beautiful home with two acres of land. Debra, a stay-at- home mom, seems to have it all. But does she? Actually home sweet home is not so sweet. Humdrum days - food shopping, cooking, cleaning and carting her kids around - go on and on. She feels trapped, bored, powerless, and lonely. To top it off Debra's husband doesn't get it. He's too busy trying to get ahead to get into her. Along comes an attentive, sexy admirer and bingo!

A devoted loving mother and wife, Sarah has also carved out a successful career. In a perfect world, she would have the best of both worlds - work and motherhood. In our less than perfect world, she does not. She lets me know "I'm stressed out and ready to explode." Her guilt about leaving her children propels her into overdrive at home. To top it off, our effective firecracker at work can't get a charge out of her husband. He does not help nor does he understand her desires or needs. At work, Larry does.

Scrappy, sexy generation X, Mary is determined not to follow in her mother's footsteps. Her martyr mom settled for a secure, dependent, and devoted dull husband, but Mary won't. Mary desires committed love in marriage, security, children and comfort, all that good stuff. A little like her mom? Not exactly. Mary desires more from her marriage. Along with love, she longs for lust, romance, excitement, and passionate hot sex in her marriage. Sociopolitical history, pop culture, and family history entwine and strangle her strivings. Unshackling from her corseted past, Mary breathes freely. Air borne of desire carries the wings of surprise. To her surprise, she sees clearly that her husband is not doing it for her. So what's a restless young wife to do? She finds a sensitive, sexy lover who promises all. 

As you can see from the above vignettes women have affairs primarily because they're not getting their needs and desires met in their marriages. Try as they may, wives are often unable to reach their husbands. 

Rather than remaining stuck in dead or frictional marriages and existing in quiet desperation, discord and anguish, these daring wives choose to live more fully. Despite temporary pain, the affair is often a far better option than a life not lived. An awaking, an urgent cry for change, the affair has multiple meanings. Above all, it's a desperate move towards a fuller richer life with love.

Feeling stifled, unfulfilled, frustrated, and helpless in their marriages, they step outside of their marriages. Taking the step is in itself empowering. The affair is a daring active choice, not a more-of- the-same passive response. It screams out loudly "Enough! Something's got to give, either the marriage or me." That's only the first step to autonomy and power. It takes a daring wife to have an affair but an even more daring wife to go into therapy to repair her self and/or the marriage. 

What about the children? People often stay in unsatisfactory marriages for the sake of the children. That's a fallacy. Parents in miserable marriages only make for miserable children. The legacies for these children are blighted models of marital relationships, and unfulfilled, powerless mothers. The affair, while not necessarily the most prudent choice, is nevertheless an act of empowerment. Instead of a weak, dependent or embittered mother, the children now have a stronger, more independent, and fulfilled female role model. 

A common myth is that the affair is about sex. It is not. For the most part, sex was better at home before romance eroded. Screaming fights or silent simmering hostility erodes romance and distinguishes the flames of passion. Chances are that problems in your sex life are not about the quality, but the quantity. Fighting to the death or suffering in silence kills sexual desire for most wives. And there's less and less sex in the marriage. 

If insufficient sex is the result of unsatisfactory marriages and affairs the result of unhappy marriages, what are the causes? What do wives want? It isn't only that they desire emotional engagement. It isn't only that they desire sexual passion. It isn't only that they desire safety and protection along with autonomy and independence. I have found that wives want mutuality, equal power relationships, and recognition from their husbands. Devotion, love, and commitment without passionate sex, fun, and excitement is the steak without the sizzle. For wives to feel sexy they need the sizzle. 

While the affair may be a last resort, engaging in therapy can be the beginning of a fresh new start. Coming to terms with our demons may be difficult, but we can do it. As women we've suffered and overcome the pains of childbirth, oppression, and the double standard. Over the years we've suffered and only grown stronger.

Our childhoods and marriages in the foreground are inextricably bound with socio politics, pop culture, and feminism in the background. Examining the strands of our interior and exterior forces can be daunting. Above all it can be a fascinating life enhancing experience. 

BUY NOW!!!  Daring Wives: Insight into Women's Desires for Extramarital Affairs

"Boomers & Dating" byline: Terri Sloane

This is a great time to be single. It's now your turn to choose the kind of companion who would be right for you. The choice is YOURS. Although chemistry is still a very important component in a relationship, it is not everything. Our inner being needs to be nourished through compassion, kindness, laughter, and sharing things in common. It's a time when we can make a CONSCIOUS CHOICE as to the kind of person we want to share our time with.

The best way to attract the kind of person you are seeking is to engage in activities that attract that kind of person. For example, if you want an exciting active man, be an exciting active woman. Go where the men would go. One of my clients wanted to meet a man who owned his own plane. She enjoyed the excitement of flying, so I suggested she take flying lessons. It turned out that a very attractive man who owned his own plane had to take continuing hours for his pilot license. They met at the airport and the rest is history. She has a newfound passion, "flying" as well as the kind of man she was seeking.

I'm not suggesting that you take flying lessons, however, I do know if you enjoy what your doing, and think outside of the box, a world of new opportunities awaits you. Who knows??? Maybe you should go on the safari you were talking about this past summer. Even if you don't meet "Mr. Right" you'll meet exciting new interesting people and have some very wonderful stories to share. Who knows??? Maybe the man that you want is looking for an exciting woman. Something to think about, isn't it?????©

"BANG, BANG " Choose your Target byline: Melinda Gallagher, M.A., and Emily Scarlet Kramer

While it's still a serious matter, and maybe the most important choice you will make all day, choosing a casual-encounter partner is, well, more casual than choosing a long-term lover. You don't have to worry about whether you'd want his toothbrush on your sink, whether you'd have to bring him home to meet your parents, or whether he'd get along with your girlfriends. More important, if we always practice safer sex, we do not have to worry about whether our sex partner will be a good dad. A casual-sex partner does not have to fill your every expectation, but there is one basic requirement: attraction. 

Acting on a feeling of instantaneous attraction can be very exciting; in turn, the feeling that you're so sexy that a stranger is overwhelmed by his attraction to you can be equally mind-blowing. From both perspectives, the possibility of being so passionate with someone we don't know but have a spontaneous sexual connection with is enough to make our heads (or bodies) spin. A perfectly common reaction to physical attraction is sexual excitement, and we can get turned on, often and easily, by people we don't know. 

Of course, a hot body and good looks can always whet our palates for some lovin'. But above and beyond simple attraction, anonymity, in particular, plays a big role in female fantasy. The exciting part for some of us is particularly that which is not connected to a relationship: the freedom of indulging in attraction without ever having to know someone's name. Pure physical pleasure can be heightened when we are freed from having to consider what will happen when the moment is over. Anonymity resolves the issues of consequences. There are no sacrifices. No one gets hurt. 

Copyright © 2005 Melinda Gallagher, M.A., and Emily Scarlet Kramer

BUY NOW!!!  A Piece of Cake: Recipes for Female Sexual Pleasure

"10 Things You Didn't Know About Signs of Infidelity" byline: Ruth Houston

Certain things about signs of infidelity come as a surprise to most people. Even people who consider themselves knowledgeable about extramarital affairs may be unfamiliar with some of the little-known facts below. 

1. Telltale signs first begin to appear while the infidelity is still in the planning stage. 
2. Most cheaters display signs of infidelity they aren't even aware of, and wouldn't even think to cover up.
3. Most people either miss or misinterpret the many subtle signs of infidelity staring them in the face.
4. If you know what to look for, you can find countless signs of infidelity using just your eyes, your ears and your personal knowledge of your mate. 
5. It's not the obvious signs of infidelity - it's the subtle signs (the ones most people overlook) that will give the cheater away every time. 
6. Certain signs of infidelity can help you determine the identity of the Other Woman or Other Man.
7. There are 21 major categories of infidelity signs, each comprised of 2 to 6 dozen individual telltale signs. 
8. If your mate is cheating, you'll find clusters of telltale signs from several of those 21 categories all at once, not just a few telltale signs.
9. Where there's one telltale sign, there are plenty of other signs of infidelity just waiting to be found.
10. The earlier you spot the signs of infidelity, the better your chances of saving your marriage -- or of protecting yourself legally and financially in case the infidelity leads to divorce.

© 2005 Ruth Houston

Buy NOW! Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs

"Author on Burning of the Marriage Hat" byline: Margaret Benshoof-Holler

Some might think of the title of Burning of the Marriage Hat as an act of rebellion against the sanctity of matrimony. That's not what I had in mind in the writing of the book. When marriage works, it's very beautiful. But one need only look at the divorce rate to see that perhaps marriage, or the way that we marry or the reasons why we marry in this culture, have not brought the best results. Something must be wrong. I have seen too many women who have married and given up half of whom they are to follow someone else's dreams and not their own. I see them die a slow death and not even know it. I have seen other women marry men who give them plenty of space and who are not threatened when a woman needs to follow her own path. Those marriages seem to work. 

On the issue of being single in the U.S. culture, all types of articles and research studies have been done which analyze the single life, take it apart and come to conclusions and set the terms for how many people think. If anything, I would like to dispel that type of myth about single people which comes out of mass produced newspaper reporting and I would hope that some might gain a larger view by what I have to share. 

I think of the title Burning of the Marriage Hat as something like the road less traveled, choosing one route over another. In the case of Katherine, the narrator in the book Burning of the Marriage Hat, it means leaving one route behind or rejecting a role that was set up for her and following something different as a single woman. She, though, is not the typical spinster, the term often used to label such a woman, but an adventurous, courageous, and experienced and sensual woman who has a strong yet cautious attraction to men.

The symbol of the Burning of the Marriage Hat relates to the cleaning up of unresolved issues and denial within a family.

In a more profound sense, Burning of the Marriage Hat has to do with cleansing or being tried by fire like metal when it is shaped and molded. A jewelry maker begins with a raw piece of metal, puts it to the flame and ends up with something entirely different, something very beautiful. In a way, that's what my life has been about. 

A marriage hat is a term that came out while I was writing the book before I had even given it a title. Literally, it's the hat that the narrator Katherine's grandmother Naomi is forced to burn when her marriage to her husband Sam falls apart. It's the wedding veil that narrator Katherine burns when she finds out that her first love Joe is not going to marry her. It also has a more symbolic meaning. 

In life we find ourselves wearing different hats for different occasions. American women have worn many hats during the last 100 years -- the "married woman hat," "housewife hat," the "wife and mother hat," the "working woman" hat, "the liberated woman hat," "the single woman hat," "the marriage hat" and so on. The marriage hat has a more significant meaning when applied to a certain group such as the unwed pregnant women. 

I began writing this book on a journey back to Wyoming to dig into family roots and to uncover some past mysteries. On one trip back, I also wrote a journalism piece about Matthew Shepherd, the gay University of Wyoming student who was beaten and tied to a fence post and left to die in sub-zero temperatures in 1998 near Laramie, Wyoming (entitled "Love and Hate in the Equality State" and published in the Hearst-owned San Francisco Examiner). Not being gay myself, but a woman who grew up in Wyoming during an era when conditions for women were not the best in any location in the U.S. (this was before the 1964 Civil Rights Act had a chance to settle in to prevent discrimination against anyone on the basis of sex, race or religion and before the 1972 passage of Roe v. Wade), I had a feel for the Matthew Shepherd story. And wrote it. But, in the process of writing that piece and developing the narrator Katherine in my book, I knew there was something more that I should be writing about Wyoming. This was a story that had been buried. 

In the process of fleshing out the narrator Katherine, I began fleshing out myself as a birthmother and coming to terms with many things that I hadn't faced exactly. This is the story of the narrator Katherine. It is also the story of approximately 2.5 million women who gave their children up for adoption in the U.S. in the 1960s --"the unwed pregnant women." I drew from my own experience. I am a birthmother. And I came of age in Wyoming in the 1960s. So I drew from that experience and also what I observed around me. 

So, there we have the narrator Katherine. It was only later that I realized that it wasn't only my experience. It was the experience of approximately 250,000 unwed pregnant women a year who gave their children up for adoption in the U.S. in the 1960s. 

This is not a typical birth mother finds daughter kind of book, the kind of story that tends to get printed in the media. Those sensational types of stories get old and I quit reading them many years ago. This story goes deeper and turns the characters into real people. I was able to do that because I wrote it as fiction. Similar to how an actress projects her voice on stage, these characters are actually able to use their voices. 

In many ways, I see fiction as being truer than journalism because journalism limits one to writing about facts and figures and dates and getting things exactly right and doesn't always gets down to the deeper layers of the psyche and emotions. Journalism can do that depending on the writer. For Burning of the Marriage Hat, I had to write it in a different way. So I drew from my poetics experience and my inner core to write this book along with my journalism experience as far as structure. They all fit together and work quite well. One has to draw from real life experiences to get to deeper levels though -- one has to be very honest. And in a sense, because of the objectivity of journalism, there's a tendency for the writer to hide. A writer has to remove his or her mind from many things that might hold him or her back --i.e., the safe bureaucracies or other well-meaning people or friends who can push a writer or an artist towards self-censorship. If a writer listens too closely to the everyday voices, he or she might end up writing interoffice memos instead of a story or book that brings to light issues that have never been dealt with and still affect women today.

Burning of the Marriage Hat is the story of a woman who returns to her roots to free the ghosts of her past and come to terms with a culture that has oppressed women. Set in Wyoming, known as the "Equality State" because that's where women first gained the right to vote in the U.S. and also where I came of age on the cusp of the 1960s sexual revolution, the book is also about a place. It's also a story about a middle-class family in a small prairie town in Wyoming and the coming of age of a young woman during the post-McCarthy era of the 1960s. 

A good part of the book was written on the road. I made several road trips back and forth across Wyoming with miles and miles of open space around me. The ideas came to me on the road. The fleshing out of characters came when I returned home to San Francisco and my computer.

Another part of the book was written from my dreams. In the early 1980s while I was studying poetics with Allen Ginsberg at Narapa Institute in Boulder, he told me one night as feedback to a description of a dream that I had written that "You should write down all of your dreams." So, I've been doing that off and on since. And sometimes I happen to have very profound dreams. So part of this book came from dreams I have had at different times. It was a dream, in fact, that gave me direction when I first started writing the book. And other dreams came to me along the way as if to guide me. The dreams came at unexpected moments when I was needing a voice. The dreams and the voices I heard in them helped me get the book written. I had help from the voices of my dreams. 

Ginsberg's words and actions and feedback still speak to me. He, too, has appeared in some of my dreams. 

Back to the unwed pregnant women. In the year 2002 in the U.S., we have teen pregnancy and single welfare mothers along with six million birth mothers, many of whom gave their children up for adoption in the 60s and early 70s. This is a large group of women with strong voices and we almost never hear them. They are a group of women who have been kept out of sight. And for what reason? This must say something about whether the stigmas of the 60s are still with us. 

Also, marriage was one of two ultimatums (not choices but ultimatums) for the 60s unwed mothers. And some today would like to make it an ultimatum again for single welfare mothers. So here we have history repeating itself. 

What happened to women in the 1960s helped shape the title of Burning of the Marriage Hat. It is a fiction book that explores real social issues in the United States. I drew from my own experience. The narrator Katherine is a birthmother and I'm a birthmother. I'm also a writer and a creative women who has written about many issues. This is the first time that I have written about unwed pregnant women. This because the medium of fiction helped free the pen and the voice of this writer. 

With that, I'd like to say that a woman doesn't have to get married. She can make it alone. Not all women can do that, though. Many women can't. I have found the single life to be full of adventure along with the gamut of emotions that one deals with in any environment--married or single. A woman needs to find herself first before she takes the step towards marriage, I feel. She needs to find her creative core, her inner voice, begin the journey of following her own dreams before she even thinks of getting married." Otherwise, she will end up following someone else's and get lost in the process. Marriage can be a very beautiful union between two people and one should be open to all possibilities. 

"It is much more difficult, though, for a woman to be a strong writer within the institution of marriage. I have seen the tendency for women to hold back their voices when they are married. The stronger women writers, I feel, are those who haven't been married to a man, woman, organization, conglomerate, bureaucracy, corporation or any other system that tends to control the voice of a writer. If a woman can find freedom and space within that institution to be totally free with the pen, then we may see something very different." 

BUY HER BOOK: Burning of the Marriage Hat A Novel of High Plains Women

"Ten Suggestions for Creating a Lasting Love...All by Yourself" by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D

The power is yours. Whether your relationship simply needs some fine-tuning or whether it is in serious trouble, you will be amazed at how much relationship-healing you can do all by yourself. And if you are not in a relationship, there are many ways of approaching members of the opposite sex in a new and welcoming manner.

So how do we begin? Here are ten suggestions:

1) Expand the purpose of your relationship. As I see it, a relationship has two important purposes-a Practical Purpose and a Higher Purpose. The Practical Purpose of a relationship is simply to have someone with whom to share our lives. Traveling the road together can be a joyous experience. But sometimes problems with money, sex, children, work and the like can make the journey together very difficult. It is for this reason that we need to have a Higher Purpose. 

The Higher Purpose of a relationship is to learn how to become a more loving person--despite what problems come up. It is our using all the problems as a vehicle for seeing what we need to work on within ourselves to keep love in our heart. Too often, without remembering our Higher Purpose, we begin longing for the initial bloom of love and the downward spiral begins. We blame our mate instead of realizing that this is a great time for learning and growing. Anger and resentment build. And for too many of us, we can safely predict that the end is near. 

If, however, we focus on the Higher Purpose, that of becoming a more loving person, the outcome can be very different. Problems can become a plus instead of a minus. We learn, we grow, we are filled with creativity, we take responsibility, we feel strong and our love for our mate grows. There is no question that it is through our Higher Purpose that we ultimately experience the exquisite beauty of real love. 

2) Handle the neediness. Neediness is an emotion created by fear and is one of the prime destroyers of love. It stands to reason that if we are feeling needy, consciously or unconsciously, we are always trying to manipulate our mate with the desperate hope that they will make us feel whole. Neediness causes us to protect ourselves at the expense of our mate, to close our hearts, to judge our mates and blame them for our unhappiness, to become angry, resentful and defensive. Not a pretty picture! 

But when we feel whole...when we feel strong...when we feel we are a part of the hugeness of life...we can be safely vulnerable always knowing … that no matter what happens, we will handle it all. In this way, our neediness disappears. We are fulfilled. And our ability to love with a sense of confidence and joy radiates throughout our being. We become a magnet to all that is good in this world...and that includes a truly wonderful relationship. 

3) Radiate a positive and loving energy. Science is actually proving that feelings are contagious. This means that if you think and act lovingly, your partner will actually "catch" that loving energy. You become a model that evokes love in your mate. And the whole nature of the relationship begins to move in the direction of love. 

Of course, the opposite is true as well. If you think and act un-lovingly, your partner will "catch" that un-loving energy. You become a model that evokes conflict in your mate. And the whole nature of the relationship moves itself in the direction of conflict. And you know where conflict leads…often to the end of the relationship. 

Bottom line: If you are feeling resentful, negative, disdainful and the like with your mate, work on changing your energy to one of love, appreciation, and caring. It can make all the difference in the world.

4) Pick up the mirror instead of the magnifying glass. What does that mean? The magnifying glass represents our symbolically pointing a finger and blaming our mate for our unhappiness. The mirror represents looking inward and taking responsibility not only for our actions but also for our REACTIONS to what is going on in the relationship. The mirror is self-awareness, and self-awareness is the first step toward positive change. A few examples:

The magnifying glass: I am angry he is not making more money.
The mirror: Why am I blaming him? It's my own fear that is stopping me from creating money all by myself. I have to work on my fears.

The magnifying glass: I am angry because of her taking time away from me to spend time with her friends.
The mirror: Is my life so limited that I can't function without her for a few hours? It's time for me to take responsibility to create more balance in my life so that I don't feel empty and needy when she is not around.

5) Become the mate you want your mate to be. First make a list of all the characteristics you want your mate to have. It could look like this: loving, thoughtful, warm, considerate, caring, appreciative, romantic, generous. Now for the big challenge...pick up the mirror and begin developing these qualities in yourself.

You may be someone who resists this challenge. But how can we ask our mates to be something we have been unwilling to be ourselves? Also, as you just learned, loving behavior is contagious. Just incorporating all these loving qualities within our own being can dramatically alter the thoughts and actions of our mate. Also, remember the Higher Purpose of your relationship...and that is to become a more loving person. This is a perfect opportunity to do so. Your goal? Maximum caring and minimum need. Powerfully loving, indeed! 

6) Validate your mate. We have to learn to notice and openly express thanks for the beautiful things our mate does for us. (And if you can't find anything to thank him for, then why are you there?) It makes our mate feel so good when we let him know the things we appreciate about him. And it encourages him to continue doing beautiful things. 

Remember that every relationship has its good and every relationship has its bad. By focusing on the bad, we starve. By focusing on the good, we thrive...allowing us to creatively and lovingly deal with the bad. So begin right now by appreciating all that your mate does in your life. Don't let another day pass before you say "Thank you for being in my life. I love you." Say it today...and say it often. 

7) Don't be passive when it comes to love. I think it's really important to keep in mind that love is an emotion but just as importantly, love is an action. The question you need to keep asking yourself is, "What am I doing to keep love alive?" Action is key when romance is involved. It's also a way of keeping us conscious! We need actions to help us keep our focus on how blessed we are to have our partner in our life. 

I suggest you do just do one thing daily as a way of honoring your mate and your Higher Purpose, that of becoming a more loving person. It may take time to push through any resistance you may be feeling, but keep pushing. Eventually you will get yourself on the side of love. 

8) There are times to "lie" lovingly. You sit down to dinner together and you want to complain about the fact that your mate was late coming home from work. Knowing that he/she is in the middle of a lot of pressure at work at the moment, it would be irrational and punishing to say, "It really makes me angry that you came home late today." Instead, with clenched teeth, if need be, let what comes from your mouth be loving, even if you are not feeling loving. Say something like, "I'm so happy when we are together. I love you." You will most likely get a loving response back. And the miracle of such an approach is that your own tension will melt and you will feel that beauty of the moment instead of being the one to destroy it.

9) Stop gender bashing. You've probably been guilty of telling (or at least laughing at) jokes about members of the opposite sex-even when your mate is in the room. Don't do that. What seems like "harmless" joking may actually be working against your efforts to move out of the realm of "selfish" love and into the realm of "real" love. When you participate in the bashing of members of the opposite sex, you are behaving in a hurtful and unloving way. Remember, if you don't love, respect and admire the opposite sex, you won't, by definition, love respect and admire your mate. 

10) Celebrate the wonderful fact that many of the old "selfish" reasons for being in relationships are gone. Women are learning how to take care of themselves financially. Men are learning how to cook, clean and care for children. Take advantage of the opportunity to nowbe in a relationship for much more fulfilling reasons than in earlier times. It's no longer about survival; it's about learning and growing together; it's about supporting each other's dreams; it's about the wonder of walking the walk and talking the talk. These are beautiful components of real love, in which men and women help each other to become whole. 

Yes, the power is yours. We can all make the decision to live our lives with dignity, love and caring, and to push through the inner fears that keep us from being a loving person. We all have that choice. No matter what the state of your relationship, it offers you an incredible opportunity for learning and growing. It is definitely worth all the effort you put into it. Why? A loving relationship feels sublime and brings you great joy; it makes life sweeter and easier. You delight in your ability to give to your mate; you feel abundant as you take in the love that he gives to you. Just sharing the journey with someone you love…it doesn't get any better than that. 
Buy Her Book Now!!! The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love

"Are You Dating A Potential Cheater?" byline: Ruth Houston

Is the man you're dating a potential cheater who will one day break your heart? Take this quiz and find out.

Like most single women who are dating, I'm sure you'll want to avoid getting involved with a man who's likely to cheat. After all, he could one day break your heart. But according to statistics, an estimated 50 to 70 percent of men cheat on their mates. How can you tell if the man you're dating is one of these potential cheaters? Wouldn't it be great to have this information about him before you get too deeply involved? 

Find out If He's Prone to Infidelity

Finding out whether or not the man you're dating is prone to infidelity is much easier than you think. Studies reveal that some men are more likely to cheat than others because of their background, their past history, or certain character traits. Using this information, I've designed a 7 question quiz that can help you determine if the man you're dating is a potential cheater. 

Single Women Screen Dates with this Quiz

Decide Who Not to Date

The Potential Cheaters quiz can help you make an informed decision about whether or not to continue dating a man, or how deeply to get involved. By identifying and avoiding the potential cheaters in the dating pool, you can save yourself a lot of unnecessary headaches and heartaches. 

Rate Your Date with the Potential Cheaters Quiz

So before you fall head-over-heels in love or get too attached to that new man in your life, rate your date's cheating potential with the 7 questions below:

Potential Cheaters Quiz

1. Does he thrive on adventure?
2. Did he have a great deal of sexual experience prior to your relationship? 
3. Does he have lots of female friends? 
4. Does he have male friends who are cheating on their wives or girlfriends? 
5. Does he have a parent who cheated? 
6. Did he cheat in any of his past relationships? 
7. Does he feel that infidelity is really no big deal?

What the Answers Mean:

1. Some men enjoy all the suspense, deception and intrigue that go along with infidelity. They'll cheat just for the "thrill of the chase." 
2. Studies reveal that men who were extremely sexually active before settling down in a committed relationship are more apt to engage in sex outside that relationship. Don't expect a leopard to change his spots.
3. Close friendships with women are a common starting point for infidelity. Friends can quickly turn into lovers. The closer the friendship, the greater the odds that it will develop into an affair.
4. Never underestimate the power of peer pressure. If his friends are cheating, he'll soon be cheating too. 
5. Infidelity tends to run in families. Children of unfaithful parents are often programmed to follow in their footsteps, considering infidelity to be the norm. 
6. "Once a cheater, always a cheater." There are exceptions, but statistically speaking, if he cheated once, he's more apt to do it again. His history will probably repeat itself. 
7. If he doesn't believe that infidelity is wrong, his behavior will reflect his beliefs.

How to Evaluate Your Results

Generally speaking, the more 'yes' answers, the greater the likelihood that this man will cheat. But some answers carry more weight than others, so you'll want to take a closer look at the results. 

If you answered yes to #1, #2, or #5 (but not all three), he's a POTENTIAL CHEATER who may very well cheat on you if the opportunity presents itself. If you decide to get involved with him, you need to make it difficult for him to cheat. Familiarize yourself with the signs of infidelity, so you'll know if he starts to stray.

If you answered yes to #3 or #4 alone, together, or in combination with #1 or #2, he's a COMMON "GARDEN-VARIETY" CHEATER who will cheat if he feels he can do so without getting caught. Your challenge, if you insist on dating him, is to stay one step ahead of him by learning to recognize the early warning signs. If you know how to spot the signs of impending infidelity, you may be able to stop his cheating before it starts, or leave before he breaks your heart. Familiarize yourself with the 21 major categories of telltale signs. 

If you answered yes to #6 alone or in combination with #1,#2, #3, #4, or #5 you're dealing with an EXPERIENCED CHEATER who knows how to hide the obvious signs of infidelity. The most important thing to do if you're dating this man is learn to spot the subtle signs of infidelity, because these are the signs that will inevitably give him away. Get a good infidelity reference guide, ( like Is He Cheating on You?), watch him like a hawk, and try not to get too deeply involved.

If you answered yes to #7 alone ( This one's the biggie!) or in combination with any others, you've got a HARD-CORE, HABITUAL CHEATER on your hands who's probably already having an affair. (You could unknowingly be the Other Woman.) For this man, cheating is a way of life. If you don't want to become an infidelity statistic, leave this man alone. Should you decide to take on this challenge, you're in serious trouble if you don't know how to spot the subtle signs of infidelity. Forget about watching for the usual signs of cheating. This man is an expert at covering his tracks. The best thing you can do is become adept at spotting the subtle signs of infidelity, since there won't be any obvious signs to give him away. 

If you're already dating a potential cheater, or thinking about dating one, you need to know what to do. Even if you only had one yes answer on the Potential Cheater's Quiz, there's still cause for concern. 

Copyright © Ruth Houston 2005 All rights reserved

Buy NOW! Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs

"8 Keys to Lasting Love" byline: Linda Miles, Ph.D. and Robert Miles, M.D.

Our granddaughter, Merritt Miles, was the inspiration for, 8 Keys to Lasting Love. When Merritt was five years old I read a fairy tale to her and was very disturbed by the ending, "And they lived happily ever after." As she could not read yet, I took the liberty of changing the ending to "They began the work of creating a very good marriage." I didn't want Merritt to think that marriage was so simple or that it just happened that you lived happily every after, as so many of our clients believed. As a marriage and family therapist for thirty years, I have seen the pain people experience on their honeymoon when they wake up and realize they have married a mere mortal. In creating this, it is my hope that my granddaughter Merritt, as she enters adulthood, as well as many other people, will avoid the pitfalls and pain of those who succumb to this "happily ever after" myth.

§ Stop blaming and start living. It is your responsibility, and not your partner's, to feel better and to heal. Your partner will be responsible to you, but not for you. So it's useful to ask yourself, "Why did I draw this person into my life and what is it that I need to learn from this instead of blaming?" A good marriage grows you up. 

§ Avoid the fixer-upper syndrome. We think we can fix up our partner and shape them up to perfection, our perfection. So many people marry for potential. Never marry just for potential. 

§ Made a promise to keep integrity. Do not hold onto victim hood like a prize. This doesn't allow one to grow. Work on behaviors that make your partner want to change by being kind and loving. Vent what you are feeling without being out of control. 

§ Eliminate attack thoughts. These thoughts are incredibly destructive over time. If you attack other people and attack yourself and your thoughts, it really interferes with your happiness and with your peace of mind. Learn to find joy even in difficult times. As Mother Theresa once said, "Our best protection is a joyful heart." 

§ Do not hold onto anger. Holding onto anger is like drinking Drano. Turn attack thoughts into something constructive. Think thoughts that are appreciative of your partner and express them often. Build up an emotional bank account so you have positive emotion currency when angry times come. 

§ Wake up without makeup. On soap operas I see women wake up first thing in the morning with all their makeup and false eyelashes, and that's not real. What we need to do in a marriage is to learn to be more and more real, and more and more safe to be who we truly are.

§ Wake up and make up. It is very important for couples to learn to repair after a fight. Keep trying to find solutions. Do not get stuck rehashing the past. Live in the present, and find ways to keep your marriage buoyant and alive.

§ If you want to change your relationship, change yourself. Reinvent yourself, because you're not going to be able to change your partner. Learn to love in a mature way without trying to control or manipulate. C.S. Lewis once said, "To love without control or manipulation is to be surprised by joy." You will be truly surprised by joy when you can live in the moment with that other person.

BUY HER BOOK: The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth
     

Your Voice Is Your Instrument by Wendy Weiss

On an introductory call, your voice is your instrument. During a face-to-face meeting, you have visual cues and body language available to add layers of meaning. On the telephone, you have only your voice and the words that you use. The way that you use your voice can make or break your conversation.

Imagine that you are telling a bedtime story to a child. You would not drone on in a bored tone about the “Big, Bad Wolf.” No! You would put fear and passion into your voice to have that story come alive for that child. On an introductory call, you are telling your story to your prospect. Think about it in the same manner—what you would like that prospect to hear, feel and see. 

The emphasis on any particular word can totally change the meaning of a sentence. Let’s take the phrase, “She is not a thief.” If you emphasize the “She”—the sentence means that she is not a thief, but someone else is. If you emphasize “not”—the sentence is a defense. If you emphasize “thief”—the sentence implies that she is something else that you have just not named. Think about the emphasis that you wish to make—and use your voice accordingly!

Look at each sentence in your sales pitch and determine what you are trying to convey and what is the best way to do so. Try out different line deliveries, until you are satisfied with the result. Use a tape recorder to listen to how you sound. Do you sound like someone with whom you would like to have a conversation? Listen for warmth and passion in your voice. Do you sound interesting? Convincing? Confident? Is your speech clear, professional and pleasant? Or do you sound angry, tired, tentative or bored? Is your speaking voice nasal, a monotone or singsong? Do you speak too fast or too slow? Do you mumble? Remember as you listen to the tape that you hear yourself differently than do others. By listening to your taped voice, you will hear yourself as others hear you.

Once you have determined what you wish to convey to your prospect, practice your script until it flows easily. You do not want to sound like you are reading a script. Call your friends and pitch them. Perhaps you can work with a colleague who is also making introductory calls. This way, when you have your prospect on the telephone, you will be prepared and voice the message that you wish to voice.

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

Women Who Reach Beyond the Stars A tribute to women making aviation and space history by Marion E. Gold

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them and try to follow them." Louisa May Alcott

When Louisa May Alcott said these words, she likely had no idea that women one day would not only look beyond the sunshine, but travel beyond the stars to brave new frontiers in outer space. 

In 1961 aeronautics history began a new era when 13 women reported to the Lovelace Clinic in Southeast Albuquerque, New Mexico. They were carefully selected to be the FLATS, the First Lady Astronaut Trainees - candidates for a mission to be known as Mercury 13. Their names are: Myrtle "K" Thompson Cagle, Jerrie Cobb, Jan Dietrich and her identical twin Marion Dietrich, Mary Wallace "Wally" Funk II, Jane Hart, Jean Hixson , Gene Nora Stumbough Jessen, Irene Leverton, Sarah Lee Gorelick Ratley, Bernice "B" Steadman, Geraldine "Gerri" Sloan Truhill, And Rhea Hurrle Allison Woltman.

The program was so secret, according to an article by Funk, that not all the Mercury 13 candidates knew each other during their years of training and evaluation. It was not until 1994 when ten of the Mercury 13 met for the first time. 

Funk is a member of the "Ninety-Nines, Inc.," an international organization that was founded in 1929 by 99 licensed women pilots for the mutual support and advancement of aviation. In 1931, Amelia Earhart was elected as the first president and the group was officially named for its 99 charter members. Today, the 99s boasts more than six thousand members, all licensed women pilots, from 35 countries. Its International Headquarters is located in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

In documenting the history of the Mercury 13, Funk said that despite their outstanding test results - all passed the same tests as the Mercury 7 men-- these exceptional women never got a chance to fly into space. But their hard work paved the way 22 years later, in 1983, when Sally Ride became the first American woman to fly in space. (http://www.ninety-nines.org/mercury.html)

Ride was not the first woman in space, however. That bold step was taken in 1963 by Valentina Tereshkova of the Soviet Union - the first woman to orbit the earth. Ride's journey to the stars was followed in July 1984, when another Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya made history as the first female spacewalker.

Ride, Tereshkova and Savitskaya have been joined by many more daring women who are committed to trailblazing their way into history - space history. 

Today, if you visit the "Women of NASA" website, there are biographies of dozens of women throughout the program: Administrators and Managers; engineers, technologists, and astrobiologists; astronauts who are mission specialists, pilots and commanders; astronomers and astrophysicists, biologists, chemists, computer scientists, system specialists and programmers; aeronautics, aerospace, biological, chemical and biomedical engineers; educators who reach out to the public; computer and design engineers; environmental specialists and geologists; pharmacologists and psychologistsŠ. The list goes on and on. (http://quest.arc.nasa.gov/women/WON.html)

This month - women's history month - we honor them. This month, and every month, we especially pay tribute to the four brave women who gave their lives in the daring quest for knowledge. Four trailblazing women who reached far beyond Louisa May Alcott's sunshine and into the heavens: 

KALPANA CHAWLA emigrated to the United States from India in 1980s and became an astronaut in 1994. In a 1998 interview with the newspaper "India Today," Chawla said: "When you look at the stars and the galaxy, you feel that you are not just from any particular piece of land, but from the solar system." Chawla was killed on February 1 when the space shuttle Columbia STS-107 tragically disintegrated just sixteen minutes before its scheduled landing in Florida. DR. LAUREL CLARK was a diving medical officer aboard submarines and then a flight surgeon before she reported to the Johnson Space Center in August 1996. After completing two years of training and evaluation, she was qualified for flight assignment as a mission specialist. She also died in the Columbia tragedy. DR. JUDITH ARLENE RESNIK was selected as a NASA astronaut in January 1978. She became the second American woman in orbit during the maiden flight of Discovery, STS-41-D, between August 30 and September 5, 1984. During this mission she helped to deploy three satellites into orbit; she was also involved in biomedical research during the mission. Resnik was a mission specialist on the Challenger (STS-51- L) which exploded just after launch from the Kennedy Space Center, Florida on January 28, 1986. SHARON CHRISTA MCAULIFFE was the first teacher to fly in space. Selected from among more than 11,000 applicants from the education profession for entrance into the astronaut ranks to be trained as a payload specialist. McAuliffe also died on January 28, 1986 when the Challenger exploded.

Their legacies live on in the hearts of all women who reach beyond the stars to follow their dreams.

Timeline of Women in Aeronautics
1910 Bessie Raiche - First woman to fly solo. She flew in an airplane her husband built of bamboo, wire and silk.
1911 Harriet Quimby - First U.S. woman to receive a pilot's license. In 1912, she also became the first woman to fly solo across the English Channel.
1913 Ruth Law Bancroft- First woman to fly at night.
1914 Katherine Stinson- First woman to fly a loop (Cicero Field, Chicago, IL). In 1917, she 
set flight endurance record of 9 hours and 10 minutes.
1918 Anna Low- First Chinese-American, female aviator who flew in the San Francisco, CA region.
1921 Bessie Coleman- First African-American female aviator to qualify for an international pilot's license from the Federation Aeronautique Internationale.
1924 Ruth Nichols- First woman to earn an international hydroplane license.
1929 Ninety-Nines was founded by women pilots - female aviators club with Amelia Earhart as president. The name comes from the fact that out of 126 female licensed pilots, 99 of them joined.
1929 Elinor Smith-Sets solo flight endurance record of 13 hours and 16 minutes.
1929 Bobbi Trout-First woman to fly all night.
1930 Florence Klingensmith - First woman to set loop record for 143 consecutive loops.
1931 Anne Morrow Lindbergh- First woman to earn a glider pilot's license.
1932 Olive Beech- Helps to found, with her husband, Beech Aircraft Corporation. Also in
1932, Kathryn Cheung- First Chinese-American female to earn a U.S. pilot's license;
Amelia Earhart- First woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean (in just under 15 hours); and Ruth Nichols- First woman hired as a pilot for commercial passenger flights, on New York Airways.
1936 Louise Thaden, pilot and Blanche Noyes, co-pilot- First women to win the Bendix Transcontinental Air Race from Los Angeles, CA to New York City, New York.
1937 Willa Brown- First African-American woman to earn a commercial pilot's license.
1938 Hanna Reitsch German WWII test pilot who was the first woman to pilot a helicopter.
1943 Women Airforce Service Pilots (WASP) -The government program in which female pilots were used to train the male pilots for combat duty. The U.S. female pilots also ferried airplanes across the Atlantic Ocean for use in combat.
1944 Ann Baumgartner- First U.S. woman to fly an experimental jet airplane. She reached speeds of 350 mph and altitudes up to 35,000 feet.
1947 Ann Shaw Carter- First U.S. woman licensed to fly a helicopter.
1953 Jacqueline Cochran- First woman to break the sound barrier.
1955 Whirley Girls-Female helicopter pilots start their own association.
1960 Jerrie Cobb - First woman to undergo the testing developed for the selection of the Mercury Astronauts. 
1961 Jacqueline Cochran- First woman to fly the highest to an altitude of 55,253 feet; that same year, Cochran also Established a new altitude record for the T-38 aircraft by flying 56,071 feet.
1963 Soviet cosmonaut Valentina Tereshkova was the First Woman in Space.
1964 Jerrie Mock- First woman to fly solo around the world. She made the flight in 29 1/2 days flying 22,860 miles.
1973 Emily Howell-As second officer for Frontier Airlines, she became the first woman to fly Boeing 737 jets for a regularly scheduled airline; Bonnie Tiburzi-First female jet pilot hired by a major airline, American Airlines.
1984 Betsy Carroll-First woman to fly a jumbo jet across the Atlantic Ocean for a commercial airline (People Express).
1984 (July) Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya - First female spacewalker.
1984 (October) Kathryn Sullivan -First American Female Spacewalker.
1986 Jeana Yeager (and Dick Rutan)-First pilots to fly around the world non-stop and non-refueled. They accomplished this in a specially designed aircraft called the Voyager.
1990 British Chemist Helen Sharman flew to Mir Space Station for a week long stay after answering a newspaper advertisement. " Astronaut wanted - no experience necessary".
1990 Jean K. Tinsley-First female to fly a tilt rotor aircraft.
1992 Mae Jemison-First African American woman in space.
1995 Eileen M. Collins-First female to pilot U.S. space shuttle; 
1996 Shannon Lucid returns from six months aboard Mir, setting a space endurance record for women and a U.S. space endurance record.
1997 Kalpana Chawla -First Indian woman in outer space.
1999 Eileen Collins made history once again as the First Woman to fly as a Space Shuttle Commander.
BUY HER BOOK: PERSONAL PUBLICITY PLANNER:  A GUIDE TO MARKETING YOU  

Watch my interview with Doris Brell on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKHeVkVtulI

Women and girls are losing the Tobacco War-and their lives! by Marion E. Gold

At this very moment, the number of tobacco victims has risen to more than 2.5 million. Women and girls pay the highest price-with women who smoke running as much as six times the risk of having a heart attack as nonsmoking women-a far greater risk than in men. Women who smoke also increase their risk of developing cancer, heart disease and stroke, reproductive disorders, emphysema, bronchitis and pneumonia.

Fact: According to the U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention Office of Women's Health, women who smoke increase their risk of developing cancer, heart disease and stroke, reproductive disorders, emphysema, bronchitis and pneumonia.

Fact: Women and children who do not smoke are not spared. The World Health Organization estimates that nearly 700 million, or almost half of the world's children, breathe air polluted by tobacco smoke, particularly at home. Environmental tobacco smoke-ETS or secondhand smoke-is a significant cause of heart disease and is estimated to be the cause of 35,000 to 62,000 deaths among nonsmokers from heart disease in the United States each year.

Tobacco companies are growing more and more aggressive. Women are bombarded with print ads in magazines that depend on that revenue. These same magazines, even those that proclaim to focus on women's health, have been shown less likely to publish articles on the dangers of smoking.

Non-Profit organizations that work to eliminate domestic violence and house its victims are also falling prey to Tobacco marketers by becoming more and more dependent on its funding. How ironic that women who are victims of domestic violence are now becoming financially dependent on another type of abuser-tobacco manufacturers.

If the Philip Morris Companies were really interested in saving women's lives, they would stop manufacturing, advertising and selling tobacco products around the world - instead of hiding behind a false cloak of corporate citizenship while they lure young people and women into addiction.

The overall result of this onslaught is that by the year 2025, the number of women smokers worldwide is expected to triple to more than 600 million.

Women and children who do not smoke are not spared. The World Health Organization estimates that nearly 700 million, or almost half of the world's children, breathe air polluted by tobacco smoke, particularly at home. In Norway, environmental or secondhand smoke was associated with an increased risk for low birth weight babies; in the Xi'an province of China, nonsmoking women had a 24% increased incidence of coronary heart disease if their husbands smoked, and an 85% increased incidence if they were exposed to passive smoke at work.

Given the tobacco industry's long history of subverting public health initiatives, it will be vital for all of us, individually and within our organizations and women's networks to speak out loud and clear. Cancel subscriptions to magazines that carry tobacco ads, and let them know why! As hard as it seems, stop giving volunteer time and money to organizations that accept tobacco funds -and tell them why.

Without a strong framework to combat tobacco use around the world - women will remain victims of this dastardly industry.

BUY HER BOOK: PERSONAL PUBLICITY PLANNER:  A GUIDE TO MARKETING YOU

Why Are We All So Afraid? by Wendy Weiss

What can strike terror into the heart of even the most successful sales professional or entrepreneur? 

Cold Calling.

What can crush self-confidence, destroy self-esteem and leave even the most seasoned sales professional quivering with humiliation and defeat?

Cold Calling.

But why?

Every culture has its myths and stereotypes, and one of ours is the stereotype of the manipulative, unscrupulous salesman. The term "sales" conjures images of untrustworthiness and deviousness. We have the stereotypes of the "traveling salesman," the "used car salesman" and, of course, the "telemarketer." 

These terms do not literally describe what the person is selling; they take on a larger meaning. For example, our cultural translation of "used car salesman" is not simply someone who is selling used cars, but instead means someone who is unethical, uncaring and will pressure you into a sale that is not necessarily in your best interest. "Telemarketer" has come to mean not just someone who sells over the telephone, but someone who interrupts your dinner, doesn't listen and tries to pressure you into meaningless, valueless purchases. It can also mean someone who is running a scam over the telephone, usually preying on the elderly.

This is not the reality of individual telemarketers or used car salesmen. It is the stereotype. And these stereotypes do a huge disservice to most salespeople. Far too often, salespeople buy into these stereotypes, these images of untrustworthiness, placing themselves, in their own minds, on a lower level than their prospects.

If you buy into these negative images, you are at a disadvantage before you even pick up the telephone to call your prospect. It is imperative to change the way that you think about this process. Examine your intent:

? Is your product or service meaningful?
? Does it provide a benefit?
? Do you believe in the value and benefit of what you are selling?
? Are you doing the best that you know how to insure that your customers get what they need?

If your answers to the above questions are that you have a meaningful product or service, it provides value, you believe in your product or service, you are doing your very best to insure that your customers get what they need-if those are your answers, why then, you don't fit the stereotype. Stop acting as if you do! Stop apologizing. Stop feeling uncomfortable. Proceed with pride and integrity.

But there are some additional reasons that people fear cold calling. When you are face-to-face with someone, you have all of the visual cues to help you through the sales process. How does the person look? How is she dressed? What are her facial expressions? Does she make eye content? Is she smiling? Is she frowning? We instantly and intuitively assess these cues, and they help us determine what is happening in our communication. 

On the telephone, you have none of those cues. That's what makes it so scary. It's as though you are suddenly blind, and you cannot tell what is going on. It is important to train yourself to listen very deeply when you are on the telephone-you must hear those cues that you would normally see. And remember-your prospect has no visual cues either! That is why it is imperative to use your voice expressively and have a clear message.

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

Who Should I Call? by Wendy Weiss

Over the past several months, I have received e-mails from readers who are starting to make introductory calls. They ask how they can pinpoint whom to call. They are really asking two questions. The questions are: "Who should I call?" and "Who is most likely to buy?"

Part of sales is simply numbers. If you open the telephone book at random and simply start dialing, if you stay at it long enough, eventually, you will reach someone who will say "yes." This would take a long time and not be particularly productive—but it would happen.

A better approach is to create an "ideal customer profile." And here you need to be very specific. You are creating the model to which you will match all of your prospects. I call this "prequalifying." The more specific you are, the easier it will be to find the best prospects—the ones who are most likely to buy. Look at all the demographics; location, revenues, number of employees or specific industries. If you are in the consumer market, look at age, income level, interests...

If you've been in business for a while, take a look at your top 10 customers. Plot out what they have in common. Look for similarities—you can assume that businesses that are similar might also need your products or services. What are the industries? Do the decision-makers have similar titles? Take the time to fully break down all of the similarities in your customer base. The more clearly you can define your potential customers, the easier it will be to find them.

Another good place to look when creating your "ideal customer profile" is at your competition, because your competition's customers are potentially your customers as well. Call your competition and ask for their marketing materials or visit their web site. Generally, these will list past and/or current customers. You can analyze this list in the same manner that you analyzed your customer list.

Look also at why your customers buy your products and/or services and why they buy from you. Understanding the need and understanding the benefits to your potential customers will go a long way to help you target whom to call.

Once you have your "ideal customer profile" (and by the way—you could have several different "ideal customer profiles"), go to the library and tell the librarian exactly what you are looking for. She should be able to tell you exactly where to find lists of prospects—for free. At the library, they have association directories, trade journals, business directories…

Also, join associations in related industries where you might find prospects. This will provide you with valuable networking opportunities along with a membership directory. If you do not want to join an association, contact them anyway—sometimes they sell membership directories. You can do the same thing with trade publications in related industries. They sometimes sell subscriber lists. Your local chamber of commerce is also a good place to look for leads.

Lists of prospects are everywhere. All you need to begin is the company name and main telephone number. Everything else—the name of the decision-maker, the correct company address, etc.—you can find out in your telephone call.

Once you have your list, divide your leads into "A," "B" and "C" according to the priority you give them—"A" being highest priority and "C" the lowest. You can move leads from list to list as you gather new information. Concentrate on your "A" leads. They are the ones with the most potential. If, however, you are a beginner, are not yet comfortable and/or are trying out a new approach, start with your "C" list. It will be low priority, low anxiety, and you will get some practice and more than likely some "yes's."

Wendy Weiss © 2003

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

We Must Stop The Cycle of Violence byline: B.J. Mitchell

For years our society has turned a blind eye to the crimes against women and children that occur behind closed doors. The old saying that "a man's home is his castle" has been taken to mean that whatever happens in the home is no one's business and should not be interfered with. Gradually, some states have passed strict laws that require any person who works with children to report to law enforcement any sign of abuse to a child. That is a major breakthrough in the battle against domestic violence.

Unfortunately, there are millions of children who have no visible bruises but who regularly suffer emotional and psychological abuse. They are warned (usually by mom) never to tell a soul about the abuse, and they never do. They suffer in silence and then grow up to abuse their dates as teens and their own children as adults. Thus, the cycle of violence continues and grows. Teens from abusive homes are 25 times as likely to abuse their dates than those from non-abusive homes. These children are not identified and for them there is no help available.

The statistics are horrifying, but largely go unrecognized or unacknowledged: 62% of teen mothers are prior victims of sexual abuse, primarily from step-fathers, mother's boyfriends, family members, and other they trust; 66% of children of teen mothers are fathered by adult men, 20 years or older; 33% of teen girls are in an abusive dating relationship before they are out of high school; 50% of dating women suffer physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from their dating partners; 35% of women who are killed in the U.S. are murdered by a boyfriend or husband, 25% of them are 15-24 years old. And so the violence continues, spiraling upward as millions of children grow up thinking that violence and abuse are a normal way of life. 

My own childhood was marred by emotional and psychological abuse by an abusive, alcoholic stepfather. I had no visible bruises or scars, and I would never, ever have told anyone. The person with visible bruises, my mother, would have been mortified at the thought of friends, neighbors, or even family knowing what she was suffering. I never spoke of it until, in my senior years, I sat down to write a proposal designed to help children who won't tell. My proposal is centered on a community listing of counselors and psychologists who agree to accept anonymous phone calls from children who are in abusive homes. The counselor would help them cope with their environment and counsel them on how to distinguish between abuse that is non-life-threatening and that which is bad enough to advise the child to talk to a counselor about it openly so they can get some protection from law enforcement. 

When I began to work with my pastor to set up such a program, I ran into objections from a church official who feared that my program would undermine the law requiring disclosure. In order to continue my effort to reduce the cycle of violence, my church will be working with children who have at least one parent already convicted of child abuse, so there can be no fear of hiding anything from the police.

One person, one church, cannot change the face of an incredibly abusive society, but if it were to become a pursuit of many people in many churches, change would eventually come. Details of the proposed program can be found in a children's fable titled The Huckenpuck Papers: the tale of a family's secret and a young girl's search for self esteem, by P.J. Pokeberry.

The Wasted, Unproductive Follow Up Call by Wendy Weiss

I received a telephone call yesterday. It was someone I'd met at a networking group months ago. She reintroduced herself, mentioned the group where we'd met and said she was calling to follow up. She did not say about what. I asked the question for her, "Why are you calling? What did we discuss?"

She told me that she makes customized covers for laptops. I thought that was nice, but I didn't need one and still didn't understand why she was calling me. She then told me she makes other types of customized covers too. I said, "Oh."

We had now been on the telephone for a couple of minutes. I still really didn't understand why she was calling me. She seemed to want me to lead-but she was the one who had made the call! 

I try to be nice, I always talk to people who call me-it's my business. Other people are not always so nice or willing to give time to strangers who call for no apparent reason. 

Finally my caller asked if I was developing products that might need covers. I'm currently developing a new product that will go in a binder. I told her about that. She said they also could do customized packages for products. She continued to point out that the work was customized and I could get "whatever I wanted." Now what I wanted was binders, I could get them in Staples or some internet discount site or from a vendor who specializes in these types of products, so telling me I could get "what I want" doesn't make a lot of sense.

I asked if she could give me an example. She had no samples to send and no brochure or catalogue with appropriate examples. She had a web site, which only showed laptop covers. The caller kept reiterating that her creations are "customized" and that I could get "whatever I wanted." She kept reiterating this as if it was important. It wasn't.

She was selling features, "It's customized," rather than benefits, "It will make your product unique and it will make it stand out. It will add value. It will help with your brand and image. You will sell more because of the way it is packaged." These are benefits. What a better outcome to the conversation if she had only mentioned one of them!

Think also what a better outcome if she had suggested, "Let's get together and talk about your product. We could do some brainstorming as to how it might look and what you want to accomplish with the packaging and I could make some recommendations." I would have gladly met with her. Who knows what might have followed that meeting?

At that point it was time for me to get off of the telephone. I had a coaching client calling in 5 minutes and I needed to get ready. As we ended the phone call she said, "I'm here if you need me." That's nice, but she had never given me a compelling reason to think that I might need her.

I was annoyed. She was probably very frustrated.

So what are the lessons learned?

1. Understand your sales cycle and the goal of your telephone call. This caller had no agenda beyond calling to "follow up." After that, she expected me to lead. 
2. Focus on the benefits not the features! Imagine your prospect thinking to themselves, "Why should I be interested? What will this do for me?" If you want your call to succeed, you must answer those questions.
3. Ask for what you want. (See #1.) Once you know the goal of your phone call, you must ask for what you want.
4. Keep asking for what you want.

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

"Warm Calls vs. Cold" by Wendy Weiss

Recently, a participant in one of my public seminars gave me a “warm” lead, the name and telephone number of the training director of a company with a large sales force. She told me to call. She said she knew that they needed help, and she told me to use her name.

Wow! A “warm” lead! I was excited! I called!

Once I reached the prospect, I introduced myself and then mentioned the name of the participant who had given me the referral. 

The response was not what I expected. “What did she say?” he snarled. “How do you know her?” It seems the two of them were not on very good terms, and he didn’t think very highly of her. What had just happened to my “warm” lead? (Why this woman gave me this lead is perhaps the subject for a different article.)

Does this type of scenario happen all of the time? Let’s hope not! But the point is that the difference between a “warm” call and a “cold” call exists only in your mind. Whether or not you have a referral, when you call your prospect, you must have done your homework. You still must be able to represent yourself intelligently and articulately on the telephone. If you cannot do that, you will not move to the next step.

These arbitrary distinctions of “warm” and “cold” actually make it more difficult for you, because you assume that the “cold” call is harder than the “warm” call. That is not necessarily true. Frequently, people avoid making “cold” calls, assuming that they will be more difficult and yield fewer results. Conversely, they don’t always do their homework on a referral, assuming that it is some how “in the bag.” The truth is that “cold” calls quickl become “warm” calls when the caller has done her homework and is able to introduce herself in a clear and succinct manner. Don’t limit yourself with artificial distinctions of “warm” vs. “cold.”

Whether or not you have a referral, you are calling to introduce yourself, your company and product or service. Forget “warm” calls and “cold” calls.” Think “introductory” call.

So, what happened with my “warm” call turned “cold?” I stayed calm. I got the appointment anyway. The rest I’m still working on. 

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

"Warm Calling" vs. "Cold Calling" Rant" by Wendy Weiss

Had another conversation with yet another entrepreneur who told me he does not "cold call," he only does "warm calls." 

I continue to be baffled by those who cut off possibilities with a semantic twist. "Cold call, warm call," it's simply a state of mind. Your mind. Your prospect does not make those distinctions. Just because you have designated a call to be "warm" doesn't mean that the person you are calling thinks it's "warm." This "warm call/cold call" concept is a smoke screen that covers the real issue.

The real issue is controlling your message. The real issue is being able to communicate with a prospect so that they understand and resonate with what you have to say. The real issue is about having the skill necessary to communicate with a prospect under any circumstance.

Prospecting by phone, introductory calling as I prefer, is a communication skill. Like any communication skill it can be learned and it can be improved upon. The idea when introductory calling is to contact a qualified prospect and entice them with your message. You have a brief amount of time on the telephone to catch and engage your prospect. If you are not able to do that, the call ends without achieving your desired result. If you have the proper skills, however, it is possible to have extremely productive conversations with prospects no matter how you choose to categorize them, "warm" or "cold."

The idea of a "warm call" is that you've had some prior contact with your prospect and that you have somehow "warmed up" the call. The prior contact might be with a letter sent before your call, it might be that you have encountered the prospect elsewhere it could also be that you have a referral.

All too frequently callers who use the "I only warm call" approach do not adequately prepare for their calls. Instead, they rely on the appellation "warm." If you are one of these callers, stop right here and ask yourself these questions:

--> How many "warm" prospects have said "no" to me over the years?

--> Would those calls have been more productive if I had been better prepared and more in control of my message?

Although you may have sent a letter, you have no guarantee that your prospect has read it. Although you may have met previously, your prospect may not recall that. Although you may have a referral that is no guarantee that your prospect will meet with you or have any interest at all in your products or services.

When you are on the phone with a prospect you must deal with them, where they are, at that particular moment in time. If your prospect hasn't read your letter, doesn't remember the person who referred you, or is simply having a bad day, that's out of your control. What is within your control when prospecting is to have honed your skills so that your message is clear and so that you can respond in any situation. 

When you have skills, you know how to catch a prospect's attention, you know how to keep their attention, you know how to respond to questions and objections and you know how to ask for what you want. When you have those skills it's no longer about a "warm" call or a "cold" call, it's about communication, conversation and results. 

BUY HER BOOK: Cold Calling for Women Opening Doors & Closing Sales

Volunteerism—Before you say NO, consider this:

Volunteerism is Good for Your Career,
 Good for Business, 
and 
Good for the Community

Have you noticed your mailbox at home and at the office swelling with dollar-seeking pleas from non-profit organizations? Are organizations knocking at your door, asking you to volunteer your time? 

More and more, fund-raisers and volunteer-dependent organizations are targeting career women, entrepreneurs, and small business owners, as they compete for your time and money. 

Volunteering for a cause in which you believe provides the important satisfaction of giving something back to society, helping your community, and helping disadvantaged citizens. But if that doesn’t warm your heart, consider this—volunteerism is also good for business, and good for your career! Businesses large and small, as well as individuals and entrepreneurs, are all learning the value of being good citizens, or “Corporate Citizenship.” While many small businesses owners and self-employed individuals cannot afford large, or even moderate, dollar donations—volunteerism provides a great opportunity to or deep pockets. Moreover, just like the corporate giants, small business owners, entrepreneurs, and career women should take note that it does not diminish your good deeds by sending out press releases and getting more than just a little publicity about your efforts.        

Before you toss the literature and letters in the wastebasket, take a closer look! Simply put, in order to gain community or professional visibility, or to sell a product or service, people have to know who you are, and they have to feel good about you. AND you have to feel good about yourself. Volunteering for a cause you believe in provides both professional and public exposure, as well as the personal and important satisfaction of giving something back to society. One does not preclude the other—if you choose your charities wisely. Carefully consider where you will have the most impact helping others, and gain the most exposure.  Building a career or a new business does take time and energy, and it is easy to feel there is little left to donate. This is a mistake! And for two reasons: (1) there is nothing so satisfying as helping others in need and really being part of the community, and (2) it will help you and your company! There is nothing wrong with doing good deeds and getting the public and professional recognition that go with it.  

Women business owners certainly have caught on. Volunteerism has been integrated into their lives and businesses. According to the National Foundation for Women Business Owners, “nearly six million women business owners volunteer, making significant contributions to the fabric of their communities.”  Nearly eight in ten women business owners spend time volunteering and encourage a majority of their employees to do so as well. Half volunteer for more than one charity.  Overall, nearly two-thirds or 65 percent of women business owners spend time helping a community-related charity; other charities include education-related (35 percent), religious (28 percent), health or disease-related (21 percent) and the arts (19 percent). There are lots of opportunities! 

Now let’s get down to the nuts and bolts. Keep in mind that volunteerism, if not done carefully, can be an unfocused activity that is nothing more than recreational at best. But carefully thought-out, it can be a powerful professional opportunity as well as a worthwhile community service. Below are guidelines for deciding which national or local organization to join, or which charity will be the recipient of your time and money.

Jot down how much time and money you are willing to spend on the organization and its activities.

Choose a committee that fits within that budget.

Look for the activities that will get recognition.

Don’t bite off more than you can chew. This is a responsibility and a commitment that you must fulfill.

Corporate “giving” has additional considerations. If you are considering corporate, as compared to individual sponsorship of a charity or organization, take your thinking a bit further.

Does your company’s philosophy mesh with  the organization’s mission?

Is the charity a group that is well-respected in the community?

Does it have a IRS tax-exempt status?

Is the group audited by a public accounting firm?

members and vendors or other companies? 

"Does the group have active directors, or are they in name only?

Be sure to get an annual report, financial statement, budget, and copy of IRS not-for-profit filings.

If all this sounds very calculating, IT IS! After all, we are talking about your time and dollars—as well as making a difference in people’s lives. Just because you are providing a service to a worthwhile cause by serving on an organization’s board or committee, helping the disadvantaged directly, or providing dollars or an in-kind service, doesn’t mean you should not use the experience to further your business or career. 

Not only will you get publicity and recognition, but you will be giving publicity to the charity as well. This is a part of building your professional image, and it is an important part of doing business in your community.

Copyright © 1999 Marion Gold & Company Marketing Communications

Will people think you’re bragging? Will you look foolish waving your own flag? They might. But with careful planning, a public or professional image can be created without losing credibility and self-respect. Think about the image you want to create, explore your own comfort level with public exposure, and assess the communications   potential of your efforts. This is part of “positioning,” and it is the basis for all good marketing efforts—whether you are marketing yourself or your company.

BUY HER BOOK HERE: PERSONAL PUBLICITY PLANNER:  A GUIDE TO MARKETING YOU